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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: JamieD on August 22, 2007, 10:40:56 am

Title: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: JamieD on August 22, 2007, 10:40:56 am
I was watching an episode of "The Golden Girls" earlier this morning. It was an episode where someone Rose knew died. Dorothy was talking to Blache about how different cultures deal with death and mourning, and then she said "It's these Southern Protestants that make it [mourning] a way of life". And I thought that was relevant to a lot of HIV+ people. They choose to make it a lifestyle, or a way of life. For you nitpickers, I am not talking about people who are in serious pain, or dealing with persistent opportunistic infections.

I don't know. For me it must be different. I just want to take my medication, get my CD4 and Viral Load test done every few months and thats it. I am perfectly capable of resuming the life I had before hand. I don't want to be a professional patient. AIDS is a disease, not a lifestyle.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: BT65 on August 22, 2007, 10:44:13 am
AIDS is a huge part of my life.  I don't have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Hey, I have AIDS," but I always take it into account when making decisions about my life.  I don't know that I'd really call that a lifestyle, maybe just a part of life.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: JamieD on August 22, 2007, 10:50:50 am
Have you had any major issues with HIV since being positive?
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Peter6836 on August 22, 2007, 10:51:48 am
AIDS is a part of my life now. Every decision I make is coupled with the fact that I am HIV positive. I do not find this to be a bad thing. I live with this disease, its stigma, its psychological effects. In some ways as has been said before it enriches what I do. I has changed my view of life and those that live it. It has increased my desire to help others. I was never one to live my life in fear, but now I live my life with deep respect, respect for life and the human experience of that life. I refuse to ignore the fact that I am HIV positive but also refuse to let it dictate the quality of my existence. That I have control over.
Peter
Who lives in Metro Detroit, Michigan where no one has a lifestyle!
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: BT65 on August 22, 2007, 10:55:23 am
Have you had any major issues with HIV since being positive?

Yes, I had the wasting syndrome like 13 years ago and went down to 87 lbs (I'm 5'9").  I also had PCP.  Those were major life-changing things to go through.  So that's why I say AIDS is a big part of my life.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: dad1216 on August 22, 2007, 10:58:52 am
I never made the choice, AIDS made the choice for me.

I just want to take my medication, get my CD4 and Viral Load test done every few months and thats it.

It would be so nice if it all was that simple, but at some point in time, it will all change.

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Jerry71 on August 22, 2007, 11:01:37 am
Some lifestlye who in there right mind would want to have AIDS and have to take meds for the rest of there lifetime. ???
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: carousel on August 22, 2007, 11:06:34 am
I think you might be making a generalisation about the way that HIV+ people live their lives.

I will speak for myself when I say that it has a big impact on the way that I live.  I have been diagnosed three and a half years.  As time went on, it has become less important.  I realised that I'm not going to suddenly pass away and the depression that followed diagnosis has dissipated.

I think you may cause offence to many when you say that people live HIV as a lifestyle.  There are various reasons that keep this virus at the forefront of people's lives: stigma, prejudice, poverty, access to services, mental illness and depression, disability, being unable to work, along with all the opportunistic illnesses, etc, etc.  People deal with this virus in many different ways.  Down the line, you may find that you have to change your point of view when faced with some of the challenges that this virus bring you.

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:09:02 am
I think each person needs to find their own way, and my experience is that this can change with time.
In the early years following my positive test I guess it was a massive part of my life, and I was involved in local voluntary organisations as well as working with HIV. As my health declined and I had to give up work, being connected to the voluntary sector became evem more important.
Then HAART came about, and off I went back to work, away from anything connected with HIV and rebuilt my life, I find that I have very little contact with the world of HIV outside of my 4 monthly trips to the clinic. All of the people I knew with HIV are dead, and having lived abroad for nearly 5 years I lost contact with the voluntary sectoe here (moved back to same area again).

That's where I'm at now, but I am very open to the fact that at some point it may change and I may feel the need to get more involved again. I think that going with the flow is what matters.

Gary
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:09:30 am
Being gay simply wasn't cutting edge enough for me, so I had to up my game.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:10:31 am
Being gay simply wasn't cutting edge enough for me, so I had to up my game.

So what ya gonna do when HIV becomes passe?  ;)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: RapidRod on August 22, 2007, 11:11:19 am
I have to concur with Jerry. AIDS is not a lifestyle, AIDS is an disease.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:11:47 am
So what ya gonna do when HIV becomes passe?  ;)

Judging from the latest periodicals, it's already getting there.


Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:13:12 am
I have to concur with Jerry. AIDS is not a lifestyle, AIDS is an disease.

But with the right outfit, you can pass for heroine-chic
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: woodshere on August 22, 2007, 11:13:37 am
Jamie,  I have read all your threads and posts and shaken my head at some of the comments and thought maybe it's an age thing or being fairly new to being positive, and held my comments.  But this is going to far!!!

I think if you have no problem being poz, that is great.  I too have handled my 18 months of being poz well and have had no medical problems or suffered side effects from my meds.  However, I realize that I am lucky and that many pozzies suffer greatly.  Some of the great meds we have now, fail to help others.  You are very insensitive to the fact that HIV affects each person differently from the way the individual deals with the disease to the way the disease affects each individual.  How each person handles it isn't for you to judge or comment on.

I have been guilty of questioning some of the ways people deal with HIV, but have learned so much through these forums.  I hope you will also.

Woods
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: carousel on August 22, 2007, 11:15:59 am
So what ya gonna do when HIV becomes passe?  ;)

I wouldn't know what to do with myself if they found a cure.  I'd have to find a life.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:17:16 am
I found this thread to be pretty damn offensive myself.  What an arrogant thing to say from someone barely into diagnosis- who didn't even know what ADAP was until an hour ago.  

No wonder so many of the LTS members are over it.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:19:28 am
I found this thread to be pretty damn offensive myself.  

I wouldn't give him the importance of offending me
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:20:45 am
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if they found a cure.  I'd have to find a life.

I dunno.  I'm looking into my options....ebola, west nile....

But I have friends who swear bird flu is gonna be all the rage.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: AlanBama on August 22, 2007, 11:21:58 am
The question posed in this thread makes me so angry, I cannot respond in a civil manner.    Let's just say I agree with dad1216, I haven't really been in the "driver's seat" with this one for a long time.    I really and truly hope that some of you newly diagnosed never have to face what some of us have.   I would not wish that on my worst enemy.   But to act is if we made some "choice" about it.....

Grow up, and grow up quickly.  Don't want to?   Too bad, neither did a lot of us.   That's all I'm going to say

Alan
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:22:44 am
But I have friends who swear bird flu is gonna be all the rage.

Oooh and you get to wear feathers
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: carousel on August 22, 2007, 11:23:12 am
I dunno.  I'm looking into my options....ebola, west nile....

But I have friends who swear bird flu is gonna be all the rage.

Have you considered co-infection or super-infection, just to hedge your bets.

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: leatherman on August 22, 2007, 11:24:36 am
Count yourself as one of the lucky ones Jamie. ;)

For some people, it IS as simple as taking your meds and going about your life. For others, AIDS has so totally taken over their old normal lives that it is their life now.

Using myself as an example, I've lost my partner of 10 yrs to this. I was hospitalized several times. Been on over a dozen different med regimes. Had to go onto disability. Lost my house. Lost all my friends from the 80s and 90s. I've barfed more times that seems humanly possible from the side effects of the meds. Lived like a hermit for over 3 yrs due to PCP and having only 2 tcells. The list goes on; but I'm sure you get the drift.

AIDS totally took away the life I was having, and now I'm living a new life where having AIDS is the biggest influence over every decision and action I make. Because of how my life have changed, I can't just NOT think about AIDS. Heck I just fllew home to visit my family and had to consider how much of a risk I was taking by going to the airport and exposing myself to who knows what germs all those people might be spreading about. (Damn the risks though! I did take the flight, did celebrate my Grandmother's 90th birthday, and promptly came home and puked for two days. Somewhere along the line, I did run into some bad germs; but it was worth it)

I don't think most people that I'm met here make AIDS an actual "lifestyle"; but when you've been effected as bad as some have for so many years, then it definitely does change your life and becomes something that you must consider with every decision. Hopefully, the meds will continue to improve and your life will never be effected in this way.

(16 posts while I was typing this; but I'll leave it. It's polite and hopefully points out some of the differences between living with this disease a short time versus long term survival through the last years from only AZT to the meds available today)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: ademas on August 22, 2007, 11:27:30 am
How many friends have you lost to the disease, Jamie?
How many OI's have you had?
How many side effects from medications?
I'm glad  you're doing well--honest, I am.
But you're speaking out your arse.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Iggy on August 22, 2007, 11:28:05 am
Jaime - see your own posts in Optimistic thread about him not getting suicide.

 I certainly find a disconnect between your statements of not judging others and the need to be sympathetic to how people handle things in that thread and this thread here.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 11:29:38 am
Hi Jamie~

I see that you have had your "first bloodwork" since being diagnosed.  Remind me how long its been, perhaps only 3 months for you?  

HIV is not something many of us CHOOSE as a lifestyle, it is something we can't help but have permeate our everyday life.  I have been pos for almost 14 years and have been very "high-maintenance" with my health.  When I got tested, I didn't think I would have a pos result come back.  I took the test "just in case" because I was in a relationship with the man I would marry, and hadn't been tested since college, two years prior.  I am diabetic and have always been in-tune with my health.  That is what prompted me to get the HIV test "just in case."  In case you didn't see my thread yest, I am widowed because of this virus as well.  11 years now.

Since my diagnosis I have been a fighter, I have always gone to the doc's every three months to review lab results, nevermind my other docs appts for diabetes, eye trouble, fibromyalgia, women's health......and what if I had a cold or the flu?  My point is, with this virus you cannot just sit idle.  Sure, in the beginning when I was newly diagnosed, I just did what the doctors said to do, got my results and waited to see if my CD4 would drop.  When it did, I went on meds.  The management of the virus was easier then.  But as you go down the road of being a positive person you realize that hey, I might actually live a regular, long life, IF I take care of myself and be proactive with this virus.  

This comes from ME, and I consider myself one of the lucky ones in these forums.  Many pos people here have been through the fires of hell with single-digit CD4 counts and numerous OIs, only to come back from it, grateful to still have a chance.

Its not a "lifestyle" that we CHOOSE on our own, we don't have a choice if we are going to win this battle.  Perhaps you should have named this thread "Why Are So Many People SO Pro-Active with the Virus?"

Well, why the hell NOT?  I am living proof.

~Cindy
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:29:47 am
Since half the people I know on here are currently looking down on this thread, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you all that you suck.   ;D


-T

(who feels no shame in posting anything he wants in this sad little thread)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Cerrid on August 22, 2007, 11:33:31 am
Have you considered co-infection or super-infection, just to hedge your bets.

Anything as long as it's not SARS. The mouthshields are totally unsexy. Personally, I'd prefer mad cow disease, it's almost like dancing.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: jack on August 22, 2007, 11:34:26 am
In a way I have to agree. I have made mistakes,most financial and career related,because I thought my life would end early. But then how do you get life insurance so you can start a business if you are hiv? You dont.
I think most of us who have been HIV for awhile have made these same mistakes,but we didnt know then what we know now,and Bob Seger was dead wrong. We didnt have the luxury of knowing we would survive HIV and most likely die from natural causes unrelated to HIV. Most of us realize this now but you have to excuse us if we get sentimental,cause if you havent spent time in a waiting room where every person around you looks like they are gonna die, you dont know where we came from,no matter how hard you try. But thanks for trying.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Iggy on August 22, 2007, 11:35:04 am
The mouthshields are totally unsexy.

Sorry, milker!
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: carousel on August 22, 2007, 11:39:53 am
Can somebody tell me more about this lifestyle?  Will I need to change my wardrobe? 

Any tips for a novice?
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Buckmark on August 22, 2007, 11:40:54 am
I'm going to respond to this thread, even though Mr. Jamie is ignoring me for being "daft" (which is a direct quote from his signature).  Now he's taken to listing all the individuals he is ignoring in his signature.  I think his inclination to ignoring people who do not agree with him demonstrates his immaturity, and that he is not looking for serious discussion.

So, this response is for everyone else.

I think what Jamie is intimating is that he believes many people dwell on HIV too much, let it rule their lives, wallow in self-pity.  Of course, since Jamie is ignoring me, I can't ask him to elaborate on what he means by "making HIV a lifestyle".  Personally, I can't think of anyone who does so.  The reality is, HIV impacts each of us to varying degrees -- many significantly so!

I don't think Jamie knows anyone here well enough to state that they have made HIV a lifestyle.  Talk about presumptous!  I'd hope he would first seek to understand, rather than accuse.

And the nerve of him to challenge Bettytacy on what major issues she has had due to HIV!

At best, Jamie is not dealing very well with his recent diagnosis.  At worst, he is in denial about what it may mean for him.

Regards,

Henry
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 11:41:16 am
Can somebody tell me more about this lifestyle?  Will I need to change my wardrobe? 

Any tips for a novice?

You'll need a bigger bra and jeans with no room in the ass.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: RapidRod on August 22, 2007, 11:42:00 am
Can somebody tell me more about this lifestyle?  Will I need to change my wardrobe? 

Any tips for a novice?

You won't be buying your wardrobe from Kmart or Wal Mart.  ;)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 11:43:26 am
I'm going to respond to this thread, even though Mr. Jamie is ignoring me for being "daft" (which is a direct quote from his signature).  Now he's taken to listing all the individuals he is ignoring in his signature.  I think his inclination to ignoring people who do not agree with him demonstrates his immaturity, and that he is not looking for serious discussion.

Hell, he's not even online NOW, like a "post and run" kinda thing.  Get back in the hot seat, I say, esp since he is ignoring some of the coolest people on here!
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: gaspode on August 22, 2007, 11:44:11 am
You won't be buying your wardrobe from Kmart or Wal Mart.  ;)

Well, one would hope not!!
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: redhotmuslbear on August 22, 2007, 11:45:09 am
Jamie,

Like others, I can't tell whether it's youth, newness to HIV or some other factor that leads you to make a generalisation about "lifestyle," but you'll get yours soon enough.  I may have not had any difficulting with the disease since the first few months of taking meds, but I recognize what a radical change it has made in my life, particularly as a sexually vibrant Queerman... viral apartheid is alive and wellout there, and I hope that you are prepared for its sting.

Now, as for T needing new pursuits, there's collar in my dresser drawer in need of a good boy to wear it proudly!

Cheers,
David
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:46:33 am
Now he's taken to listing all the individuals he is ignoring in his signature.  I think his inclination to ignoring people who do not agree with him demonstrates his immaturity, and that he is not looking for serious discussion.

I am honored to have made the cut & to be in such esteemed company.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 11:48:34 am
Suddenly, I feel like a Golden Girl!   :P
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: leatherman on August 22, 2007, 11:49:44 am
Quote
At worst, he is in denial about what it may mean for him.
exactly. I think alot of these issues are like that between newly poz and LTS. The docs tell people not to worry, the meds are so much better. And of course they are. But if they don't work for you (and the docs don't really tell you about that) then you're opinion changes over time about what living with HIV is really like.

Quote
Hell, he's not even online NOW, like a "post and run" kinda thing.  Get back in the hot seat, I say, esp since he is ignoring some of the coolest people on here!
He got a time-out from another thread.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:52:08 am
Suddenly, I feel like a Golden Girl!   :P

Cindy, thank you for being a friend.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: dixieman on August 22, 2007, 11:52:50 am
Jamie I've read many of your posts... I also take in consideration of your age... 21... where was I at 21? Well I was not worried about cd4s, meds, serious diseases, college, financial responsibilities, health care etc... I was bar hopping, in college, thinking anyone over 30 was way old... buying the latest trends in clothing, music, etc... etc.. etc... I've dealt with hiv+ for 16 years... I've been extremely fortunate... I'm from a family of means... I've never had to worry about finances... food, clothing, meds... health insurance, carreer... I never had to think about if I was going to college but, Where I was going to attend...

Now I have to think what will happen when I'm no longer able to work? or possibly a terrorist attack which possibly cuts out my med supply, income... my bank account not accessable, gas for my automobile... what if its not obtainable no matter what the price... food is it safe to eat? so many factors that can and may possibly affect ones life... what new virus that may take many of us out... I think most people living with hiv are more attuned to the issues everyone faces from day to day... in more a short term evaluation of themselves and not to become complacent... for the longterm..

2/3rds of my life have been spent if I have a average lifespan... Your 21... 1/3rd of your lifespan is gone... and at 21 youv'e added many extra obstacles on top of just being 21... Lets just see how after 10 years of taking meds etc... of dealing with hiv+ and all the challenges in your life... what your perceptions will be then...

Wake up its more than just taking pills... you'll see
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 11:53:34 am
Cindy, thank you for being a friend.

Call me, Blanche....anytime, Timtation.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Iggy on August 22, 2007, 11:54:17 am
exactly. I think alot of these issues are like that between newly poz and LTS. The docs tell people not to worry, the meds are so much better. And of course they are. But if they don't work for you (and the docs don't really tell you about that) then you're opinion changes over time about what living with HIV is really like.


That may be true - but considering his posts in the Mental Health forum and then the recent fracas in the Off Topic - I seriously question that this was an attempt for discusion or even a real question on his part.

I think it is a valid topic and I think it merits discussion, but coming immediately after what he just did in two offtopic threads - i see this more as an attempt to rile up the group and I'm not going to dignify this question in this thread based off of that.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 11:56:58 am
100% in agreement with Iggy.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 12:00:09 pm
That may be true - but considering his posts in the Mental Health forum and then the recent fracas in the Off Topic - I seriously question that this was an attempt for discusion or even a real question on his part.

I agree, what's up with some of the youngsters around here of late?  No, not ALL of them....Molten and Mouse and many others post with tact in these forums.....is it youth that prevents some from seeing what is really going on?  Is it denial? 

Like others, I can't tell whether it's youth, newness to HIV or some other factor that leads you to make a generalisation about "lifestyle," but you'll get yours soon enough.  I may have not had any difficulting with the disease since the first few months of taking meds, but I recognize what a radical change it has made in my life, particularly as a sexually vibrant Queerman... viral apartheid is alive and wellout there, and I hope that you are prepared for its sting.

Redhot says he is "new" to having the virus but certainly makes many valued contributions to the threads.

I think it may be that we are all so very different, even though we are all the same where the virus is concerned.  It does not discriminate.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Iggy on August 22, 2007, 12:01:27 pm
100% in agreement with Iggy.

Of course you do, Rose
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Dan J. on August 22, 2007, 12:01:34 pm
I don't want to be a professional patient.

None of us did, but we are now.  maybe you would be happier if all of us LTS gave up 20 + years ago so you wouldn't have to hear about the struggles we had to endure to get where we are today. Watching friends die, fighting for drugs & now some us (like myself) are on salvage therapy because we are resistant or severely allergic to medications that we don't have many options left.

I'm chalking this thread up to you being YOUNG & treatment naive.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 12:03:08 pm
Of course you do, Rose

You were supposed to be Rose.   >:(
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Iggy on August 22, 2007, 12:04:29 pm
You were supposed to be Rose.   >:(

Somehow I think I'm more viewed as Stanley by the board
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Buckmark on August 22, 2007, 12:04:51 pm
viral apartheid is alive and wellout there, and I hope that you are prepared for its sting.

David,

Excellent point, and eloquently phrased.  The more I read Jamie's posts, the more I realize he just doesn't yet understand or hasn't yet experienced all the consequences of being HIV+.  

Regards,

Henry
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: mjmel on August 22, 2007, 12:05:15 pm
Eventually the HIV virus forces us to do so. Some people are forced to stay at home for one reason or another (you haven't encountered those reasons yet) because of illnesses or limited income forces them to lead lives that they'd not choose, if they had a choice.
See: Have you ended up in the hospital due to your HIV/AIDS condition? in Living With HIV. That should give you a clue.

Mike

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 22, 2007, 12:05:52 pm
I'm chalking this thread up to you being YOUNG & treatment naive.

Amen!

You were supposed to be Rose.   >:(

I guess this makes Timtation "Dorothy?"
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Ann on August 22, 2007, 12:08:36 pm
The ONLY way this thread and topic are going to stay open for discussion is if people STOP the personal attacks. It is quite possible to talk about a subject without attacking, and if you don't know how to do that, don't bother posting.

For those of you who haven't noticed, JamieD has been given a seven day time out. He isn't here to answer you or defend himself, so just leave personal references to him out of your post.

I don't want to see any further nastiness in this thread. Is scoring a few points against someone who can't answer worth a time out? You decide.

Ann
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Buckmark on August 22, 2007, 12:10:51 pm
I am honored to have made the cut & to be in such esteemed company.

Indeed, I am humbled to be in such good company.  I must buy a drink for both you and David_NC next month in SF!

Now, I am going to let this thread go...

Cheers,

Henry
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: sweetasmeli on August 22, 2007, 05:27:38 pm
I'm doubt very much that many people with HIV "choose to make it a lifestyle" per se, although I do believe there are those who choose/prefer to wallow in their ailments/misfortune. Saying that, I can see how this thread title would piss off members here who have not done and are not doing either.

I know Ann said to leave personal references to Jamie out of our posts while he's on his time out, but I'm not actually sure how that can work exactly, when Jamie is the one who started the thread and his questions/comments are what I want to respond to. I realise he won't be responding for a week but I'm quite certain he will be still lurking, and I can wait. So...

For you nitpickers, I am not talking about people who are in serious pain, or dealing with persistent opportunistic infections.

I'm curious. What people are you talking about then?

I don't know. For me it must be different. I just want to take my medication, get my CD4 and Viral Load test done every few months and thats it. I am perfectly capable of resuming the life I had before hand. I don't want to be a professional patient. AIDS is a disease, not a lifestyle.

For someone who is "perfectly capable of resuming the life [he] had before hand" and who doesn't "want to be a professional patient", 197 posts across several HIV/AIDS forums is certainly a lot to chalk up over the period of just over a month. Not criticizing, merely observing.

Presuming I'm not one of the ones (yet) to have made it to Jamie's black list (which I actually find in very poor taste for someone to post in their signature), I'm hoping that he will take the next 7 days to peruse and digest some of the comments/reactions here, as well as reflecting on just how insulting the use of the phrase 'professional patient' is on a website aimed at people living with HIV/AIDS.

After re-reading what I have written here I realise that I haven't really answered the thread title question. But I think that may be because I don't think the original poster was actually really asking a question or looking for an answer to it. I think this was more about putting his thoughts/feelings out there in reaction to stuff going on in other threads, with very little regard to whose toes he may be stomping on.

Melia
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 22, 2007, 05:41:26 pm
I never get any lasting recognition, dammit!  They yanked his "Ignored List" from his profile.


But I was #2 on it!




Oh, dear....I sound like ACinKC all of the sudden.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Lis on August 22, 2007, 05:51:56 pm
check back in 21 years sunshine... Your young, and you need to live your live.. Go for it!!!

sadly my life was cut short at age 20...  I'm 41 now... you live your life.. I will live mine..


good health to you

lisbeth
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: DanielMark on August 22, 2007, 05:59:48 pm
What lifestyle?

I've never understood that term, not for living a “Gay lifestyle” and certainly not for this.

The whole idea is absolutely absurd to me.

Daniel
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: mjmel on August 22, 2007, 06:00:23 pm
...............
Oh, dear....I sound like ACinKC all of the sudden.
..............

kinda cute like him too.
 ;D

Mike
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: LatinAlexander on August 22, 2007, 06:34:35 pm
To answer the question: I am young as well. But my diagnosis, has really kicked me. I did not choose "this" as a lifestyle. 13 months since diagnosed. Started meds 30 days later.  I had a brilliant career, got an offer for one of the Fortune 500 companies in USA, and then in China. The perfect move. Just to find out that I couldn't accept it. Why? Because I HAVE HIV.

And not only that: I had side effects with my meds. After 5 months of them. pain. pure pain. My arms, my legs. Walking was a tough thing to do, waking up felt like someone was hammering my legs. Had to go to the doctor n the ER, at 11:00 pm . Scared, I had to call a friend to come and help me, and not leave me alone. I had no clue waht was going on with my body.  Using a phone? No way: The muscle pain was out of control, I would feel exhausted. Tried every single pain killer (inluding opium derivates). Interrupted treatment, and the fear of the virus replicating. We never really figured out what casues it (It still hurts). No test (I tried more than 10 different tests) reveales anything abnormal. And it was not my mind. It is real.

And no talking about triglycerids, cholesterol, nuasea, stomach pain, a little extra diarrea, changin your diet , and I will not talk about sex life, or intimacy, or meeting people, or anything.

I offerapologies to the others. Not all of us young and newbies want to fall in denial. Some of us need your advise.

Alex (Who sees the meds PR as a lie, and feels angry when sees that someone ignores those who have tolerated pain and death to get us to where we are.). 

 
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: milker on August 23, 2007, 01:46:59 am
Choose to make it a lifestyle?

No. I'm coping with HIV being part of my life, but it's definitely NOT a lifestyle. Not much has changed, really. I see a doctor every three months, I take supplements I've never taken before, and I have rejection from being hiv+ like I did from being old or ugly or whatever. HIV so far has been another road block to finding a partner. But basically my life has not changed. I don't post anonymous bareback fucking ads anymore, though.

Milker.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: BT65 on August 23, 2007, 09:14:52 am
I think this thread is dead-hey that rhymed! (I can be clever in the morning I guess).
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: rick21007 on August 23, 2007, 03:46:10 pm
Hey Gang----just finished reading through everyone's posts in response to Jamie.  He seemed to have gotten a lot of folks by the short hairs.  I admittedly can be pretty dense, but I was not offended by a 21 year old newly diagnosed guy who is apparently still grappling with how to handle the diagnosis.  I know that he addressed his comments to "you guys out there" but I took it to mean he was really talking about himself.  True, this was not the most maturely written post I've ever read but I can tell you that at least for myself @ 21 I was way  immature having been pretty much sidetracked from the normal progression of adolescent emotional development by my inept and misguided struggles with my own sexuality.

Jamie, me lad---I was diagnosed 9 months ago.  The first few months I was pretty obsessed about the diagnosis.  (And I did battle with a nasty OCI for about 6 weeks.)  What I have been working on since is not an "hiv lifestyle." whatever _that_ is, but a healthy lifestyle  to give myself the best shot at continuing a full, productive life worth living.  I kind of look at my numbers every three months as the pay-off for doing the daily work to stay healthy.  (Just had a new draw done yesterday and waiting for the results next week--this is just the 3rd draw since i was diagnosed in December) Touch wood, am not on meds _yet_.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: englishgirl on August 23, 2007, 04:43:39 pm
sorry to pee on everyone's parade who has made hiv part of their 'lifestyle' but it appears that we are already on the verge of being soooo last season:
from The Guardian newspaper today (see http://www.guardian.co.uk/medicine/story/0,,2154765,00.html for full article)
"A new killer disease on a par with HIV/Aids or ebola is likely to emerge in the next few years and threaten the lives of millions of people worldwide, the World Health Organisation (WHO) said today.
Potentially deadly new diseases are being identified at an "unprecedented rate", with global epidemics spreading more rapidly than ever, the United Nations agency warned in its annual world health report."

seriously tho i feel that i have made hiv part of my life in that i try to understand as much as i can about it, and enjoy reading and participating in support groups and these forums as a way to do that.  i dont feel that by doing this i am making it a 'lifestyle' any more than someone with cancer could be accused of making that a 'lifestyle' by acknowledging that cancer is a part of their life and a formidable foe.

obviously we are a diverse group and have diverse viewpoints and coping mechanisms, but i think that what we are trying to say to you jamie is that there is a difference between understanding the reality of your situation and making hiv a 'lifestyle'.  i for one am offended by the inference (and i apologise if i have misunderstood your point) that to be a member of forums such as these, to make the most of interaction with other positive people, and to not live in denial is a 'lifestyle'. again i refer back to the cancer parallel drawn above.

there is so much more to my life than hiv, but it is a permanent and undeniable part of my life. even if i am not laid up at death's door from aids, it is still one of the biggest influencers on my life, my life expectancy (and i dont just mean years lived), my relationships, my mental health, my future plans - when it affects my energy levels, when it affects what country i can visit/live in, when it means i am rejected by a potential partner, when i meet some amazing people because of these forums, when i am inspired by the stories and struggles of others. hopefully you get the picture. hiv is part of my identity now. part, not all.  i gain a huge amount from knowing i am not alone in this, just like i gain a huge amount in other ways from my friends who i have different things in common with.

hiv, like many others have already stated, is a disease not a lifestyle - to ignore it would be to underestimate the damage that it can wreak, and will wreak (unless something else gets me first). the best way to live a full and happy life i believe, with or without hiv or any other disease or affliction, is by the best understanding and appreciation of all life's challenges and opportunities.

apologies for ending up going on for ages (betty obviously im into resurrection today lol)

jamie i hope when you return from your time out you will have calmed down and benefit as much as i have from these forums

love to all
xxx



Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: aupointillimite on August 23, 2007, 06:05:18 pm
I have a question.

What constitutes making something a lifestyle?
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: buca45 on August 23, 2007, 06:07:06 pm
LOL I have a similar question, what constitutes an agenda?
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: koksi on August 23, 2007, 06:08:13 pm
Being gay simply wasn't cutting edge enough for me, so I had to up my game.

This made me laugh out loud.  Thanks.  ;D
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: AlanBama on August 23, 2007, 06:17:55 pm
haven't you heard e.g.:   AIDS is OVER.

AIDS was so 90's.

 ;D
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: LatinAlexander on August 23, 2007, 06:19:37 pm
From EnglishGirl's post

"
"Drug resistance is also evident in diarrhoeal diseases, hospital-acquired infections, malaria, meningitis, respiratory tract infections, and sexually transmitted infections, and is emerging in HIV," the report said.
"

Hello? Good-Morning America! It has been one of the issues in HIV forever....... Anyhow, this would be one of the first times in my life, I would feel ok for being "last season"  (There is always Cavalli to make you feel better LOL )

Alex
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 23, 2007, 06:28:24 pm
I found this thread to be pretty damn offensive myself.  What an arrogant thing to say from someone barely into diagnosis- who didn't even know what ADAP was until an hour ago.  

No wonder so many of the LTS members are over it.

qft

I also made note of the "lifestyle" label in the same way that that the Moral Majority likes to use that word about gay people.

Then again, I've clicked on a lot of offensive threads in the past 4 hours since my little vacation.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: pozattitude on August 23, 2007, 07:42:50 pm
excuse my language, but...

What the FUCK  is an HIV lifestyle?

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 23, 2007, 07:52:07 pm
excuse my language, but...

What the FUCK  is an HIV lifestyle?



I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 23, 2007, 07:53:21 pm
I inject my lifestyle twice daily, and frankly it sucks royally.

btw:  do we get free t-shirts?
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: bryonut on August 23, 2007, 07:57:54 pm
I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.

I thought it meant one coordinated their day attire with their am meds and their evening wear with their pm meds.

Oh wait, that's HIV style, not lifestyle. My bad.

bry
who has far to many articles of clothing in sustiva yellow and truvada blue
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 23, 2007, 08:03:44 pm
Someone needs to make a podcast for this thread.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: anniebc on August 23, 2007, 08:21:23 pm
Quote
Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?

Lifestyle=A particular attitude or habit.

Like a lot of us here I have good days and bad days, but I decided early in my diagnosis to go with a positive attitude towards HIV, and hopefully deal with whatever it throws at me the best way I can..I have also tried to change some bad habits and replace them with good ones..doesn't always work but I try.

So to answer your question....did I "choose a lifestyle" that suited me...damn straight I did.

Jan

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Lis on August 23, 2007, 08:30:48 pm
Jan... you said what I was thinking.    after 21 years of this crap... It would be like leaving how without my shoes.. I respect your youth.. but please dont make my life into drama.. Its not..

I love my life, husband , kids and yes this thing that made me slow down and love... its AIDS......
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: JR Gabbard on August 24, 2007, 12:45:15 am
I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.

...and not in a good way.  Or am I alone on this one?

Sorry, y'all, but this thread is completely frivolous.  Jamie, in 15 years, if you are still alive, please get back to us on your opinion of the AIDS lifestyle.  You may find that it has changed.

JR
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: buca45 on August 24, 2007, 12:53:46 am
Not at all a lifestyle choice for me, just a minor inconvenience on my way to even greater fabulosity.....
and a nice way to promote that 'AIDS agenda' for the moral majority. I for one was totally done promoting that tired, so ten years ago infatuation with our gay agenda.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: +Man on August 24, 2007, 01:08:02 am
I just tested positive in June and the rejection of the information was almost an out of body experience.  It was like a physical "NO!"  I remember when I first began to accept being gay and thought about the "lifestyle."  It turned out, I just had other friends that were gay for support.  I wanted to know more about it so that I could take control and feel secure.  I can't find the "lifestyle" in that, and I can't find it in people supporting each other and taking control of this disease either.  In both cases, it actually helped me a lot.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: DCGUY2007 on August 27, 2007, 06:18:00 am
I can kind of understand what Jamie meant to say but I think sometimes in post it doesn't always come out the way it would if we were talking.

I sometimes find myself constantly whining when I have so much to be thankful for. I have been to support groups in the past and some of the people were healthy but they would never see any good that happened to them. They would come back week after week complaining when people next to them that were having a lot more problems hardly complained at all. Of course I am not talking about everyone. The disease effects everyone differently. For me I think Jamies comments were a reminder that "I" don't have to always focus on negative things that happen. It is difficult but I keep trying to remind myself what good has happened each day. Hiv does effect my life in every way. So does being black and gay. If I were to constantly focus on all the negative things that happen to me because of one or all of these things I would never get out of bed. So I kind of see his point. It just didn't come out the way he probably meant it  8)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: DingoBoi on August 27, 2007, 06:47:53 pm
I prefer to think of it as my deathSTYLE™

Lifestyles is so Robin Leech cheesy.

Lot's of grumpy people in this thread.  I didn't find anything directly offensive in the question.  I understood the point. 

There is a gay lifestyle.  Stereotypical 'gay' behavior.

I also think there is a hiv 'lifestyle' so to speak.  It's not the right word, but I lack a better one. 

Someone gay coming out often jumps into the 'gay' lifestyle.   Not just being gay, but doing the 'gay' thing.  The clubs, the clothes, the mens, the swish™ when required.  People do adopt a gay lifestyle rather than just being gay.  I cringe to use the phrase normal gay versus lifestyle gay, but there is a difference to me. 

I also see where there is an HIV lifestyle and I think he intended it as meaning that after diagnosis, people jump into the hiv world and it becomes a much bigger part of their lives.  Now while it is indeed a huge part of many people's.    The wording on this is hard but a few examples might include myself, jumping into the hiv world, blogging, being a forum addict rather than living a real life (again i cringe at that phrase) outside the forums.   (before I get jumped, yes, I realize some of people do use these forums as a primary social outlet as a necessity and not a choice)

My health is not hugely impacted like many on these forums by hiv...yet.   Would I categorize myself as living the 'hiv lifestyle'.  Yeah.

Have I spent too many hours here really just doing nothing?  yeah.   

Do I have HIV or am I HIVchic?   How much is hiv part of me or am I part of HIV now?

More questions than answers but I do think there is an hiv lifestyle (unrelated to physical health).

Course, that's just me.  Just smile and nod

Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 27, 2007, 06:58:30 pm
That post seems so at odds with your objections in another thread about the use of the word "flamer" but now we're labeling people "swishers" here?  I'm a bit confused. 

(never mind that the rest of your nonsensical rambling is all degrees of totally fucked up beyond belief)
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: DingoBoi on August 27, 2007, 07:50:38 pm
  I'm a bit confused. 

(never mind that the rest of your nonsensical rambling is all degrees of totally fucked up beyond belief)

I very much doubt you are confused.  You know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Please stay on topic at least here in this thread. 

kthanxbye
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: bear60 on August 27, 2007, 07:56:01 pm
QUOTE YOU : There is a gay lifestyle.  Stereotypical 'gay' behavior. Dingoboi
.................................
OK...this means what.....we have an HIV lifestyle and a Gay lifestyle and they are somehow connected or equal?
Excuse me hun...I take my gay lifestle a lot more serious than my HIV lifestyle.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 27, 2007, 08:02:02 pm
what a non-reply
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Dachshund on August 27, 2007, 08:09:37 pm
There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 27, 2007, 08:12:35 pm
I thought it meant one coordinated their day attire with their am meds and their evening wear with their pm meds.

Oh wait, that's HIV style, not lifestyle. My bad.

bry
who has far to many articles of clothing in sustiva yellow and truvada blue


Thank goodness for the new formulation of Kaletra.  The old Kaletra orange just didn't go with ANYTHING.

Still don't know what I'm going to do about my Combivir white collection after Labor Day.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: thunter34 on August 27, 2007, 08:13:56 pm
That post seems so at odds with your objections in another thread about the use of the word "flamer" but now we're labeling people "swishers" here?  I'm a bit confused. 



qft

Quote
There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.

also qft
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 27, 2007, 08:14:28 pm
There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.

Yet I was labeled the troll.  Oh the rich, rich irony...
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 27, 2007, 08:15:14 pm

qft

Please stay on topic
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: RapidRod on August 27, 2007, 08:29:24 pm
Is there a true gay lifestyle or is it something of ones on taste and personal actions? Here in rednickville you wouldn't be able to tell the gays from the straights by their actions, living conditions or wardrobe. As for HIVlife style? I don't believe there is a such thing.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: Miss Philicia on August 27, 2007, 08:33:24 pm
The term "gay lifestyle" is inherently self-loathing as it's the same language used by the Moral Majority to prevent homosexuality as being seen as something you are born with.

I'd be very careful, as a gay person, playing into such language.
Title: Re: Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?
Post by: aupointillimite on August 27, 2007, 09:22:14 pm

I'd be very careful, as a gay person, playing into such language.

Absofuckinglutely.

The terminology of this whole debate is framed by the people who hate queers.

We should ask for a smidge more from ourselves, I think.