shadowfluid:
There always seems to be a disconnect when I feel like crying. Something in my brain happens where I'm about to start crying and it just stops it from progressing. I've always been like this. Should I just rent Bambi and keep practicing?
thunter34:
You know...for much of my life I had the same sort of deal with laughter. I couldn't really laugh. A quiet chuckle or a snicker maybe - but not a full out laugh. I was aware of it for some time, and tried and tried to just let go and let it out. It wouldn't happen. It sounded forced, fake. It was a good many years later when I had an awakening to what that really was. I wasn't able to laugh full out because part of me had convinced myself long ago that I didn't deserve to. This might sound silly to some people, pathetic or whatever - I don't care. That's what it was. And it wasn't until I came to that realization and taught myself that I did have just as much right to the emotion as anyone else had that the barrier broke down and the true laughter flowed.
I don't know if that will mean anything to you or anyone else, if it will help or not. But there you have it anyway.
xyahka:
Well... in a way it is the opposite to me, i am the sort of guy who feels like crying often... if i see someone poor on the street begging for money... i feel like crying... if i see a touching movie... feel like crying.... if i see an animal hurt... feel like crying.... sometimes i feel like if i go through life with my heart in my hand openned to be hurt by anyone.
I decided i can't control everything in my life... so i just let them flow... if i want to cry... i cry, if i don't want or can't... i let it be. I believe life teaches us and model us... i think you shouldn't stress much for not being able to cry... one day it will happen.
On the other site, tears itself are not real sign of grief... i know lot of people who cry often but feel nothing when doing it. So i would feel happy for being able to experiment feelings internally... despite their external signs are there or not.
hugs,
Juan Carlos
Central79:
Hey
Yes I have the same problem. I'm much better at dealing with other people's tears on a professional level, but crap when people I care about in my personal life cry - it makes me seriously uncomfortable. I find it extremely hard to cry even when I'm alone in a room, let alone when there is somebody else there. Like you, I feel like I want to cry but stop myself.
I find talking therapy (analysis in my case) is helping. I'm nowhere near as open to my own emotions as I'd like to be yet, but it's helping me identify the thoughts that come in and stop my from "letting go": a feeling of disgust at myself for being weak and self-pitying or that my feelings have been manipulated by the other person in the room if there is one. Shame and embarrassment too.
I think you used the word "disconnect" and I think that's very true - if you feel an emotion and cannot express or feel it fully it then I think there is something quite dangerous going on that has definitely led me into patterns of behaviour where I've ignored my feelings and been quite self-destructive. I try to think that when I cry, I'm acknowledging that something is important to me: my health, my studies, my family or my work. Acknowledging it helps me protect it.
Matt.
Buckmark:
I could suggest watching "Old Yeller" as well, but it probably goes a bit deeper. I think Matt has stated something very important: if you feel an emotion, you should generally express that emotion in an appropriate way. Otherwise, it can build up, and eventually, one way or another, it will be expressed in other ways you may not prefer (e.g. destructive behavior). Hard for me to say what is going on in your case: the reason for you may be societal ("big boys don't cry"), personal ("If I cry, I am weak"), something else along those lines, or something entirely different. A therapist could really help you with something like this, if you feel so inclined.
I don't generally have problems crying. I probably do so too often. But that still doesn't mean I express what I am thinking or feeling appropriately, so I think for me it too often gets expressed through tears. Again, that's just me.