POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: Nygurl225 on October 31, 2007, 12:20:08 am
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Ok heres my newest issue/concern. As many of you may know I'm due to give birth in less then 5 weeks. Because of my status I will be on IV AZT. I'm sure I will have many visitors during and after labor. Many whom are not aware of my status. I'm a bit worried about this because I don't want my status to be accidently disclosed to those whom do not know it.
I'm wondering how I would handle this situation. I know there are laws against medical disclosure but I'm just afraid someone will "slip" and say something accidently. I also do not want to tell people who are close to me they can not come visit. Especially since some of them would be very offended.
Any suggestions?
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Hi there
Just talk to the medical staff who will be with you during your labor/birth..tell them exactly what you have told us and there will be no problems.
Hope you let us know when baby is born...wishing you all the best.
Hugs
Jan :-*
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I agree with Jan. Just tell your concerns to the staff at the hospital. They wouldn't want to risk a lawsuit. Keep us updated on how things go!
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I agree with was said, Just pull your doctor aside and tell him or her, you don't want
certain people or family to know, due to there ignorance about being hiv positive.
I had told my whole family, and my niece who is a nurse, mind you, said I don't want
Aunt Beth, to go near my children...
Well the stigma hurts more than the disease...So Let your doctor know asap.
There is also the Heppa Law, and they have to abide by it..
Good luck giving birth, and just ease up your mind now, and let the doctors know
ahead of time... ;)
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Hey Ny,
I've had 2 deliveries with no problems of any information being leaked out. I definitely understand your concerns because not all my family knows either. Like Ubotts said with the Hippa Law everyone is afraid of being sued these days too. I actually had all my girls in upstate NY and I never even mentioned it to the delivery staff because my concern was already in my files from my prenatal care.
With 5 weeks left I'm definitely envious of you because I still have 3 months to go, LOL :)
Best of luck,
Dee
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OMG I was just talking to my mom about this lastnight. We were talking about when I have a baby, about about the baby being on meds. My mom was like dont tell anyone your in the hospital till you come home. LOL I laughed. then I was like well I dont want people coming to the house to visit me either. LOL Well I guess who really does really after the baby first comes home. I mean I wouldn't. besides my parents and of course his parents and our siblings. That it. I really dont want extended family around. My whole concern too is that my bf is neg, and his parents dont know I am poz, and they will NEVER know. So I guess for 6 weeks the whole meds thing has to be done on the downlow. I was afraid too of nurses slipping up too. And I really dont need his mother asking why the baby is on meds.
I know alot of friends I went to highschool with are nurses too...and I would hate to go to the er one day just to say okay...lets go to another hospital. I mean I know technially they can't say anything...buy whos to say they wont tell someone from school who will tell someone else who tells someone esle and so forth. UGH! I hate it!
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When it gets closer to the due date, I'm definitely discussing this with my doctor. Only my mom, dad, brothers, and husband know and that's it. I don't want anyone knowing anything. I also have to discuss with my doctor, reasons to give for not breastfeeding. My family and friends all see breastfeeding as very normal and it's just assumed that I will breastfeed too, even if for a short time. I need some really good reasons, because milk not coming down will not work with them. They will throw a box of herbs at me. :D
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Maybe NY can tell you how that went since she had her baby. As for the friends, I hate making up excuses but here's one, maybe you're on some type of medication that prohibits breastfeeding. I can't think of one of the top of my head but maybe someone else will chime in. Or you can simply tell them you chose not to, end of story. Don't let them force you into a corner.
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Seriously. I mean its your choice anyways. Even before I found out about my status, I already knew I didnt want to breastfeed, so Its not a big deal for me :)
Good luck
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I wish I could say I chose not to. I'm already a crunchy girl. LOL! This would be out of the norm on my end and, like I said, breastfeeding is their norm as well as mine, except now I know I can't. You know I'll keep you guys updated on what my excuse will be. On top of this, I have crazy family members and friends that are in the healthcare field, nurses and stuff, so you know I have to have a good one. All of this so I can live a normal life. If I disclosed to them, my life would be so stressed out by their worries it would be crazy.
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I wish I could say I chose not to. I'm already a crunchy girl. LOL! This would be out of the norm on my end and, like I said, breastfeeding is their norm as well as mine, except now I know I can't. You know I'll keep you guys updated on what my excuse will be. On top of this, I have crazy family members and friends that are in the healthcare field, nurses and stuff, so you know I have to have a good one. All of this so I can live a normal life. If I disclosed to them, my life would be so stressed out by their worries it would be crazy.
I can relate but for different reasons. I will have to go the same route and I am a terrible liar. *Sigh* Better get good practise. I just hope that if you make up and excuse, no one will find out and there be a bigger problem, but I do understaned having to go to that route.
Let me see if I can throw out some possibiliities. Is it possibe to avoid having them see you supposedly breastfeed, because I guess if you get caught feeding the baby formula, you can say that you used the breast pump and expressed your milk into a bottle. Are any of these family members those who have seen your nipples by any chance? Because if not, you could probably say you have inverted nipples. I think I read that sometimes it is possible, but it could make it difficult to latch on and may not always be possible (though I could be wrong and there might be some holistic method to pop them back that they'd throw at you). Physical things are tricky, because those people often have an answer for most things you say is wrong with you.. As for the meds excuse, it is probably the best bet to use, since you won't find many people who would suggest you just give up a much needed drug just so you can breastfeed. I do know that some of the anticonvulsants especially lamotrigine are bad and benzodiazepines (power anti-anxiety drugs). But I am sure there are more that are bad for breastfeeding moms. But the bad thing about anticonvulsants is if you say you are on lamotrigine, for example, you either have to fake a seizure disorder or you will have to say you are on it for bipolar disorder, since a lot of the anticonvulsants can also be used for bipolar disorder. Benzos, you can allegedly be on due to anxiety and you could probably find an antidepressant that is bad and combined with both, you can claim a pretty bad case of post partum depression. But I don't know if that would work--would they respond better to you if they thought you had a mental illness? But there are probably other meds that might make you get more realistic excuses.
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Oooh Coffee, I am soo right there with you. LOL!! The bad post partum depression excuse sounds like a great idea. LOL!! Let's just hope I don't really get that. I know God will supply the tools I need to get over that bridge. I want my experience to be as natural and non invasive as possible. I have a good feeling it will all work out.
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nygurl225- I am late in answering this post but I thought I would congratulate you on becoming a Mommy and say that I hope your experience went well.
When I had my first son in 98 no one in family new anything about my infection. I was due in the beginning of Sept and ended up going into labor at the beginning of August. When I called the father to tell him I was in labor he did not believe me ( because he had kids and it was too early...his words) so instead of calling an ambulance I drove myself to the hospital a half hour away. Trying to drive a stick shift while having excrutiating back labor is not the way to go but I was too afraid to tell the ambulance drivers my status. I made it in at midnight and had my son at 8 in the morning with only the shot in the butt because they did not have the time to give me an epidural. After having my son my family was visiting the next day and my ID doc showed up while they were there. This wouldn't be bad except that he walks around with a big INFECTIOUS DISEASE emroidered on his coat. He was such a sweet guy, as soon as he saw my mother, he kind of did a quick HI, How you doing? and took off and did not get close enough so my family good read his coat. I thought everything went reasonably well at the hospital, I didn't really notice anything out of the ordinary until I ended up telling my mother I was pos maybe 6 months later. When I told her I was pos and my son was OK, she kind of did a AAAHhhaaaa.....thats why you in the room you were in. I was in such a daze from having a pretty much natural delivery, having my son early and the father being a prick, that I did not notice that they had put me a room all by myself at the very end of hall with no other patients(in the whole hall) and my mother who had been a nurse at one point picked up on that right away but did not say anything to me.
When I was pregnant with the trip lets( that should work for not coming up on searches?) they put in the hospital for a week for preterm labor and it was like an act of congress to get my meds everyday. For some reason they couldn't understand that I needed all of them everyday (even on weekends). Then after having the babies they were in the NICU for 6 weeks and they had to be on meds and that kind of freaked me out because there were other parents in and out all the time and the nurses would be talking so everyone could hear who needs what meds.
After awhile you just get so that you don't give a shit just as long your kid is getting the attention and whatever else they need.
I hope you are enjoying your kiddo and getting lots of rest....don't forget about you.(I know easier said than done :))