Author Topic: Newly diagnosed, New here (Read 24888 times)

Anthony75 · « **on:** May 18, 2015, 05:42:40 pm »

Hi all,
I was tested positive for hiv on march 5, 2015. I was in the hospital for an esophageal ulcer and the GI doctor said it looked like an hiv ulcer. If it wasn't that I would have not known. It took a month to get into the hiv doctor where I found out that my viral load is 222,000 and my cd4 is 48. Aids. I had no idea I was that bad. Before the ulcer, I felt great. I have an esophageal stricture which makes it hard to swallow so they picked a liquid regimen for me, which I started on may 9, 2015. I'm on norvir, prezista, ziagen and lamivudine. Also on bactrim, diflucan and azithromyacin. Physically, I feel ok, but everything freaks me out now. I get tired, but before the ulcer started to heal, I lost 30lbs and was very malnourished. The ulcer was so bad I could barely sip water without immense pain.
Mentally, I'm a wreck. I wake up every morning with a panic attack. It got so bad that I couldn't be alone. The doc put me on xanax to help until I get in to see a therapist. I know in my head that there have been plenty of people worse than me and I trust my doctor completely, but I just can't tell my brain that. The panic attacks have even kept me from being able to work for the past few weeks.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm going to get through this. Any little ache or pain has me calling the doctor and asking if its some freak side effect, allergic reaction or sickness. I called this morning because of a sore throat. I'm hoping to try to go to work for a couple hours wednesday and try to ease myself back into the world, but right now I'm taking it day by day, even hour by hour at times.
Thankfully, the side effects from my regimen aren't bad. A little nausea, gas and drowsiness. I try to keep a log book of everything I feel so I can look back and see that its a normal reaction and I'm fine. Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't.
Anyways, thanks for reading and any encouraging words or advice will help.

zach · « **Reply #1 on:** May 18, 2015, 07:12:31 pm »

Anthony, welcome to the party. No door prize, sorry.
You face a difficult fight ahead. But rest reassured, you will get through this.
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but it's great that you are in treatment, and have found this support group.
I think keeping a treatment journal is a great thing to do. Stick to that. Even when you think it doesn't help, one day you'll look back and realize how far you've come in recovery.
Diagnosis is a complete mind fuck, we know that shock well. Please believe me that every little ache and pain isn't doom and dire. That said, don't ignore anything serious. The challenge is keeping a calm head and perspective.
The best thing you can do, stay adherent to your meds. Next best, relax buddy, this is a long ride. Don't be in a hurry to do anything.
Xanax is good, take them when you need them. When and if the times comes to stop them, taper carefully, crashing off of benzos can be a dangerous nightmare.
Come here anytime you need, vent, ask questions... we've been where you are, and there is always a shoulder here.
I wish I had more to offer. Take care of yourself.
Zach

Anthony75 · « **Reply #2 on:** May 18, 2015, 07:27:11 pm »

Thanks! Thankfully I have no issues with taking meds that I can't deal with. Adherence shouldn't be a problem. I've pretty much gotten it down to a schedule of between 9 and 9:30 each night.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #3 on:** May 18, 2015, 09:01:20 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 18, 2015, 05:42:40 pm

Hi all,
I was tested positive for hiv on march 5, 2015. I was in the hospital for an esophageal ulcer and the GI doctor said it looked like an hiv ulcer. If it wasn't that I would have not known. It took a month to get into the hiv doctor where I found out that my viral load is 222,000 and my cd4 is 48. Aids. I had no idea I was that bad. Before the ulcer, I felt great. I have an esophageal stricture which makes it hard to swallow so they picked a liquid regimen for me, which I started on may 9, 2015. I'm on norvir, prezista, ziagen and lamivudine. Also on bactrim, diflucan and azithromyacin. Physically, I feel ok, but everything freaks me out now. I get tired, but before the ulcer started to heal, I lost 30lbs and was very malnourished. The ulcer was so bad I could barely sip water without immense pain.
Mentally, I'm a wreck. I wake up every morning with a panic attack. It got so bad that I couldn't be alone. The doc put me on xanax to help until I get in to see a therapist. I know in my head that there have been plenty of people worse than me and I trust my doctor completely, but I just can't tell my brain that. The panic attacks have even kept me from being able to work for the past few weeks.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm going to get through this. Any little ache or pain has me calling the doctor and asking if its some freak side effect, allergic reaction or sickness. I called this morning because of a sore throat. I'm hoping to try to go to work for a couple hours wednesday and try to ease myself back into the world, but right now I'm taking it day by day, even hour by hour at times.
Thankfully, the side effects from my regimen aren't bad. A little nausea, gas and drowsiness. I try to keep a log book of everything I feel so I can look back and see that its a normal reaction and I'm fine. Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't.
Anyways, thanks for reading and any encouraging words or advice will help.

ojo Hi Anthony...welcome to the party as Zack told you...you are going to be fine, if you don't have problems taking meds and are adherent, you will be fine...I had a cd4 of 20 when dx'd...Is your esophageal ulcer gone?...stay away from the sun while you are on antibiotics...please kep us posted...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #4 on:** May 18, 2015, 09:53:35 pm »

The ulcer is almost cleared up. When I first got out of the hospital I had to use lidocaine to eat or drink anything. Now I rarely need a Tylenol. That tells me my body is capable of healing with the right care. Just gotta get that through my head.

TheNormalLife · « **Reply #5 on:** May 18, 2015, 11:46:41 pm »

I am very sorry about your diagnosis and ulcer complications.

Feel welcome, it really helps reading other who have gone through the same process. Not that sharing your pain and fears is a good thing and constitutes the only exit to a way to cope with HIV, but it helps a lot knowing from the experience of others the definition of the infection; that this is manageable and that whatever I'm/you're going through will fade.

Like an onion, you will learn that real HIV is in the core, and that we need to peel layers of stigma, self-ignorance and wrongful information which makes of this what it seems an immense problem. For what I see in others (and my own therapy), is that the impact of HIV in our lives can be reduced to the exact right dimension, although quite often we tend to think it as overwhelming, as life-ending.

Well, this isn't life-ending if you take the right decisions. This is manageable and we are now fortunate enough to live among and learn from others whose path hasn't been as easy as ours will be.

Be strong and smart; the rules have just changed, giving up is never an option.

Ray.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #6 on:** May 19, 2015, 12:10:05 pm »

Mentally I'm a little better today. The morning panic attack was almost non existent. I did a mile on the exercise bike. Got a little winded but not bad. It's so humid where I live (southwest Florida) that walking around outside takes my breath away pretty easily. I'm even contemplating trying to go to work for a couple of hours tomorrow. I have an office job so it's nothing strenious. I just have to work my way up to it mentally. I'm not out to my boss who is a huge homophobe, so he just think I have some autoimmune disorder that they can't figure out. He has been understanding through and is holding my job for me at least. I'm at the point now where I look forward to taking my meds. I know they are keeping me going. I still have a bit of anxiety when taking them but it's not unbearable. My brain just keeps telling me about some allergic reaction or something that I know I won't have. Luckily my partner of 3 1/2 years has been amazing through all of this.

tednlou2 · « **Reply #7 on:** May 19, 2015, 11:32:58 pm »

Anthony,

Welcome to the forums, although wish you didn't have to join us. I and many here can relate to the anxiety and panic attacks. Mine began a year or two prior to dx. I think it was me thinking I likely was infected.

For several months after my dx, I went through a period where I was feeling great and was more active than I had been in years. My partner and I started a remodeling project we did ourselves-- gutting the living room and kitchen and totally remodeling. I was up by 8am and ready to go, which was unusual for me. I think it was my mind protecting me.

That changed about 8 months in. The anxiety and panic attacks got really bad. I began obsessing over my health, future, and every ache and pain. Meds and therapy helped so much. The anxiety wasn't eliminated, but the bad panic attacks began fewer and fewer. I still have daily anxiety and the occasional panic attack. They can happen, when I'm having a good time. My therapist said the brain can confuse positive stimuli with negative, and then set off the flight or fight.

I wish you the best dealing with yours. Glad to hear you had a pretty good day. Anxiety can be very debilitating.

flRN · « **Reply #8 on:** May 20, 2015, 11:31:03 am »

I can relate. When I was first diagnosed, I felt at ease, it was a relief to know. I was taking meds and everything was going to be alright. Then probably about ten months in, I started feeling like I was not ok with this at all. I started worrying about as you said, death, the future, and if I was going to live to see certain milestones. I am not in therapy, and the only person who knows about my diagnoses is my partner, who is negative. I read the forums here all the time, and all you guys have been a source of inspiration.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #9 on:** May 20, 2015, 04:46:46 pm »

Thanks for all the kind words guys. I guess my biggest fear is getting something and having to be hospitalized. I don't wanna be in the hospital again. But, I never got pcp and my ulcers are healing rapidly now so I guess that says my immune system must be doing a little bit. I'm a hand washing and sanitizer queen now lol. I was able to make it to work for two hours today. Physically I could have done more but my anxiety is the limiting factor right now. Funny thing is, I've gotten to the point where I look forward to taking my meds every night. In that respect I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, because I find the side effects not so bad. Today will be day 12 on the hiv meds. The antibiotics I've been on for about a month now.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #10 on:** May 21, 2015, 03:57:54 pm »

Well, another day alive! I managed to work a couple hours again today. I wear out easy and the anxiety takes over. I'm fighting it right now, trying not to have to take a xanax. Should I keep this thread going here or start a new one in the mental health section? Being new still, I'm not sure exactly how to do things here.

Joe K · « **Reply #11 on:** May 21, 2015, 04:05:28 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 21, 2015, 03:57:54 pm

Should I keep this thread going here or start a new one in the mental health section? Being new still, I'm not sure exactly how to do things here.

Hey Anthony,

What matters the most is that you get the support that you need. I would suggest you keep using this thread, as it helps members to understand your situation, by keeping all the issues in one thread. You are still so new to being poz and I think you are where you belong, for the time being. We have few rules on which thread goes where, especially for our newly infected members.

All we care about is you. Which forum you use, to share your story at this point, simply does not matter. We are here for you in whatever fashion you may need us to be.

Welcome to the forums.

Joe

Anthony75 · « **Reply #12 on:** May 21, 2015, 04:42:08 pm »

Thanks Joe! Well, I think I managed to control a panic attack without medication. I felt one coming on after work, so I walked around for a bit, did 5 minutes on the exersize bike then sat down and relaxed for a few. Right now I feel no need at all for a xanax. I don't want to become too dependant on them. Luckily I have an appointment with a therapist next week.

Back in 2005 I had panic attacks real bad, almost as bad as now. The doctor gave me a 30 day supply of Ativan and started me on zoloft. I never needed more Ativan but was on zoloft for two years before tapering off. That was hard enough.

This time, they tried zoloft again and it seemed to have the opposite effect. It made the anxiety worse. Weird how the body changes over the years.

Joe K · « **Reply #13 on:** May 21, 2015, 04:53:49 pm »

I've lived with severe mental health issues all of my life. I treat my issues with both drugs and talk therapy. Talk therapy is one of the few things in life, that you will only get out of it, what you put into it. Therapists are not there to judge us, rather they are guides, so that we can safely explore those issues that matter to us.

One strategy I was taught, when dealing with anxiety, was to ask myself: What is the worst thing that can happen? My answer was usually something very unlikely to ever transpire and that realization allowed me to lower my anxiety, because feelings are not facts, they just are. Feelings are neither good or bad, it's what we do with the feelings that can prove troublesome.

I found that by letting myself, feel, whatever it is I feel, that it allowed me to express my concerns, without the need to do anything. There are times when we simply must feel what we feel. It's normal and healthy and all part of living. The goal, is to feel what we feel, while learning to control how those feelings. Feelings can manifest themselves in physical reactions, that may be far more intense than warranted. Just because you feel something... does not make it true.

Stress and anxiety can kill, so do whatever you must to control your demons. You can do this and with the right help, you will overcome these issues as you adjust to being poz.

Joe

Anthony75 · « **Reply #14 on:** May 21, 2015, 07:35:39 pm »

I think right now one of my biggest problems is being out of shape. As soon as I get up and start doing normal things, my heart rate goes up. Not high, 110 max, but that sets off the anxiety. The doctor said my heart is ok. Tell my brain that though.

Being by myself when my partner is working gets to me at times but it's manageable. Right now I'm home alone and doing ok. I want to go to the grocery store but I don't think I can manage that right now.

Another issue is nutrition. With the stricture in my esophagus, I have a hard time swallowing. This makes it hard to get healthy calories. I do drink ensure, but if I drink too much they give me the shakes and set off my anxiety. Probably because of all the vitamins. I've always been sensitive to vitamins making me anxious. Right now I've been hitting about 2500 calories a day. I'm trying to get my weight back. So far I've gained 5 lbs in about 3 weeks. I guess that's a start.

titik · « **Reply #15 on:** May 22, 2015, 05:09:46 am »

I am somewhat in the same situation as you. I got a form of relief when I was first diagnosed and was very eager to start the medication. I did about a week ago and I had some anxieties about the side effects (I am on Complera) and resistance issues so I started having panic attacks once in a while. I do feel my energy coming back but now my biggest issue is the irrational panic attacks. I know Complera can cause them too but I'm eager to stay on this regimen as this seems to have the least amount of side effects.

I'll be talking to my specialist about a referral when I see her in two weeks but what I am doing to combat it now is to keep busy as I get my energy back day by day, surround myself with good company (just got back from a day with my mom and sister), and exercise. I also look for positive signs that my body is fighting the infection like how I'm getting my energy back and being hungry all the time (my appetite was pretty weak before I started my meds. Now I feel like I'm eating for two people!). I also have no resistance to any of the medications, so I shouldn't even worry about that.

It's good that you are trying to normalize stuff with your job, I think you will find that will help down the line, and it's good that you are starting to become active.
I wish you well and it seems like your body is recovering nicely. Just keep this in mind whenever you feel an attack coming on.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #16 on:** May 22, 2015, 07:48:56 am »

God I hate mornings. Waking up in a panic attack and not being able to function for a few hours. Time for a nap and I'll try again later. I didn't sleep very well last night. Probably part of the problem.

Jeff G · « **Reply #17 on:** May 22, 2015, 08:02:02 am »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 22, 2015, 07:48:56 am

God I hate mornings. Waking up in a panic attack and not being able to function for a few hours. Time for a nap and I'll try again later. I didn't sleep very well last night. Probably part of the problem.

You may have said already but what meds are you on for HIV ?

Anthony75 · « **Reply #18 on:** May 22, 2015, 11:11:14 am »

Norvir, prezista, lani visible and Ziagen. Because of my esophagus, I needed a liquid regimine. This all started before I started the meds though. I'm also on bactrim and azythromycin.

Jeff G · « **Reply #19 on:** May 22, 2015, 11:32:39 am »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 22, 2015, 11:11:14 am

Norvir, prezista, lani visible and Ziagen. Because of my esophagus, I needed a liquid regimine. This all started before I started the meds though. I'm also on bactrim and azythromycin.

Thanks . I was wondering if some of your sleeping and anxiety issues were med related but seems like that not a factor . Wishing you the best !

Anthony75 · « **Reply #20 on:** May 22, 2015, 03:46:36 pm »

Made it a couple of hours at work again today. Started having a panic attack half way through doing payroll, but managed to make it. Now if I can just get some leg muscle back so I can walk longer without getting wore out.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #21 on:** May 22, 2015, 06:10:29 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 22, 2015, 03:46:36 pm

Made it a couple of hours at work again today. Started having a panic attack half way through doing payroll, but managed to make it. Now if I can just get some leg muscle back so I can walk longer without getting wore out.

ojo Hi Anthony, I'm glad you are trying, that is good...if I may, try some breathing exercises when you start the symptoms of anxiety
exhale the air of your lungs
inhale for five seconds, hold it for seven and exhale for eight seconds...repeat this several times, these exercises help me, I hope you understand it...good luck and keep up the good attitude...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #22 on:** May 22, 2015, 06:32:59 pm »

Thanks! I will give it a shot. I'm tired of this xanax roller coaster, but at least it lets me function until I see my therapist.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #23 on:** May 23, 2015, 03:42:50 pm »

Well, today has been a rough day anxiety wise. I woke up in a panic attack and have only now began to overcome it. My partner works till 9 tonight. I think being here alone is the problem. I overthink. I'm afraid to move off the couch. That's not helping my goal of getting my leg strength back. Arghh.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #24 on:** May 23, 2015, 05:32:40 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 23, 2015, 03:42:50 pm

Well, today has been a rough day anxiety wise. I woke up in a panic attack and have only now began to overcome it. My partner works till 9 tonight. I think being here alone is the problem. I overthink. I'm afraid to move off the couch. That's not helping my goal of getting my leg strength back. Arghh.

ojo hello Anthony, I feel bad for you..have you tried some exercise, take your xanax and get motived to do something...I do have heart desiease, and I just to get anxiety attacks (I didn't know what there were), my symptoms were, chest pain, breathing problems, so I would go to the hospital, and they would have to do all kind of test for my heart (I have an estem in one of my blood vessels), and I had to spent the night in the hospital for observation, now that I know the symptoms, I take a xanax, and my anxiety goes away, but when I start feeling the symptoms, I do my breathing exercises, take my dog for a walk, keep myself busy, no need for the xanax...I hope your doctor gives you some antidepressant to use for a while if theraphy doesn't help you...it will get better with time, you have to learn to live on your own, you have a codependency with your partner, just a thought...try to do something on your own, it takes a lot of "balls" to do it...I wish you luck...a big hug, you need it ojo

TONNY

Anthony75 · « **Reply #25 on:** May 23, 2015, 08:22:18 pm »

Thanks for the well wishes. I realize that I have become co dependant on him. I've gotten to where I can handle a regular day without him but today was an especially bad one and to top it off, it's a 12+ hour day for him today. Some things I need help for, like getting my leg strength back. I've gotten dizzy taking walks and needed support. I've managed to go to work a couple hours a day for the past 3 days. It's just such a stressful office that it's hard to cope. I manage driving places and going into small stores ok. Can't handle walmart yet, nor do I want to lol. All of my hobbies are all physical and mostly out doors. I find it hard taking it easy and controlling my mind. I do have an appointment with a therapist Wednesday. Hopefully that will start the healing. I also think once I do my first test since starting the meds and see an improvement in the numbers, that will help.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #26 on:** May 23, 2015, 08:39:34 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 23, 2015, 08:22:18 pm

Thanks for the well wishes. I realize that I have become co dependant on him. I've gotten to where I can handle a regular day without him but today was an especially bad one and to top it off, it's a 12+ hour day for him today. Some things I need help for, like getting my leg strength back. I've gotten dizzy taking walks and needed support. I've managed to go to work a couple hours a day for the past 3 days. It's just such a stressful office that it's hard to cope. I manage driving places and going into small stores ok. Can't handle walmart yet, nor do I want to lol. All of my hobbies are all physical and mostly out doors. I find it hard taking it easy and controlling my mind. I do have an appointment with a therapist Wednesday. Hopefully that will start the healing. I also think once I do my first test since starting the meds and see an improvement in the numbers, that will help.

ojo Hello again Anthony...I'm not a doctor, just sharing my experiences with you, as I mentioned before, I had a cd4 of 20, lost 30 pounds and got PCP, which it put me in the hospital, after I left the hospital, I didn't work for three weeks, I drove from Ohio to Mexico, to recover...so, all what I have left to share with you, just take the xanax, until you talk to the therapist, you are going to be fine, meds will work for you, I hope you are eating solids by now, so you get stronger and can do more physical activitist..if I were your neighbor, I would be there giving you a hand...good luck...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #27 on:** May 23, 2015, 09:05:17 pm »

I'm eating semi solids I guess you could say. The food has to be soft. They can't dialate my esophagus until it heals completely which may take a while. I am getting plenty of calories though. I'm gaining about a pound a week. I would like it to go faster but I'll take what I can get. I drink as much ensure as I can, but sometimes all the vitamins in it give me the shakes and that sets off a panic attack. If I stuff myself too much, I get acid reflux, which sets the ulcer back. I do have a healthy appetite though. I'm hungry all the time.

Thanks again for the advice and the well wishes. It helps having the support of people who have been through it all before.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #28 on:** May 24, 2015, 08:03:55 pm »

ojo Hello again...why don't you raise your bed un inch or two (headboard), so you don't get reflux, that might help you a bit....hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #29 on:** May 25, 2015, 01:40:28 pm »

Thanks, but I've actually had it like that for years. The gerd and esophageal stricture has being going on since I was in my 20's. The thing that bothers me is how much strength I've lost. I have a hard time walking more than 5-10 minutes at a time. I guess that after being in the hospital in bed for two weeks, losing all that weight from not being able to eat and spending most of my time laying on the couch until I could eat, really took a toll on my body. I'm doing little 5-10 minute walks as often as I can. My goal is two hours worth a day for this week. Then bump it up next week. So far my best has been an hour and 40 minutes, but in getting there. I know I'm better off thN I was 2 months ago. I rarely have any ulcer pain at all, so my body must be healing. It's just gonna take time and I have a hard time telling my stubborn self that.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #30 on:** May 25, 2015, 03:21:46 pm »

ojo I'm glad you are feeling better...it will take time for you to get back where you were before, it is good you set goals, you are going to make it...may I know how old you are....hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #31 on:** May 25, 2015, 04:48:42 pm »

I just turned 40 the day before I was hospitalized. Happy birthday to me lol

Tonny2 · « **Reply #32 on:** May 25, 2015, 05:03:09 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 25, 2015, 04:48:42 pm

I just turned 40 the day before I was hospitalized. Happy birthday to me lol

ojo Hi again, you are a young guy still, you are going to be fine...happy birthday to you...in my case, on the day of my birthday in 2006, the doctor told me, that there was no more to do for me, I was resistance to all class of meds, so I went home, and wait to see what OI will kill me, so, I know the feeling, but guess what?, we are still here!!!...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #33 on:** May 25, 2015, 05:52:06 pm »

That we are! And I see little signs everyday of improvement. They may be tiny, but I'll take anything lol. I think once I get the anxiety under control I can work on the rest.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #34 on:** May 27, 2015, 12:09:02 pm »

I finally get to meet with a therapist this afternoon. Hopefully it goes well and she can help me out. I'm tired of this xanax roller coaster ride. Next week I do my first set of labs since starting the meds, so I know I'll be a wreck until they come back and I see some improvement.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #35 on:** May 27, 2015, 02:20:42 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 27, 2015, 12:09:02 pm

I finally get to meet with a therapist this afternoon. Hopefully it goes well and she can help me out. I'm tired of this xanax roller coaster ride. Next week I do my first set of labs since starting the meds, so I know I'll be a wreck until they come back and I see some improvement.

ojo Good luck Antonio...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #36 on:** May 27, 2015, 05:10:05 pm »

Well, that was a waste. I don't know if I wrote down the date wrong or if there was a clerical error but the office was closed when I got there. I waited about a half hour and left them a message then left. I'm really disappointed right now. That was a big step for me, having to make a 45 minute drive through a bunch of traffic, just to have to turn around and go home.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #37 on:** May 31, 2015, 05:26:46 pm »

It turns out that I wrote the date down wrong. It's actually this coming Wednesday. I can't wait. I think a lot of my problem comes from being so deconditioned from being bed ridden in the hospital for two weeks, malnourished for over a month and spending most of my time on the couch since then. With the slightest bit of exersize, my heart rate goes up and sets my anxiety off, which makes it worse.

I went to CVS earlier and had an anxiety attack right in the store. I hate that. I grabbed the essentials and checked out quick and went out to the truck and calmed myself down.

I'm trying to get back in shape, but even just walking more than 10-15 minutes at a time wears me out. Couple that with constant anxiety and it's tough. Have any of y'all been in my situation before, having to get the body going again after losing a lot off muscle mass? How did you do it and how long did it take?

Tonny2 · « **Reply #38 on:** May 31, 2015, 06:01:11 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 31, 2015, 05:26:46 pm

It turns out that I wrote the date down wrong. It's actually this coming Wednesday. I can't wait. I think a lot of my problem comes from being so deconditioned from being bed ridden in the hospital for two weeks, malnourished for over a month and spending most of my time on the couch since then. With the slightest bit of exersize, my heart rate goes up and sets my anxiety off, which makes it worse.

I went to CVS earlier and had an anxiety attack right in the store. I hate that. I grabbed the essentials and checked out quick and went out to the truck and calmed myself down.

I'm trying to get back in shape, but even just walking more than 10-15 minutes at a time wears me out. Couple that with constant anxiety and it's tough. Have any of y'all been in my situation before, having to get the body going again after losing a lot off muscle mass? How did you do it and how long did it take?

ojo Hello again antonio..I went troigh the same thing (losing lots of weight, from PCP), tho, never dealt with anxiety (until later on, when I got depression for losing my eye sight), I do not take antidepressant anymore, I just use xanax when I feel anxious, I get anxious when I take an ambien when I can't sleep, the next day, I feel anxious, so I take the xanax....I think, you should make a list of all what it is triggering your anxiety attacks, I think, you might need an antidepressant for a while, going through a hiv dx, it isn't easy for lots of people, well, that, the doctor will let you know (if you need meds), but, you have to set your mind on positive thinking, life goes on, it will take time, but it will get better if you want it to get better...let's us know how it goes with your appoinment, I will be sending you good energy that day...best of luck...a big hug for you on your way ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #39 on:** May 31, 2015, 07:41:31 pm »

Thanks again for the kind words. I've been following your eyesight thread. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck.

As much as I hate to, I'm sure I'll have to be on an ssri for a while. I keep a log book of how I'm feeling and what sets it off. I know one of these days I'll be able to look back at it and laugh.

Yesterday was exactly three weeks on my meds. I go back to the doctor next week for labs. Once I get them back and see an improvement I'm sure I'll feel a little better. Right now, every little ache or pain or anything that goes on with my body just puts my mind into overdrive.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #40 on:** May 31, 2015, 09:47:38 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 31, 2015, 07:41:31 pm

Thanks again for the kind words. I've been following your eyesight thread. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck.

As much as I hate to, I'm sure I'll have to be on an ssri for a while. I keep a log book of how I'm feeling and what sets it off. I know one of these days I'll be able to look back at it and laugh.

Yesterday was exactly three weeks on my meds. I go back to the doctor next week for labs. Once I get them back and see an improvement I'm sure I'll feel a little better. Right now, every little ache or pain or anything that goes on with my body just puts my mind into overdrive.

ojo Hi again Anthony, thanks for you good wishes, you shouldn't been reading my post, you will get more depress, lol, I'll be fine, I'm learning Braille, have my white cane, my parrot and the patch for my eye, lol, I might become one more pirate for Johnny Depp movies, lol...there is nothing wrong in using sri meds, at least while you get out of the dark hole you are in right now, ok?...please let us know your next results after visiting the vampire, and yes, you will feel better after seeing the results...more hugs on your way ojo

Tonny2....tonny, here we are!!!

shaunsag · « **Reply #41 on:** June 02, 2015, 02:38:06 am »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 18, 2015, 05:42:40 pm

Hi all,
I was tested positive for hiv on march 5, 2015. I was in the hospital for an esophageal ulcer and the GI doctor said it looked like an hiv ulcer. If it wasn't that I would have not known. It took a month to get into the hiv doctor where I found out that my viral load is 222,000 and my cd4 is 48. Aids. I had no idea I was that bad. Before the ulcer, I felt great. I have an esophageal stricture which makes it hard to swallow so they picked a liquid regimen for me, which I started on may 9, 2015. I'm on norvir, prezista, ziagen and lamivudine. Also on bactrim, diflucan and azithromyacin. Physically, I feel ok, but everything freaks me out now. I get tired, but before the ulcer started to heal, I lost 30lbs and was very malnourished. The ulcer was so bad I could barely sip water without immense pain.
Mentally, I'm a wreck. I wake up every morning with a panic attack. It got so bad that I couldn't be alone. The doc put me on xanax to help until I get in to see a therapist. I know in my head that there have been plenty of people worse than me and I trust my doctor completely, but I just can't tell my brain that. The panic attacks have even kept me from being able to work for the past few weeks.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm going to get through this. Any little ache or pain has me calling the doctor and asking if its some freak side effect, allergic reaction or sickness. I called this morning because of a sore throat. I'm hoping to try to go to work for a couple hours wednesday and try to ease myself back into the world, but right now I'm taking it day by day, even hour by hour at times.
Thankfully, the side effects from my regimen aren't bad. A little nausea, gas and drowsiness. I try to keep a log book of everything I feel so I can look back and see that its a normal reaction and I'm fine. Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't.
Anyways, thanks for reading and any encouraging words or advice will help.

Anthony, hang in there, I know its going to be a rough journey, but we will get through it together, Im here if you need me, I will pm you my phone number feel free to call anytime.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #42 on:** June 02, 2015, 02:37:15 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on May 31, 2015, 07:41:31 pm

Thanks again for the kind words. I've been following your eyesight thread. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck.

As much as I hate to, I'm sure I'll have to be on an ssri for a while. I keep a log book of how I'm feeling and what sets it off. I know one of these days I'll be able to look back at it and laugh.

Yesterday was exactly three weeks on my meds. I go back to the doctor next week for labs. Once I get them back and see an improvement I'm sure I'll feel a little better. Right now, every little ache or pain or anything that goes on with my body just puts my mind into overdrive.

ojo Hi Anthony, just want to let you know, that, last night, I started to take an antidepressan, I've been having frecuent panic attacks, so I talked to my doctor and we agreed in start celexa...I have my periods of anxiety attacks, when they are very frecuent, I start taking an antidepressant for around three months and then stop it, last time I took an antidepressant was like a year ago...so, I hope you get better seeing a therapist, if not, you can always try a medication, there are a lot of us taking them, for on reason or other...good luck tomorrow, and keep us posted...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #43 on:** June 02, 2015, 05:13:46 pm »

Quote from: shaunsag on June 02, 2015, 02:38:06 am

Anthony, hang in there, I know its going to be a rough journey, but we will get through it together, Im here if you need me, I will pm you my phone number feel free to call anytime.

Thanks. For the life of me, I can't seem to find where my Pm's would be...

Anthony75 · « **Reply #44 on:** June 02, 2015, 05:15:34 pm »

Quote from: Tonny2 on June 02, 2015, 02:37:15 pm

ojo Hi Anthony, just want to let you know, that, last night, I started to take an antidepressan, I've been having frecuent panic attacks, so I talked to my doctor and we agreed in start celexa...I have my periods of anxiety attacks, when they are very frecuent, I start taking an antidepressant for around three months and then stop it, last time I took an antidepressant was like a year ago...so, I hope you get better seeing a therapist, if not, you can always try a medication, there are a lot of us taking them, for on reason or other...good luck tomorrow, and keep us posted...hugs ojo

Thanks! I'm glad you were able to get an anti depressant. I'm probably gonna be on one too. I have been before in a different stressful situation.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #45 on:** June 04, 2015, 04:34:01 pm »

Met with the therapist yesterday. I was nervous at first, but it was a really nice experience. She prescribed me Celebrex and I meet with her again in two weeks.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #46 on:** June 04, 2015, 05:08:31 pm »

ojo good for you Anthony, I hope the celebrex help you to feel better...good luck...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #47 on:** June 09, 2015, 09:48:39 pm »

Today is my third day on the celexa. It made my anxiety real bad the first day, it eased up a little since then. The therapist said that's a normal reaction and asked if I could ride it out. I believe it will help, so I'm riding it out and giving it a chance to start working. The worst part for me is the chest pain that comes with anxiety. That just makes it worse. And then to top it off, there is a possible interaction with celexa and the diflucan and azithromycin I have to take. My ID said it was fine, but you know how it goes with anxiety.

This Friday I go see the vampire to get my first set of labs done. I'm hoping to see an improvement in my numbers. It will be exactly 5 weeks since starting my regimen. Once I see an improvement I'm sure that will help a bit.

Richie_R2 · « **Reply #48 on:** June 10, 2015, 10:10:32 am »

I'd be willing to bet seeing the new numbers will help you, as I'm confident they'll be better than you imagine they'll be. The data-trend is very helpful, both in terms of treatment and in terms of feeling like you're in control somewhat; as you can see, many members post their entire numerical history! Once you feel a bit more in control of your situation, I would be willing to bet you notice a bit more stability.

That said, I've had this nearly 20 years now, I've just turned 39 last Friday, and I still sometimes feel overwhelmed and exhausted by this damned battle against this damned disease. I still have trouble sleeping, and even with a wonderfully supportive (neg) fiancee and our amazing (neg) kid, I still feel very very alone sometimes (poz).

It's the nature of the beast. Keep letting us know how you're doing. We're listening and wishing for the best for you.

initforlife · « **Reply #49 on:** June 10, 2015, 10:32:14 am »

Anthony. Hi I just wanted to add it takes celexa a few weeks to build up in your system. so give it time to work, I was on this for awhile also and it did help over time. Just hang in there !

Anthony75 · « **Reply #50 on:** June 10, 2015, 05:03:09 pm »

Thanks for the kind words guys. I'm gonna give the celexa time. I feel that it will help. I did manage to go to the grocery store today for a few items. I wasn't in there long and was panicky the whole time, but it was a big step forward for me.

I'll take any progress I can at this point lol.

Richie_R2 · « **Reply #51 on:** June 10, 2015, 06:05:40 pm »

Dude, I STILL wish I hadn't gone to the store my first whole week out of prison! All bad. I wonder what it is about those places that trigger emotional trauma?

titik · « **Reply #52 on:** June 10, 2015, 06:44:34 pm »

Good to hear about your progress. I saw a therapist for the first time last night too for my panic attacks, but it's just intake for now. I don't feel the need for meds yet and will try CBT first and I feel a lot better knowing I'm in control again just by the sheer fact that I'm getting mental health help.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #53 on:** June 10, 2015, 10:50:09 pm »

Quote from: Richie_R2 on June 10, 2015, 06:05:40 pm

Dude, I STILL wish I hadn't gone to the store my first whole week out of prison! All bad. I wonder what it is about those places that trigger emotional trauma?

I have no idea... Usually I have my partner do it, but we were out of some things and I didn't want him to have to go after work. I'll just be happy when this celexa kicks in. I've been dealing with an anxiety attack since 6:30 this afternoon. Xanax barely even took the edge off it. A 4 hour attack is way too much for me to handle. I think it's my system getting used to the ssri.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #54 on:** June 10, 2015, 10:52:24 pm »

Quote from: titik on June 10, 2015, 06:44:34 pm

Good to hear about your progress. I saw a therapist for the first time last night too for my panic attacks, but it's just intake for now. I don't feel the need for meds yet and will try CBT first and I feel a lot better knowing I'm in control again just by the sheer fact that I'm getting mental health help.

I see my therapist again next Tuesday. The first visit was just intake. Hopefully she can help get me functional quick. I can't afford to lose much more work.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #55 on:** June 18, 2015, 09:00:32 pm »

A little update. The celexa is starting to work and it's only been a week and a half. I'm not having to rely on the xanax near as much. I'm starting to get out more and work more.

I got labs done last week to check liver function and all of that good stuff. Everything was well within normal range.

I had my second visit with my therapist. I really like her. I think she's going to be a tremendous help.

Next week I go for my first vl and cd4 test since starting my regimine. I'm hoping to see good things.

Thanks for all of the support you all have given me and just letting me vent. Day by day I'm feeling a little better.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #56 on:** June 23, 2015, 02:36:35 pm »

Ojo. Good for you Anthony. Let us know your blood work results... Hugs. Ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #57 on:** June 23, 2015, 05:44:25 pm »

Thanks! I was wondering if you were ok. I hadn't seen you post in a while. Hope things are going well with you.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #58 on:** June 23, 2015, 09:22:42 pm »

ojo. Hi Anthony, I'm doing fine, just on vacations in Mexico City.

I'm glad you're doing better, hugs. ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #59 on:** July 22, 2015, 11:33:54 am »

Just got my number back from my 6 week test. It was a little delayed in getting the appointment to get my numbers but it was worth the wait. As of July 7, 2015 my viral load is 308 and my cd4 is 234. Not bad considering 6 weeks ago it was 220,000 for the viral load and 48 for the cd4.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #60 on:** July 22, 2015, 04:50:29 pm »

ojo great news Anthony...no more AIDS, congratulations, next blood work, you will be UD for sure...bug bear hug 4 u ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #61 on:** November 17, 2015, 12:07:36 pm »

Got my numbers back from my 6 month vampire visit. Cd4 is 324 and viral load is 75. Almost undetectable. I'm happy. I started out with a cd4 of 48 and v/l around 220,000. My cholesterol is a little high but I'll fix that by eating better hopefully.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #62 on:** November 17, 2015, 01:00:35 pm »

ojo Great news Anthony, I'm happy for you, let's go out and celebrate...hugs ;p ojo

sphinxcat · « **Reply #63 on:** November 17, 2015, 06:07:57 pm »

Congratulations! Your cd4 grow really fast....happy for you.

Anthony75 · « **Reply #64 on:** November 17, 2015, 06:46:22 pm »

Thanks y'all! I'm surprised it went up that quick but I'm happy it did

Anthony75 · « **Reply #65 on:** March 17, 2016, 07:52:20 pm »

Vampire results are back again. Finally undetectable!
Vl-UD
Cd4-311

zach · « **Reply #66 on:** March 17, 2016, 09:31:51 pm »

hey congrats anthony

a year long battle, go treat yourself to cake or something

cheers man

Tonny2 · « **Reply #67 on:** March 17, 2016, 10:06:19 pm »

Quote from: Anthony75 on March 17, 2016, 07:52:20 pm

Vampire results are back again. Finally undetectable!
Vl-UD
Cd4-311

ojo Hello Anthony...Congratulations...is the guest room ready,?, I'm coming over to visit so we celebrate your UD level...now, let's see your assoldiers move upward...hugs ojo

Anthony75 · « **Reply #68 on:** March 17, 2016, 11:38:04 pm »

Thanks Zach. I celebrated with a candy bar. Party animal. Lol

Tonny, the guest room is always ready.

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