Author Topic: Thailand woes about oral sex. (Read 9500 times)

Thaitroubles · « **on:** January 01, 2008, 01:52:32 am »

Hello,
Eight weeks ago I made a terrible mistake, I went to a bar/brothel in Thailand. I let a lady put a condom on me she then masterbated me, and briefly, for probably a minute performed oral sex on me. When I realised that she had her mouth on me, even though I had a condom on, I stopped her and told her just to use her hand.
For eight weeks now I have been in a terrible state, I can't sleep, can hardly eat and I feel so guilty that I may have brought home HIV to my wife.
This incident is way out of character for me. I am 50 years old and have very little knowledge regarding this subject, I have never been in a situation like this before.
Please tell me if my worries are real or are baseless, is it safe for me to start having unprotected sex with my wife again and put this incident behind me.

RapidRod · « **Reply #1 on:** January 01, 2008, 04:49:09 am »

Baseless.. You were never at risk.

Ann · « **Reply #2 on:** January 01, 2008, 07:46:16 am »

Thai,

Getting a blowjob, condom or no condom, is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Saliva is not infectious.

Along with reading the Welcome Thread and clicking on the Transmission Lesson link, here's what you need to know:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Although you do NOT need to test over a blowjob, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #3 on:** January 01, 2008, 01:22:03 pm »

Hi RapidRod and Ann,
Thankyou very much for your answers, I feel much better about my situation now.
I guess that I have felt so bad due to 2 things, firstly my lack of knowledge in this area, secondly my strong feelings of guilt due to being deceitful to my wife.
Knowing that I was in a no risk situation will help me put this behind me. I know one thing for sure, I will never do anything like this again as long as I am married. The up side of this incident is that I have learnt how much I love my wife.
Once again thanks for your help and RapidRod, I love your picture!!

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #4 on:** January 02, 2008, 05:50:01 am »

Hello,
Once again thank you for helping me, the work you are doing here is a true help to people like me. I finally managed to get a half decent nights sleep last night.
One more question, your advice is quite clear that receiving oral sex (blow job) is a zero risk activity, does this apply to both hiv 1 and hiv 2?

RapidRod · « **Reply #5 on:** January 02, 2008, 05:51:14 am »

Yes, both types.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #6 on:** January 02, 2008, 06:06:59 am »

RapidRod thank you for such a fast response, the anxieties and what ifs were just twinging at me again.
Like many others that write in to you we are misinformed and undereducated on this subject. We then start spending hours looking in the internet for answers and much of the stuff that we find is truly alarming. The conflicting information out there on the web, coupled with the fact that our anxieties make it difficult for us to clearly understand what we are reading means that we (certainly I) just get more and more scared. Eventually it gets harder and harder to think logically and clearly about this subject.
To find a site like yours that gives me clear, concise information / education is indeed fantastic.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #7 on:** January 02, 2008, 12:35:22 pm »

Sorry to bother you again,but I have just been rereading my last question to you. I asked about hiv 1 and hiv 2 in relation to "receiving" oral sex. Just to be clear, because I believe that there is a difference, I was the male being sucked by the lady, therefore is your answer still the same, i.e. zero risk for both types of hiv.
Your patience is well appreciated. Thanks.

RapidRod · « **Reply #8 on:** January 02, 2008, 12:50:38 pm »

Yes the answer is the same for both types. Zero!!

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #9 on:** January 02, 2008, 01:04:22 pm »

Thank you.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #10 on:** January 05, 2008, 02:20:03 am »

Please excuse me writing again, however I feel that I have to explain my fears. You see before contacting you I had been to see my Doctor, here in Bangkok. I explained to him what I had done exactly as the description in my original post to you (condom protected masterbation and brief condom protected blow job), I even took one of the condoms from the bar to show him (new, still in the packet!), because the writing on the packet was in Thai, which I cannot read.
He looked at the condom and said that it was a good one with government approval. He listened to my story and then told me that I had to come back and see him for testing at 6 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks. Even after he said that I had been involved in a near zero risk activity (his words, not mine).
I have read your replies to me, and to many, many other people, all of your moderators are adamant that oral sex is no risk, to quote Andy "Getting head is not a low risk activity. It's a NO RISK activity" yet still this Doctor wants to test me and keep me on a string until 12 weeks have gone by.
I take great comfort in your words but every now and then I get really anxious because of the Doctor.
I went ahead and had the 6 week test(again this was before my original post to you), I don't know what type of test, but they took blood and 20 to 30 minutes later told me I was hiv negative. I asked what was the name of the test and they could only tell me Anti-HIV test.
Today is week 9, I am due to go back for another test and although you have told me and also through all the other posts I have read I I should have no worries yet I still have that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach, hot flushes etc etc.
Do you think that the Doctor is just being over cautious or is there something that I should be nervous about? Am I just being crazy because this Doctor has got me on edge?

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #11 on:** January 05, 2008, 02:33:22 am »

You don't need to test. Seriously.

But don't take our word for it. Go ahead and test and then collect your negative result.

MtD

Andy Velez · « **Reply #12 on:** January 05, 2008, 08:40:20 am »

All we can do is tell you what we know to be so based on science and experience.

Your doctor was mistaken in telling you to repeatedly come back for HIV tests. Perhaps it is a way for him or the clinic to make money. Perhaps he just doesn't know enough about HIV. Or maybe there is some other reason.

In the entire history of the epidemic there's never been a confirmed case of transmission to a guy getting a blowjob. It's safe to say you aren't going to make history by becoming the first.

At this point you have to decide what you want to do. If the only way that you're going to let go of this unwarranted fear is by getting tested then that's your choice. Unneccesary to do so, but it's up to you. If that's the only sexual act you're concerned about your testing negative is a certainty.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #13 on:** January 07, 2008, 01:21:55 am »

You guys are really kind and helpful.
I have almost got to grips with this situation; I am sure that my over analysing is all due to the Doctor wanting me to test repeatedly over what, prior to this I felt was a no risk situation.
I have asked you previously about hiv 1 and hiv 2 and you have given me a solid answer, however now I would like to ask about subtype e as opposed to subtype b. Does the advice remain the same, i.e. regardless of type or subtype oral sex (especially condom protected, like mine was) is a no risk activity.
I apologise if I appear to be over anxious, I am just trying to cover all the bases before I have unprotected sex with my wife again and somewhere along the line I read that subtype e (that apparently is quite common here in Thailand) is more easy to transmit.
Again I have read what Andy has said above, and I am given a lot of peace by you saying that your answers are based in hiv science and experience. I only ask this follow up question because I want to be sure that your answers cover all types and that my unwarranted fears are just that; unwarranted.
Thanks for your time.

RapidRod · « **Reply #14 on:** January 07, 2008, 06:44:31 am »

There is no true subtype E. It's a CRF which can be picked up by all tests.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #15 on:** January 07, 2008, 08:30:23 am »

Sorry RapidRod, you have gone a little past my understanding, I don't know what you mean by CRF. I guess I don't really need to know, i just need to know if there is any difference in the message based in hiv science and experience that you have all given me so far.
I think all I need to know is regardless of type or subtype is getting a blow job safe?
Please continue with your patience, I really am trying to understand and I am almost at the point of not caring about the Doctor wanting to test me so much.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #16 on:** January 07, 2008, 08:38:28 am »

Hi again, I just looked on the internet and I see that CRF means Circulating Recombinant Form. That would suggest to me that your advice regarding transmission would remain the same.
In other words regardless of type / subtype etc. getting a blow job is no risk because it is more of the same just in a slightly different form? However the routes of transmission or non transmission remain the same?

Andy Velez · « **Reply #17 on:** January 07, 2008, 08:46:02 am »

That's right. No matter what twists you try to put on having gotten a blowjob, there was absolutely no risk for HIV transmission. Period. End of story.

It's time for you to move on. You don't have an HIV problem. Your just another guy who strayed like a lot of others and now you're all worked up and worried about it. That doesn't change the science of the situation and you weren't at risk in this incident for HIV transmission.

Thaitroubles · « **Reply #18 on:** January 07, 2008, 09:12:06 am »

To all of you:
Thank you very much for all your help. Your knowledge has been invaluable to me, the comfort you have given me beyond measure. The speed of your responses remarkable and your compassion, when dealing with a very worried person, has been enormous and moving.
Thank you for your time and understanding. I only wish I could repay you for the happiness that you have brought back into my life.
Best Regards,
Thaitroubles.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #19 on:** January 07, 2008, 09:34:53 am »

I'm glad you found the support here to be helpful.

Now get on with your life.

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Author Topic: Thailand woes about oral sex. (Read 9500 times)