Dating Thread XXXIV: I am woman, hear me ROAR!!!!!

[BT65]

Morning ladies,

Cin, I'm really sorry about Clyde.  It's great that you have good memories of him though.  I love those pics of Cheech.  He's going to be a lot cooler with short hair.

Queen, I'm really sorry about the situation you're in.  If I lived by you, I'd take you.  I'm hoping that the thing your case manager is checking out will work.

Wendy, happy birthday! 

Pink, I don't blame you for not wanting to start all over.  I really don't understand why you would.  I've never heard of that.

Netta, I love your pics!  I'm glad you're back with us also.  You really are a beautiful woman.

Well, the weekend was fabulous.  The place we (me and my gf's) stayed in is called a yertz.  It's like an octagon-shaped log cabin.  There was a frig in it, and ours was the only one with a frig.  But I know one of the guys who was on the convention committee and I requested that one 'cause of my Insulin and he reserved it for us.  They had great workshops, which is where the committee chooses a subject that has to do with recovery (surrender, giving back, being willing to do whatever it takes, etc.) and there's a couple speakers with long periods of clean time that talk about it.  One of the speakers was the same one who spoke at the prior convention I went to who did the Illness in Recovery workshop (at the other convention I went to a couple months ago).  He has Aids and now has non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.  He's not letting that get him down, and he's just such an inspiration.  He was sharing about how one of the guys he sponsors just took a knife and cut his arm from his wrist to his shoulder.  The guy's still alive, which is a total miracle.  He lost six pints of blood (and we only have eight).  Anyway, the guy who spoke (Jonathan) talked about surrender.  He was saying how, when he quit drugs, he made a "shrine" that had a pipe he used to smoke crystal meth out of in it etc. and he talked about when he smashed everything that he had in his shrine.  He has eight years clean.  He and I had a good talk afterward.  He took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said "we're survivors, and we're going to get through this."  He was in end-stage kidney failure a few years ago, had a kidney transplant and had to give himself dialysis.  He's had many other times of being near-death and never used through any of it, which is an inspiration to me.  One of the main speakers (people who give their story in the evening, usually 1 1/2 hours) kept saying "no matter what," meaning no matter what, don't use.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.     And, one of my gf's friends was there from her town and brought his Harley, so I got to go for a nice motorcycle ride.  Which of course was a thrill, since I used to be a "biker bitch."     And they fed us three times a day, and large meals which was great.  The last night we spent there, when we ladies were all in our yertz, we had a laugh-fest.  I mean, we were cracking each other up and laughing our asses off for about 1/2 hour. 

The only bitch I have about the whole thing is that where we were was a walking distance from everything.  Now, about 7 or 8 years ago, my kneecaps were broken.  In my left knee I had avascular necrosis and there's no cartilage left in it.  And my right kneecap constantly has swelling in it.  So, there were many times I thought my legs were just going to give out.  And my left leg is still really aching.  It won't straighten completely out, hasn't for a long time because of my knee.  I'm thinking I'm going to go back to the orthopaedist sometime in the near future to see if it's time to do a knee replacement and if he'll do it.  He wouldn't do it before because of me having Aids (you guys probably remember me talking about it).  If he won't do it, then I'll ask my doctor to refer me to someone else.  Having a knee replacement is a little frightening to me, because of all the stories I hear, but I can't keep being in constant sheering pain.  So, we'll see.  I have to remember what Jonathan told me (about us being survivors).  This won't get me down.

But other than that, it was great.  There was over 1,000 years total clean time there, which was awesome.  I hope you ladies are having a good morning.  I'll be back later.

[Snowangel]

Betty- That sounds like so much fun, I am glad you enjoyed it.  That is a good idea to find out about your options for you knees, can't hurt.  I didn't realize you were in so much pain all the time, you are a force to be reckoned with.

Queen- I am so sorry your case manager has not come through for you, that is crazy, that person really sucks at thier job!  They should at least be finding some other options for you.  Did you speak to her supervisor?  How much do you need to get your car on the road, in my opinion, they should just help you with that so at least you can have a ride to all your appointments/commitments.

Netta- Nic pic! Beautiful smile!! Glad you were able to find a camera, they are lots of fun!

Mum- I don't work anymore but I feel like I work more than I did when I was working 12 to 16 hrs a day.  I'm getting old   I hope you are feeling better.

The kids are getting better.  My oldest ended up getting strep too    We layed low Friday and Sat and went tag sale-ing yesterday.  We got a basketball hoop for free, we just had to home and get the truck to get it, they had just put out on the side of the road, luckily my Mom had come and she stayed with the kids. 
I got my period yesterday.  Saturday I felt like I got hit by a truck, my whole body hurt and I felt drugged.  I ended up falling asleep on the couch and the boys were playing with water guns and got soaked and I woke up to my youngest boy wearing his sisters jeans complete with embroidered flowers and butterflies on the butt and legs.  I guess I should be happy he got something on at all?

We are doing nothing, as usual, today.  Cooking out on the grill and letting the kids play outside.

Happy Memorial Day to everyone!

[Queen Tokelove]

Afternoon Ladies---

I am waiting to hear back from a couple of the moderators but I am considering calling the forums quits and walking away from it. Hopefully, I will still be able to blog. I am just tired of certain people's comments that everything that is going wrong in my life is my fault because I choose to help my son, smoke weed, despite the million of times I have said why I do smoke, and because I ocassionally drink some Arbor Mist, I am now considered to be a fucking alcoholic.

You ladies have been great support but I am just tired of those who want to tell me the problems I am having is my fault or all I talk about in my blog or forums is my sex life. I am tired of explaining myself to people so the best thing I can do is just leave and let those who know it all be on their high horse. God forbid if anything happens to them..If you wish to correspond with me, I can be reached on Yahoo Messenger.

I will miss you ladies and wish you the best.

[BT65]

Oh no Queen.  Please don't walk away.  We need you here.  You know you'd be missed terribly.  Maybe just take a small break and come back?  Regardless, I've got your e-mail address.  Whatever you decide to do, you know I'll keep in touch with you lady. 

Snow, I'm sorry all your kids have strep.  It was a struggle for me when my daughter was younger and home just to deal with her when she was real sick.  The thing was, she didn't act like she was sick.  The hardest thing was to keep her down awhile so she could get better.  About my knees, well, whacha gonna do.  I'll just go back to the doctor (ortho), and if he can't give me a solution, then I'll ask my own doctor for a referral to one who will.  About the pms....have you ever tried anything like Midol?  I don't even know how good that stuff is; just wondering.  Or are you on like a birth control pill?  I'm asking because sometimes some of them can ease period time.  I see advertisements for a lot of them nowadays that say you'll only have periods 2-3 times a year.  I wonder if that would be an option for you? 

It was sunny here, but now it's clouded over.  I think we're supposed to get rain.  It's steamy.  My landlord came over last week and put the air conditioner I got from my parents' in the window.  It works really well.  I made some tuna salad, so I'll probably eat some of that in a couple hours.  Other than that, nothing going on.  My knees feel some better.  I laid back down this morning.  About 11:30, my granddaughter was pounding on my door.  She said her "mother" accidentally deleted my phone number from her cell phone, so they stopped by to get it again.  After she left, I laid down until about 12:30. 

I hope everyone has a good afternoon.  I'll probably be back later.

[Queen Tokelove]

Betty--

After trying to cool down some which I am still not cool yet, I decided I can't just walk away from you guys. This place means too much to me. But I think I will take a break for a few days or so. I think I need to do this because I am at the point right now of being so mad that if someone said the wrong thing to me now due to someone else pissing me off, that I may end up sitting beside my son in the County jail. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I need to regroup.

So please don't take my leaving as a ploy for attention. I am considering trying to reschedule my appointment with the liver specialist to another time, maybe it coming up so soon is a reason for the stress, not that another time will make things different or maybe it will, I really don't know.

Dragonette---Thanks for the response in my blog but you better check out what was said about your comment. I think the person is an ass personally someone who never had to deal with struggles or have their hopes shattered due to some bullshit.

So, I will try to stay away for a few days but I was told in a PM if I am not back by the weekend to expect an ass whipping. And for this person to say that to me really means something. So it is not good bye but hasta luego....

[netta]

Queen, we need you and would miss you if you left, Its not the same without hearing your words of wisdom, your jokes, sarcasm and the strength to survive the hell you've been going through is an inspiration to me and others, we really need each other here and don't let anyone take your joy or your passion for writting and telling it like it  really is!
 thanks everyone,glad to be back!

[BT65]

Queen, you do what you need to do, but I'm glad you decided not to walk away from us.  We need you, we really do.  You're a brave woman, and we need all the brave women around here we can get.

This is going to be short, because my left knee is killing me.  I googled avascular necrosis, since the ortho diagnosed me with this before my kneecaps were fractured, and it really didn't sound good.  I had read about it before, but I had forgotten.  There is treatment for it, but I'm not sure the treatment would apply with the kneecap being fractured and there being no cartilage in it.  Well, tomorrow I'm either going to make an appointment with the ortho (who never did do anything about this situation before), or I'm going to e-mail my doctor about a referral to an orthopaedist who will do something.  I think all the walking this weekend might have done something, or it's just going to be soar for awhile.  Anyway, I'm going to start wearing the brace that the ortho prescribed for me a few years ago (well, I guess he did do something), to see if that will relieve some of the pressure. 

I hope you ladies have a good evening.  I'll talk to you all in the morning.

[Veritee]

Dear Queen

I have not known you long - but I am glad you have decided not to leave.

I also believe I know a bit about what you are going through as I may have mentioned before I have been in a similar position to you -  I was terrorised - and there is no other word for it - by a group of women which ended a couple of years ago on my own forum that I started http://veritee.proboards7.com/

They would not leave me alone - they even 'stalked' me to other internet forums on the net, we banned their IP addresses they got different ones,  they found ways to bypass measures we put in .

They called me dishonest, that I took money for myself that was donated to the charity and lied about my situation, dangerous, twisted, a psychopath, that I was out to hurt other women especially new mothers with babies and contacted women who were vulnerable and who I or my forum supported and told them that I was an emotional predator and discredited my repetition anywhere they could including to other bigger charities dealing with the issue my smaller one does - Post Natal Illness and also to members of the medical profession who are concerned with PNI in the UK.

And while the charity I founded is not known in the US it is in the UK and I have often been on national papers and even on TV due to my work here!!! So it did me a lot of damage from the point of view of my work with PNI  and personally for my self esteem

And all because I dared to speak up, tell it how it really was for one woman, and put my name to it so that I was not anonymous but a real person suffering real things - and because I did not even try to pretend that being a mother for me was all great - I told it as it truly was for someone who had PNI, Post Natal Illness and they could not take it!! Scared I guess? Maybe in denial or maybe they were not women at all but a man or men with issues about women who were not 'natural' mothers or just had PNI?? Who really knows who my attackers were?

At first I thought it would not bother me as I knew it was their problem and tried to talk to them , reason with them and put my point of view and convince them that I really was genuine and not a danger to anyone

But they kept it up relentlessly for nearly 3 years and it got to me
It ended up affecting how I felt about myself, distrusting my own motives and nearly leaving my own forum and charity.

But I saw it through and pretty much know that NOTHING like this will ever get to me like this again
I am stronger for it - but I will not pretend it was not hell at the time.

I got through mainly because of the love and support of the women on my forum and I think it may be the same as the women you are close to on this forum give to you.

With their support and help I was able to turn it around in that it no longer bothered me and they no longer got to me ......
When they realised this - they gave up

You can not bully someone who will not be bullied
And this is what it was  - internet bullying

Stay here, so many obviously love you and support you - leaving here will probably not make them go away anyway and you will lack the same level of great support you have here.

Just my experience - hope you do not think I am speaking out of turn as I have not been here long

But stay and know that these women/ or men as you can NEVER be sure who they actually are - it could be just one bitter man or woman - and whoever they/he/she are it is just not worth leaving here for them
In a way if you do , they win, don't let them win whoever they are, and they won't!!!

Love Veritee XXX

[BT65]

Please post all further comments in thread XXXV.  Thank you.