New Guy Here - My Story

[Plus30]

I'm new here and just wanted to say hello to everyone. I felt it was about time I started reaching out, and also helping anyone if i can too. So… here's the story.

I tested poz in 2007. I was in a longterm relationship with someone I was crazy about. We planned to move in together, to get "married," and discussed kids. So naturally I trusted him. We saw each other almost every day. Sadly, ONE of those days he cheated and didn't tell me. I found out about it later - we got tested, and here I am. He left town and completely washed his hands of any responsibility.

I was so depressed, I stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. I was able to tell my family and close friends, so there was a good support system, still that didn't curb my feelings of thinking I was at deaths door. I started seeing an Awesome nutritionist who's helped me more than any HIV specialist has.

I have no insurance and work park time, making me eligible for Ryan White funding. God bless them for having that available - but Holy SH-T they make it so hard, so annoying, and so redundant that any time I have to jump through their hoops I swear I get so stressed out I can Hear my T's dropping!

The first Doctor I had ever seen through my funding (the best in the county I was told) did nothing for me. I could tell during our initial visit he was just waiting for me to be put on meds, not there to help or answer questions. Since there was no option for me but to wait, I told him I wanted to do things as natural as possible. He looked at me and said in a very snotty tone, "Yeah, Well you can also pray!"

I'd go in for a check up, he'd write down in the computer my complaints or concerns, and send me on my way. I realized that I needed to take matters in my own hands. I got more educated about things, talked to people who were poz, researched, etc.

I'm very proud to say that with only my diet and supplements, I was able to get my viral load from 140,000 to 120,000, and then to 60,000, then to 20,000. My T's though were not increasing. I was Very stressed and also had IBS issues since I was young, so my nutritionist though that might have contributed to it. I started Atripla in Summer 2008. For years on that I felt so out of it, depressed, very tired, and weak, body aches, nausea. I would also dream, Very vividy, every single night. It felt like I was not really sleeping. I never missed a dose though and got to undetectable with T's rising.

I finally switched to a new Doctor who was very into natural healing, meditation, exercise, yoga - unfortunately for no reason my T's started dropping from almost 550 to just below 400 over about a year. My viral did go up to 70 but back down to  U< 20. I was frustrated. I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs, never missed a dose and take care of myself - but I stress out - A LOT, and with the vivid dreams on Atripla, it's like I have not gotten real sleep in almost 4 years.

My new Dr and I got into a tiff about changing meds, and when mentioning that to my Ryan White caseworker, she told me my new Dr has had other complaints like that against him recently. Naturally I was concerned, but with my declining T's and with the help of my Nutritionist I changed to Truvada/Viramune last week. I've been nervous about it but so far its been ok, though I get some headaches.

I can't tell you how many papers I have signed and don't even know what they are, how many lines I have waited on for hours at a time, how many appointments I have made, how many strangers know all my business. how many days I have felt like crap -  but, I keep on and haven't given up. I hope to be fairly active on here and get to know people. This has SO not been easy but I'm still here and hopefully with all I have been through I can share my experiences, and get advice from others here as well.

I never live each day like it's my last - if I did I'd be in Vegas bombed out of my mind doing things I'd never do normally. So I prefer to live each day like it's my first - new people, new adventure, new challenge.

[Marcelino]

Hi there and welcome to the forum!  We are all here to help you, so I hope that you feel like we can be your new family, as this is a safe place to share.  Finding out you have HIV is a lot to go through, right?  Just remember, though, when it gets to be too much to handle and you feel alone, we will always be here for you.  I wish you the best and this is like your first day.  Except, I think that you are on your way to making your body healthier today, than it would have been if you didn't find out you were HIV positive.  I'm 39 now, but back in 1991 when I was 17, I remember the doctor saying I'd have 2 years, at the most to live, since they didn't have all the medicine/understanding of HIV they have now..........and now look, it's a little over 20 years, I competitively bodybuild and I'm still here!  You're going to do great, you'll see.  You can turn the tables and take advantage of HIV, by allowing it to give you the opportunity to make your body the strongest and healthiest it has ever been, whether it's through nutrition, exercise, spirituality, yoga, aromatherapy.......There are so many things, but your aggressiveness with staying healthy will keep you far ahead.   Take care and be well..........Always, Marcelino

[Plus30]

Thanks so much for the reply. It's been a rough few days going through my meds switch, emotionally and physically.

I don't know what I'd do if someone put a time table on my life like you went through, that must have been awful. On the other hand it's great when someone can overcome all that and prove them wrong.

I'm trying to be more relaxed and not obsess over my health - though it's not easy - and I feel a lot of pressure on me from people who think I can still do and be the same as I was before I was positive. I'm certainly not in the worst case scenario, but I DO know the change in my body being positive - I just don't have the energy, hard as I do try, and it's a let down to others, and myself. I think that's the bigger issue at hand.

Really cool to see someone who's gotten through it so long, it gives me a lot of hope. Thanks for writing 

[mecch]

Atripla can really be a bad trip for a few people.  Sorry it had drag on so long for you!  Wishing you much better experience on the new combo.

[Marcelino]

You are very welcome for the reply.    I am also willing to bet that, like I said, you are probably going to become way more healthier now, than you would have been, if you did not find out you are HIV positive......Take care.......Always, Marcelino