Support from women needed

[justaweegirl]

Hi all, I am a woman and I have been exposed to a real risk nine days ago. I don't know if the person is positive, but he is from a very high risk country. I made a mistake after a really difficult day, had too much to drink and had unprotected sex. I know all I can do is wait until I can take a test, but it's hard. Any suggestions on how to help the anxiety would be welcome.

[justaweegirl]

Just wanted to add there are a lot of people posting about really miniscule if non-existent risk and I think I really seriously have put myself in risk by having full-on unprotected sex and would really appreciate comments from anybody who
has been in the same situation. No disrespect to anybody who is worried, I totally understand how you're all feeling.

Anyway, how have you dealt with the waiting? I've tried to talk to the guy but he has also mysteriously disappeared, which is a further concern.

[Ann]

Justa,

First, it is important that you understand that PEOPLE (or countries) are not high or low or no risk, but rather ACTIVITIES are high or low or no risk. It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. ANYONE can have hiv regardless of where they come from, what they do for a living, what they tell you about their sexual or testing history, or even how healthy they look.

You must make sure condoms are being used no matter who you are having intercourse with. You can have as much sex as you want - even with hiv positive people - as long as condoms are used.

If by "unprotected sex" you mean unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, then you have been at risk (and you would have been no matter who he was or where he came from) and you do need to test.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point. Only a three month test result is conclusive when it comes to negative results.

One of the main ways you can help your anxiety is to stay off hiv related websites. Many have incorrect information (unlike this one) and continually reading about hiv will only send your anxiety through the roof. And forget about any "hiv symptoms" you may read about.

For one thing, many people never ever experience a single symptom of primary hiv infection even though they've been infected. Two, many people coincidentally come down with an ordinary cold or flu which causes them to insist they've been infected, when they haven't. Stress can also make you feel ill - so try to keep yourself off the stress-wagon.

Neither symptoms nor the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status - ONLY testing at the appropriate time will.

While you wait for the appropriate time for your first test (six weeks), stay off the internet and keep busy with other things in your life. Constantly fretting about your impending results won't change those results, so put it to the back of your mind. The time will go quicker than you might imagine when your mind is kept on other things.

Also, don't beat yourself up over this. Guilt has no place in your life where this is concerned. You're human and you made a mistake like we humans do from time to time. Saying that, please learn from this going forward. Hopefully you'll test negative and all this will have been was a massive wake-up call regarding mixing sex with alcohol.

You should also test for all the other, much more easily transmitted STIs such as gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis. Most of the other STIs can be tested for ten days to two weeks following a possible exposure, although syphilis shares a three month window with hiv for a conclusive negative result.

You need to be aware that up to around 80% of people who have been infected with chlamydia and/or gonorrhea never experience any noticeable symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test. Also,the sores caused by primary syphilis (called chancres) are painless, so if you have a chancre present where it's not easily seen, you wouldn't know it's there.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Good luck with the testing and keep us posted. I have my fingers crossed that you'll come out of this ok - and a little wiser.

Ann

PS - you posted this while I was typing out my reply:

Just wanted to add there are a lot of people posting about really miniscule if non-existent risk and I think I really seriously have put myself in risk by having full-on unprotected sex and would really appreciate comments from anybody who
has been in the same situation. No disrespect to anybody who is worried, I totally understand how you're all feeling.

Anyway, how have you dealt with the waiting? I've tried to talk to the guy but he has also mysteriously disappeared, which is a further concern.

You need to know that only authorized persons are permitted to respond to threads in the Am I Infected forum, so please do not invite others to respond.

Make sure you read - and abide by - our posting rules found in the Welcome Thread. Thank you for your cooperation.

[justaweegirl]

Thanks Ann, appreciate your response and apologise for not reading the rules. I also understand your comment about risk behaviour, which is certainly what I have indulged in.

And also, will try to carry on with my life until I can get tested. Shouldn't be a problem being safe as I don't often get myself in these situations anyway ;-)

[Ann]

Justa,

Yes, please do carry on with your life while you wait to test. While you have had a risk, you do stand a good chance of coming out of this ok as it was a one-off incident. Exposure (assuming he is poz) doesn't always equal transmission - there are too many variables for this to be true.

Keep busy with your friends and family and any hobbies or interests you may have and you'll be surprised how quickly the time goes by. Just do yourself a favour and stay the hell off hiv websites. I can't tell you how many times we've seen people become obsessed with hiv websites while they wait to test - and you can see their anxiety levels go up post by post as a result. Don't do that to yourself. All you'll accomplish by doing that is making yourself ill with stress - you won't change the ultimate outcome of your tests.

Hang in there and keep us posted - and keep in mind that you have a good chance of testing negative after a one-off incident, although you obviously need to test to make sure.

Ann