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HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: 17jan09 on February 10, 2009, 11:13:59 pm

Title: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 10, 2009, 11:13:59 pm
Dear All,

     First of all I want to apologize for my description in English as I'm not a native speaker. Here goes my encounter: 3 weeks ago, I was with a whore. I put my finger into her vagina for 1 second, giving her oral for 1 second and had French Kiss with her for 3 seconds (there was a mini sore on my tongue). She gave me oral for about 10 minutes, but I don't know if there's any cuts or opern sores in her mouth. What I saw was a cut (1mm in length and thickness) on my penis, with no feeling of pain and no blood. Then we had sex, with a condom, and I did see it is still on my penis with semen inside at the end. 10 days after this encounter, I had diarrhea once and 20 days after, I started to have a bad cold, up to now. Can I have some advice from you professionals? I'm so worried! Do I need to have a test?
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: RapidRod on February 10, 2009, 11:35:04 pm
You were never at risk of contracting HIV and you do not need to test over this situation.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 11, 2009, 12:17:58 am
Thank you so much for your immediate response! Are you saying that both the sore on my tongue and the cut on my penis WON'T serve as potential risks for getting HIV in this situation? Besides, what is your view on my symtoms like diarrhea and bad cold? Thanks!
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on February 11, 2009, 08:01:43 am
17,

Please do not use the word "whore". The correct term is sex worker.

You did not have a risk. Going down on a woman is not a risk, cut on your tongue or no cut on your tongue.

Getting a blowjob is also not a risk for hiv infection, cut or no cut. Not only is saliva not infectious, it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

If you're worried about your cold or diarrhea, see a doctor. It's nothing to do with hiv.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 11, 2009, 08:24:43 am
Dear Ann,

     Thank you deeply for your kind advice! I'm really grateful for the contributions you guys have made here.

Best Wishes
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 15, 2009, 07:24:33 am
Dear Andy, Rod and Ann,

     Although I was told that I didn't have a risk but my mind still couldn't rest in peace for the past few days. As far as I remember, the condom was provided by the prostitute and I don't know about its quality or if it was used before. The light in the room was quite dark but I did see the condom is on before and after the intercourse and there was semen in the tip of it in the end. I would say it was likely that the condom didn't slip or break. After she took off the condom I felt something oily on the head of my penis. Could that be her fluid that has entered from some tiny little holes of the condom or is that some kind of lotion she has put? I think I will go and have a 6 week test and if it comes negative, my mind will eventually rest in peace. What are you guys' views on this? Thanks alot!!!   
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: RapidRod on February 15, 2009, 07:32:32 am
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on February 15, 2009, 08:08:28 am
17,

Unless you're testing for ALL sexually transmitted infections as a matter of ROUTINE, then you're wasting your money. You don't need to test over this encounter.

The idea of "tiny holes" in condoms is a myth. You need to understand that sex workers use condoms to protect THEM, not you. They are NOT going to use condoms that have something wrong with them or ones that have already been used.

You didn't have a risk and it's time you got over it.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 15, 2009, 08:34:59 am
Dear Ann,

     Thank you again for your quick response! This was my first and only encounter with a prostitute and I really feel guilty from the deep core of my heart. I hope the condom really did protect me...
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on February 15, 2009, 08:38:48 am
Condoms provide very effective protection against HIV but unfortunately not against guilt and shame.

You're just a guy like many others. Beating up on yourself about having gone to a sex worker is not in my experience helpful. You did what you did. That's a bit of your personal history now. See it, accept it, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life.

And remember that whether you are with a pro or a civilian, always without exception use a condom everytime you have vaginal (or anal) intercourse. That way you will be well protected against HIV.

Cheers.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 15, 2009, 08:32:52 pm
Dear Andy,

     I don't know how to express my gratitude to you as you have been here not only delivering the right knowledge but are also healing our emotional unrest. I'm a guy who can't easily let things come and go in my life. I think I still need the 6-week test result to calm me down and I will keep you informed. Thank you again for your great job here!
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on February 15, 2009, 08:37:12 pm
You're welcome. Given what you have reported I don't see any reason to doubt that you will test negative.

Cheers.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 21, 2009, 08:06:15 am
Hi Andy and all, I just want to ask a few more questions. They are not repeated ones so please don't give me a Time Out on that I beg you.

1. Should lube be applied inside the condom or outside the condom before the intercourse?

2. I wasn't sure if the prostitue has used lube but the condom didn' show any visible breakage, was that safe?

3. Can I say that there is still no risk if the condom doesn't break even if the condom is not of good quality?

4. Would I be infected if the condom has been used by a HIV positive guest a few minutes before me?

Please kindly help! 
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on February 21, 2009, 08:20:49 am
Lube is for outside of the condom.

If a condom breaks it's very obvious because it ends up looking like a fringed hoop on your penis. It's not about tiny holes. The break is very visible.

As long as the condom did not break in the manner I have described then you were protected during intercourse.

It would have been apparent if the condom had been used previously. I've never known of any instances of transmission from a previously used condom.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on February 21, 2009, 09:16:05 am
17,

Please read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line. You'll learn how to use them correctly - and a correctly used condom rarely breaks.

When a condom does break, it's very obvious as Andy has said.

Sex workers use condoms to protect themselves, not you, the customer. A sex worker would NOT re-use a condom because it would increase the chances of it breaking. She wouldn't want the condom to break because as I said, she's using condoms to protect herself.

In future, if you're worried about the quality of the condoms a sex worker provides, you can alway buy your own and use them instead of the ones provided by the sex worker.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on February 21, 2009, 10:04:51 pm
Thank you both! I really feel better while reading your words. The 6th week is approaching and I start to be more nervous as I'm afraid the test result might be positive or a false positive...anyway I will try to calm myself down by reading your previous replies.   
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on February 23, 2009, 09:28:07 am
Worrying about a test result is very understandable.

I do expect you to come out of this ok.

Keep us posted.

Cheers.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 01, 2009, 12:52:15 am
Hi Andy and all, as I'm waiting to get a 6-week test my mind comes up with some thoughts that need your advice. I had 2 or 3 unprotected sex encounters from 2002 to 2004 and I tested negative for HIV in 2007, but DID NOT have any tests for other STDs. If I was infected with one or several STDs other than HIV during those encounters and since some of them have a very long window period (might be years), then was I in risk in the actions I reported in my first post 6 weeks ago? I shall now repeat my encounter details 6 weeks ago:

1. Received unprotected oral from a prostitue and a 1mm cut was found inside my foreskin (I'm uncircumcised)
2. French kissed with her for a couple of seconds with an ulcer on my tongue
3. Licked her genital area for 1 second with the same ulcer on my tongue
4. Had protected vaginal sex with her for 2 or 3 minutes with no visible breakage or slip of the condom, but not sure about the brand and expire date.

Thank you again!
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: RapidRod on March 01, 2009, 06:54:54 am
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on March 01, 2009, 07:56:48 am
No, nothing you have reported put you at risk for HIV transmission, no matter what scary and wrong possibilities your mind may continue to come up with. You can get tested just for your own peace of mind and collect the inevitable negative result.

You can't keep coming back here with more questions everytime you have a fresh burst of anxiety. You will end up getting a Time Out for 28 days. Consider yourself warned.

To repeat, based on everything you have reported you were not at risk for HIV. Period.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on March 01, 2009, 07:57:43 am
17,

You tested conclusively hiv negative for your previous incidents of unprotected intercourse. There are NO STIs that have a window period longer than three months. HIV and syphilis both share a three month window period. The other STIs can be tested for ten to fourteen days after an encounter, or sooner if you develop an unusual discharge from your penis or sores on your penis.

NOTHING you did with or had done to you by the sex worker six weeks ago was a risk for hiv infection. You've been told this repeatedly. Please re-read your entire thread - our answers are NOT going to change.

And yes, as Rodney pointed out, if you continue to post over this NO RISK incident, you will be given a time out. Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 04, 2009, 09:58:48 pm
Hi Andy and all, I went for the test today and it came back negative, just as you said. Well, I think finally my mind can rest in peace. Thank you so much for being there for me in the past few weeks. By the way, since you guys have helped me, I'd like to know if there are any ways in which I can asist you in return? Please accept my gratittude once again.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on March 05, 2009, 08:15:17 am
That's good news about your negative result even though we're not surprised about it.

What you can do to "help" is to always without exception use condoms for intercourse until if and when you are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together. That will be a good step towards ending the spread of HIV. 

Good luck to you.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 05, 2009, 08:36:56 am
Dear Andy,

     I will definitely mark your words. Is there anything that a member of this site can really help you guys in one way or another? Besides, I'm curious to know, based on your 20 years of experience,  if HIV could be conquered in 10 years time? In the US, have scientists found any cure yet? Or is it that they have found one but not officially released? Thanks!   
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on March 05, 2009, 09:30:54 am
17,

There's plenty of information on the internet about hiv meds/vaccines/cures - including our own Reasearch forum and the Lessons. Warning! - do NOT post in the other areas of these forums. You can read, but don't post in ANY other thread other than this one.

Please do your own googling on these subjects. This forum is for hiv risk assessment and testing info ONLY.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 14, 2009, 09:03:39 am
Greetings again Andy and all!
Well let me go straight to my point. After my very last post, I had 2 sexual encounters with 2 different sex workers:
(1)Received unprotected oral and had protected vaginal
(2)Received protected oral and had protected vaginal
Obviuosly I have closely followed your suggestion of using condoms so I know I wasn't at risk for the above 2 incidents. What I want to ask is that given my frequent encounters with 3 different sex workers (including the one I mentioned in my very first post) within a period of 3 months, do you consider me as someone who's sexually active and thus do I need a routine test for HIV?
Thank you!
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: RapidRod on March 14, 2009, 12:12:40 pm
Anyone that is sexually active should be tested annually. Not only for HIV but also STDs.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on March 14, 2009, 12:39:09 pm
You used condoms for intercourse. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. They provide very effective protection.

An annual checkup is sufficient except when there has been risky behavior like intercourse without a condom or if there are symptoms of other STDs like pain when urinating. Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV.

Without having any symptoms, once a year is sufficient for a checkup.
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 22, 2009, 09:44:03 pm
HI Andy, sorry I'm back with anxiety again. Yesterday, I went to a sex worker again. Without a condom, she gave me oral with water in her mouth but she told me afterwards she had mouth ulcer and a bad sore throat! I'm afraid the fluid from her ulcer and throat might have had contact with the head of my penis! After the oral, we had vaginal sex 3 times (about 20min, 5min, 3min respectively), with a fresh condom each time. The condoms didn't slip or break but I saw some of her vaginal fluid on the shaft of my penis after each intercourse. Now I regret very much on what I have done! I have been having too much sex with sex workers (the ones that I have mentioned in my previous posts) within the last 3 months. Just as Andy has pointed out, becoming sexually active is exciting, but also SCARY! I'm now worried that something mighy have gone wrong as the possibility of getting infected would increase when the number of sex partners increases. I decide now to control my behavor and stop having so much sex. Based on what I have reported in my entire thread, especially the last post, should I get tested? Andy, please kindly advice! 
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on March 22, 2009, 10:00:44 pm
As long as you used condoms the head of your penis was covered. And you were protected.

There is no risk in getting oral. The person sucking you could have a mouthful of HIV+ blood and/or semen and even in such an unlikely eventuality you still wouldn't have been at risk.

You continue to worry needlessly.

Maybe before you have more sex you ought to talk with a counselor and sort some of your feelings out about what you're doing.

This is not an HIV situation. Period. 
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on April 08, 2009, 04:28:33 am
Thank you very much for your reply Andy, so am I right to say that as long as the condoms cover the head and foreskin of the penis, there will be no risk regarding HIV at all even if one has 100 sex partners?
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on April 08, 2009, 04:50:19 am
17,

It doesn't matter who you have intercourse with or how many people you have intercourse with, as long as you're using condoms and they're covering the head of your penis, then you don't have to worry about hiv.

Keep posting over this NO RISK situation and you WILL be given a time out.

This is absolutely your LAST warning!

Ann
Title: Back with new concerns
Post by: 17jan09 on September 19, 2009, 10:06:33 pm
First of all I want to express my gratitude truly and faithfully to Andy, Ann and RapidRod, for the great help you have offered. It has been over 5 months since Ann's last reply to me and I have ALWAYS been practicing safe sex with anyone since then. I plan to have a routine antibody test done at the end of the year. I'm quite sure I will test negative by then but there was 1 particular incident which caught my attention.

2 months ago, I was with a sex worker. She gave me unprotected oral first and then we had vaginal intercourse with a condom, with no slippage or breakage in the end. I did see semen was collected at the tip of it but what amazed me was the HUGE amount of vaginal fluid she produced as my entire pubic area was wet. Exactly 1 week later I had diarrhea accompanied by heavy fatigue. These 2 symptoms were replaced by running nose and sore throat after 2 days and everything came back to normal after another 2 days. Should I be concerned about this incident? Is my mind playing tricks with me again or could something really have gone wrong? 

Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: anniebc on September 19, 2009, 11:36:28 pm
Once again this is a NO RISK situation..if you are going to continue being sexually active then you need to read the lesson here on how HIV is and is not transmmitted..and keep reading until you understand.

We won't allow you to keep coming back everytime you visit a sex worker and ask basically the same questions all the time....listen to the advise you have been given and move on.

Jan
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on September 20, 2009, 04:52:17 am
Dear Annie, sorry for bothering you guys again. I will try to move on with the lessons learnt here. Thank you again!
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Andy Velez on September 20, 2009, 08:17:36 am
What you need to understand is that there are certain basic priinciples regarding safer sex which we have repeatedly informed you about. Most important is that you use a condom everytime for vaginal and anal intercourse. As long as you do that and the condom doesn't break, you will be well protected as far as sexual transmission of HIV is concerned.

It also means that when you have sex again you don't have to come here for reassurance each time as long as you are always using condoms. The risk for sexual transmission through other activities is strictly theoretical. In the real world of HIV we know that it's all about using condoms for intercourse.

Remember that and get on with your life.
Title: Was it rubbing or dipping?
Post by: 17jan09 on February 18, 2010, 09:46:38 pm
Hello Andy and the rest, first of all I wish all of you a happy 2010! I have a new situation here that needs your assessment. I was with a sex worker last night. As usual, I asked her to put the condom on my penis before the intercourse. However, my penis became so soft that she failed to put it into her vagina for minutes and suddenly she said the condom has slipped. I looked down to find it is no longer covering my penis. My penis felt no direct contact with her vaginal lips nor even penetration. It COULD be that the very bottom end of the condom still acted as a barrier before I looked down. My worry is that my penis MIGHT be rubbing the front door of her vagina directly for a few seconds before both of us realized the slipped condom. There couldn't be penetration as my penis was so soft but I was using strength alot as I was trying hard to put it inside. Her vaginal lips was flooded with fluids. Was my description considered as frottage or dipping? Did I have a risk if she has a high viral load? Thanks!

Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on February 19, 2010, 03:01:08 am
17,

No penetration means no risk. What you describe is very similar to what is called frottage, where the genitals are rubbed together with no penetration. Frottage is not a risk for hiv infection. Her viral load makes no difference.

Ann
Title: Condom slippage
Post by: 17jan09 on March 21, 2010, 12:20:36 am
Hello all, I had protected vaginal with a girl of unknown status last night. The head of my penis was totally covered but during the thrust there were several occasions (no more than 10 seconds each) while the condom wasn't covering the entire foreskin so I kept rolling it down to the shaft (I'm NOT circumsised). You have mentioned that the fluids containing HIV is in the cervical area and those produced while a woman becomes sexually excited are not a danger to the insertive partner. Having considered all the factors described, do you think I had a minimal risk in this incident? Is there a need to test?  ???
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 21, 2010, 12:30:47 am
You had no risk of being infected with HIV. Protected sex is just  that, protected. It doesn't matter if your shaft wasn't covered, just that the head of your dick was.

MtD
Title: Condom slippage
Post by: 17jan09 on March 21, 2010, 12:51:09 am
Hi Matty, thanks for the quick response but I wasn't talking about the shaft, can you guys please take a closer look at my description? Andy, Ann, may I have your opinions?  ::)
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: RapidRod on March 21, 2010, 08:06:53 am
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
Title: Condom slippage
Post by: 17jan09 on March 21, 2010, 08:53:19 am
Sorry I didn't mean to bother you but could you please take a careful look at my description rather than Matty's reply?
Title: Condom slippage - foreskin
Post by: 17jan09 on March 21, 2010, 09:18:14 pm
Hi everyone, I just want a clarification on my understanding and a risk assessment on my particular encounter. Yes I did have protected vaginal but the condom only covered the head of my penis, NOT the foreskin (I'm NOT cirsumsised). The moderators here have mentioned that HIV can only be found in a woman's cervical area. You have also said that HIV can latch on those cells found inside the foreskin so am I right to say that as long as the head of my penis was covered, I wouldn't be at risk even though my uncircumsised foreskin was not covered?
Title: Condom slippage - foreskin
Post by: 17jan09 on March 22, 2010, 08:58:24 pm
Dear all, please don't ignore my concern. I'm really confused...Andy, are you there? Can you give me some kind opinions?
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: Ann on March 23, 2010, 06:37:03 am
17,

I think you're getting all worked up over nothing. I know what an uncut penis is like and I can't see how your foreskin would be exposed if the head of your penis was covered. If the condom had rolled down that far, it would have come off completely.

You had protected intercourse. Get on with your life.

I see you lurking in this forum all the time. Maybe if you stopped focusing so hard on hiv and just remembered to use condoms, you'd be less inclined to worry so much.

Ann
Title: Re: I'm so worried, please help!
Post by: 17jan09 on March 23, 2010, 10:36:11 am
Thank you so much Ann for replying me! Maybe you are right. I will try not to focus too much on HIV.