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Author Topic: Partner newly diagnosed  (Read 6275 times)

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Offline buddhaboy60613

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Partner newly diagnosed
« on: October 23, 2013, 05:22:30 pm »
My partner of 8 years told me last night he's positive. And he kept asking if I fully understand what that meant, and I assured him that I did. This morning, however, I think it REALLY began to sink in. When I allow my mind to slow down, I start to feel shell shocked. And as much as I want to be supportive of him, part of me wants to just curl up in a ball and just wish this was happening to someone, anyone else.

And I just want to cry, all the time.
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Offline buddhaboy60613

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2013, 01:26:34 pm »
 To follow-up on yesterday's post: I feel so much better. It turns out that my partner was exposed before we got together, so he's been living with it for at least 8 years. And his doctor told him his viral load is virtually undetectable and should remain that way as long as he takes his meds.
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Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2013, 06:48:53 pm »
Do you have questions you want to ask us in the forum, or do you think you'll be able to talk it out with your partner? Or both?

Just a note: effective HAART means he should be most of the time, reliably undetectable, not "virtually undetectable"...  Is this a wording slip, or are you unaware of what effective treatment means....  Or something else?
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline buddhaboy60613

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2013, 08:00:41 pm »
Mecch,

Thanks for the response and the clarification. This is still very new for me, and he just started treatment. I'm sure I'll have questions, but more than anything yesterday I just needed a release.
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Offline mecch

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2013, 08:57:49 pm »
Ah well if he just started, that explains the numbers. It can take awhile to finally drop form very low, to undetectable.
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2013, 09:02:15 pm »
Just putting this out there. 
IMO it's not particularly nice for an HIV+ person to be in a relationship and not disclose this little fact. 
If you feel like talking about it, I'm asking how your feel about that.  Are you ok?
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2013, 11:17:19 pm »
Quote from: mecch on October 24, 2013, 09:02:15 pm
Just putting this out there. 
IMO it's not particularly nice for an HIV+ person to be in a relationship and not disclose this little fact. 
If you feel like talking about it, I'm asking how your feel about that.  Are you ok?

Yeah, eight dates is a long time. Eight years is.. well, it's eight years of hiding something pertinent to the relationship.

That's pretty extreme.



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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

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Welcome Thread

Offline buddhaboy60613

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2013, 10:25:35 am »
Quote from: mecch on October 24, 2013, 09:02:15 pm
Just putting this out there. 
IMO it's not particularly nice for an HIV+ person to be in a relationship and not disclose this little fact. 
If you feel like talking about it, I'm asking how your feel about that.  Are you ok?

He didn't know when we met. His diagnosis was confirmed Tuesday. But now that I'm starting to put the pieces together, I realize there must have been some inkling before this week. And when we talked, he did apologize for not being honest. I suspect he wanted to wait until he and his doctor were certain. I was last tested last year but am thinking of getting tested again this weekend, just so to know if my status has changed.
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Offline mecch

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2013, 11:10:25 am »
I'm sorry I misunderstood. He recently got tested and diagnosed.  Well I'm sure its a blow to him - why don't you encourage him to join our forum.
I hope your test is negative.  You seem pretty calm and rational in your new posts, so congratulations on that. If you are negative, its pretty easy to stay that way in a "serodiscordant" relation - as long as you communicate well and figure out together how to keep you negative.
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline buddhaboy60613

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2013, 02:57:11 pm »
Quote from: mecch on October 25, 2013, 11:10:25 am
I'm sorry I misunderstood. He recently got tested and diagnosed.  Well I'm sure its a blow to him - why don't you encourage him to join our forum.
I hope your test is negative.  You seem pretty calm and rational in your new posts, so congratulations on that. If you are negative, its pretty easy to stay that way in a "serodiscordant" relation - as long as you communicate well and figure out together how to keep you negative.

I don't think I have anything to worry about regarding my own status, but I did make the decision to have another test today. As for my partner, he seems to be taking it in strides. Tuesday was a big blow, but after that, he's been calm and reassuring. Right now he doesn't want anyone to know, but I hope that will change. We have a mutual friend who's been living with HIV for YEARS now, and I think my partner might benefit from being able to talk to someone who can really understand what lies ahead for him and us. But at the very least, I'm going to check into in-person support groups when I go for my test tonight.
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Offline joemutt

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Re: Partner newly diagnosed
« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2013, 03:52:34 am »
Good Luck to both of you. :)
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