My story so far....

[NewYorkKat]

First and foremost thanks to everyone who posted on my first posting. I am very grateful and I feel like we are family already! Muchas Gracias! Danke!

My boyfriend got tested for HIV and he came back negative. We both agreed that we will not have any sex until March due to me going for my second blood test for my VL and T-cell count and him get rested for HIV again! Our relationship is now more stronger than ever and we are both staying strong through this. Communication has been playing a key role in all of this and he suggested that I go to private doctor instead of a clinic. Let's see how this works as the clinic I am going to right now is great but they can do better.

I went to my first doctor visit and she said I should have a Hep A/B vaccination, a tetanus shot and a pneumonia shot. I got all of them done that day except the pneumonia shot. I also had a anal Pap smear done to check any STD's. I go back for the another shot next week and I go again in March for a follow up blood test.

Since my diagnosis, I still hit the gym 3 times a week doing more lifting.I have been drinking a ton of water at room temperature using Brita water bottle to filter out the "junk" and with a squeeze of lemon which help me with vitamen C. Eating more vegetables, gave up drinking coffee, alcohol and processed foods. I also learned to relax and treat my self every 2 weeks to reflexology ( I love getting my feet rubbed!)

I hope I am on the right track. Is there anything else I should do? Avoid? Do more of or less of?

My biggest problem still I think too much about what lead me to be infected. Especially when i sleep. I find that praying helps and thinking about how good life is gets me some rest but it's the thinking that can be driving me crazy.

Thanks so much for reading this and any feedback is greatly appreciated.

I will keep you posted.

[ChaplinGuy]

Hey there NYKat, it's good to hear that you are doing so well. You sound a lot like me when I first learned the news. Through a lot of determined thinking and giving in to the irreversability of it, I think I was able to shed the worry and charge ahead.

Like you, I also found solice diving into the gym, rededicating myself to marathon training, and by taking my already pretty healthy lifestyle a step further. (Although I wish I knew how you could give up coffee - I am most impressed.) And how great to know someone else who does reflexology - it's a wonderful treat and very helpful for getting your body and mind to just let go of the tension.

I think that you will find, especially given your already strong will, that your mind will start to clear and you'll become comfortable in your status. I know it didn't feel that way for me at first, and I constantly thought about it - my future, what if I had just..., etc. But you begin to let go and just accept it.

Good to meet you!

Zach

[rick21007]

Hey!  Good to hear the update.  Sounds like you are on top of it---especially the pro-active, postive outlook!  The two greatest things you have going for you IMO--your relationship with your husband and your relationship with God.  I am really happy for you!  Learning to deal with hiv is pretty much about learning to live isn't it!

Best, Rick

[koi1]

Hi,
My diagnosis came long after a time when I was more self destructive, which is probably when I got infected.
So tryign to figure out who gave it to me was of no use. I know why I got it, but figuring out with my therapist why I was so self destructive ten years back has been at best insightful, since I have matured quite a bit since then. Nevertheless the new diagnosis did bring some of those feeling of worthlessness back from the past, but having a support system and friends here kept me from really feeling sorry for myself.

rob

[rick21007]

Hey Rob---you were diagnosed and then joined the forums just a few weeks beofre i did, so we were both pretty much in the same place around the same time.  I have really appreciated your posts and that early PM giving me encouragment.

Being gay in this society, and for many of us being gay and being from the families we grew up in little wonder we struggle with feelings of worthlessness.  I remember one of my early thoughts right after I was told of my hiv diagnosis was "so this is what it felt like to be a leper."  My self esteem is pretty robust for which I give credit to the wonderful people in my life as much as to doing my own Life's Work.  But there was a time when I didn't have enough self-esteem to qualify as having low self esteem.

It is so apparent from your posts that you are a special guy.  You really are!  And I also believe you are plenty smart enough to figure it out.


Best, Rick

[NewYorkKat]

I know what you mean. After my diagnosis I felt like "I should have been straight or a church kid!"

Growing up gay and being made to feel worthless can be really hard.

Since I was not a drug abuser or a promiscuous person (Mine was a one time deal and yes that's all it took!) I think my recovery might be good. My VL is low and my T-Cell is high start so maybe it's a good sign. (Don;t want to jinx it!)

Anyway, I am glad I found this forum.

This morning my husband wanted sex and I said "NO!". Only if I said that in Germany! (Shoulda, woulda, coulda...)