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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: pozguy75 on June 06, 2007, 08:30:08 pm

Title: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 06, 2007, 08:30:08 pm
Okay, look at my avatar. You see a healthy looking 170 pound smiling guy, now close your eyes picture this:

Me in bed, hooked to IV, popping Morphine, Darvocet, Marinol and weighing in at a hefty 140 pounds! Yes ladies and gentlemen I am alive...and isn't it grand??

Do I sound bitter? Yes probably, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Let me start from the beginning....

Friday May 24th I wake up with fever, headache, and think: "It's just a little virus, I will take the day and rest...." Saturday May 25th I wake with a 104.5 degree temp, headaches, backaches, joint pain, etc...I called a friend to take me to the emergency room (because I couldn't drive), where I was admitted post haste to the hospital with sepsis. We are still not exactly sure how I got staph in my blood stream...I had no abscesses or open wounds, still a mystery at this point. I spent the following 5 days in the hospital. I was released from the hospital on Thursday May 31st with PICC line installed, and IV antibiotics for another 10-15 days.

I am officially on a disability leave of absence from work, with an unknown date of return to work.

My head hurts terribly bad, I guess that's good, cause it did confirm I have a brain, cause it's SWOLLEN from the infection. I went out to the store today, which proved to be a larger chore, than I had anticipated. I found that just after an hour of being out and walking I was winded, tired and felt as if I had just ran a marathon...

This is probably the first time I have found myself a little scared...I think what scared me most was when the doctor was very blunt with me...with out dancing around the issue, he said, if I hadn't had gone in to the hospital I could have been dead by week's end...yea, it was that serious! And still is.

I still can't seem to put weight on, and yes I am eating..I eat like a freaking HORSE, I am not putting any weight on. I am losing muscle mass and I honestly look like one of those children Sally Struthers raises money for...do you think $.10 a day will feed me?  ;)

Also, in May, I was diagnosed with HEP C, the viral load was in the millions...we should have some indication as to whether or not to start treatment in the next day or so...I have a sinking feeling that I will be starting the interferon soon...

And back to where I began...I have a headache that refuses to go away, and nausea and vomiting that started Monday night...I am just ready to be healthy again...I am so tired, yet I can't sleep through the night. So, I got me an OTC sleep aide to see if that helps tonight...

I go in tomorrow to have the PICC and dressing changed...I have a pal driving me there, cause I can't stand or sit up straight without the urge to purge...

So, I will be taking the time given to me to rest, and get well again...GOD I HATE AIDS!!!! This damned bug won't let you shake what most people can bounce back from quickly...I don't feel like I am living right now...I feel like I am surviving.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Life on June 06, 2007, 08:37:57 pm
Jeromy, I was just going to ask a few people if they knew how you were doing..   So now we know...  Jesus Jeromy,  I am sorry you are having to deal with this so head on...   Your going to pull through this...   Do what the docs say...

Hugs and Better Life


Eric & Will
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Nadine on June 06, 2007, 08:38:37 pm
Jeromy,

Last I heard you had just found out about the Hep C   I've been wondering what's been going on with you and now I know  :(

Please know that you will be in my thoughts.  Hang in there and feel better soon!  :-*

((((HUGS))))
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 06, 2007, 09:10:18 pm
I'm sorry to hear this.  You'll gain the weight back it just takes a bit of time, speaking from experience.  Throw in some protein shakes each day, that will help.

Do you have someone who can help you with groceries if you need it for a little bit?

Hang in there.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Nico on June 06, 2007, 09:12:10 pm
Jeromy,
Hang in there babe.  I have been down your path as so many of us on here.  Right now it is personal and you need to know you have "us".  Please lean on us for support.  I know that cute guy in the pic is still there and will be there.  ;)

Hugs and love!
Rog




Edit - I just can't type!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 06, 2007, 09:14:17 pm
I'm so sorry to hear you are sick. I hadn't seen you posting in the forum much and assumed you were out having a good time. I really hope you feel better soon.

Ford
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Teresa on June 06, 2007, 09:33:27 pm
So sorry you have been having an awful time of it. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you will be back to your old 170 lb smiling self real soon.

Big Hugs
Teresa
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: xyahka on June 06, 2007, 09:47:12 pm
Hi Jeromy, just be patient and keep fiighting!!!

I know life sometimes seems to be hard... but come on, you know you can get over this!!!! We know it too.

Remember something..."this too shall pass", I know you will be ok.

Big hugs!!!!!

Juan Carlos
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Iggy on June 06, 2007, 10:01:21 pm
Yes - You are just surviving at the moment but damn if that isn't worth a hell of a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for.

No - this is not some feel better and be happy response to your post - I respect you and what you are going through too much to do that, and as much as this sounds like a load of crap - you have to believe that you are gonna get through this. 

I know when you moved months ago you started a new life in many ways, but do you have anyone nearby who can be checking in on you and helping you around the house?





Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: sdcabincrew74 on June 06, 2007, 10:08:30 pm
Sounds like you have been through the wringer so to speak.  I remember feeling that way when I was discharged after my second round of PCP.  Going to the super market was a total killer.  Thank god for my partner and parents because I simply would have not made it without them.  I hate PIC lines and the antibiotics associated with them, but better than a hospital bed, nothing beats the couch and/or bed in our own home.  Take care hon, the weight will come back too fast and much too much in my case.  HUGS!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Bucko on June 06, 2007, 10:38:59 pm
Jeromy sweetheart-

If I could be there I'd make sure you were as comfortable as could be expected and as entertained as I could muster, but unfortunately I'm not. All I can do is reassure you here and tell you that, no matter what condition you find yourself in I love you deeply and with all my heart.

B
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: BT65 on June 06, 2007, 10:52:51 pm
Jeromy-
   Just hang in there.  I had sepsis and was in a coma six years ago.  I was in the coma for two weeks, then unresponsive.  My power-of-attorney told me that when I was taken to the emergency room, they went to do an MRI and I flat-lined on the table and was "dead" for a couple minutes and my mother had to make the decision for them to revive me.  I just feel really lucky that I made it through that and can even still think straight. 
     You'll get through this.  One day at a time, one step at a time, one minute at a time.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. 
Peace-
Betty
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: AlanBama on June 06, 2007, 10:55:10 pm
Jeromy, you poor guy....

my bouts with sepsis were some of the worst times of my life.   I know what you are going through.....

stay strong, my friend.

love & hugs,

Alan
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: David_CA on June 06, 2007, 11:08:13 pm
Hey Jer,

Damn, I was about to PM you and see what you've been up to and where you've been.  To a small extent, I understand how you feel.  When I had that damned PCP back in December, I was a bit freaked out about the whole thing.  What helped more than anything, emotionally anyway, was the support and concern from folks here and friends and family visiting me in the hospital.  Even though we're not there with you, you know we're thinking about you and are hoping for you to have a speedy recovery.  Take care.

David
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: thirtysomething on June 06, 2007, 11:40:51 pm
Oh man I cannot imagine what you must be going through! I just hope you feel better.

Take care
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Carolann on June 06, 2007, 11:43:24 pm
Hi Jeromy,

Though I don\\\'t know you, I feel for you. I hope all will be better and that you gain your weight back. I bet even at 140 you are still as handsome as your avatar pic. Staph infections are scary. I have four wisdom teeth that have to come out before they become badly infected but, I am afraid because of this little virus called HIV.

TaKe Care,

Carolann
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: anniebc on June 06, 2007, 11:55:57 pm
Hi Jeromy

Just wanted to give you some big old ((((hugs))))

Thinking of you
Jan :-*
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: aztecan on June 06, 2007, 11:57:49 pm
Hey Jeromy,

Lordy honey, I remember you mentioning the Hep C but then you disappeared.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have every faith you will be back to your old self again, it just may take a little time.

Know you will be in my thoughts and I will be sending copious amount of healing and energizing energy your way.

Take good care of yourself, please.

HUGS,

Mark
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Longislander on June 07, 2007, 12:02:10 am
Jeromy, I'm sorry to hear this. Your movie stories are alot more exciting!

Please take very good care of your sweet self and get back to normal~

Paul
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Robert on June 07, 2007, 12:04:15 am
Jeromy..

I'm so sorry.  Not having heard from you in a long time I was fearing the worst and hoping for the best.  From depression to HEP C to sepsis is, like they say, going from the frying pan into the fire.  I'm sorry it's all such a bitch right now.

However godawful they may be, try those protein drinks like Ensure.  And I do so hope you have someone there to help take care of you.  

All our best

robert

Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 07, 2007, 12:32:45 am
Jeremy,

I sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I HATE HIV/AIDS too >:(, I hate it so much that I decided it will not beat me, it will not take the best of me.
I know in times like this it is difficult to think clearly, but I know you are going to bounce back from this and you will beat the crap out of HIV/AIDS.
 
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: northernguy on June 07, 2007, 01:42:02 am
Hey Jeromy, sorry to hear about all this.  Hang in there, the world needs more Ardon Masters. ;)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: milker on June 07, 2007, 02:25:04 am
Man that sucks, i'm sorry to hear this  >:( I hope your body bounces back soon, you've been through a lot, lately.

Peace,

Milker.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Jeffreyj on June 07, 2007, 02:37:20 am
Damn Man,
What a biotch of time! You have staff in your blood??? Never heard of that one holly crap! I am sorry this is all happening to you. Hang in the bud, be brave, be strong! Keep us posted!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: JohnOso on June 07, 2007, 04:48:00 am
Jeromy,

Sorry that these things are happening to you, man. 

Sending out big furry hugs to make things better for you.

Hang in there, you've got a lot of folks thinking about you.

John
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: RapidRod on June 07, 2007, 05:01:35 am
Jeromy, hang in there. You got yourself a nasty bug to fight with and it will take some time so don't over do yourself. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

Rodney
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Ann on June 07, 2007, 05:50:46 am
((((((Jeromy))))))

Aw sweetie, this sucks! Keep fighting - you can beat this and come out on top.

I kinda doubt that you would be allowed to start the hep C treatment until you're feeling stronger, but honey, please do start the treatment as soon as you are able. It's a bitch, but it WILL help you in the long run. You know I speak from experience here.

You also know where I am and how to contact me. Don't hesitate! I know how important support is while doing the interferon/ribaviron stuff - and I'm here to give you that support. You can do it, really, you can.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cjc on June 07, 2007, 06:57:49 am
Hello, Jeromy. I had wondered where you were lately.  I am really sorry to hear you got sick but am glad you are getting better. Hang in there, your weight will go back up and you will be your normal beautiful self, soon. Try not to get too down. Things will get better. Cristy
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Dachshund on June 07, 2007, 07:25:03 am
Thinking of you Jeromy.

Hal
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: J.R.E. on June 07, 2007, 07:36:25 am
Jeromy,


Wishing you the best-----Hang tough !!


Ray
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: woodshere on June 07, 2007, 09:42:55 am
Well wishes sent your way!!!

Woods
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: RAB on June 07, 2007, 09:46:38 am
Jeromy

I'm sad to read about this most recent turn of events. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery from the staph infection, then on to the Hep C.  (As Ann says--do it!)

Take care guy.

RAB
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cmhjeff on June 07, 2007, 11:27:10 am
Jeromy my boy like I said in my PM yesterday I hadn't had the chance to read your thread so I just plugged it into my text to speech reader and listened.  I'm so sorry to hear about the hell you've been through since May 24th. I had hoped your absence was for other reasons. I'd often check your profile to check if you signed in but I think it seemed stuck on May 8th. I was just so happy to see you online that I decided to wait until today to read the thread. I know you can beat this! If it wasn't for this fucking PML I'd be in my car headed to Charlotte. I'm sure Jeffrey would understand. (maybe)  ;)
I've been thru the weight loss and it just takes some time. Before PML I was 200+ then with PML I fell below 150 and now I'm struggling to keep it down at 185.

I'm glad you found your way back here where you are loved by many!

HUGS and  :-* :-* :-*

Jeff
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Queen Tokelove on June 07, 2007, 11:47:04 am
Jeromy~~~

Damn sweetie, I hope you get better soon. Like the others, I also wondered where you were. Stay home and rest up, find someone to check in on you and take care of your bills etc or better yet do it online if you can. I will be sending my rays of sunshine to you, lovey!!!!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: bear60 on June 07, 2007, 02:39:15 pm
Sending you a big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: babygurl01 on June 07, 2007, 03:02:03 pm
Hey!!
Damn I hope you are feeling better. It is June 7th and I don't know what is going on with you, but my hopes and wishes are with you.

I am not poz, but I am living with someone who is and it terrifies me waht he could go through. I love this man with all my heart, and I hope that someone is loving and caring for you just as much!!!

Thinking of you!

Jodi
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: redhotmuslbear on June 07, 2007, 03:29:01 pm
Jeromy,

I wish you were not getting a couple decades worth of medical drama thrown at you in a few weeks, but that's the way things go sometimes.  You may feel like hell, but you still gave me a boner here at the office this afternoon!  WOOF!

Hugs,
David
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Lisa on June 09, 2007, 10:36:56 am
Hiya kiddo,
I've been thinking of you, and wondered how you are. I am only an hour away. If you need a good nurse, I won't hesitate. PMing you.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Christine on June 09, 2007, 12:42:23 pm
Jeromy,

I am so sorry about all this. Sending you good, healing thoughts. Rest, keep eating, and be good to yourself. You will heal, it may take longer than you want, but it will happen.

Christine
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 10, 2007, 05:56:47 pm
Thank you everyone, for the well wishes!

I see the doctor tomorrow, to see if this PICC comes out or not. I hope it does...and I am officially on disability...didn't think I would need to use that for awhile...thank God I have it.

The headaches seem to have weakend their hold on me, and have lightend up....I still have some nausea, and that is really annoying.

I ventured out to the market today, and I was so winded, it was crazy. A really cute guy asked if he could help me with my buggy, and who am I to turn down assistance? I am not that independent!

But I slept most of the weekend which is what my body needs, rest...and for me to admit that is well, the battle really...I don't admit that I need help and when I do, I really mean it...

I have a couple of friends driving me around cause I am not quite comfortable behind the wheel right now...and I have all of you!!

I have missed you all, and if feels good to be back home!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 10, 2007, 06:33:46 pm
Jeromy,

Glad to hear you are a little better.  Have you asked your doc about Marinol?  It works very well for the nausea, only downfall is you will be stoned for a long time and it doesn't really help if you are having problems keeping anything down.
I hope you keep getting stronger and healthier by the minute.

Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 10, 2007, 06:35:49 pm
Jeromy,

Glad to hear you are a little better.  Have you asked your doc about Marinol?  It works very well for the nausea, only downfall is you will be stoned for a long time and it doesn't really help if you are having problems keeping anything down.
I hope you keep getting stronger and healthier by the minute.



I am on Marinol...and you are not kidding...it definitely keeps you stoned! It also seems to help with the headaches too...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Nadine on June 10, 2007, 07:09:27 pm
Hey Jeromy..I too am happy to hear that you're a bit better!

Just hang in there and take good care of yourself!

((((((HUGS)))))
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: bear60 on June 10, 2007, 07:20:14 pm
Hey ....Nice to see you back on the forum and great to hear that Marinol works for you.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cjc on June 10, 2007, 08:03:44 pm
Glad to hear you are feeling better. Keep it up.  Cristy
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: BT65 on June 10, 2007, 08:12:41 pm
Jeromy-
  So glad you are feeling better, even if it's only a little bit.  Just keep going and hang in there-things have to get better, right?
  Betty
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cmhjeff on June 10, 2007, 08:36:35 pm
Why do I get this urge to squeal like a pig when I see you online? OINK  ;) See what you do to me! I'm glad to read you're beginning to feel better. Don't push yourself just yet. I'm glad you have friends there to help you out. Good luck tomorrow at the doctors. Hope he tells you that PICC can come out and that you'll never need that again.

XO
Jeff
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Nico on June 10, 2007, 08:48:46 pm
Jeromy,
Glad you listened to your body and got some rest.  I love naps when my body calls for them.  They make me feel so good.

Just take your time - only your time and get better. 

Hugs and better days.
Rog 
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: thunter34 on June 10, 2007, 09:50:33 pm
Have you asked your doc about Marinol?  It works well...only downfall is you will be stoned for a long time.


Wait...it's downfall is what?     ;D



And to J:   :-*
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 01:48:03 am

Wait...it's downfall is what?     ;D



And to J:   :-*

that's why she prescribed every fours as needed! lol
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 11, 2007, 02:05:34 am
Glad to hear things are improving. Just take it easy and don't try to do too much too fast.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: David_CA on June 11, 2007, 09:26:25 am
that's why she prescribed every fours as needed! lol

Lucky you!   ;)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: sweetasmeli on June 11, 2007, 10:56:25 am
Oops I could have swore I already posted here but apparently not. (Seriously think I'm losing the plot. ::))

Sorry to hear you've been having such a crap time if it, Jeromy. Hoping you continue to feel better and better.

Healing hugs
Melia :-*
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 01:50:26 pm
Good news....The PICC line came out today!! No more IV antibiotics...now I need to start thinking about HEP C treatment...but, I am getting stronger each day...but I am taking my time...no rushing things...that's how I got sick in the first place.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Longislander on June 11, 2007, 01:54:56 pm
congrats! and good thinking. Take good care of yourself~ ;D
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 11, 2007, 01:56:01 pm
 :D  Hurray....good news indeed!

Keep getting better so you can make your way to California and I'll share some of my meds with you ( I promiss you California's homegrown  is a lot better than Marinol...LOL  ;) )

Rich
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 01:56:59 pm
Rich, sounds like a deal!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 11, 2007, 02:35:36 pm
Hope you are strong enough to make it for our September gathering.
If not, there is always another time..and remember...San Francisco is home to wonderful PORN  ::)
Rich
(who heard that nearly every leading studio that makes gay adult content now is centered in the city)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 02:49:51 pm
rich, if I come that way...can I live with you?  ;)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 11, 2007, 02:58:40 pm
rich, if I come that way...can I live with you?  ;)

Oh Jeromy,
I don't even do sleep overs :P.
but after watching you, I may reconsider  :-*

Rich
(who is afraid if they sleep over, they will never leave.... :-\)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: thunter34 on June 11, 2007, 02:59:33 pm
Hope you are strong enough to make it for our September gathering.
If not, there is always another time..and remember...San Francisco is home to wonderful PORN  ::)
Rich
(who heard that nearly every leading studio that makes gay adult content now is centered in the city)

Oh, haven't you heard?  Jeromy and I are due to be filming a scene together once we're there.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 11, 2007, 03:04:12 pm
Oh, haven't you heard?  Jeromy and I are due to be filming a scene together once we're there.
Need a fluffer?  Extra? You name it, I am here to help ! ;D
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: David_CA on June 11, 2007, 03:47:23 pm
Get in line, Rich (behind me, that is)!  ;D

David
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...MELT Down
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 05:24:15 pm
Okay...just had a melt down...

Because of the hospital stay, I haven't paid my rent yet and now being on disability...I have no idea when I will be paid! I know I will not be getting a pay check on the 15th...God, I hope I get something before or just after...

I just got off the phone with my brother...he is going to help me with this month's rent....but I think I just had a nervous melt down...

I am just so scared and just had a crying, snotty melt down with my brother...God, I HATE THIS DISEASE and what it can do to one's emotional state. I just want someone to hold me right now...I need arms to fall into and cry....

I want so badly to be well...to not have to worry about how I am going to get paid...or when.

I am sorry if I sound like a whiner...I just am very scared of the unknown and what my options are...

I just needed to post because it seems to help.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 11, 2007, 05:33:08 pm
 Jeromy,

You are just going through a rough patch aren't you? :'(  Try to look at it this way...everything that could possibly go wrong has happened...from now on it can only get better.
Check out what services are available for you in your area.  I know that many places offer support such as food banks, prescription assistance, etc...  and nothing to be ashamed of ( I used such a program when I was first diagnosed).
Keep venting...cry, scream, through things around..eventually you will laugh.

Rich
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: megasept on June 11, 2007, 05:50:54 pm
Hope you are strong enough to make it for our September gathering.
If not, there is always another time..and remember...San Francisco is home to wonderful PORN  ::)
Rich
(who heard that nearly every leading studio that makes gay adult content now is centered in the city)

I beg your pardon, but the real porn capital save the former socialist republics, is Los Angeles and other neighbors in the wonderful  ;)  San Fernando Valley. "The City" is too delicate for such a prize.

Oh...and %$#&$%, Get Well Jeromy! 8)  -megasept (Valley Booster?)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Iggy on June 11, 2007, 07:18:00 pm
Jeromy,

Your last message has got me pretty emotional as it was almost a year ago that I was in a very similar place...I'm happy to hear that your brother is helping you with the rent.   I think you are dead right about needing someone to hold you right now  - non sexual and non flirting - what you need now is people who can just be there for you. 

Is there anyone at all in your area that you can have stay with you (or visa versa_) for a few days?

Iggy
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 11, 2007, 08:06:06 pm
I do...I am going to ask a couple of people...I just want that feeling of being protected...I want to feel safe...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: milker on June 11, 2007, 08:42:25 pm
Man you're going through a series of ups and downs you must be very tired  :(

I hope too that you will be in shape to attend the AMG in september, you'd be the third porn star I personally meet. The first one became a bf, the second one I sucked in public at Folsom Fair, so I can't wait to meet the 3rd :)

Hugz  :-* :-* :-*

Milker.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 11, 2007, 08:49:55 pm
Jeromy, have you touched base with your case worker/ASO just to make sure if or if not there's any special assistance short term or whatever for someone in your position.  At least if there is you can have the paperwork filled out, etc.  At the very least you'll know what is out there.

I went through a similar bad patch about five years ago.  Hope things get better quick for you.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...MELT Down
Post by: cmhjeff on June 12, 2007, 09:07:10 am

I just got off the phone with my brother...he is going to help me with this month's rent....but I think I just had a nervous melt down...
Thank god for family!  So glad to hear he's helping you!

I am just so scared and just had a crying, snotty melt down with my brother...God, I HATE THIS DISEASE and what it can do to one's emotional state. I just want someone to hold me right now...I need arms to fall into and cry....
Don't be so hard on yourself you've been through so much lately and you are so allowed to cry!

I want so badly to be well...to not have to worry about how I am going to get paid...or when.
It must have been in the air cause just yesterday I told Jeffrey I'm sick of being sick! Tired of feeling blind and sick of being disabled!


I am sorry if I sound like a whiner...I just am very scared of the unknown and what my options are...
UNDERSTANDABLE!

I just needed to post because it seems to help.
Post away we are here to listen!

HUGS
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Robert on June 12, 2007, 10:33:25 am
Jeromy.

when the sky is falling, there is nothing better than a nice warm blanket to crawl under.  i hope you get some understanding arms wrapped around you real soon.  In the meantime, you've got us here and, thank god, that wonderful brother of yours. 

I love brothers.

robert
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Longislander on June 12, 2007, 02:31:03 pm
sweety, you know if we were all closer to you,  you wouldn't be able to tolerate all the warm hugs and love you would get from each and every one of us here at AM. And you'd no doubt be drowning in chicken soup! ;D

I wish you well.

Paul
xo
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Life on June 12, 2007, 10:06:52 pm
Jeromy,  its just so new for you.   These things we are use to obtaining or taking for granted, well it just aloof right now Jer....  Once you find how disability works (by talking to them) your fears will deminish.   Your brother is there to help you through until things become clearer, when you become well'er....  Keep reaching out your hand Jeromy.   It will always be met and pulled in for that long awaited hug..   Keep your wits about you and please catch up on your crying...  It does a body good...

Love,

Eric
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 13, 2007, 04:01:05 pm
Jeromy, have you touched base with your case worker/ASO just to make sure if or if not there's any special assistance short term or whatever for someone in your position.  At least if there is you can have the paperwork filled out, etc.  At the very least you'll know what is out there.

I went through a similar bad patch about five years ago.  Hope things get better quick for you.

I don't have one...I should probably get one though...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: sweetasmeli on June 13, 2007, 04:05:09 pm
Jeromy, how are you doing today honey?

Melia x
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 13, 2007, 04:13:32 pm
Jeromy, how are you doing today honey?

Melia x

I am tired...but I think I am getting better...I am venturing out more, an hour or so at a time, trying not to overdo anything. But now I am ready for a nap...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Sky on June 13, 2007, 04:16:18 pm
I am tired...but I think I am getting better...I am venturing out more, an hour or so at a time, trying not to overdo anything. But now I am ready for a nap...

Hang in there babe.  That is just the beginning, you'll get stronger each day, just conserve your energy best ya can.  I know it's tough, but think how great it will be to get back to where ya were before.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: sweetasmeli on June 13, 2007, 04:21:45 pm
I am tired...but I think I am getting better...I am venturing out more, an hour or so at a time, trying not to overdo anything. But now I am ready for a nap...

Well just you take it easy. And happy napping. Naps rule. ;)

Wishing you all better soon and sending you healing hugs
Melia x
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: englishgirl on June 13, 2007, 04:45:55 pm
glad you are feeling a little better. keep on keepin on
all the best xxx
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: wellington on June 13, 2007, 10:43:53 pm
Jeromy.  So saddened to read of your roller-coaster existence these last few weeks.  I know what you mean about just being held by someone.  Virtual arms and a firm shoulder are the best I can offer at the moment.

Wishing you a speedy recovery through this brief rough spot!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: camille07 on June 14, 2007, 09:08:55 am
Hey Jeromy-

I wish more than anything I could give you a really great big hug that says, "we are all here for you".  I know where you've been and the absolute frustration of being kicked when you're down...whether its by the virus or the landlord.  I am praying for you sweets, you can get through this.

Cammie
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 16, 2007, 12:47:36 am
I don't have one...I should probably get one though...

Okay, my ASO sucks! Maybe I shouldn't say that, but, they wouldn't even talk to me really...why? Because I have a job, insurance...in other words, I am not dirt poor with no other means...all I wanted was a housing list...but, nope, nadda..."come back when you are homeless, no money, no job, and no medical insurance then we can help you...but in the mean time, look at all the pictures of the volunteers and the wonderful cakes and events we put together!"

Do I sound a little irritated? Well I am...guess I should think of myself as a lucky for having a job and insurance...but not even to really talk to me....they could have at least told me such on the phone when I called...but my God the guy who answered the phone, couldn't even tell me the address of the place! Lord, I wonder what needs to happen next!

Anyway, I think I have my living situation resolved, I spoke with my building management and laid it all out on the table: I have AIDS, thought I was moving in with someone, but his BF is moving in and now I don't want to homeless, is there an available apartment for me to move into? And yes...(cue chior: haleluiah) Two floors up, end unit, and bedroom and bathroom are all on the same floor! I should be able to move in a week or so...


So with that stress behind me...hopefully...I have decided to start the hepatitis treatment next week.

I am on disability already, and I will be flying out to see family over the 4th of July so, I figured...the time is right, do it now, nip it before it nips me!

So, I am just trying to keep my dinner down...and lying in bed...thinking what a terrific resource this place is!! Thank you all again for your support...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 16, 2007, 04:33:42 pm
Jeromy,

I'm glad to hear that your living situation is under control.  That alone should take a lot of stress out of your life and help you give 100% of your time and energy to focus on your full recovery.
You have all the right to be frustrated with the ASO situation.  The situation is terrible because of the huge budget cuts from the government.  Basically the money is not going towards anything that "condones or support" inappropriate behaviour >>no sex education (gay or straight) only abstinence, no funding for HIV education/prevention [condoms, needles, STD's  (specially for the already HIV+, gays and intravenous drug users)]<<  Bottom line is they (ASO) have so little that they can only afford to do little for those who trully have nothing, and I mean NOTHING! 
I could go on and on about this..... >:( >:( >:(
Anyway.....
Despite your experience with the system, you sound better every time you post, I hope I am right about that :)
Keep getting stronger and healthy


Quote from: pozguy75
I just want someone to hold me right now...
Rich (who is waiting for Jeromy in San Francisco so he can give him that BIG HUG   :D)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: o on June 16, 2007, 05:37:30 pm
Jeromy...
Reading each one of your posts, i was speechless...
Sometimes no words of wisdom help, but u managed to live through it and u r getting better!!!
i am relieved to read at the end...
Take care bud.
from one ocean away o sends u a big hug.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 18, 2007, 01:32:18 pm
With each day that passes, I seem to be better...but the nausea...I am still dealing with the nausea. And one other thing I am noticing is, my appetite seems to be declining as well...I mean, I get hungry but not overly hungry.

I have my follow up tomorrow, but the good news out of all of this is the latest blood cultures are negative and the staph is gone! So, now I can focus on the Hep C treatment and start rebuilding my lean muscle...

So, I will continue update with new information as I get it!

Thanks for being here!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: mjmel on June 18, 2007, 01:54:25 pm
Hey, that's good news, Jeromy! See!........it's a slow process but recovery and strength do return. Keep up the good work--the good progress.
a hug,
Mike
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: bear60 on June 18, 2007, 02:06:18 pm
Jeromy
I have just read your latest posts and am glad to hear your health has improved.
Good news !!!
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 18, 2007, 02:12:59 pm
See?  Jeromy is a prime reason that the production of nandrolone decanoate should not have been halted for HIV patients.  Someone who lost as much weight as he has recently would benefit greatly from this, and would most likely regain the weight in a matter of six months.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cmhjeff on June 18, 2007, 02:21:23 pm
One tiny step forwad is always better than two steps back! That's great news about the staph infection now tackle the Hep C. Maybe your doctor can give you something for the nausea. As long as you're not getting sick from it you really need to make yourself eat even if it's junk food such as milkshakes ice cream or cookies to pack on the calories. You can do it Jeromy!

Hugs
Jeff
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: xyahka on June 18, 2007, 02:25:51 pm
Well done Jeromy!  :)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 18, 2007, 02:25:57 pm
Hi Jeromy,

I'm happy to hear you are getting better... I knew you would  ;)
now as far as....

...but the nausea...I am still dealing with the nausea. And one other thing I am noticing is, my appetite seems to be declining as well...

Here's my solution for that ( and I deal with nausea EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!)


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 18, 2007, 02:41:18 pm
Hi Jeromy,

I'm happy to hear you are getting better... I knew you would  ;)
now as far as....

Here's my solution for that ( and I deal with nausea EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!)


I am still taking the Marinol...but it seems the later it get the worse the nausea gets...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Teresa on June 18, 2007, 02:49:45 pm
Jeromy,

Glad to hear you are starting to feel better and the staph infection is gone. Hopefully you will get the nausea under control real soon!

Hugs
Teresa
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: RapidRod on June 18, 2007, 02:49:51 pm
That's good news Jeromy. Just continue to take care of yourself. Don't over do it because you feel better.  ;)
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: cjc on June 18, 2007, 02:57:31 pm
Hello, Glad to hear that you are feeling better. Now, if we can get your appetite built back up. Sorry the nausea has been bad. If the green doesn't help or marinol, maybe some ginger ale or sprite might help. Probably not if it's that bad but maybe worth a try.  Have a great visit with your family and I hope the Hep C treatment is not too hard on you.  keep us updated.  Cristy
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: dtwpuck on June 18, 2007, 07:29:34 pm
Hey J...
I read the entire thread.  My thoughts are with you.  I hope you have been able to find someone to put his arms around you and hold you ... make you feel safe.   

Please keep fighting, and remember, people care about you.

S
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 18, 2007, 08:47:24 pm
Hey J...
I read the entire thread.  My thoughts are with you.  I hope you have been able to find someone to put his arms around you and hold you ... make you feel safe.   

Please keep fighting, and remember, people care about you.

S

Hey there..thanks for the thoughts! And yes, I have found a pair of arms....and they are strong, sexy, and protective...I am so looking forward to waking up ten years from now, with those same arms around me...I have a feeling he feels the same...


I am just very apprehensive about tomorrow's appointment...but I will post when I get home and let you all know
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Sky on June 18, 2007, 10:38:38 pm
Hang in there babe!  Think positive, no pun intended.  You're a brave guy with a big heart, the rain clouds will clear soon  ;)

Charlie
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 19, 2007, 05:52:43 pm
I had the most wonderful Dr's appt today...

So here's the bottom line:

Bacteria gone,
CD4: 670
VL: undetectable

HEP C: last month the VL was 1,810,000, liver functions: ALT: 1280
Today: VL 20, ALT 27

I just can't believe this wonderful turn of events! I am excited and happy...

and I have a guy that loves me...I am over the moon! My smile today matches the avatar!

Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: newt on June 19, 2007, 05:55:28 pm
Drama queen :D

Seriously, v good, esp the hep c stuff, and MORE IMPORTANTLY the man

- matt
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 19, 2007, 06:11:32 pm
Great news! So happy you are on the mend and you have a special someone.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 19, 2007, 08:03:07 pm
Wonderful news Jeromy :D

Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: dtwpuck on June 19, 2007, 08:03:31 pm
What terrific news....
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: milker on June 19, 2007, 08:55:35 pm
A pair of what?

:D

 :-*

Milker.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: sweetasmeli on June 20, 2007, 05:01:18 am
Fantabulous news Jeromy. Simply fantabulous! :-*

Miss Melia xxx
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Longislander on June 20, 2007, 07:27:57 pm
Great news sweets, I'm wondering if the new manlove has anything to do with your great improvement????! ;D
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozattitude on June 20, 2007, 07:48:00 pm
hey Jeromy,

Do I get this right?

You got rid of the bacteria, your CD4: 670 VL: undetectable, HEP C: VL 20, ALT 27 and at the same time you found yourself a wonderful man with strong arms who is sexy and protective?
When, how, where?
You are SO my HERO  ;D
I am very happy for you.  Hope to see you in SF for AMG
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: pozguy75 on June 21, 2007, 06:49:13 pm
hey Jeromy,

Do I get this right?

You got rid of the bacteria, your CD4: 670 VL: undetectable, HEP C: VL 20, ALT 27 and at the same time you found yourself a wonderful man with strong arms who is sexy and protective?
When, how, where?
You are SO my HERO  ;D
I am very happy for you.  Hope to see you in SF for AMG

I have no idea...I find myself asking the same questions...but, you know what, I am going with it!


And yes, I am hoping to be in SF...
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: Nadine on June 22, 2007, 07:18:07 am
Wonderful news Jeromy!   ;D
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: bear60 on June 22, 2007, 09:35:21 am
Great news!!!! Tell us more about the new guy in your life.
Title: Re: Living with? Fuck NO, Surviving with...
Post by: camille07 on June 22, 2007, 11:08:04 am
Congratulations! :D

Excellent news, nice way to start off the first weekend of summer.  Heck nice way to start off any day!