Having trouble accepting new ways of living

[aasnyder]

well what to say n where to start  well I got my HIV thru a blood transfussion in Oct 05 and found out in Feb 06, after a bad situation where i got tested to check my body.  My inital reaction was...i battled precancer, i battle other stuff, but dear god, why this?  I went home told my family and ran away, got hooked into more thing i shouldnt..make short, my husband that i left in 2002 asked me to come live here with our daughter and him which hes raised since i left..so i got on the bus in april n came here.  so whats the problem u ask?

  I am soo frustrated that I cant get over how i feel cant contol the anger towards what has happend, nothing is the same i am constantly thinkin of why..Last night my husband suggested surgecal mask n gloves for when kids get hurt or him, i lost it.. Im a mommy I shouldnt have to worry about covering self.

  I guess Im lookin for ways to accept what has happend to me, and mabey just mabey I can  move on. When I forst found out, i called every lawyer to file a lawsuit, but u know what, they either didnt belive me or didnt have time to resarch it.  Now, i stopped lookin and trying to live a normal life. I live in a small area in middle of no mans land, a couple of people know, but im scared once if ever others find out my kids will have no friends and they will resent me.  My 8yo and 11yo step daughter think mommy has bugs in blood and we have asked them not to tell anyone so they can b normal, but they see the pain im in..How can i explain to them what i have before they learn in school and realize how things are with me?

  I am sorry for buggin, this is long story short..on a good note, at least he is trying, when i came here he was soo nervous and scared, but being intimate is difficult, and how can i work him even easier? any sites for us/him to look at? thanks for reading, april

u can find me on yahoo messanger most times...

[Iggy]

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[LatinAlexander]

You know someting? I envy you...You already have  children...I always dreamt of having a baby...I guess, that is not something I could do anymore...

Do you realize you have two beatiful young reasons to fight? Please, get up, FIGHT FOR THEM!!!!! If you feel to weak, angry or sad to do it for yourself, DO IT FOR THEM!!!! THEY NEED YOU!!!

With one lost wish of a huge family, hoping you give everything for them

Alex

[Christine]

Hello,
Welcome to the forums! I am sorry the past year has been so difficult for you. You are not alone in these feelings. Most people have a great amount of trouble dealing with all these new feelings. Do you have access to a support group in your area? Or An aids service organization?

I had horrible anxiety when I first found out, and the one thing I wish I had done was talk to a therapist. I see one now, and it truly helps me deal with all of it.

I would also suggest that you and your husband read the Lessons section of this site. It will help both of you to better understand what the risks of transmission are. I have been + since '93 and married since '94, and my husband is negative. We practice safe sex- use condoms. The only way you can transmit the virus to your children would be to have unprotected sex, needle stick or through breast feeding or childbirth. Although now with the haart meds the risk of prenatal/ childbirth transmissions are very low.

Family counseling may also help you talk to your children about all of this. I would also do a search on amazon to see if there are any books that deal with hiv and children. I would think there are. TheBody.com has sections on sero-discordant couples, and Women issues also.

Feel free to pm me, or ask any questions you want. I don't have children but I have been through a lot of the same things myself when dealing with my fears and husband.

Christine

[ACinKC]

Hello and welcome.  I also have 2 little ones that are my pride and joy.  I am slightly more careful around them when they get an owie but not much more.

Parents and X-wife want me to be extra careful with them, but after all i have learned about this blasted parting gift I realize that I would almost have to WILLFULLY infect them or be EXTREMELY stupid in their care.  Bandaids for the little cuts does just fine, if we have any major wounds I am sure that I was not qualified to suture those up BEFORE HIV and I am quite sure I am not qualifed to do it NOW.  You dont need surgical masks and gloves darling, just a lotta love.  And a healthy dose of patience.  As for the kids, I will tell mine when they are ready.  I have a blood disorder is all they need to know while they are in school.  Lots of parents have that, diabetes and the lot.

As for you Alex, I am 1 month from getting married to my (neggie) soulmate!  And we plan on having a KIDDO!  It's called sperm washing and can be done quite effectively.


Andrew