Scared And Freaking Out

[ScaredAndWorried]

Hello,

Thank you all for being an amazing resource.

I am a 20 year old male who has had unprotected sex with a few different people. I am a heterosexual male who has had good health and never used needles or anything else recreationally. I have myself so worked up that I have it that I can't eat and I am getting tested Wed. but it will be another week after that before I can get the results. I am engaged and have a 2 year old daughter, and I am scared that my fiance and myself have hiv and will die before we are 40 and are going to miss our grandkids being born . My fiance has only ever been with me so if she has it, it would be all my fault. I notiiced that I have red flat dots (pinpricks) that don't itch but have been there for a while. I don't know if they have been there and I am just now noticing or what. And I have been gaining weight...I am just so scared and need some help with coping and everything else!! Please help me

[Ann]

Scared,

Slow down. For a start, hiv is no longer a death sentence. The meds and treatments have vastly improved in recent years and there is no reason why a newly infected person can't live a normal life span.

If the unprotected intercourse you've had is vaginal, the chances of you being hiv positive are slim. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man. But that doesn't mean you have been without risk and you do need to test, so it's good to hear that you will be doing that this week.

Neither having little dots on your skin nor weight gain are indicative of hiv infection.

Make sure you get tested for all the other STIs as well, because they are MUCH more easily transmitted than hiv.

Good luck with your testing. I do expect you to come out of this ok.

Ann

[ScaredAndWorried]

Thank you for the quick reply.

I am just so terrified that I am positive, even though I don't know if the people who I had intercourse with were positive or not. And yes I have only had vaginal sex with them, and no anal or any other contact besides oral (which is no risk)! And I was looking at the statistics for transmission and a lot of people say that whenever you have any sex the transfer rate is very high. So I have been feeling sick for months wondering if I have it and have been seeing everything that happens as a symptom for being HIV positive. So by now I am convinced that I have it. I have just now got the courage to get tested and am not even sure if that is the best thing to do because I don't think I can handle a positive result

[Ann]

Scared,

If in the unlikely event you are positive, it's not going to go away just because you don't test. In fact, it will bite you in the ass big time one day. If you test positive now while you're still healthy, (and by being healthy I mean you're not so ill you're in hospital) the meds will enable you to continue being healthy.

But I really don't expect you to test positive. When you get that negative result I'm expecting, go see your doctor to find out what is actually going on with you. It could be anything.

If you are in the States, you can enter your zip code into the POZ.com Health Services Directory to find somewhere near you that does rapid testing so you don't have to wait a week for your results.

You are doing the right thing in getting tested. 

Ann

[ScaredAndWorried]

Once again I thank you for your response to my freaking out and panic attacks. So just to clarify and assure myself the chances of heterosexual, vaginal, no open sores on penis, unprotected sex are pretty slim? I know I am probably annoying you with doubt and everything but I am just worried . And I put my zipcode in but it said there was nothing within 10 miles and I couldn't search past that! I guess I will have to wait until October 20th then...I mean I have been dealing with this freaking out for months now. Sigh...

[Andy Velez]

You need to keep in mind that it is much harder to transmit HIV from female to male than the other way round. So the odds are definitely in your favor that you will come out of this ok.

While you're waiting to get tested  you need to make a real effort to focus on other things in your life. Don't bother saying you're too worried because that response isn't going to fly here. Just do it.

I agree with Ann that you are likely to come out of this negative.

Now, get busy with other things.

[Ann]

Scared,

I bet you used the quick search. Go back to the Health Services Directory and use the Directory Search a little further down the page. There you can choose a radius of 5, 10, 50 or 100 miles.

Click on the + for additional search options. In the Search by Service drop-down list, choose HIV testing. Hit search. You don't need to choose anything in any of the other drop-downs. Just put in the radius, your zip code and hiv testing.

You can call the places you get in your results to find who gives rapid tests. There's bound to be at least one.

Good luck. I still expect you to test negative, but testing is the right thing to do.

Ann



edited to fix dodgy formatting

[ScaredAndWorried]

Hello,

Wel it is 9:37am here in Michigan right now and I just woke up because I was having nightmares about HIV (I know you said not to think about it, but I can't help nightmares) testing. I called a few of the places that were open on Saturday within a 100 miles and none of them offer rapid testing. I am just feeling hopeless, I swear after this is all and done there will always be a condom on my penis except for having another child. Is it not true that if you are positive and you gave it to someone else without knowing it you can go to jail for attempted murder? I see people on the news for infecting others with HIV, but if I didn't know I had it can I still get in trouble? There are just so many things that are scary. Thank you for your support!

[Ann]

Scared,

You really need to get a grip. The likelihood of you testing positive is quite small. And no, you can't be prosecuted for transmitting something you didn't know you have.

You're just going to have to suck it up and get on with your life until you test and your results come back. You won't be permitted to use this forum to go on and on about it in the meantime.

Ann

[ScaredAndWorried]

Sorry to still be bothering you guys! But I have a question, should I get the blood test or the oral swab test? I didn't know which one was better. Thank you.

[Ann]

Scared,

They're both accurate tests. The oral swab test is a rapid test but as you seem to think you'll have to wait for a week to get your results, they probably don't offer the swab. There is also a rapid test that involves a finger-tip pinprick to get a drop of blood but again, if you've been told you have to wait a week for results, they probably do the one where they take a vial of blood from a vein.

Ann

[ScaredAndWorried]

Alright then. They actually do both and both test results require a week waiting period because they have to send it to Lansing, MI apparently...since it is a Health Department.

[ScaredAndWorried]

Hello Everyone Again,

Just wanted to say I am getting tested today. Although I am freaking out about the procedure and the results that will come a week after today (though I think they will be positive because I am paranoid) , I know it is something I have to do as a responsible adult. You guys have helped me with some anxiety and that was very nice of you! Wish me luck

[Andy Velez]

Your being nervous and anxious is perfectly understandable. Fortunately those feelings are not facts but a test result is a fact.

Fingers crossed that you get a happy result.

Cheers.

[ScaredAndWorried]

All done. I did an OraSure test with a health person at the department of health today. I had a couple of questions on the things he said...which I hope I can ask in this thread.

1. He said that he just read an article that said a person with HIV has an average life of 70 years with medication is that correct.

2. He said that within 6 months of taking meds for a positive result would make the viral load undetectable, is that really true?

Thank you for reading this, and hopefully everything turns out okay in 6 days when I get the test results back.

[jkinatl2]

All done. I did an OraSure test with a health person at the department of health today. I had a couple of questions on the things he said...which I hope I can ask in this thread.

1. He said that he just read an article that said a person with HIV has an average life of 70 years with medication is that correct.

2. He said that within 6 months of taking meds for a positive result would make the viral load undetectable, is that really true?

Thank you for reading this, and hopefully everything turns out okay in 6 days when I get the test results back.

With current meds, those diagnosed today stand a great chance of a "normal" life span, whatever that means. Your mileage may vary. More importantly, that lifespan includes roughly the same number of healthy years. This is the real departure from earlier meds, where you could be strung along for a decade, simmering in sickness.

As for viral load and meds, the results vary widely from person to person. Some folks maintain an undetectable viral load within weeks, others take years. So I assume the number that was quoted was an average.

But we are pretty well putting the cart before the horse here, don't you think? I have my fingers crossed that you will come from this incident fine - and wiser.

[ScaredAndWorried]

Thank you for your response! Well it is good to know that if I come back positive that there is still a chance I can see my daughter get married and have kids I know I may be getting information a little early but as I indicated above I think I may have a little of paranoia about thinking I am infected.

I have another question. If I am indeed positive, and my fiance is also...then do we still have to use condoms when we have sex together even though we both are HIV positive?

[jkinatl2]

Thank you for your response! Well it is good to know that if I come back positive that there is still a chance I can see my daughter get married and have kids I know I may be getting information a little early but as I indicated above I think I may have a little of paranoia about thinking I am infected.

I have another question. If I am indeed positive, and my fiance is also...then do we still have to use condoms when we have sex together even though we both are HIV positive?

Wow, now I am out of folk sayings. Putting the cart on top of the horse? Anyhow, there is some debate on the unprotected sex thing among pozzies. Generally speaking, the idea of "reinfection" is so remote as to not warrant an awful lot of thought. Most poz folks I know do not use condoms with other positive folks.

That having been said, you are (I repeat myself) probably never going to need to worry about that. When you get your status, and you and your fiance agree to a monogamous relationship, you can eschew condoms and make babies.

[ScaredAndWorried]

Hello!

I think your saying was pretty decent actually Well I am getting my results back in about two days now, and I have been online looking about my dots appearing on my skin. I think it is Petechiae...which occurs because of low platelet count. Now upon further research I found that HIV positive people are more likely to develop this...and also my fiance has been having heavy periods for a couple of months now...which is also a symptom of HIV positive people. So I am still freaking out really bad. Of course I could be being paranoid, and annoying all of you. But it seems like everything I am experiencing is related to HIV, and even where I work I had someone come through my line that said "I just tested positive for HIV." So it just started appearing everywhere! And my Keratosis Pilaris and acne have also started acting up too! Any of these things seem indicative of HIV positive infection? I just want mentally prepare myself for a positive test result before I actually go there so I can tell my fiance and family! Thanks!

[jkinatl2]

Nope. I had no indication for over a year past my seroconversion. And even then, it was nothing like that.

People with HIV often go years past initial infection and never develop symptoms. Heck, a small number go decades and don't even need medication.

Thing is, HIV is not the instant soup of STDs like chlamydia or gonorrhea. It is a stealth virus. Honestly? The more symptoms a person describes int he weeks or months past their experience, the less likely it is that HIV is the culprit.

Odd, that, no?

[ScaredAndWorried]

Alright. Thanks for the reply again. So, if I may ask, what were some of the symptoms you experienced?

[RapidRod]

ScaredAndWorried, I went 21 years being a LTNP not needing meds. Never had symptoms of HIV. In 2005 all hell broke loose and my CD4s crashed and I ended up in the hospital with an OI and AIDS diagnosises. So as you can see you never know. I just hope you get the good results as being negative. Good luck on your test results.

[jkinatl2]

Well, this is where it gets sticky. many people have zero symptoms at initial seroconversion. Me, I had them. A high fever (103 degrees) with no respiratory symptoms, lasting for ten days then disappearing. Then, nothing.

But my mileage does not make science. Many people have less, or no symptoms at all.

My first Opportunistic infection was PCP, a respiratory thing that infect very elderly people and those with compromised immune systems. Put me in a hospital for a week.

AIDS, when it develops, is rarely subtle. I have a real idea that you will end up HIV negative. These tales of chronic and subtle symptoms do nto at all sound typical of HIV/AIDS.

Please use condoms for penetrative sex. And consider yourself lucky when you test negative. Use those years/decades of health to be the best version of yourself you can. I will be trying to do the same (with mixed success).

[Andy Velez]

Getting into symptoms as a means of knowing status is not a good idea. Neither their presence nor absence is an accurate way to know HIV status.

Like JK I do expect you will likely test negative. Until then you need to be patient even when that isn't easy. It does help to make an effort to focus on other matters in your life while waiting to test.

[ScaredAndWorried]

Alright. Today is the day when I find out my test results, I have been praying that all ends well. Though of course I am partially mentally prepared for my positive result. I almost feel like not going to get my result...and hearing....your test result came back...and then the pause...positive. My fiance already said she will cry for days and it just seems like I am being led to the guillotine. So I don't know...perhaps it would be better to not know for sure than to be 100% certain i have it. :/

[ScaredAndWorried]

Hello Everyone,

Sorry about that last freakout post! I got my results back today and am happy to report that I got my results and they are non-reactive. That means negative correct? And a 3 month test is conclusive correct? As in there is no chance of a false negative correct?

Thank You All

[Matty the Damned]

Hello Everyone,

Sorry about that last freakout post! I got my results back today and am happy to report that I got my results and they are non-reactive. That means negative correct? And a 3 month test is conclusive correct? As in there is no chance of a false negative correct?

Thank You All

Non reactive means negative. 3 months is well and truly conclusive. You are HIV negative.

MtD

[Andy Velez]

That's a happy, conclusive result. You are HIV negative.

Be glad, use condoms everytime for intercourse and move on with your life now.

Cheers.