By law am I obligated to disclose my HIV status to roommates?

[Johnperk]

I'm a student and found a roommate whom I've been living with for a year. I signed a contract with the landlord, but she refused to give me a copy of the lease, which was sketchy. However, I was told the lease will be up by my roommate and I have to be out. I have already found a place and my roommate (specifically her girlfriend..) have been very rude and a huge fight out of no where took place last night because they destroy the kitchen and keep it filthy...I barely use the kitchen if ever.. yet I am attacked for every small thing I do. For example, they keep pots and pans with food sitting on stove for days! I left rice in the sink last night and she BLEW UP. I even used to clean their mess, but stopped when I realized they would mess RIGHT UP after it was spotless. I keep to myself AT ALL times, usually I am studying but will hear their remarks... "You fucking dirty ass bitch.." .."BITCH!" .

They gave me a futon but asked for it back and even called me a pill popper because I guess they hear me rattling my HIV meds... I was so frustrated by this comment seeing how they sit around and smoke weed all day (not that I have a problem with weed...but the shit they smoke literally smells like dog shit) that I disclosed my status. The my roommates girlfriend BLEW UP... was forcing to call the police (was pretending to be on the phone with police) and said she was pressing charges since we shared plates and the sink. She was basically calling me a murderer and said it was against the law for me not to disclose this with her. Obviously she is uneducated about HIV and a part of me feels I shouldnt have disclosed my statues. I am healthy, have good docs, and I'm undetectable ... its really no ones business and we arent particullar close... I just needed a place close to the school!

However, now I am curious... I was diagnosed in 2012- was I really obligated to share this with them before moving in? "Hey I'm gay, and I am HIV pos"... I'm sorry I don't mind disclosing this with a potiental partner... but I don't find it to be their right to know about my health. It's personal. I stayed clean and sometimes we shared dishes and such... but I always washed them and treated them with care/respect. However, my roommates girlfriend is 20 and WAS REALLY upset and not very kind towards my HIV diagnosis ... in fact this is the exact reason why I think it should be kept private and not of her concern. I know I did this to myself by disclosing, but am moving out tomorrow anyway (yet they still want to be drama.. they are very immature girls) ..but still lots of tension there ...not really looking forward staying another night especially now since I am being judged and being called trash. Can't wait to get out of here.

[Jeff G]

You are under no obligation to disclose your HIV status to a roommate so tell them to go fuck themselves . I'm very sorry you are dealing with this . 

Be grateful that you will be moving on and don't even look back, leave them and the negativity behind  .

[zach]

absolutely not, none of their damn business. shared plates and a sink?!?! please, screw them, morons. they are the ones smoking pot, probably illegal in your state, she's bluffing calling the law.

if you're not having intercourse with a person, there is no obligation to disclose

[mecch]

Well that sounds like it was a horrible situation.
What kind of town do you live in? Any alternative types who might be more chill at least?  Hippy dippy food coop?   Any gay centre that might have roommate postings?
I hope you find a better share soon! 
While you are not obliged to disclose to roommates, on the other hand, the next time, if you do have the luck of a few choices of people to live with, disclosing might be a litmus test at the get go, and reveal someones prejudice, if they exist. I mean, if you want that info out there.  Which you may not of course.

[Johnperk]

Well that sounds like it was a horrible situation.
What kind of town do you live in? Any alternative types who might be more chill at least?  Hippy dippy food coop?   Any gay centre that might have roommate postings?
I hope you find a better share soon! 
While you are not obliged to disclose to roommates, on the other hand, the next time, if you do have the luck of a few choices of people to live with, disclosing might be a litmus test at the get go, and reveal someones prejudice, if they exist. I mean, if you want that info out there.  Which you may not of course.

Im in fort pierce FL. A big AIDS community...its a sketchy town. Lot's of crime, a little run down in most all places...great beaches though and downtown is okayish...not a very artsy fartsy "hip" crowd...but there is a couple hippie places downtown next to the yoga business...and maybe one or two artsy cafes. Lots of sushi places too! I mean its not Orlando, Miami, or Fort Lauderdale.  I am here for school only, but honestly have not check for LGBT center and quite frankly, I'd be a little scared to room with someone posting ads in Fort Pierce at a center here. I hate to profile, but I was rooming with someone in another county before I enrolled back into school who helped me get in touch with doctors, HIV treatment, etc... they even got me a job that lasted a me a couple months . However, I wanted to move closer to the school and I ended up staying in a home with a sex offender (who was glued to A4A and gay indie films). I honestly felt uncomfortable...so thats when I moved in with the young lesbian couple I'm staying in with now..however, the girlfriend came around a little later in the year...I liked it way better when it was just the one girl.. but I never said anything. Again, I don't see alot of LGTB centers in fort pierce... it's mostly recovery meetings, churches, HIV clinic, etc.

[mecch]

Jeez, a lesbian couple gave you this crazy HIV/police/murder shit??!!!!  Shame on them.

[Dan0]

Lessons learned - most roommates are great during the honeymoon. After that, they have that special personality that can only be endured while they sleep. 

If you can afford it and it is available - IMO - you're just better off by yourself.  Also, be prepared, they'll call you trash on Tuesday and want to be in your good graces on Wednesday.  As tempting as it might be, avoid!!  I think the saying goes, 'When people show you who they really are..... BELIEVE THEM!' It sounds as if the GF is a territorial bitch and no matter what you would have done, the path (to her) was clear!  The only thing she didn't do was pee on the sofa to mark her territory.

Out of this, simply put you head up high and secretly thank them for the ultimate learning experience in cohabitation.

[Johnperk]

Jeez, a lesbian couple gave you this crazy HIV/police/murder shit??!!!!  Shame on them.

Yes, but I think they are ignorant. Also, they were telling me how "unmanly" i was because I have "momma payin the rent" ...and I am very close to my mother and a mommas boy, but I thought that was very rude of them to say that. Why do they care who pays their rent... it is getting paid??? They were very out of place...."Dude you have penis dawggg...act like a man" and one had her pants pulled down with to her knees. Just gross and not very lady like. Honestly, feel very invalidated. I was quite shocked honestly and embarassed for them.  Sorry I'm still sort of venting about it... but it really was uncalled for.

I do think these females have problem with men regardless of how masc or fem they act. They just have a problem with men... very immature girls. I feel sorry for the next roommate. I remember when I first moved in... I was told the previous roommate had left  and she damaged the carpet. I'm just saying they better not pin the damages on me cause techically I'm not on the lease... I was never given a copy of the lease and was I looked this up and it's illegal. THe landlord told me to give money to roommate ... so basically if anything happens I'm made out to look bad along with the roommate for allowing me to stay in the apartment. Very sketchy landlord. She had me sign papers...but never gave me the form. Anyway, I'm just saying if they try to pin me for damages FUCK THAT... the girlfriend even said "YOUR NOT ON THE LEASE...HAHA..you have no RIGHTS...WHAT ARE UR RIGHTS" ... if thats the case... they better not hassle me with damages because when I moved in there was damages. I was going to clean out the room and bathroom spotless...but now I'm just think i want to just grab my bags and leave! My other apartment / roommate situation is already payed for.. hopefully it will be better.

Sorry for venting ya'll... I have a test tonight and I need to get back to studying... so I guess venting it out helps a little...don't mean to be drama. The HIV comments offended me, but I held myself together pretty well. THis morning I saw a rainbow by the fountain in the corner of my eye...and I thought that was symbolic and postive. It made me feel better and to not worry about those comments.

Lessons learned - most roommates are great during the honeymoon. After that, they have that special personality that can only be endured while they sleep.

 

Yes, I'm worried about that with the next roommates... I wanted to room by myself, but I can't afford to right now. I lost my job this past august... so things have been tight. Yes, I've been getting help from my mother and I'm 26. Need to look for a job asap. Life is stressful right now.

[marcmoral16]

Just to avoid anything I would take pictures of your room before you leave and anything else. I would try to do it when they are sleep if there are places you don't want them to see snapping photos.

I'm sorry you had to go through that honestly, you were a brave man when you disclosed to them. They are clearly ignorant people and no amount of time nor energy should be wasted on them anymore. Your moving and you've got a new start for me that's enough to have a nice cold one or a cocktail of your choice!

Keep in touch and do let us know how happy you are once you've settled in your new place!

[Jeff G]

I like the advice TAKE PICTURES BEFORE YOU LEAVE . I did this once and it paid off big time .

[emeraldize]

You note you asked the landlord for a copy of the lease but she refused --is that because you're not on the lease? if you're not on the lease she is not obliged to give you a copy. In this scenario you may actually be in a better position than you may think because you're not on the lease.

While you're still pissed off and memories are fresh write down everything you can remember of relevance.

Do document everything you have paid and if you have copies of checks or money orders that would be helpful. I agree with others who have encouraged you to photograph your particular room  and examples of your housekeeping. Finally, chronologically document any episodes that are illustrations of how you were treated what was said, any items missing or broken, etc.

Get out as soon as possible and don't look back. AND don't count on citing that landlord for any future rentals. She may diss you big time in a reference check.

Did you pay a security deposit? If so, how much and who has it? Was it documented by the recipient?

[Johnperk]

Thank you for comments. All moved out.. moved out Thursday. New apartment Is way better and my roommates are very sociable and friendly...cooked me dinner and not stand offish like the previous. Apartment and kitchen IS VERY clean...it's only been a few days...but I have a better feeling about this place.

[Jeff G]

Do they know your HIV status ? ... not that they should but was just curious .

[emeraldize]

Congrats! 

[WindySkies]

You should have turned it around on them and called the cops to report possession of illegal substances.  Ignorant people need to learn lessons.

[Johnperk]

Do they know your HIV status ? ... not that they should but was just curious .

Nope. I just honestly don't feel the need to do that. I feel only family/ close friends, doctors..and of course HIV communities like this should know. For everyone else...MIND YOUR OWN business! The roommates were 100% proof why I prefer not to inform strangers...because a lot of people are uneducated when it comes to HIV and judge people who are infected. I have no shame telling people like that...but I'd rather avoid the drama/ ignorance. It's less of a headache ya know...

You should have turned it around on them and called the cops to report possession of illegal substances.  Ignorant people need to learn lessons.

You know I thought about it...but I'm sure karma will slap them with something, especially with the way the act. They could could use a karma slap...more like a karma face palm.

Also, I doubt the police would do anything...given the fact I reported the meth dealers/runners my ex threw me under a bus for...it seems Orlando FL police have done nothing! However, I did report them to DEA and FBI. I have no tolerance for crystal meth. Horrible drug.

[Jeff G]

I just happy for you that you are not in that toxic environment anymore .