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Author Topic: need help please!!!  (Read 10120 times)

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Offline poli_mye1000

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need help please!!!
« on: April 07, 2008, 04:37:47 am »
I'm 20 years old gay in the Philippines and i had my first sex this just April 5,2008 with a guy i knew in chat hes 26 years old i was his 3rd guy he sex of, he started having sex at age of 21 he is a caregiver but he works now as a production manager in a cafe and months from now hes going to Australia to work as a caregiver...it was a protected sex he used condom...he done lots of sex positions in me, we kiss licks our tongue together suck my dick but i didn't swallow his saliva or semen and i had a hard time when he started to penetrate his penis in my ass cause his dick is 7 inches big and it was my first time and so after we sex i obtain a wound kind of laceration because of his big dick during the penetration i didn't take anything just wash the wound with soap and water and we still keep on communicating till now cause he seems to fall for me...the first time i ask him if he has a HIV or AIDS he said no but i was hysterical, very afraid, had this intense fear and regret what i did when i saw a video footage in the television about HIV/AIDS and so i ask him several times same question if he has HIV he said no no and he gets irritated cause i ask the question many times and he told me dont u trust me and he assures me that he used condom when we had sex and he also get insulted everytime i asked him the same questions...after we sex i had troubled sleeping cause i always keep on thinking if I'm gonna die, my dreams or something like that just lots of things came out in my mind and feel like weak everytime i think that way, i started reading about AIDS and HIV...my question is do i have to get a test for HIV and if i need the test could u tell me about it and when is the best time for me to have a test and in my story am i overreacting because it was my first time..please help me...tell me what to do

Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2008, 05:14:32 am »
poli,

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. You didn't have a risk.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2008, 07:53:56 am »
thanks Ann for your reply...i always feel paranoid here, my heart starts to beat fast everytime i think about what i did...it was my first sex..though its a protected sex he used a condom and even though he assured me that he has no HIV which i asked him many times and he sometimes get irritated and feel insulted everytime i ask him the same question if he has HIV I'm still bothered...lot of things came out in my mind..the questions like what if, i really fear and afraid to have this kind of illness...I'm a bit relieved everytime i read your reply Ann...i think the thing that will calm me down is to have a test but it will take about 90 days to have a conclusive result and STD clinics here in the Philippines are not that accessible..there are test that results will get just for 20 minutes or tested your urine or saliva and results yield in just 3 days but i dont know if these test are really that reliable since the window period is 3 months...now I'm still communicating to the first guy i sexed of and the reason why I'm still communicating with him is that i want to persuade him to have a test which he doesn't want to and dig to his sexual history...for now what I'm doing is just take a deep breath keep myself busy and continue my studies cause I'm a graduating student so this is a good time for me to get busy...but during those times i will test myself 90 days after my first protected sex in April 5 2008...the only unusual feeling right now is I'm having troubled sleeping and i feel kind of weak, palpitations everytime i think these things... hope i get to see the replies of Matty and Andy...pray for me...please and I'm really thankful for this site...thanks again Ann..love you all

Offline RapidRod

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2008, 08:03:44 am »
I concur with Ann's advice. you had protected sex and were not at risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2008, 09:23:48 am »
You also ought to be aware that along with being very exciting, becoming sexually active can stir up a lot of feelings including anxiety such as you are experiencing.

As long as condoms are used everytime by the insertive partner for intercourse both are well protected.

With regard to what you do, go at a pace that's comfortable for you. And always, always use a condom for intercourse.

This time out as Ann & Rod have said, you were well protected and there's no cause for worry about HIV.
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2008, 06:20:07 am »
thanks rod and andy for your replies..i really am relieved everytime i read the replies of ann, rod and andy...this is the thing i done that developed a trauma...cause its my first sex and having sex with someone i barely know...but i learned a lot from this experienced...i am able to get close to God and damn i will not do this again having sex with someone i dont know...but i will still test myself after 90 days of my first sex to be totally relieve myself..as for now the unusual things that is happening to me yesterday are: i have troubled sleeping, have this kind of body weakness and palpitations, looks stress tired...im on a status of moderate anxiety and hope by time i will not think this trauma again able move on with my life...thanks again for your replies guys...hope i can get to read replies of matty and other people here...love you all

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2008, 08:39:26 am »
What you are describing physically seem to me to be emotional in basis. If they persist discuss them with your doctor.

How about giving yourself a break for being a guy with sexual needs and finding your way instead of coming down so hard on yourself? And while you're learning just be sure to keep condoms handy and use them everytime.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2008, 08:55:00 am »
hi andy,ann and rod...its been 9 days after my exposure and i have many symptoms that i already felt and i was really worried when i read the nutrition and HIV column...i have felt some of the symptoms like i have a persistent diarrhea for 3 days until now, mild fever, and felt weak or fatigue and accompanied by headache...please help me...im desperately need ur help guys...what should i do?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2008, 09:53:55 am »
Yah, yah, yah.

Get in touch with your doctor about your symptoms. You're working yourself up about HIV without any basis in HIV science. We've already told you that and how we see the incident. You weren't at risk because your partner wore a condom. Whatever is going on with you physically has nothing to do with HIV. Discuss it with your doctor to find the real cause.

This is NOT an HIV situation no matter what your head says to the contrary. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2008, 10:04:44 am »
andy, im so worried right now..im crying its like my heart stops to pump...almost all the early symptoms was manifested in me...sorethroat, headache, fever, diarrhea,fatigue...even though he wore a condom that time as u can see in my first post i obtain a wound in my anal area because of the penetration and it was my first sex and penetrated by a 7 inches penis...so im worried if the virus might have entered in the wound..

Offline RapidRod

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2008, 10:09:38 am »
You did not have a risk even if you had some minor anal damage from anal sex. See a doctor about your symptoms because they have nothing to do with HIV.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2008, 05:32:06 pm »
There is risk, which you did not have. And there is emotional upset which you DO have.

If you have troubling symptoms that's something to discuss with your doctor. We can't help with the emotional issues and if you continue to be upset I suggest you see a counslor or other professional. Just because you had sex doesn't automatically mean HIV is your problem. Because it isn't and this is not an HIV situation. Period. End of story. 
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2008, 09:23:35 am »
hi all...

its been 29 days after my last exposure...these past few weeks feel like im very tired (even when i wake up early in the morning),fatigue..still got this something in my throat and my left tonsil seems swollen...its like all the ARS symptoms occurs in me (diarhea for 4 days, on and off tolerateble headaches theres one site said that headache in ARS agravate when your eyes look upward which is also happened to me, night sweats)...i only take paracetamol and vit c tablets...i went to the hospital and was scheduled for a test in HIV but i didnt come..i was afraid they might hold me or wont let me graduate this year if i turn out to have HIV...im soo scared...people here in the philippines even in the hospitals still dont practice strict confidential matters and some are rude when dealing with patients...im planning to test myself abroad after a year after my post exposure to be very conclusive cause i read some of the post and one of them was tested 3,6 months then after a year he tested again and he was positive...and i always think what you guys said to me that i dont need a test, that this is not an HIV situation and it really relieves me so much...but sometimes doubt, worries interferes in my head...ann,rod, andy what advice can u give to me? do i really need to have a test after my incident even though i obtained a cut in my anal area after the penetration...until right now im still communicating to the guy i sex and also verbalized to him what i feel and he assures me that he used a condom and i dont have to worry...please tell me what to do?...Love u all

Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2008, 10:33:24 am »
poli,

Re-read your entire thread - our answers are not going to change. A condom was used and therefore you did not have a risk. I understand that the damage to your anus worries you, but no infectious fluids would have been able to get into it - the condom would have prevented that happening.

Whatever is going on with you symptom-wise is not hiv specific and has nothing to do with hiv - because you didn't have a risk. See your doctor if you're feeling unwell.

You need to keep in mind when reading the stories of others that they often don't report risky behaviour that occurred in between testing. The window period is three months - when there has actually been a risk. You did not have a risk. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six WEEKS. The window period exists at three months to catch the rare person who takes a little more than six WEEKS to test positive.

You didn't have a risk. You only need to test if collecting a negative result is the only way to get on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2008, 07:56:19 am »
thanks ann...

at this day, my left tonsil is not swollen anymore...there are episodes in my life recently that im moving on but sometimes i have this moment crying and crying the questions of "what if" especially at night before going to sleep...this early morning my mom and dad called me checked me up how am i doing? hows my health?...and i just cant stop myself from crying and they ask why am i crying i just told them that i really missed them so much...

i really am thinking what could cause all of these manifestations happened in me and it pin-points after the exposure...cause before, i rarely get sick

your correct ann about what you said that the only way i could completely move on is by having a negative result in my hands...but im planning to have a test next year to be fully conclusive and also finish my degree first...which is my priority right now...i'll stay out in the internet for now..continue with my life

sorry if im telling this... cause this is the only site.. a place.. where i can let out and talk to real people about my worries

ann,rod and andy thank you so much...u guys really help me so much during my paranoid and panic episodes...I really hope you guys are used by God to answer by worries...

stay well guys...I Love you all...i'll keep in touch and tell u about my test result...i wish one day i could met the three of u in person...God Bless!!! 

Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2008, 08:06:57 am »
poli,

You don't have to wait until next year to test. You can test at the beginning of July.

Technically, you can test NOW for a conclusive result because you didn't have a risk. If you did have a risk, you only would need to wait until early July for a conclusive test. The window period is three months.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2008, 06:18:10 am »
thanks ann for the reply

as of now, i am in a state of moving on but sometimes the fear of unsure accompanied by crying and nervousness is still there...i was able to persuade the guy i sex of to get an HIV test and im kind of nervous and sometimes get hysterical whenever the question of "what if" comes in my mind...tomorow my mom is gonna visit me and hope she will not notice anything from me she get suspicious when she see something different from me...

i have some questions after reading some threads here:

1. is getting a blow job (your the one who is being suck) is a risk of getting infected without condom...cause i read one thread here that the male urethra the one which your urine comes out is sensitive...cause the guy i sex of suck my dick without a condom

2. this is my first incident or exposure of having sex and one of the threads i read stated that which i think matty is the who said that if you have only one incident you likely not infected with HIV cause HIV is very fragile and hard to transmit..those who get HIV are the ones who had a mutliple partners..my questions are: is this true even if u have only one incident like mine you less likely get infected? Why is this so?

3. after reading all my stories, the timing of my symptoms i was experiencing..Shoud i really get myself tested?


Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2008, 06:29:41 am »
poli,

1 - I don't know where you get the idea that getting a blowjob is a risk - it is NOT a risk, condom or no condom. Not one person has ever been infected through getting a blowjob and you won't be the first.

2 - Matty was talking about one incident of UNprotected intercourse. You used a condom. You had NO RISK.

3 - You don't need to test over this one incident of protected intercourse. We've told you this already and our answers are not going to change. Re-read your entire thread before asking the same questions again and again. If you keep coming back with the same questions, you'll be given a time out. Read the posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread and pay attention to this one:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

You did NOT have a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2008, 07:25:41 am »
hello again everyone

i know this thread dont discuss symptoms but please take some time to read this post for my anxiety increases again for my sore throat still there for about 3 weeks already and find out that its a chronic pharyngitis...my last exposure was on april 5 2008...is it one of the symptoms of seroconversion? i am very hysterical cause one of the sites stated about 20 or 40 percent complained of pharyngitis during their primary HIV infection...and ann im really still worried about the cut i obtain during the penetration the risk of being receptive partner is much more higher than the insertive ones...im really nervous again ann please tell me what to do...but i was able to persuade the guy i sex of to test for HIV and im quite bother because he will not tell me his visits with the doctor and my boyfriend is coming this june and i dont know what im going to say to him...for this uncertainty of mine and i cant have sex with him for his safety...please tell me what to do ann   

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2008, 09:39:03 am »
Yes, you are hysterical.

There's nothing else we can tell you that we haven't said already. You weren't at risk and you can't give HIV to your bf because you don't have it. Period. End of story.

This looks like guilt and anxiety to me based on your having strayed. You can't undo that. You had some sex with someone else. It didn't put you at risk for HIV. You need to take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. If you can't do that then maybe you need to see a counselor or other professional to get some support dealing with your feelings.

No matter what your fearful mind may be saying to the contrary this is NOT an HIV situation. And ify ou keep coming back here with the same stuff you're going to end up getting a time out. We've done what we can do for you here. We've analyzed the situation and HIV is not your issue.
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2008, 06:58:42 am »
im sorry andy just want to let out and clarify things..i have a question to ask...i surf in this site called the body which i knew you all familiar with it..as you can see in my first post i gave the guy a blow job without a condom or an oral sex (im the active one)...according to the body you can actually be infected in this kind of sexual activity is this true..i mean they have research and surveys...and im kind of nervous again..i have unprotected oral sex but protected anal sex..please clarify me on this one

Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2008, 07:04:24 am »
poli,

If you want to know why they say what they say at The Body, go ask them yourself.

Re-read your entire thread - our answers are not going to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #22 on: May 18, 2008, 07:12:36 am »
thanks ann

but within your knowledge ann could i get infected by unprotected oral sex


Offline Ann

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2008, 07:25:35 am »
poli,

It's highly unlikely. You've already been told this. As I said, re-read your entire thread because our answers are not going to change. If you keep coming back here to ask the same questions over and over again, you'll be given a time out. Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #24 on: May 18, 2008, 09:09:25 am »
sorry andy its just that i never got sick like this before and just after having sex for the first time i started to get this symptoms and the timing of the manifestations all of it are all by book and im really afraid...i told ann just an hour ago if unprotected oral sex (im the active one) could possibly be infected in that way of manner cause i surf on one site the body says that they gave researchs and surveys to prove that you could be infected by being the active one during the unprotected oral sex so ann told me thats highly unlikely and i was bit relieved on what ann said to me but at the same time confuse on whose telling the accurate one...i know after all the post for having my first sex in life which is unprotected oral sex and protected anal sex which is im the receptive one still all your answers will not be changed that i dont have to test this incident, discuss my symptoms to the dr and this is not an hiv situation...i hope God is  using you all to answer my prayers..for now im stil waiting for the hiv result of the guy i sex with and later also i got to test myself with hiv after 6 months or after a year to be really accurate and conclusive within that gap of waiting i will abstain sex..thanks and i'll keep in touch..Love you all..youve been very much helpful GOd bless

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #25 on: May 18, 2008, 09:45:30 am »
you are torturing yourself needlessly and the idea of testing out to 6 months or a year is absolutely ridiculous.

Are you really listening? It doesn't seem so. As you have been told repeatedly, nothing you did put you at risk. Of course if you continue to search the web you will definitely find misinformation that will feed your fears.

You had sex with a man for the first time. That seems to have triggered a tremendous amount of anxiety in you. If this continues you might see a therapist or other professional to discuss what's going on. Your symptoms are not in anyway HIV specific and as you have been told over and over, discuss them with your doctor.

This is not an HIV situation and you are on the verge of getting a time out here.
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #26 on: June 06, 2008, 01:32:54 pm »
i have a question...my last exposure was april 5 2008 and after 9 days i developed a painless sore throat, fever 38 degrees, diarrhea, fatigue, night sweats almost all the ARS symptoms..my fever were just last for one day, nights sweats for two days and diarrhea for 4 days and fatigue and feeling of tiredness was just relieved just last week but my sore throat still there until now...my question is does sore throat in ARS symptoms is painful or not cause mine is not? and does the appearance and disappearance of my symptoms indicate ARS..need your reply....is there any filipino here in this site please email me daniel_burg10@yahoo.com..need also support but i dont know where to go here so i really need support...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #27 on: June 06, 2008, 01:56:52 pm »
Go see your doctor about your sore throat. As you have been told repeatedly, your symptoms have nothing to do with HIV. You didn't do anything risky.

This is all about HIV hysteria, which is quite different from having had a real risk.

You can't keep coming back here again and again with the same problem. You're risking getting a time out or being banned.
Andy Velez

Offline poli_mye1000

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  • Posts: 15
Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #28 on: June 07, 2008, 10:22:02 am »
thanks andy...i just want to know whats the comment of ann and rod what do u think about the timing of appearance and disapperance stated above my last post

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: need help please!!!
« Reply #29 on: June 07, 2008, 10:36:21 am »
poli,

I think the same thing I thought since the first time you posted. You didn't have a risk. You don't have hiv. See a doctor about your symptoms - we cannot diagnose you here. However, we CAN tell you that you have not had a risk. If you cannot accept what we're telling you, then test and collect your negative result.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann


« Last Edit: June 07, 2008, 10:38:32 am by Ann »
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