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Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:10:33 am

Title: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:10:33 am
 .... it hurts . I cant see any visible signs of damage but really hurts .

It started last week and feels kinda bruised or something . I haven't had sex in awhile unless you count touching myself in an impure manner last week after watching that blond guy on American Idol . I like him .

Have any of you guys ever had unexplained penis pain before ? . I do not relish the thought of having to see a doc about this , that's why I'm asking .

For those who reply I would like to thank you in advance for spending a moment on my penis .     
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 11:21:03 am
For those who reply I would like to thank you in advance for spending a moment on my penis .     

This thread is exciting and fresh.  Anyway have you been jerking off a lot?  Sometimes when I just won't leave the damn thing alone it gets sore temporarily, but not over the time frame you're talking about.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:25:53 am
 I haven't been jerking off any more than usual , about 3 or 4 times a week . Its kinda freaking me out . I have never had this happen before . 
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 11:27:10 am
I haven't been jerking off any more than usual , about 3 or 4 times a week . Its kinda freaking me out . I have never had this happen before . 

Nah what I was talking about is when I go like 5-10 times in a single day, or go for the marathon of like 2-3 hours without...You know I realize I'm oversharing now.  You're not having the same thing I was talking about.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: next2u on May 08, 2010, 11:27:47 am
see a doc. your penis is important. stop beating your a dick, i mean being a dick, and get your loved one taken care of. the more you love and care for your penis, the more enthusiasm and joy you will get in return.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 08, 2010, 11:33:18 am


    It would only take 5 minutes of pain in my penis to make me wanna go to the ER.  You better take care of that thing boy.  I watched a kid catch his penis in his zipper in the boys locker room in the 7th grade.  His name was Kevin Faulk...  not one boy in the entire room laughed, some of us were even crying.  From that day on my penis is always handled with extreme care...  and the slightest pain would warrant medical attention immediately.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:34:44 am
One thing I just thought of... I recently started back on Androgel after a break and I have been waking up allot with a raging pee hard in the morning and sometime at night also .

I bet that's it .  
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 11:38:02 am
One thing I just thought of... I recently started back on Androgel after a break and I have been waking up allot with a raging pee hard in the morning and sometime at night also .

I bet that's it .  

I'll take care of the issue for you, just send me all your Androgel.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:38:38 am

    It would only take 5 minutes of pain in my penis to make me wanna go to the ER.  You better take care of that thing boy.  I watched a kid catch his penis in his zipper in the boys locker room in the 7th grade.  His name was Kevin Faulk...  not one boy in the entire room laughed, some of us were even crying.  From that day on my penis is always handled with extreme care...  and the slightest pain would warrant medical attention immediately.


I worked in a factory one summer and we all witnessed a guy improperly using a drill , it slipped and he drilled a hole through his dick . We literally feel out and one guy puked .  
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 11:40:16 am
I'll take care of the issue for you, just send me all your Androgel.


I read it can be transferred from skin to skin contact  :-*
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 11:44:27 am

I read it can be transferred from skin to skin contact  :-*

You dirty girl.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 08, 2010, 11:44:50 am

   Yeah I think there is some unwritten rule-you never laugh at another guy injuring his penis however, a well placed kick to the nuts can be quite amusing.. and a bit of laughter is totally acceptable.

  
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 11:49:21 am
  Yeah I think there is some unwritten rule-you never laugh at another guy injuring his penis however, a well placed kick to the nuts can be quite amusing.. and a bit of laughter is totally acceptable.

  

I can't help but empathize.  That shit hurts so much, it's our version of the pain of giving birth.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: StacheBC on May 08, 2010, 12:23:22 pm
If my penis was hurting I'd take it to see the doctor...

Although not a doctor myself... I have a gift that some have described as the Doctor Doolittle of the penis world... I'm sort of able to "talk" to the penis and find out what is going on.

Like the last case I worked on, the penis had an inferiority complex, his owner used to "talk" to him almost like in baby talk... so he always felt like he was a "Pee Pee" and not the Cock he wanted to be.

Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 12:35:55 pm
If my penis was hurting I'd take it to see the doctor...

Although not a doctor myself... I have a gift that some have described as the Doctor Doolittle of the penis world... I'm sort of able to "talk" to the penis and find out what is going on.

Like the last case I worked on, the penis had an inferiority complex, his owner used to "talk" to him almost like in baby talk... so he always felt like he was a "Pee Pee" and not the Cock he wanted to be.




AWWW so you are a penis whisperer ... nice .

I have a condition called small nerve naurapathy that makes me prone to pain all over my body at times . I have never had pain form that in my penis but I have learned not to run to the doctor every time I hurt badly in a new place . I will go see about it if it doesn't get better but I want to avoid co pays if possible .


Also I cant spell neurapathy despite having it for years.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: mecch on May 08, 2010, 01:05:26 pm
See a doc. At least its a sign of life. Maybe it needs to be parked in the designated parking space.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: next2u on May 08, 2010, 01:06:24 pm
mecch...are you the designated parking space?
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: StacheBC on May 08, 2010, 01:27:02 pm
mecch...are you the designated parking space?

If so do you (mecch) offer free parking OR is it metered.

Back on topic... jg1962 please keep us posted on the status of your penis.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 01:50:21 pm
I will go to the doctor Monday . I just found a very suspicious place on my leg a moment ago . I had KS years ago on my legs and I am not encouraged by what I just found ... damn it .
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 08, 2010, 02:25:56 pm



   
I will go to the doctor Monday . I just found a very suspicious place on my leg a moment ago . I had KS years ago on my legs and I am not encouraged by what I just found ... damn it .

   That sucks man... all joking aside, I hope it's just where your penis struck your leg too hard or something.  I once busted my kneecap with mine.

   
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: leese43 on May 08, 2010, 02:29:54 pm


   
   That sucks man... all joking aside, I hope it's just where your penis struck your leg too hard or something.  I once busted my kneecap with mine.

   

LMFAO!!!
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: BT65 on May 08, 2010, 06:09:33 pm
I will go to the doctor Monday . I just found a very suspicious place on my leg a moment ago . I had KS years ago on my legs and I am not encouraged by what I just found ... damn it .

Aw J, that doesn't sound good at all.  Please, please take care of it, get it checked and let us know immediately when you find out.  You know, this is meant with all the love in the world. :-*
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 06:26:23 pm
Maybe it just needs Mouth to m...hmmmm that wouldn't work would it?
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: GSOgymrat on May 08, 2010, 06:54:15 pm
Maybe it just needs Mouth to m...hmmmm that wouldn't work would it?

I've been counting the posts waiting for one of you tramps to offer to kiss it and make it better. ;D
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 08, 2010, 07:00:45 pm
I've been counting the posts waiting for one of you tramps to offer to kiss it and make it better. ;D

I am so very glad to oblige and be completely predictably slutty.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 07:37:30 pm
 Long live the sluts and god bless em .
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 08, 2010, 07:42:44 pm
Aw J, that doesn't sound good at all.  Please, please take care of it, get it checked and let us know immediately when you find out.  You know, this is meant with all the love in the world. :-*

Thanks Betty . My best friend Tim is here and he pointed out the fact that the red spot on my leg is exactly where I cross my legs and play on the computer all damn day . My penis hurts so I'm a little paranoid LOL .
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: tednlou2 on May 09, 2010, 12:43:49 am
3-4 times a week you jerk it?  I know this is very common cause my friends say the same thing--best friend does it 2-4 times a day.  Maybe I do need that testosterone treatment.  Now, I'm going a couple weeks between getting off. 

When I was younger and would jerk it all the time, I would often cause it to swell up like a bee had stung it.  It made it look that much thicker, but it looked deformed until the swelling went down.  The other thing is rubbing it raw where you get a scab.  You can't be with anyone cause it looks like you've got some nasty STD on your junk.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: mecch on May 09, 2010, 06:20:46 am
When I was younger and would jerk it all the time, I would often cause it to swell up like a bee had stung it.  It made it look that much thicker, but it looked deformed until the swelling went down.  The other thing is rubbing it raw where you get a scab.  

too much information   :P
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 19, 2010, 07:53:00 am
Embarrassing final update . I'm allergic to Lubiderm hand lotion . 
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: john33 on May 19, 2010, 08:09:10 am
well thats one way of finding out ::)

edited to add: glad it wasn't anything worse
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: leatherman on May 19, 2010, 10:15:46 am
haven't had sex in awhile unless you count touching myself in an impure manner last week after watching that blond guy on American Idol .
well, at least you hadn't broken your junk :o
Now you can go back to happily whacking off once again.  ;D
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 19, 2010, 11:11:56 am
Embarrassing final update . I'm allergic to Lubiderm hand lotion . 

I have a funny Lubiderm story.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 19, 2010, 11:15:27 am
Embarrassing final update . I'm allergic to Lubiderm hand lotion . 

This thread just became legendary.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Ann on May 19, 2010, 11:20:05 am

I can't help but empathize.  That shit hurts so much, it's our version of the pain of giving birth.


Getting kicked in the nuts is like the pain of giving birth? I don't think so. I know getting kicked there is bloody fucking painful, but there's no way it's even close to giving birth. Trying to pass, for hours on end, something the size of a baseball through your urethra would be closer to the mark.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Miss Philicia on May 19, 2010, 11:22:27 am
Embarrassing final update . I'm allergic to Lubiderm hand lotion . 

Haven't you learned to use regular baby oil yet?
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 19, 2010, 11:23:28 am
Getting kicked in the nuts is like the pain of giving birth? I don't think so. I know getting kicked there is bloody fucking painful, but there's no way it's even close to giving birth. Trying to pass, for hours on end, something the size of a baseball through your urethra would be closer to the mark.

  Having to shave everyday is worse than having a period. :D
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Ann on May 19, 2010, 11:51:35 am

  Having to shave everyday is worse than having a period. :D


So shaving your face causes painful cramps and some days you can't even leave the house because you're bleeding so heavily? Wow, maybe you should buy a different brand of razors.

You fellas forget that women shave too - in my case, underarms pretty much every day and legs several times a week and my other bits, none of your damned business. All in all, that's a lot more surface area to be covered.

And besides, while shaving is optional, having a period is not unless you want to put chemicals inside your body to stop them.

::)
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Miss Philicia on May 19, 2010, 12:02:29 pm
I would never want to surf the Crimson Wave -- vile!
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: WillyWump on May 19, 2010, 12:30:14 pm
I would never want to surf the Crimson Wave -- vile!

I surfed the red wave once...At the point I noticed It I was pretty much committed to the act so just grabbed the string and yanked the cork out and went at it. Wasnt as bad as I thought.

-Will
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 19, 2010, 12:35:18 pm
I surfed the red wave once...At the point I noticed It I was pretty much committed to the act so just grabbed the string and yanked the cork out and went at it. Wasnt as bad as I thought.

-Will

Is this a commentary on fisting?  I'm so confused.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: WillyWump on May 19, 2010, 12:39:19 pm
Is this a commentary on fisting?  I'm so confused.

Now there's something I absolutely do not understand.....fisting. Why would someone do that?

Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 19, 2010, 12:39:59 pm
I surfed the red wave once...At the point I noticed It I was pretty much committed to the act so just grabbed the string and yanked the cork out and went at it. Wasnt as bad as I thought.

-Will

That's nothing, try letting the Red Sea part during an oral session.  I had it happen once, and it bothered her more than it bothered me.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: WillyWump on May 19, 2010, 12:43:00 pm
That's nothing, try letting the Red Sea part during an oral session.  I had it happen once, and it bothered her more than it bothered me.

 Vomit.




Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Ann on May 19, 2010, 12:48:04 pm

That's nothing, try letting the Red Sea part during an oral session.  I had it happen once, and it bothered her more than it bothered me.


Years ago I knew bikers who didn't consider men to be fully sexually mature or experienced until they had their "red wings". It was so-called because... well... think milk moustache.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 19, 2010, 03:45:26 pm
I just got home from a day at the dentist and read all of your lovely replies . I am more sure now than ever we are all family and I will NEVER feel embarrassed about any thing I could ever say again on this forum .

As for the red sea thing ... I will eat beef and lamb rare but that's where I draw the line .
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Assurbanipal on May 19, 2010, 04:36:28 pm
I keep getting this thread confused with the one on sex with a (paint) stripper.

Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: skeebo1969 on May 19, 2010, 04:41:05 pm
I keep getting this thread confused with the one on sex with a (paint) stripper.



Oh god, don't tell me one of the worried wells used paint stripper as lubricant.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Matty the Damned on May 19, 2010, 04:43:34 pm
Oh god, don't tell me one of the worried wells used paint stripper as lubricant.

I've long harboured a suspicion that a number of them drink it on a regular basis.

MtD
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Hellraiser on May 19, 2010, 11:47:11 pm
I've long harboured a suspicion that a number of them drink it on a regular basis.

MtD

Oh matty they're just huffing it not drinking it.
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: metekrop on May 20, 2010, 02:13:25 pm
.... it hurts . ....

For those who reply I would like to thank you in advance for spending a moment on my penis .     

Get it cut off.  ;D
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: Jeff G on May 20, 2010, 02:40:12 pm
Get it cut off.  ;D


You first ... I will even help  ;D
Title: Re: My Penis
Post by: newt on May 20, 2010, 04:30:40 pm
Has anyone sold the film rights to this thread, it would make a good sequel to Shortbus,