You know you're old...

[alisenjafi]

A couple had been married for 50 years.
  They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife
  says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
  breakfast table together."
  "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here  naked as
  a jaybird fifty years ago."
  "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
  Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
  "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
  nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
  "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
  "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

[aztecan]

Retirement Dinner

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.?

 "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.

"The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.

He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE TO A MEETING!

[bear60]

My favorite Jean Genet quote:  " You know you're getting old when the policemen start looking young."