desperate, please help

[worried21210]

dear friends,
Appologies for the length as I'm trying to explain my case as best I can. I've been living in terror for the past 2 and a half months. I'm heterosexual male. Had sex with a friend that I've known for a few years. I used protection but condom popped for a second which I felt and immediately replaced it. I did not shower that night as I fell asleep right after. Two days later I noticed some redness on my foreskin. It was itchy and looked swollen. a few days later one layer of foreskin and head pealed off. I started bugging out went to see a doc and he thought it was a codom irritation from friction or some bacterias that are found in vagina but nothing serious. He gave me a cream which I applied and it got a lot better after maybe a week. He also mentioned it would come back and it did but not as severe. My foreskin looks quite normal right now but its quite dry and easily irritated. Anyway, I had no prior knowledge of HIV symptoms I thought if I used protection every time I'd be fine. And I did, but this popped condom incident got me out of my mind. So two and a half months ago I started stressing over HIV. I was convinced I got infected. I suffered from severe anxiety and still do. I had chronic shortness of breath, panic attacks, hot flushes, chills, burning skin sensation (that still persists) etc. I started looking for symptoms online and was waiting for them to start showing up. And they did. I was checking my body for symptoms every 5 mins. Obsesively checking my body temp. every hour or so. I had mild fever on 2-3 occasions that lasted for a few hrs (99-99.5) in the third week after possible exposure. I had chills and headaches. I developed a swollen lymph node in my neck 3 and a half weeks after the incident. The node was quite painful for the first few days and was gone after a week. I had a sore throat for 2 days and a loose stool on one occasion. I started askin the girl if she was clean and she told me I have nothing to worry about. I really can't immagine that she has hiv. I started bugging her and she went to get tested (as she says). She said she was fine and she does a check up on yearly bases. I don't know if they check for hiv on these check ups but she told me they check for everything. I doubt she'd sleep with me if she had stds as we'r good frieds and I know she cares about me.  I'm sorry to bother you guys with this log story but I feel I need to tell somebody. I'm too damn scared to get tested but I know I'm gonna have to. All these symtoms and timing sound like textbook hiv infection to me. Also, I did have a fresh small cut not on my penis but maybe an inch from the base towards my hipflexor. It was not bleeding and I dont know if it came into contact with hwer fluids as she was somewhat dry. I guess this greatly increases the chances of getting it. I would appreciate any comments on this as I am loosing my mind. I really hope this is all just severe anxiety but I can't explain the lymph node. I'm so scared right now. Thank you all. All best

[Cheo63]

Hi Worried,

I don't think there's anything to panic about.   I think that all of the symptoms you mentioned were due to you stressing out.   Stress can appear (and often does) in many ways.  Most likely that's what it was.  According to your own description, you put almost went mad!  Even the lymph node could have been due to you stressing out.  I wouldn't worry.  However, what I have done in the past is that the only way I feel 100% comfortable is by going to the doctor.  If you are still stressing out, go get tested!  Don't put it off any longer.  This way you can regain peace in your life!!

Good luck!

[Ann]

worried,

When you refer to a person as "clean" in relation to hiv, it is very insulting to those of us who live with hiv as you imply we are dirty. Please think about your language.

It's highly  unlikely that you would have been infected through this brief possible exposure. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man. However, the ONLY way to know your hiv status is through testing.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Test at the three month point (which will be conclusive) and collect what I fully expect to be a negative result.

Ann

[Central79]

Hey Worried

Stop scaring yourself shitless - your risk is very low. None of the symptoms sound like HIV seroconversion to me, and more like you worrying a lot and being hypervigilent of EVERYTHING which is going on in your body - as indicated by your panic attacks.

If seroconversion is accompanied by illness and you had a reactive lymphadenopathy they'd all come up - not just one in your neck. Sounds like that was just the result of your unconnected sore throat.

Anyway, there's nothing textbook about this with regard to HIV. Take a step back and ask yourself "how would I be explaining these symptoms if I hadn't had this incident?". Because they're all innocent sounding to me.

Now, I dunno about Ann, but I'm dirty.... dirty and FILTHY! 

M

[RapidRod]

Then Matt my suggestion to you is to take a bath. 99=99.5 is not a moderate temp. not even considered a low temp. Temps with HIV are above 101, which is moderate. As Ann has said take a test when applicable which will then quiet your anxiety.

[playwithmeplz]

Don't worry but do continue to get tested for awhile. A person can have a recently negative test and essentially still be positive. There are people you would never suspect of carrying the virus, and hetero-sexual sex can transmit the disease.
IF you ever do test positive, still do not panic. The education curve kicks in fairly quickly but still stay pro-active.

[RapidRod]

playwithmeplz, don't post in the "Am I Infected" forum. We have enough trouble keep things straight with facts. Let alone you posting here. Just stay in the Living With or other forums. 

[worried21210]

Thank you all for your responces I truly appreciate your thoughts. Also, by no means I wanted to offend anybody. When I said clean I implied std free (all stds) and those were her textual words. Thank you again and I am very sorry if someone got offended. All best.