Please help, I am deeply worried

[Alexander629]

Sir/Madam,

I am a 33 year old male and visited a CSW in May this year and had a massage and she gave me an unprotected handjob. She was in her bikini which she did not take off and during massage I had lied down face down and my penis had touched the bed sheet which I am not sure if it had any infections/virus. Before visiting her, I had masturbated quite a few times over the last two days, and my penis was sore.

I got these symptoms in the following days and week after the event:

1> Immediately after the event and in the next 10 days, I had pain during urination and a darker colored urine, also my penis was a little sore. This went away without medication.
2> Felt feverish and low energy for the next 5 weeks
3> After 3.5 weeks, had rashes, on face, thigh, lower stomach
4> After 4 weeks had painful and tender shoulders which was slightly red
5> After 4.5 weeks had a big swelling around 1 inch diameter on my right upper back, which had no open mouth, this went away in a couple of days. This was tender and slightly painful.
6> Went for test after 38 days from the event and it came negative for HIV and other STDs
7> 7 weeks after the event, started getting some blood from my teeth/gums during brushing my teeth, this went on for 3 weeks
8> 12 weeks later, got itching on the chest and back but there was no rashes. When I scratched my skin, it turned red. This lasted for 10 days and was gone.
9> Now, 7 months later, losing some weight and feeling weak

I read on this forum and others, that my kind of exposure, does not even warrant a test, but here I am with numerous symptoms which match ARS. Are we missing something here. Is there a technical possibility which even though might be very very low, is there and I might have fallen through the cracks?

Appreciate your kind help, as this is driving me crazy.

[jkinatl2]

I am glad you read the forums! SO many people don't.

As you know, there is absolutely no risk in the situation you described. Sometimes coincidence is just coincidence - notwithstanding that NONE of your symptoms sounded anything like ARS. Not even by any stretch of the imagination.

I hope that you are able to let go of this unwarranted anxiety and move on with your life. Goodness knows, there's enough stuff to be worried about

Have a great day.

[Alexander629]

Thanks JK. This definitely helps lower my anxiety. You guys are doing great work.

But may I ask why you said that the symptoms I am observing are no way close to ARS? Because, many of those are listed as ARS symptoms in CDC. And my timing of those symptoms are also in the range.

Are you absolutely certain that handjobs can NEVER cause HIV, and can be compared to the absurdity of getting infected when say someone a non HIV person is stared from a long distance. I am trying to see what degree of certainty we have regarding this matter.

I understand statistics and studies might be suggesting risk profiles, and their probabilities, but are they considering and not eliminating situations, where some act might have been reported to have caused infection, even though it might be one in a million or almost not reproducible in laboratory environments. And there might be this thing about viral load and how various risks might accentuate and even the remotest of risk might have some material chance?

One should never get into a situation like this, but I would hate it more if it were to arise out of a condition, which has been so widely and vigorously defined as a non-risk situation. If that fails even once, who would believe common science. One would start questioning every assumption. I hope you guys are thinking through all this when helping us in this forum. Because if you guys fail, there is a whole bandwagon of 'stigma' and 'morality' shouting people who would take over. Hope you are being excruciatingly critical in your thought process when advising others.

Thanks!

[Ann]

Alex,

Your symptoms are nothing like ARS for several reasons. The symptoms don't come and go or come on one by one like you're reporting. Most of them aren't remotely associated with true ARS symptoms - which is more like having the flu. Many people never experience a single symptom of ARS, despite being infected. If the symptoms happen at all, they come on all at once and go all at once, usually between two and four weeks.

Neither symptom nor even the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status. ONLY testing at the appropriate time will. And you don't even need to test over this specific NO RISK incident.

One thing you need to understand is that those of us who are authorised to post in this section of the forums are living with hiv and have had hiv negative partners who REMAINED hiv negative, despite having full sex lives with them. We know what is and is not a risk for hiv infection. We've studied the studies. We don't just talk the talk, we walk the walk each and every day of our lives.

Getting a handjob is absolutely NOT a risk for hiv transmission. Not in this universe. Not one single person has ever been infected this way and you are not going to be the first. If hiv were as easily transmitted as you seem to imagine, pretty much the whole world would be hiv positive by now, just like pretty much the whole world has had the flu or a head cold at some point in their lives.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection and they're all you need in order to remain hiv negative.

There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral (or any other) activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST FOR HIV SPECIFICALLY OVER A HANDJOB OR MASSAGE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[Alexander629]

Thanks Ann.

For people who are unaware that they got infected, how do they eventually come to know. Do they experience some common symptoms or health problems after a certain timeframe?

Is it advisable for HIV+ patients to have guests at home to live with them for a while or visit friends and live with them? (friends with whom there is no sexual relationship). Can the virus be spread through common household sharing of items? Sofa, bed, plates, mugs, hand towels, comforters?

[RapidRod]

HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host.

HIV is transmitted by;
Unprotected penetrative anal and/or vaginal sex
Sharing works with other IV drug users
Mother to child

[Ann]

Alex,

For people who are unaware that they got infected, how do they eventually come to know.

Smart sexually active adults get tested at least once a year, as I already said to you in my post above.

Not-so-smart sexually active adults who don't bother with regular testing often don't find out until they collapse with PCP and are near death, fighting for their lives in hospital.

Hiv is absolutely NOT transmitted through casual contact or objects in the environment. I had a hiv negative partner for over eight years and we protected his negative status through the use of condoms for intercourse - and that is ALL we needed to do.

I also raised a daughter - she was ten when I became infected. She is now an hiv negative adult. We shared forks, cups, a house.... hiv is NOT spread through any type of normal contact outside of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse.

It sounds to me like you're developing an extreme hiv phobia. We cannot help you with that here and I suggest you get yourself into therapy before this unwarranted fear of yours gets even worse.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!!!!

Ann