shoplifting fun

[the trebmeister]

as my brain has deteriorated over the last year or 2 or 20 i've been unable to repress the urge to take 5 finger discounts almost every time i shop at a national chain store.  one night when i was even more drunk than i am this morning i distinctly remember validating my impulsiveness but now can't be buggered to remember.  i think it may have been related to manifest destiny and the monroe doctrine or possibly saving whales.

i've purchased 1 tube of chapstick in the last decade (and it was brand name chapstick, not the burt's bee wax or nivia swish so sweet lip moisturizing and rejuvenating lip balm tubes i steal).  pens?  ha.  why buy them when you simply snatch one or 2 and oh-so-casually slip it/them in your pocket?  i always try before i buy -- i just forget the latter.  i have a large supply of revlon nail file thingies & a few other simular (as they say) items but i learned my lesson -- that $2 stuff is total crap and not worth pilfering.  only last weekend i acquired a faboo pair of revlon hair scissors, $15 retail, $0 shoved in pocket (gently, of course).  and i'm soooo thankful i stole the crummy GE wireless USB mouse from walgreens since it doesn't work for more than 5 minutes -- those bastards wanted $24 for it!   my small action is a token gesture of defiance for all who paid for the useless junk.   

oh, yeah, i make everyone pay more for everything by shoplifting.  t.s., eliot... i have some land to sell you in lower plaquemines parish, too.   hmm, what is the term?   FOAD?  maybe, i can't really say.  god is my co-shoplifter. 

oops.  i see mr. etch-a-sketch posted what may possibly be a cogent and incisive response in another thread but more likely is his usual smug b.s. with casual mention of his IQ, numerous PhDs, and penis size all in one succinct ego-masturbating sentence.  i guess when you look like yoda and bilbo's love child life presents unique challenges.  still in a fetal position after all this time... weird.

chuck, chuck, bo buck, banana fanna dull schmuck, ptooey mooey mo muck ... chuck!

[skeebo1969]

  this ain't nothin....  call me when you can get into any 1980-1998 Japanese car with a pair of vise scripts and  a flat head screw driver.  Revlon nails?  A pair of Toyota Supra seats will get you $500.

[Dale Parker]

My grandmother shoplifted once.  My uncle took her to K-Mart to "pick up" a few things. After she dragged uncle thru the lingerie section (he must have loved that) she headed for the hats and handbags aisle. God knows why as she had more hats and handbags than all the Kmart's put together but 85 year olds just love that aisle. She spent 30 minutes trying on hats. Uncle finally managed to drag her to the checkout to pay for the "dainty things" that she originally went in for. They paid the cashier, got in the car and headed for home. At a stop light uncle looked at gramma and commented on the great choice of hat gramma had purchased. He told her it would look a lot better if she took the dangling price tag off as the "Mini Pearl" look was out of style. Gramma was horrified. She hadn't paid for the hat. We still don't know how the cashier didn't notice the hat. It was one of those nice pill box hats not one of those big floppy ones. Not only was the price tag dangling on a string it also had a big "REDUCED" tag stapled to the bottom of it.

[Oceanbeach]

Right after graduation from college, I went to work in a daily newspaper.  Our paper was the only daily in Mendocino County, they printed many weekly papers throughout the county.  Our Publisher's wife was the Society Editor (she once called me "the yuppie crown prince of Mendocino County").

One day during the press run of one of the coastal papers, an employee brought a copy of the negatives to our publisher to ask if he had to print it.  They had to print it, the story was true... The front page of the Anderson Valley Advertiser sported a drawing of our publisher's wife, wearing a hat (Minnie Pearl) with a KMART tag.  Our Society Editor was busted for shoplifting at KMART, a story was printed in our paper (before they transferred to another paper) about shoplifting being an illness.  Shoplifting a Chapstick can get you transferred to another paper.    Have the best day
Michael  
(who thinks they went to El Segundo)

[skeebo1969]

  I always get a thrill when I can manage to swipe an extra plastic grocery bag at the register.  Ya I know they're free, but that doesn't stop the cashier from giving me a dirty look.

[Dale Parker]

Skeebo: You get free shopping bags!!!! In Toronto they have started to charge for the plastic ones. 5 cents each. It's part of being environmentally friendly.  I always used to recycle them and use them for garbage bags. It wouldn't be bad if they supplied paper ones at no charge but you either have to pay the 5 cents or bring your own bags. It really pisses me off that after living on my own I now have to buy plastic bags to throw my garbage out.

[Oceanbeach]

If a person gets popped for shoplifting at a KMART and gets kicked out, do they get kicked out of all KMARTS or just the one?   

I worked with a guy in Honolulu who would steal rental cars from tourists and drive to the North shore.  He would leave that car and steal another rental car to get back to Honolulu.  His brother would do the same thing.  One day, the brother decided he liked the stolen car and decided to keep it for his return trip.   Talk about "Gone in 60 Seconds", they caught him just outdide Waikiki on his return trip.     Have the best day
Michael

[BT65]

If a person gets popped for shoplifting at a KMART and gets kicked out, do they get kicked out of all KMARTS or just the one?   

Michael, they get kicked out of just the one.  Talking from experience.  The other ones (stores) wouldn't know what the person looks like.  Even if the one store supplied a picture of the person, how many people working in the other store do you think would look at it and remember it.

[Rev. Moon]

Michael, they get kicked out of just the one.  Talking from experience. 

Miss Betty, I'm in shock

Only time I ever used a five finger discount was when I was 9.  Stole a stupid toy weapon (some knife that popped out like in the old movies when you pressed a button).  It broke as soon as I got home.  Mother asked where the heck I had got that from as she knew that she had not paid for it.  Not only did I end up with a useless toy, I got a nasty spanking.  I chucked it all to karma or whatever heavenly power.  Haven't tried it ever since.

[Oceanbeach]

I had a friend once in L.A. who was a clothing manufacturer.  In his warehouse he had one bar stool stolen from every bar he was ever in.  He gave me a shirt from his new line, I wore it on my first day at a new job, The Long Beach Press Telegram fired me on the first day because they didn't like the shirt.    Have the best day
Michael
(who did not agree he looked like a fucking clown in that shirt)

[the trebmeister]

  I always get a thrill when I can manage to swipe an extra plastic grocery bag at the register.  Ya I know they're free, but that doesn't stop the cashier from giving me a dirty look.

every time i shop at waldemortes i try to snatch a fistful of the smaller 1 item bags since they make excellent dog poop bags.  i think the cashier sees me sometimes but doesn't care.  i thought about asking the manager if i could buy them but the idea of giving the waldemorte family another peso is too repellent.

i hate cars and wouldn't  steal one even if the keys were in the ignition and a sign on the window said "take me" -- if there were a chauffeur at the wheel i'd consider it.

[mecch]

I worked in restaurants in college and occassionally in luxury hotels in the following years. Took food and booze whenever possible or necessary. I was hungry, and US colleges are not free!
I got a good haul of luxury goodies from Lehman Brothers, they were almost all bankrupt people, and I had a good laugh last year when it imploded.
I think theft from businesses is wrong.  I would never think of stealing from an individual so why is shoplifting ok.  It was thrilling, met a need, etc etc.  
On Friday night I was riding my bike through a large swiss town known to be a bit "rough".  I stumbled upon a vast flea market, tents, tables, etc etc, "60 exposants" -- all set up for the next day. Antiques, china, crystal, noticeably valuable things.  All sitting there under an almost full moon, and mild indian summer evening. Sometimes covered with plastic. A lot of the furniture just sitting there.  Seemed like nobody was watching it whatsoever.  
I was moved deeply.
  

[skeebo1969]

i hate cars and wouldn't  steal one even if the keys were in the ignition and a sign on the window said "take me" -- if there were a chauffeur at the wheel i'd consider it.

 Chaffeur at the wheel? Oh I see, in Miami we call those car jackings....  It's funny how you change in life.  Stealing cars at 17 for some reason seemed like a fun thing to do on a Friday night.  Now, I'm the guy who calls the police if I see someone strange in the neighborhood after 8 pm..