POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: skered98 on September 18, 2006, 12:49:22 am
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Her it goes i recently made a dumb mistake and had protected oral/vaginal sex with a sex worker at a spa..I put on condom on(wore 2 thought i would double up for safety)received oral--placed another one on and proceded to vag----both 2 my knowledge stayed intact --saw no breakage did not slip off. My question is since i am married (i know i feel horrible and know it was the hugest mistake ever} Does this warrant testing?---i do plan on getting tested ---but should i be horrendously worried?---I've only had 4 partners counting the sex worker in my life and I'm 26---i never plan on doing something that retarded again but i feel as if i am commited to a death sentence -and dooming my wife --i plan on using condoms with her until i can get tested ---or should i try to refrain altogether until?---if 2 condoms stay intact are you twice as protected?----i didn't know about the breakage risks until i read the condoms link on the moderator thingy----but since they didn't break was wearing 2 safer or higher risk?-----Need lots of help ---hopefully someone gives some good advice ??? :'( :'(
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No, you don't need to test, but you should read about the correct use of a condom. You never put on two condoms at a time.
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skered,
I found you in another thread, giving incorrect information. Please stay in your own thread - you are in no position to give advice in these forums. Thank you for you cooperation.
Protected intercourse is just that, protected against hiv transmission. Condoms have been PROVEN effective in this regard.
However, as you have discovered, using two condoms increases your risk of condom breakage. You were lucky and this did not happen to you, so you have no worries where hiv is concerned.
You had no hiv risk and you do not need to test. Keep using those condoms - one at a time - if you are going outside your marriage and you will avoid hiv infection.
Ann
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Just a couple of follow up quest here i have been on several sites that of course have all kinds of conflicting information.(go figure huh)---one of which is the cdc and some others. Also i noticed that condom packaging states that it will "help" reduce the risk of HIV--Yet this site and medhelp Dr HHH which is a very reputable Dr states that condoms are close to 100 percent effective as long as there is no slipping or breakage of the condom--OR condoms in my case.So i was wondering which is true?Does it "help" or prevent al together? Also The other conflicting piece relates to testing, the CDC and the body sticks to 3 months which is enough time for someone to get terminally ill with guilt -anxiety and nervousness to wait for testing and results. I mean that was the staple in the 80's and it's 2006!!! Also this site and medhelp states that just under 4 weeks is enough time to get a ballpark and 6 weeks being close to 99% I was wondering if you had evidence to lead me in the right direction ---i know Ann had told me that i was o.k.---but as many worry wort's you have answered in the past it's easier said than done (How do porn stars live a lifestyle like that, damn must be the money --huh)---I do plan on testing for piece of mind as i do not have any plans to stray from my marriage as this was my only high risk encounter ---i guess you don't know what you have till you put it in jeopardy. I feel horrible and raked with guilt ----also i have picked up a stuffed up nose cough and soreness in muscles --no swollen nodes or fever or flu symptoms though---to sum it all up ---a suggestion for a good testing timeline and reliability of condoms may help me a little --also would happen to know if i would be at risk for any other sti's i know you deal with hiv wondering if you had any info on anything else i could have picked up -- I also read an article i don't know if you would have any info in this realting to testing and blood types that may cause positive results to show faster. Such as o being more resistant to antibodies and ab neg and pos being the less resistant to antibodies showing up --since I'm ab pos i guess if any truth to it that's in my favor ---anyhow thanks for letting a rambler ramble --and i do appreciate your time and efforts -- and i will stay out of others posts ( ididn't know ) peace
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skered,
You didn't have a high risk encounter, you had a no risk encounter. People aren't risky, it's what people do that may or may not be risky. You didn't do anything risky - aside from opening yourself up to the possibility of condom failure due to using two at once. It's not who you do, it's how you do it that counts.
The language on condom packaging is a case of CYA policy. (cover your ass) When used correctly and consistently, condoms have been PROVEN to prevent hiv transmission. Someone who uses condoms incorrectly might find themselves with a problem. As you've already read through the condom link, I won't bore you with the details of correct vs incorrect usage. The condom companies have no control over how their customers use the condoms - so they use vague language like "helps" prevent transmission. Get it?
Also this site and medhelp states that just under 4 weeks is enough time to get a ballpark and 6 weeks being close to 99%
No, the only time you see this kind of statment on this website is when it's brought here by another poster such as yourself. We don't recommend testing before six weeks, and we don't attach percentages to test results in this way.
Test for peace of mind if you feel you need to, just don't be surprised when you collect your negative results. You didn't have a risk of hiv infection.
Ann
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Just wondering is there any tests that can pick up Hiv before 6 weeks and be definitive ---i know you havestated that i don't have hiv from the exposure i stated but my wife has been questioning why I'm so hell bent on using condoms now as we never did in the past.---i know the red cross uses Nat on blood supplies i was thinking of finding some place to get tested with that but have found mixed reviews ---also a pcr by DNA --but i read that has lots of false positives and i don't need that shit ---just wondering a million thanks to you Ann and Rapid Ron you rock
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Skered,
Strictly speaking, unless you live in Massachusetts, no test is definitive at six weeks. A negative at six weeks must be confirmed at three months - but that only applies to people who have actually had a risk. You haven't. You have a bad case of the guilts, but you didn't have a risk.
And no, you "don't need that shit" concerning PCR testing. It isn't approved for diagnostic purposes anyway - because of those false positives you mention. As far as NAT testing goes, I think it is only routinely used in North Carolina.
The bottom line here is that you didn't have a risk of hiv infection. Maybe you might think about getting some support for yourself in the form of some face-to-face counseling while you work through your feelings of guilt.
You didn't have a risk.
Ann
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Well I'm back --and I'm bugging out---me and the wife went out because we had a sitter last night---Had a chance to get away and stay at a hotel for the evening etc--etc---Well we went out got intoxicated and came back and you know---well she was really frisky--we had protected vag and protected anal---(more slippery with lube she states that she likes it better that way)---well when we finished and i removed the condom --i noticed that although it didn't slip off -there was semen all the way at the end and some on the bed like it had leaked out or maybe was slipping a little ---my fear is she got some in her bum --and if i did get it from the sex worker she could be infected--I couldn't imagine doing this to anyone let alone my wife and mother of my child ---HHHEEELLLPPP-are you sure in your opinion i have nothing to worry about in reference to the slip up with the sex worker --do you now recommend testing??????
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I don't recommend testing. I only recommend testing for people that have had a risk and you have not.
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SK, in terms of any real risk you have already been told by trustworthy advisors that you were not at risk from the incident you are concerned about. Condoms provide very effective protection.
However, feelings are a whole other thing and you are clearly indulging yourself in an orgy of guilt and anxiety. Unless you are willing to let go of this unwarranted concern about HIV then I suggest you do get tested. Given your state of mind right now you may want to initially test at 6 weeks. At 6 weeks all but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will have done so. Re-test at 13 weeks and collect another negative result. Hopefully you will then be willing to let go of this frenzy of worrying.
You're a dog like the rest of us and you went straying. You can't undo that. And working yourself into a paroxym of guilt is neither a testament to your finer character nor a love offering to your wife. The best thing you can do for all concerned is to take a breath, see clearly what happened and let it go. And get on with your life.
You were not at risk for HIV in that incident. Really. Got it?
Cheers,
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The experts hear are great. I had a very similar situation as yours exept I had open exposure/bleed to cuts/abraisions and sores from previously shaving my pubic area. I thought for sure I got it even though the experts told me otherwise. Guess what, they were right.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=868.0
From my experience the fear was driven by guilt. I was still happy that I did test at 7 weeks, and would recommend it because even though it is not required it will give you a sense of ease. Believe me. I was so happy, and it was a turning point in learning from my stupid stupid mistakes, learning about HIV and respecting it and the people whom aquired it, and moving on in my life. We are all human, we all make stupid stupid mistakes. I used a condom and I thank the education system for that.
I wish you and your wife well. Go home. Take her out to dinner, give her a hug, and learn from it :)
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I know deep down guilt and anxiety are probally the reason why I'm so freaked out as i am ----and yet I'm still concerned badly---it gets a little better each day the arises again ---to give you some background the prostitute was the 4th person i have ever been with and I'm 26---also the only stranger/one night stand so to speak ever --so i guess that may play into it --i just cannot believe i have done something like this anyhow if you read this thanks for listening -----peace
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Skered
Using the condom was smart. Give yourself some credit for protecting yourself and your wife. Just use one next time.
The guilt will resolve in time. Talking it out with someone (shrink, counsellor, priest .. etc) helps.
Just my humble opinion .. us worry warts should stick with one lady. Its a whole lot less stress.
Rhino
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Well I'm back---i tried not to post but couldn't help it ---i am coming down with something and it has been a little over 2 weeks--and i guess the timing of it is bad ---i have a fever and sore throat my groin hurts and i don't know what it is ---I'm tired all the time now ---And worst of all my wife keeps saying she feels weird tired and depressed she had a fever the other day 2 and we both have picked up a sinus infection---i don;t know man ----i think the worst is happening i usually am pretty healthy and never get sick ----are you sure you just wasn't reassuring me no jive ? I 'm not trying to be insulting in any way --i mean you have helped me alot and been a wealth of info --just making sure if now your opinion has changed cause this is f'd up---have a good day ----peace
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No the assessment hasn't changed. You didn't have a risk.
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SKE, no, we're not jiving you just to make you feel better. We give it as straight and accurately as possible here. Period.
Unfortunately your mind is continuing to paste everything that happens to you and to your wife physically through an HIV jitters mindset. Of course you have no basis in HIV science, but your thoughts and feelings continue to ignore that reality. And may continue to do so for sometime. But that doesn't change the fact that you did not do anything which put you at risk for HIV. Really. No kidding.
If you and/or your wife are having troubling symptoms that persist then you should each discuss it with your doctor. Couples often pick up colds and other stuff and pass it back and forth. Ordinarily you would likely not think about it very long, but because you have this HIV thing on the brain, right now everything that happens or doesn't happen reinforces your worst fears.
This is NOT an HIV situation.
Cheers,
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Well i was doing pretty good and tried to take MR Velez advice and just move until recently....OK my wife has came down with this horrible case of bronchitis and nothing seems to help her out ---and i have sore lymph's in my groin and a nasty sinus infection that will not go away ---It just seems like the timing of it all is just (to) dead on im almost at a month and plan on getting tested then -then again at 6 weeks it just is driving me nuts --- I wish i never put us in this situation but nothing can change that ---Also all this contradicting info on the net ---it states if you exchange money or drugs for sex it's higher risk do they mean unprotected if the condom breaks or because multiple partners since it's a prostitute ---or decision making skills (with the drugs)---are they trying to help or scare the hell out of people --(it worked for me if that's there angle)-DR HHH on med help just tells people if they choose prostitutes for sexual release just use condoms and you should be fine --and he's a std Dr --sometimes i feel as if its no big deal just the what ifs and possibilities start to get me down---seeing how i cheated on my wife you may not believe it but she is my everything sometimes it just makes a dumbass mistake to put things back into prospective just hope this one wasn't;t to big ---thanks for hearing me out you guys rock
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Also all this contradicting info on the net ---it states if you exchange money or drugs for sex it's higher risk
skerd,
People who write things like that about hiv infection either don't know or don't care about the scientific aspects of hiv transmission. All they care about is frightening you into leading a life by THEIR moral/religious plan. That's the plan that says hiv is a punishment (it isn't) for expressing your sexuality outside of a heterosexual marriage.
Condoms have been PROVEN to protect against hiv transmission no matter who you are having anal or vaginal intercourse with. Period. End of story.
You didn't have a risk. You don't need to test. Period. End of story.
Ann
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Sorry i hope i am not wasting your time---but trust meif you find comfort in possibly educating or helping someone i guess it may not be a waste of your time - Anyhow heres the deal had an incident where i went to a "spa" and recieved fellatio from a sex worker --she looked as if she could have been on drugs and was not attractive--which is one reason i am now concerned---i did use protection as if it stayed in tact i am not 100 percent also she still was "sucking " long after i ejaculated --also she kept spitting alot on my penis when she was performing the act..Anyhow i see no visible cuts on my genital area---or anything like that ----I wouldn't be so paranoid if i wasn't married and had a child --Should i be tested ---should i try to obstain or use protection with my wife --i am horrified by what i have done --please help---thank you for your time
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You are fine. Dont think about HIV any more.
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hblaw, keep all your thoughts and questions in your own thread.
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skered98 , keep all your questions and thoughts in your original thread.
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Sorry since it was a different exposure i thought i needed a new thread if someone could post them 2gether that would be helpful--?
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skered,
I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.
If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.
Please also read through the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.
Getting a blowjob, with or without a condom, is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Not one person in over 25 years of this pandemic has become infected through getting a blowjob and you will NOT be the first.
Getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection.
Ann