Some Advice would be greatly appreciated!

[sdj1313]

Hey guys/gals,

So I have quite the dilemma going on in my life right now. I was diagnosed as HIV positive about a year ago around my 21st birthday. Like most of us, it kind of stopped me dead in my tracks and really changed the game. Being resilient as I have always been, I decided to go on with my life as best as I possible could. To give you a brief summary of myself, I'm, an active guy with dreams of joining the military and making a career out of it. Well as most of you probably know, the U.S Military prohibits any HIV positive civillian from entering. That's where my dilemma comes in to play. Lately, I've been extremely depressed about the fact that I can't do what I have always dreamed about doing. I feel like a pro athlete who got injured and ruined their career for life. It's simply not fair. All my friends got to enlist and they love it. Being around them and hearing them talk about their careers just brings me down more but I obviously suck it up and express my happiness for them.

I guess I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this and accept it so that I don't have to live my life being depressed about it. If there is anything that HIV has ruined for me, it is most definitely my career plans and dreams.

Did HIV adversely interfer with anything you had planned in life? How did you deal with it and did you come to accept it?

I'm struggling guys.
 

[Valmont]

Mmmm, you know, there are many people that would have liked to be military and could not because of other kind of thinks that are not HIV too (any accident, for instance...)...  I understand what youŽre living is very hard to accept and that it means a change in your life goal, but I m also sure you can find some adrenaline comparable to what army can offer in other kind of activities, the best you can do is to find that kind of activities and try to accept your new reality (hum, easy to say, I know............)

Most of us, we reveived with HIV other kind of bad news such as yours...  What I could recommand to you is to identify what you like in regard to military life and try to find these elements in other activities, other groups that are compatible with living with HIV...  IŽve been a time in the army and found most of the composante it has in the civil world, by travelling in exotic countries, by exerciting and with sport, also it is posible to use weapons outside the army (particularly in US)...

Try to focalize your energy in what of the military world moves you and find activities that have it, they exist !!!  YouŽll see youŽll be really great with it...  Thinking about this again and again won t be good for you...

Life is not fair, but it has a lot of good things to offer...

[tednlou2]

I continue to be confused about the military policy.  I've heard some say they are poz and in the military.  I'm not sure if things are different, if you're already in.  Or, they may be restricted from battle.  Or, perhaps I read stories of guys who tested poz, and aren't sure whether they will be discharged.  What is the policy?  Is the military not an option in any capacity? 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.  And, it is completely understandable.  Do your friends know your status?  Are they asking why you aren't joining?  If they don't know, I can see that as a stressor, trying to explain why you are not joining. 

I wish you the best, as you deal with this.  My anxiety disorder caused me to not fulfill my dream since 7 years old of becoming a TV news reporter/anchor.  I realize some can conquer anxiety, but you can't change the fact your poz.  I continued working behind the scenes, but it wasn't my dream.  I still have not found anything that has replaced that dream.  I hope you can find something that can make you fulfilled.  You are still young.  I wish I could go back and kick myself into finding something else I was passionate about.  I just worked behind the scenes, while not feeling fulfilled.  Now, I'm 37 and I don't have something else that I feel passionate about. 

[vertigo]

Bummer about your situation.  You are correct on the policy: the U.S. military will not let you in if you have HIV.  Those who contract it while already serving can remain, albeit with the major restriction that they can't serve overseas.

I agree with Valmont that you need to define what it is that you're looking for from the military, and seek those same experiences in the civilian world.  Many military occupational specialties have civilian equivalents.  Not all, of course -- you're not going to find a job driving an M-1 tank on monster.com -- but a lot.  Also, civilian occupations such as police and firefighting have a quasi-military structure that you might find appealing.

It sucks to have your options narrowed so early in life, so I feel for you there.  But perhaps this can steer you in a new direction that you hadn't considered.  What is it you were hoping to do in the service?

[Jmarksto]

Sdj;

Sorry you are here, but welcome.

Did HIV adversely interfer with anything you had planned in life? How did you deal with it and did you come to accept it?

I'm struggling guys.

I agree with the advice so far - "one door closes and nine more open".  The important part for you is to find those other nine doors -- but they are out there.

I am only a year into being poz myself, but one of the things that has helped me through the last year is to connect to a sense of gratitude -- I am grateful that being poz today means that I can still live a vastly normal life, albeit with some limitations (like being able to join the army).  There are so many people that have given up so much with this disease, and the meds we have today are in part a result of people that were on trials and in some cases gave up their lives.  I also see people every day, with other physical/mental/financial/emotional challenges -- and I ask "would they trade places with me?" -- and I think in many cases they would.

In other words, it may help to focus on what you do have as opposed to what you don't have -- those other nine doors may be easier to see.

I really do wish you well, and again welcome,

JM

[darryaz]

I can give you the flip side.....

Because of some problems related to HIV I had to quit a career that I wasn't really that interested in to begin with.  I only worked in that field because it was very lucrative.

Now that I'm "disabled" I've started back doing something I REALLY like.

Most of the "areas" of military work have a civilian equivalent.  Maybe you would do well to identify what type work you'd like to do and find somewhere in the private sector to do it.