Baby daughter in hospital - terrified

[Kennedy]

I wrote on the old forums nearly two years ago about an encounter which I thought I'd gotten over.

I had protected oral and 2x protected vaginal sex with a sex worker in May 2005. After two weeks I came down with flu like symptoms which lasted 3 days (fever, night sweats, NO rash, NO lymph node swelling as far as I'm aware). I was worried because when I removed the condom it kind of slipped off in a way I'd not experienced before. Maybe there was a tear that I didn't notice and vaginal fluids entered the condom? I slept with around 5 other prostitutes after this in 2005. I believe I've put visiting sex workers behind me, I've been on the wagon for over a year.

Since then I got married and had a baby. My wife tested negative for HIV during her routine check-up during pregnancy. This HIV test would have been around 3 months since our last unprotected sex. We had sex twice during pregnancy (after we found out she was pregnant), both times I entered un-protected but put a condom on before I ejaculated.

I'm worried that during one of these time I may have infected my wife via pre-cum. Now my baby is 3 months old and has just been admitted to hospital because of a fever. She's on anti-biotics and will have to stay in hospital for 2 days. I'm terrified that she may have contracted HIV from my wife during pregnancy or via breast feeding. I read that first signs of HIV can show in babies between 2 and 3 months.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, I'm very stressed and don't know what to do.

Thank you.

[kentb]

Have you tested positive for HIV?Nothing you have described is a risk for HIV.  Since you and your wife are clearly monogamous you should get tested for HIV,  not because you have had a risk,  but because of anxiety you have from your single days. You can put the issue to rest once and for all in your mind.
warmest regards, and enjoy your wife and new baby!

Kent

[RapidRod]

Whatever is wrong with your child has nothing to do with HIV.

[Andy Velez]

Kennedy, condoms provide very effective protection whether you were with a professional or with a civilian in the past.

Based on what you have reported, there's absolutely no basis in HIV science to think that you were exposed to the HIV virus. It's a good idea when any couple decides to settle into secure monogamy to get tested together. So if you need the inevitable negative result then I would say get tested and collect your negative test result.

As a new parent, you need to get accustomed to the reality that babies and children get sick sometimes. It's scary when that happens. But, it doesn't mean your baby has HIV just because you have some lingering guilt or shame about having had some sex in the past with sex workers or about other aspects of your life before marriage.

I don't see any cause for concern about that, the condom slippage included, but as I said previously, for your peace of mind go and get tested. I certainly expect you will test negative and then you won't have to worry and wonder about it any longer.

Good luck with your baby. Becoming a parent is the most challenging and the best job in the world.

This is NOT an HIV situation. 

Cheers,

[Kennedy]

I accept that my worrying does likely stem from the guilt of visiting prostitutes in the first place. It's not made easier by the fact that I've never spoken to anyone about this apart from the people on this board.

I also agree that I need a negative test to put this behind me and carry on with my life.

That said, I'd still appreciate opinions on a couple of matters just to put my mind at rest during this difficult time:

• What would cause a condom to slip off (actually it kind of snapped off) instead of roll off like normal after sex? Would this be indicative of a failed condom?
• If I am HIV+, how likely is it that my wife was infected during sex where no ejaculation took place?

I'm acutely aware of sounding like a bit of a nutcase now, so I think I'll sign off.

Thanks in advance.

[ACinKC]

1.  When I pull a condom off it ALWAYS slips/snaps off.  It NEVER ROLLS OFF.  It is NOT an indicator of a failed condom.  A failed condom looks like a hula hoop with a grass skirt around the shaft of your penis.

2.  We dont play the ODDS game here.  It only takes ONE time.  That being said.  This is NOT AN HIV SITUATION!

[Central79]

There a lot going on here, but I don't think you're likely to have HIV (get tested). Even if you did have HIV, the chance of transmitting it to your wife is remote given what you're describing and even if she contracted HIV, there's a good chance the baby didn't.

So to get one HIV+ baby you have to go down a whole chain of (extremely) unlikely events. And gets get febrile illnesses all the time. There's a whole chapter in my paeds textbook on this stuff...

So get checked out if it's bothering you and take better care of yourself, your wife and your new child. Enjoy what you have - it must be great. You might want to consider seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist to deal with your sex worker compulsion.

[Kennedy]

We recieved good news on my daughter's test results. Although we're still waiting for blood culture results, initial tests show no sign of infection. She's back to her normal self today which is wonderful. It's likely she just caught a virus from somewhere.

Of course my head is still spinning, I'm still worried that the virus could have been caused by HIV/ARS. All the more reason to have an HIV test I suppose...

[Andy Velez]

Kennedy, I believe you are worrying needlessly. However, only an HIV test result will confirm that you are HIV negative. That's what I expect your result to be, by the way.

So the only question is how long are you going to torture yourself with worry about this issue? Get tested, collect what I expect will be a negative result and put this concern behind you. What's the alternative? To keep on worrying about this forever? Uh uh. I don't think so.

So terrified or not, get yourself tested. I expect it to work out ok. Really.

[Kennedy_]

Hi,

This is Kennedy. I'm sorry but I've created another user account - I changed the email of the old user account to a fake email address because I was paranoid it would appear on the site. Then of course I couldn't log back in with my original account details. D'oh!

Anyway, this morning I had an HIV test via a finger prick. It yielded a negative result within a few minutes. So, I just wanted to check with you that this test is considered definitative?

Is this test the same "rapid test" that is mentioned in the "testing lessons" part of this site?

[RapidRod]

A rapid test is just that. You get your results minutes afterwards.

[ACinKC]

If it was 3 months after your last exposure then yes it is.  If you are referring to the event 2 years ago, OF COURSE IT IS.

[Kennedy_]

Yes, I'm referring to the incident two years ago. I just wanted to confirm as the test was so quick it all seemed so surreal.

Thanks to everyone for their support, the last few days have been an absolute nightmare. I'm glad I can finally put this behind me.

[Andy Velez]

Congratulations on that happy and definitive test result.

Now take a breath and get on with your life.

Cheers,