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Author Topic: tired of being alone in my small city  (Read 9609 times)

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Offline foreveryoung79

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tired of being alone in my small city
« on: July 25, 2011, 04:43:16 pm »
hey guys. found some really awesome help on this forum once before, hope i can find some again.
 i was diagnosed about a year and a half ago but live in a tiny town in new mexico and there is no one to meet here. im tired of being alone and in the closet (although im pretty open about it now) and poz. i often take road trips and that seems to be the only time i get to meet or hook up with anyone although since ive been in the closet its always more of a one night stand thing, and im getting tired of never really having dated anyone. anyways i want to plan a road trip (cuz there really is no one here in my home town), but this time i wanna meet someone i actually click with, can spend some time with, and yes also hook up ;-). i just dont know where to start. iv looked thru this website, but everytime i do it seems like a needle in a hay stack. no one is online so i cant ever really chat or anything. do you know of anyother websites that might work better or any suggestions at alll please?
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Offline emeraldize

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2011, 05:47:00 pm »
Hi FY,

Have you joined the Personals site offered by POZ? If not, do so. Since you've only referred to this site, I'm guessing you haven't or I've misunderstood what you wrote.

Then, conduct a search of guys in NM and even your town. If that doesn't net many eligibles, input the miles radius from your home that you're willing to drive to meet and/or hookup with someone.

I think you'll find more possibilities that way and it will be geo-specific which is what you're seeking.

Em
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Offline buginme2

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2011, 06:30:32 pm »
How do you expect to find someone you "click with, can spend time with, and hook up with" from an internet search?  It not like placing an order on Amazon (would be so much easier if it was). 

If your in New Mexico, how far are you from ABQ or Santa Fe?  Could you actually go out and meet some people in person there and build some actual relationships with some people?
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Offline mikeyb39

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2011, 04:24:14 pm »
I live here in Dallas and still have the same type of problem,   Can be easy for a hookup, but finding someone to hang with is another story.  At least for here if you aren't a bar person or part of the 'A' club then noone wants much to do with ya socially.  I personally am ok with that since i'm kind of a loner anyways, but I know folks that struggle with that.
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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2011, 06:55:53 pm »
I think you can try ...ChristianMingle.com...There are plenty of people in this site to hook up with.
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2011, 07:12:52 pm »
Quote from: metekrop on July 26, 2011, 06:55:53 pm
I think you can try ...ChristianMingle.com...There are plenty of people in this site to hook up with.

I'm sure that site is really welcoming for a gay person.
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Offline eric48

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2011, 07:34:50 pm »
What's worse than been alone in a small city ? been alone in a large city ...

Cheers

Eric (who has not been alone for 25 years, so please forgive this bad taste of humour)

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Offline David_CA

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2011, 08:52:32 am »
Quote from: metekrop on July 26, 2011, 06:55:53 pm
I think you can try ...ChristianMingle.com...There are plenty of people in this site to hook up with.

That's about as ignorant a suggestion as anybody could make.  That site has no option for men seeking men. 

To the OP... perhaps visits to nearby big cities such as ABQ might yield some results.  Any online gay meeting site could give you guys to make contact with and develop at least an online friendship.  Make such friendships with guys in the nearby city, and you'll have people to visit on a relatively short road trip.  Maybe you won't meet a person to be your 'significant other' immediately, but friendships are always good.  Another option is to do what gay men have been doing for decades - relocate.  This might not be an option at present, but it's certainly something to consider for the future. 
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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2011, 10:43:07 am »
Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 26, 2011, 07:12:52 pm
I'm sure that site is really welcoming for a gay person.

Why not?  ;)
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Offline Ann

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2011, 11:30:22 am »
Quote from: metekrop on July 27, 2011, 10:43:07 am
Why not?  ;)

David told you why not.

Quote from: David_NC on July 27, 2011, 08:52:32 am
That's about as ignorant a suggestion as anybody could make.  That site has no option for men seeking men. 

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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2011, 11:52:06 am »
That site has no option for men seeking men.

NEED Proof?
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Offline leatherman

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2011, 12:39:22 pm »
Quote from: metekrop on July 27, 2011, 11:52:06 am
NEED Proof?
that site only has two options: "m seeking w" and "w seeking m"
(which is completely plausible as most "Christian" religions preach that homosexuality is a sin)
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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2011, 12:51:23 pm »
Quote from: leatherman on July 27, 2011, 12:39:22 pm
that site only has two options: "m seeking w" and "w seeking m"
(which is completely plausible as most "Christian" religions preach that homosexuality is a sin)


Foreget what they preach.  

How about the people we see in the news, those Ms doing the Ms?  Ha, are they not christians?
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Diag.on 12/8, 2000, CD 440 VL 44K, No Meds
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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2011, 12:51:47 pm »
 :o
« Last Edit: July 27, 2011, 12:53:19 pm by metekrop »
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Offline Jeff G

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2011, 01:31:31 pm »
After reading this thread I'm convinced there is no god ... so all you Christians feel free to mingle as you wish with whomever .   
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Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2011, 01:49:49 pm »
Quote from: metekrop on July 27, 2011, 12:51:23 pm
Foreget what they preach.  

How about the people we see in the news, those Ms doing the Ms?  Ha, are they not christians?
So, the question once again would be, how would the site referenced help a gay man find another gay man when the site only allows for selection of male seeking female or female seeking male? ???
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Offline metekrop

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #16 on: July 27, 2011, 02:09:20 pm »
Quote from: phildinftlaudy on July 27, 2011, 01:49:49 pm
So, the question once again would be, how would the site referenced help a gay man find another gay man when the site only allows for selection of male seeking female or female seeking male? ???

Oh, that is the mask.  

Go and ask.  It is said...Seek you get what you ask... ;D
« Last Edit: July 27, 2011, 02:10:51 pm by metekrop »
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Offline Basquo

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2011, 02:17:11 pm »
Quote from: metekrop on July 27, 2011, 02:09:20 pm
Oh, that is the mask.  

Go and ask.  It is said...Seek you get what you ask... ;D

WTF?? Do you have a reasonable suggestion or words of encouragement for the OP? If not, please start your own thread and quit derailing yet ANOTHER one.

Foreveryoung79, hang in there. Register on some of the free sites and just see what happens. There maybe someone out there just itching to get out of the city for a while, if not someone close by that you just didn't know about. And don't put all your eggs in one basket, either; there's a lot of flakes out there who will chat all day and night but once you start to get serious they will bolt. Just prepare yourself for that. It will happen. Good luck!
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #18 on: July 27, 2011, 02:54:23 pm »
Quote from: metekrop on July 27, 2011, 02:09:20 pm
Oh, that is the mask. 

Go and ask.  It is said...Seek you get what you ask... ;D

Perhaps, as a heterosexual male in this thread, you could consider halting the transparent trolling?
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Offline mecch

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #19 on: July 27, 2011, 03:25:05 pm »
To the OP.

Why are you in the closet? Care to explain?

I think often, small towns do have options.  But you have to be visible to others.  At least for friends. And friends, straight or gay, can introduce you or lead you to potential partners. 

You don't have to wear a pink tshirt saying I'm Gay! you can still be private, but not be in the closet.

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Offline Andy Velez

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2011, 08:19:05 am »
Just a cautionary remark here to remind all to stay on track with the original issue raised in the thread.

Mete, you've made your "suggestion," such as it is. There's no need to repeat it nor to sidetrack the conversation here. So cool it.

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Offline Robert

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2011, 10:39:09 am »
forevery

perhaps you should get in touch with Mark ((Azetican).  He lives in a small town in NW New Mexico but works in the New Mexico HIV/Aids Industrial Complex so to speak.   He travels the state working with ASO's and Drs. and cllnics and encounters HIV/AIDS people of all persuasions.   Maybe he can put you in touch with someone. 

Or maybe GRINDR can help.
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..........

Offline MitchMiller

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #22 on: July 30, 2011, 11:26:01 pm »
Wondered why nobody asked the obvious question:  Why don't you relocate to somewhere with a larger gay population?  At 31, you're still in your prime and, take it from a old timer, you're only young once... make the most of it.
 
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2011, 09:27:36 am »
Quote from: Robert on July 28, 2011, 10:39:09 am

Or maybe GRINDR can help.

He wants to date, not get plowed by anonymous sources.
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2011, 09:32:31 am »
Quote from: MitchMiller on July 30, 2011, 11:26:01 pm
Wondered why nobody asked the obvious question:  Why don't you relocate to somewhere with a larger gay population?  At 31, you're still in your prime and, take it from a old timer, you're only young once... make the most of it.
 

My sentiments exactly -- he's 31, not 21. I would think it beneficial to concentrate on coming out via relocation to a larger city, making friends first and not fuck buddies, thus becoming more comfortable with his own sexuality.  The "boyfriend" issues, such as it may, will happen in a more natural manner at a later time.

Frankly one you get into your 30-something years most "out" gay men aren't all that interested in dating someone in the closet. It's a waste of their time helping someone else deal with their sexuality when they've already done so themselves. This isn't a strict rule, certainly there will be kindred souls in a larger city also coming out, but it does limit your prospective dates when all the prospective partner senses is mass amounts of sexual discomfort.

"Coming Out" isn't a once-size-fits-all.  You can be out to friends and co-workers, but not necessarily family members.  That part can come later. I mean really, do you want to be 45 and still in the closet? That's the bottom line.
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Offline sorryass

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #25 on: July 31, 2011, 09:57:02 am »
FY
   Being so young, and positive, and liveing in a small town, you will be vey lucky indeed to find someone that is positive, that you click with.  Wouldnt that be great!  Improve your chances by advertising annomously in your local paper, to a mail box.  Go online to find places close to your home town, advertise there. 
   FY, you have a long road in front of you.  Finding a partner is important.  So are alot of things.  Right now you need to concentrate on your future, your carrear, education.  If you have that in place, then finding a partner will follow.  It will come naturally, you need not seek it out aggresivly, it will come to you, happenstance.  Concentrate on your health, your future, and your smile.  You'll be OKay,  just let things come to you.
Bertram. :-*
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Offline numbersguy82

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #26 on: July 31, 2011, 10:02:07 am »
Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 31, 2011, 09:32:31 am
My sentiments exactly -- he's 31, not 21. I would think it beneficial to concentrate on coming out via relocation to a larger city, making friends first and not fuck buddies, thus becoming more comfortable with his own sexuality.  The "boyfriend" issues, such as it may, will happen in a more natural manner at a later time.

Frankly one you get into your 30-something years most "out" gay men aren't all that interested in dating someone in the closet. It's a waste of their time helping someone else deal with their sexuality when they've already done so themselves. This isn't a strict rule, certainly there will be kindred souls in a larger city also coming out, but it does limit your prospective dates when all the prospective partner senses is mass amounts of sexual discomfort.

"Coming Out" isn't a once-size-fits-all.  You can be out to friends and co-workers, but not necessarily family members.  That part can come later. I mean really, do you want to be 45 and still in the closet? That's the bottom line.


Totally agree with Miss P here. I think first things first and that is committing to finding out just who you are and what you are really looking for... I think it will be easier to identify a potential mate if you are able to express just who you are and what you want in a partner. I don't know if relocation is necessary as it seems like you are open to the online route at first. Maybe Gay.com... its a chat site and when I first came out I was living in rural NC and it was nice to get to know others like me even if they weren't 5 minutes away. I chatted there for years and never met a single person in person. It was a huge help and to this day I will log in and catch up with old friends. Good luck on finding yourself and true love :)

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Offline mecch

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Re: tired of being alone in my small city
« Reply #27 on: July 31, 2011, 07:40:48 pm »
Quote from: mecch on July 27, 2011, 03:25:05 pm
To the OP.

Why are you in the closet? Care to explain?

I think often, small towns do have options.  But you have to be visible to others.  At least for friends. And friends, straight or gay, can introduce you or lead you to potential partners. 

You don't have to wear a pink tshirt saying I'm Gay! you can still be private, but not be in the closet.



Yep, thus my question to the OP.  Hope you will clue us in about why you can't come out.
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