Disturbing comments from young people

[MoltenStorm]

When the guy that I was seeing earlier this month broke things off with me because he wasn't willing to take the risk of catching HIV, he told me some of the things that his friends told him. He had apparently talked with a bunch of people (the wrong ones, mind you) about the situation because he was concerned.

Verbatim:

Him: "He's such a nice guy. I'm confused as to what to do."
Friend: "Have you considered who he was before he got AIDS? He's probably just being nice because he can't get it anywhere else."

Him: "I really want to continue dating him."
Friend: "Can't he find other people with AIDS to date? Why does he have to try and infect others?"

Apparently, these were basically said by a number of his so-called "friends." Those two comments floored me. I was shocked that people younger than myself (18-20 ish) would say such cruel things. How can people so young be so hateful? I'm horrified at the possibility.

The assumption that there's no difference between AIDS and being HIV+ is a whole different issue altogether.

Uneducated and Cruel... and these are the future leaders of our country. I'm appalled.

[dtwpuck]

Ouch... that must have hurt.

Yes, young people are often ignorant... but this has nothing to do with HIV ... it is part and parcel of being young.
That doesn't mean there aren't young people out there who aren't worth your time. (old people also don't have a monopoly on wisdom, as can be witnessed by any number of miserable old people you might run into)

You can take the time to educate if you think it's worth it.

What's more worth it though is your signature "positive and fabulous".  Take that to heart.  What other people do and don't know is never going to be something you can control.  However, you know that you are a good person and that someone is going to be lucky to have you.  You lost out on this one relationship.  It might suck, but it really, in the long run, has a few blessings.  Do you want to be with someone who can't find out information except through ignorant chattering friends?  Do you want someone who is afraid of you?

In the end, your self worth isn't about whether you can attract and keep a guy, or whether every guy you want doesn't reject you.  It's also not about how much you can educate the world by putting on your super safe sex cape and being captain condom.  It's about how you feel about yourself.  Fabulous.  Keep it in mind, don't let it be an act or a front to hide pain... be it. 

[EBmemphis]

ok  i have given this alot of thought............Yes we all should have made better decsions ...But we didn't.......you can't mad at him for that....

I am just saying we all have to deal with what we started

Eric

[Central79]

EB, doesn't you find it difficult to walk when you're kicking yourself so much?

Regardless of how or why anybody here got infected, the fact is that you can have a happy serodiscordant relationship for years and years, without anybody getting infected - as several members of this board can testify.

I look forward to being with my bf for ages, and keeping him safe.

Molten, I'm really sorry that these guys were so ignorant, and that their ignorance was relayed to you to make you feel like shit. The idea that people with HIV are victims, desperate for a physical relationship, or that we're "trying" to infect others is on the same level as people who say that because gay people don't have children we have to "recruit"!

It ignores both the facts of HIV transmission, and the goodness of most people's nature.

I hope you have better experiences in the future.

M.

[Queen Tokelove]

Molten,

I am sorry to hear that your relationship ended because of someone else's ignorance to the facts. But I can also understand how your friend must be feeling. From his responses, he sounds conflicted. Maybe he'll come around if not maybe still be a good friend.

My son is 16 and he knows I'm poz. At times, I will talk to him about it because my sister made sure to keep him misinformed. I know he is out there having sex and I can't hold his hand but I try to educate him as much as I can and has a supply of condoms in the bathroom. But I also tell  him that people who are poz didn't ask for it but made poor choices or decisions.

[racingmind]

Hi Molten,

I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did.  But take it as a learning experience. We are all going to encounter ignorance from time to time where HIV is concerned.  It sucks, yes, but we need to thicken our skin so that it doesn't drag us down. 

You seem like a smart and affable guy, you are going to one day meet "the one" and he may be positive or he may be negative, but it's not going to matter; all you'll know is that the search is over. 

all the best.

[aupointillimite]

My roommate has to deal with questions like, "Do you drink after Benj from the same glass?"

She's usually quite amazed at the ignorance some people can display.

Although it has been my experience that ignorance isn't patented by any age group... it's one thing to be unknowledgable... it's another to make other people suffer for it.

Take it from one who knows.

[Joe K]

I imagine we have all heard such comments and even though we can dismiss them due to ignorance, they still cut as deep as any knife, especially when dealing with affairs of the heart.  Yet, however painful, you must be careful that you do not allow these opinions to have any real effect.  I learned long ago that people will reject you for many reasons and I generally take rejection just fine.  Opinions, however are a little harder to deal with, but consider this.

The only opinions that I care about are from my husband, daughter and friends who know me well.  I reject any opinion of me, in regards to anything that comes from someone who does not know me.  I submit that dating for a few weeks barely scratches the surface of anyone and so any opinions generated from that are false.  The guy sounds truly conflicted and to be honest, do you want to be with someone who is physically afraid of you?  Or just not mature enough to address a hard life issue?

Even through the hurt I hope you remember that none of this reflects poorly on you.  His friends are insensitive clods and since they do not know you from Adam, why would you care what they think of you?  Never surrender your power to others by even responding to such drivel.  Unfortunately there are far too many people in the world who can only stroke their own egos, by degrading others through their shallow opinions.

You deserve better and you will find someone, so lick your wounds for a bit and then resume that search.  Believe me when I tell you there are thousands of pozzies, just like you, seeking love and companionship and I know there is someone out there for you.

[Dragonette]

It's interesting to read, I'm active on a HIV forum in my native country and the amount of prejudice and pure hatred that is poured there is unbelievable, and is mostly directed against gays (often but not always by other gays).

When I was diagnosed I had wished that I were a gay man but with time I changed my mind because of these forums when I realized how much meaness was there.

Of course, you only hear/read those assholes and not the silent and presumably sane majority.

Same here: you only heard what these 2 dickheads had to say. The others kept quiet.

Whoops just realized the language but I have been active there today and am not at my most patient right now. Please pardon my French

[Jeff64]

When the guy that I was seeing earlier this month broke things off with me because he wasn't willing to take the risk of catching HIV, he told me some of the things that his friends told him. He had apparently talked with a bunch of people (the wrong ones, mind you) about the situation because he was concerned.

Verbatim:

Him: "He's such a nice guy. I'm confused as to what to do."
Friend: "Have you considered who he was before he got AIDS? He's probably just being nice because he can't get it anywhere else."

Him: "I really want to continue dating him."
Friend: "Can't he find other people with AIDS to date? Why does he have to try and infect others?"

Apparently, these were basically said by a number of his so-called "friends." Those two comments floored me. I was shocked that people younger than myself (18-20 ish) would say such cruel things. How can people so young be so hateful? I'm horrified at the possibility.

The assumption that there's no difference between AIDS and being HIV+ is a whole different issue altogether.

Uneducated and Cruel... and these are the future leaders of our country. I'm appalled.

Well, I probably would not go out with someone who is HIV+ either.
Jeff

[MoltenStorm]

My intention with this post was to show how truly ignorant and cruel people can be and to express my shock at how young these people are and how cruel they can still be.

The "break off" didn't bother me all that much because it's something that comes with the territory, and there wasn't much emotional investment made. I concluded it was best for both of us because I don't want someone who's that ignorant, can't go to the right sources, and is afraid of me. That's a nonissue.

While what his "friends" said did sting a little, their words aren't something I'm going to therapy over any time soon.

[Andy Velez]

Molten, you have a healthy attitude about what happened. Good for you!

As soon as I read the comments this guy repeated his friends ignorant (and hostile) comments it made me think what a jerk he was to pass that on to you. What good purpose could it have served. By repeating it he was giving those remarks more credence than they deserved. Did he think they were going to cheer you up or do you any good. A big NO to those questions of course.

I couldn't help thinking of asking him, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? I can guess what some of the defensive answers might be.

Anyway, just keep on rockin' 'n rollin'.

Cheers,