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Author Topic: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!  (Read 16391 times)

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Offline Hugemistake

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Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« on: August 03, 2006, 03:48:04 am »
Hi Everyone,

Well I am just freaking out a bit and the only place I find that alleviates my fear has been this site and all the experts here.

I cannot find my old thread as I can see this is a new forum setup.

Anyway here goes my story – again, and I know I was told not to worry about it and get on with my life however due to new insurances I need to take out I need to go and take an HIV test tomorrow (Elisa) and this has just brought back a surge of old fears back again.

3 months ago I went to a lap dance club and got 2 lap dances, all was ok until the last lap dance I received. The lady that was doing the dance was fully naked and kept putting her fingers in her vagina and licking them, I was already feeling a bit uncomfortable as I have huge OCD issues and am currently seeing a therapist relating to whole bunch of issues in my life including my fear of HIV, anyway as the dance ended she put her finger on my lip and then gave me an open mouth kiss. She also rubbed her breasts in my face but I don’t remember licking them but could’ve, maybe?

I know this sounds crude but I did also ejaculate in my pants from her rubbing up and down on my crotch area.

What is really freaking me out is that she kept putting her fingers in her vagina and then licking her fingers and she touched my lips and open mouth kissed me, I know I shouldn’t be worried but I freak out and wonder about the risks of kissing with possible vaginal fluids in her mouth. I cannot remember if I had sores or anything like that.

I am also scared that due to medication I am on, the results of the test may not be accurate, I am on a number of antidepressants (urbanol, eglonyl) and on medication for my skin (Tetralysal, Lymecyclin), I think it is an anti-biotic, I am also feeling slightly fluish as it is cold right now where I live. All this combined is freaking me out.

Would the result of this test be conclusive with all the medication I have been taking? Am I at risk? Should I be worried about the result of the test. I am just freaking out a bit and hope to hear some words of wisdom that will alleviate my fears and stupidity. The incident was exactly 91 days ago.

You all do a sterling job for mankind with this site and just want to say thank you in advance.

I have no intention of going back to a strip club and have been working hard at fixing my marriage; I just hope that I may continue to do this.

Cheers
Huge

Offline Ann

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2006, 05:11:32 am »
Huge,

Your old thread can be viewed here.

You've been a member of these forums for over two years now. You KNOW that nothing you did or she did during your lap dance was a risk for hiv infection. You don't need to test and none of the drugs you are taking would interfere in any way with a test.

I suggest you read through the Welcome Thread and follow the links to the Lessons. I also suggest you carefully read through the posting guidelines, particularly the following point:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

This forum does not exist to provide counseling for people who suffer from OCD. It exists to provide hiv information and risk assessments. You have been given a risk assessment over your lap-dance situation over and over again - you had NO risk. There is nothing more we can do for you here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2006, 08:12:57 am »
You weren't at risk during this incident as Ann has told you.

Nor would those medications you are taking have thrown off the accuracy of an HIV test. But since you weren't at risk there's no need for HIV testing at this point.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Hugemistake

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Did i or did'nt I - off the tracks again!
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2007, 07:17:02 am »
Hi Experts and all,

Well i have had a couple of posts here in the past and after the last time thought i had seen the light, but clearly i have not. I have had some "irrational" scares in the past and some that were real and with your help i overcame the time wait and tested negative in all instances.

Now to my situation, at least 2 and a half years have passed since my last scare and i have made a point of avoiding situations and places that place me and mind in scary situations. Now i am playing what if games and losing the plot again, and this time i am having some scary thoughts of what i would do to myself, to top it off my therapist is on holiday.

Anyway here it is - i went to New Zealand on an emergency family visit, luckliy evertything turned out ok and was invited to a game of rugby with the lads and proceeded to get completeley wasted, on the way back to the hotel i come across an establishment of pleasure, all my fears and great work in my self esteem and confidence over the last 2 years, the build up of my marriage and getting my life and career on track go flying out the window again.

The chinese lady inside is trying to get me to "purchase" a full hour of pleasure, i somehow manage to request only to watch and masturbate. I am lead to a room where she gets naked and lies on the bed and i continue to masturbate while watching - my first memory of the evening still hungover i only recall masturbating and stroking her leg until i ejaculate and thats it over and down with. As the hangover wears off i start to wonder whether i penetrated he in this time and just cannot remember and only recall what i want to and lo and behold im back to being a completely broken down emotional wreck thinking that my life and family are over.

I remember gyrating as if i were penetrating and she was doing the same, but dont recall actually penetrating. Now i know this would not put me at risk, but i even started wondering about jumping fluids (crazy i know). Now i fearful i did something i dont remember, i cant beleive this feeling is back. Surely i would have remembered or shoudl remember. If penetration happened it would have been a couple of seconds, but i dont think it did, i think the masturbation was really quick - arrrrrrrrrrghh my mind!!!!

I was so freaked i decided to go back to chat to the lady 2 days later. Being chinese her english was not too great and i first asked if we had sex to which she said yes and i was like really and then she was like no and not sure if she knew what the hell i was on about. Eventually when we started to have some understanding she said we did not - this did not make feel better.

I dont actually know where im going with this anymore, i truly thought i just masterbated and now i see things in my head where im saying maybe i did this or i did that and im driving myself insane. I dont know what answers im looking for but have no one else to turn to, im home now and feel like i want to rip my heart out it hurts so much looking at my wife. How could i do this again?

Anyway hope you have some works of wisdom to help me out.

Cheers
Huge


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Did i or did'nt I - off the tracks again!
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2007, 09:57:23 am »
Please keep all your questions and concerns in your orginal thread. http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=2490.msg27857#msg27857

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2007, 10:05:49 am »
OK. I've merged your threads. This is the thread for you to use whenever you want to make a comment or ask a question. Please follow our rules about this. Thanks for your cooperation.

From what you have described it seems to me it's unlikely that you did anything other than masturbate. In which case there wasn't any risk for HIV transmission. You're actually pretty clear about what took place.

To me this appears to be another post-straying attack of guilt more than a real risk for HIV. So now you're beating yourself up with remorse because you're a dog like the rest of us and you went straying again.

The real red flag in all of this is excessive drinking. That undoubtedly clouds memory and your ability to keep things safer. And should be avoided.

You can go ahead and get tested at 13 weeks if you want to and if that's the only way you're going to move past this incident. I do expect you will test negative based on what you've reported.

Cheers,
« Last Edit: July 28, 2007, 10:07:41 am by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Hugemistake

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2007, 10:15:51 am »
Thanks i did not mean to start a new one but thought i should seeing that this is a new situation.

As mentioned i had overcome all my fears etc until this most recent event that has really freaked me out, its as if i continously keep looking for reasons to make myself feel terrible. Just completely gutted at the moment and yes guilt is playing a big part.

Ive tried to convince myself that i can control the drinking but i think i need to take a hard look at admitting and taking action on a big problem here.

Im desperately trying to remember the exact events of the evening, i keep thinking i just did my business and left but somehow keep thinking what if i did this or penetrated or or or. Im making myself sick over this and turning back to the bottle to relax. How many times can i get away with this, there are clearly a couple of demons im fighting here.

Anyway sorry for the drama but just not coping too well over this especially the memory loss and the what ifs. I jsut cant stand having to wait again to test and being back in this dark cloud.

Thanks for replying!

Huge

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2007, 10:23:56 am »
Huge, addressing the drinking issue would be doing yourself (and your family) a big favor. It takes grit to acknowledge you have a problem and to get the help you need.

And it's worth it. After all, it's your life we're talking about.

Based on your previous comments as well as this current one, I am still inclined to think you jerked off and that was pretty much it. You're definitely inclined to drama and I'd say what you're torturing yourself about is more of the same.

It's about feelings and not facts. Addressing your drinking will help with the emotional aspects of what's going on.




« Last Edit: July 28, 2007, 10:26:31 am by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Hugemistake

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2007, 07:04:13 am »
Hi Andy,

You are truly a special human being, I’m sure I’m not the first to agree.

Anyway I have been to my GP who has treated me and provided medication just to be safe and cover all the bases for other STD’s.
I have had a long relationship with him for years and he suspects by OCD is a big problem and he has discussed options to treat it. He even mentioned something about frontal lobe epilepsy that could cause the memory loss – honestly I just think it may be too much alcohol fogging the brain.

I kind of told my wife, well actually more like told her I got completely hammered and not entirely sure what I got up to – I do not want to risk her at all so at least this will ensure I don’t screw up more than one life.

My doc gave me some meds to calm the anxiety and it helps at times and others it just spirals, I’m even getting myself so confused to what actually happened at all.
He has told me to stay calm and take it easy for the next couple of weeks and he will then run the necessary tests. He is also quite sure I will be ok even if any “slip” or 2 took place.

I even searched the web for the establishment I went to and found their web site so gave me a brief sense of comfort that they are fairly “reputable” I think and probably run regular screening – well at least I hope so.

Anyway – here’s to keeping my fingers crossed and my head in the sand for the next few weeks.

Cheers
Huge

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2007, 08:41:26 am »
Good that you've seen your doctor so you have fewer things to worry about.

Often when we're at enough of a low and life is unmanageable enough, that's when we take action to get help. Regarding your drinking, this maybe just such a moment so I urge you to seize the moment and not let it pass. The kind of memory loss you're agonizing over is a big red flag to get support and help.  It's the most loving thing you can do for all concerned.

Good luck with your HIV test. Keep us posted. I expect you'll likely come out of it ok but there's nothng like having that negative result in hand.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Hugemistake

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2007, 07:15:27 am »
Thanks Andy,

You guys truly do some amazing work here and have no idea what you do for many people/families.

Well I just couldn’t take the stress too well so eventually went back to my Doc for some tests at around 24 Days. He was hesitant to conduct them as he felt i did not have to concern myself, but nonetheless he did an Elisa 4th Generation and PCR test and both came back negative. He said they would be and that he would not retest me again and that i must now move and as he feels the tests are accurate and well advanced here in South Africa. Apparently we have huge research in HIV/AIDS due to the high rate of it in this country – please no one get confused that I’m saying it’s any different anywhere else.

I am not trying to start some debate regarding windows and PCRS and all that i just wanted to explain my situation, he is not even prepared to do a 3 month elisa as he says the 4th generation would have picked up something by now and i can now focus on my family and getting myself on track. He has put me on medication for OCD and depression and i have started going back to my therapist. 4 weeks no booze too.

I sometimes still worry and think i need the 3 month test but im trying hard to just put this behind me and move on. In any case i just wanted to touch base and let you know how things are going.

Do you or anyone else agree with my Doc?

Take care.

Cheers
Huge

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2007, 08:44:00 am »
Huge,

Considering you didn't have a risk in the first place, you can take those negative results to be conclusive.

I understand that you question exactly what you got up to while drunk, but c'mon, surely given your anxiety over hiv you didn't do anything more than masturbation. Masturbation is not a risk for hiv infection.

Do yourself a favour and get into counseling so you can learn how to deal with your OCD. We cannot possibly help you with that here. You've been coming to this forum for ... what, nearly four years now? There's nothing more we can do for you. The ball is in your court - get the face to face emotional help you need.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Hugemistake

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2007, 04:19:59 am »
Well guys, i'm hitting a wobbly :(

Eventually went for my 3 month elisa (89 days) and the results were negative - has carried me for the last 2 months and besides the occassional flashback i have been good.

Now my wife and I have stopped using condoms as we planning a family and bang just like that i start sinking into ww hell. I started browsing the net againa dn confusing myself with results and window periods and jsut getting back into a panic.

Ive been off the booze for ages now and no more anti-depressants and that is great just cant help sliding back again!!!

Just had to share - help me let go!!!!

Huge

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2007, 04:24:54 am »
You're own your own bud. We can't help you accept your no-risk and your negative results. It is all up to you.

Offline Hugemistake

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Huge Back again - Mutual Masturbation
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2008, 08:49:06 am »
Hi All,

What can i say, have been visiting this site for the last 7 years i think and in the past have had some really no risk scenarios and i think only 1 was ever a bit of a problem.

Anyway been loving life and off the drugs and alcohol for ages - then last week went on a binger - im almost beyond the feeling stressed and almost feel like laughing hysterically. I know the events im going to list are NO risk, but OCD and alcohol induced party has kcicked off the What If frikkin buzzer in my head.

Anyway here is what happened:

Thank you for the advice yesterday – i am really concerned that is i do not put a complete stop to the drinking that i will somehow ruin my life.

Doc regarding my little escapade with a woman on Thursday night – i know you said i shouldn’t worry, ill just explain again what happened and please advise if there is anything i should be concerned about.

Again - Apologies for the crudeness of the description but i guess there is no easy or better way to describe it nicely. Anyway there was NO vaginal intercourse at all. I simply fingered a lady until she climaxed, i then proceeded to stimulate myself with the same hand i used to finger the lady so my hand had vaginal fluid on it. She then stimulated herself again and continued to work on me with the hadn sh also used. The other concern was 2 small cuts about 4mm on 2 fingers that happened a day or 2 before, the one was due to chewing the skin on the edge of my nails untill they bleed. Also i may have touched her breasts with the “wet” hand and then sucked on the breasts, and i have a fever blister on my lip. There was a bit of dry humping in the beginning i mean we were just rubbing against each other but she had her thin pants on and i had my jeans with my zip open but nothing sticking out from my underwear. Oh yes there was also some titty sex and the concern there is that i was stroking them with the hand i used to finger her - with the friction of the titty sex i was worried on indirect friction contact to my penis

So in short, no physical sex, mutual masturbation with possible transfer of fluids from hand to private organs and kissing on possible vaginal fluids with a sore on lips and fingering with tiny cuts on 2 fingers, Titty sex with friction (actually caused a bit of a rash on my penis) on possible fluid rubbed onto breasts with hand.

Im allow my mind to think crazy things, i know this women has had children i even stress that when i sucked her nipple i may have sucked milk which would also be dangerous.

Im so pi$$ed at myself, have been doing really great and marriage is first class - fell of the frikkin tracks again - i have however spoken to my doc about the alcohol, i thought i was stronger but clearly not, he is prescribing a medication that i will take and if i have one drink i will apprently get violently ill

I just dont want to put my wife at risk - I should know better having been to forum for so many years and reading almost identical situations but the damn frikkin paranoid huge personality has arisen.

SHould i be worried AT ALL regarding any of the events ive listed above?

Radi Ann, Andy and the rest - again need to say Beautiful People like you all make the universe a brighter place.

Cheers
Huge

Offline Hugemistake

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Back Again - Mutual Masturbations + more
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2008, 09:05:37 am »
Edited to fix errors - my bad :(

Hi All,

What can i say, have been visiting this site for the last 7 years i think and in the past have had some really no risk scenarios and i think only 1 was ever a bit of a problem.

Anyway been loving life and off the drugs and alcohol for ages - then last week went on a binger - im almost beyond the feeling stressed and almost feel like laughing hysterically. I know the events im going to list are NO risk, but OCD and alcohol induced party has kcicked off the What If frikkin buzzer in my head.

Anyway here is what happened:

Again - Apologies for the crudeness of the description but i guess there is no easy or better way to describe it nicely. Anyway there was NO vaginal intercourse at all. I simply fingered a lady until she climaxed, i then proceeded to stimulate myself with the same hand i used to finger the lady so my hand had vaginal fluid on it. She then stimulated herself again and continued to work on me with the hand she also used. The other concern was 2 small cuts about 4mm on 2 fingers that happened a day or 2 before, the one was due to chewing the skin on the edge of my nails untill they bleed. Also i may have touched her breasts with the “wet” hand and then sucked on the breasts, and i have a fever blister on my lip. There was a bit of dry humping in the beginning i mean we were just rubbing against each other but she had her thin pants on and i had my jeans with my zip open but nothing sticking out from my underwear. Oh yes there was also some titty sex and the concern there is that i was stroking them with the hand i used to finger her - with the friction of the titty sex i was worried on indirect friction contact to my penis

So in short, no physical sex, mutual masturbation with possible transfer of fluids from hand to private organs and kissing on possible vaginal fluids with a sore on lips and fingering with tiny cuts on 2 fingers, Titty sex with friction (actually caused a bit of a rash on my penis and little sore) on possible fluid rubbed onto breasts with hand.

Im allowing my mind to think crazy things, i know this women has had children and only found out after the incident that she is married and having probs with her hubby so not sure how good or safe they being in their marriage - i even stress that when i sucked her nipple i may have sucked milk which would also be dangerous. Man the fac that she was married has also made me feel like a shmuck!

Im so pi$$ed at myself, have been doing really great and marriage is first class - fell of the frikkin tracks again - i have however spoken to my doc about the alcohol, i thought i was stronger but clearly not, he is prescribing a medication that i will take and if i have one drink i will apprently get violently ill

I just dont want to put my wife at risk - I should know better having been to forum for so many years and reading almost identical situations but the damn frikkin paranoid huge personality has arisen.

SHould i be worried AT ALL regarding any of the events ive listed above?

Rapid, Ann, Andy and the rest - again need to say Beautiful People like you all make the universe a brighter place.

Cheers
Huge

Offline Ann

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2008, 09:47:36 am »
Huge,

I think you already know the answer to your question - nothing you did or had done to you put you at risk for hiv infection. None of it and yes, I read the whole thing, from tittie-friction to the chewed fingers. No risk.

You've been coming here long enough to understand the basics of hiv transmission - and this stuff is basic. We're not here to hold your hand every time you fall off the wagon. As long as you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, you're not putting yourself at risk. Yes, it really is as simple as that.

Keep working with your doctor where your alcohol issues are concerned. A referral to a counselor or therapist would be to your benefit.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Hugemistake

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Re: Lap Dance - I cannot help feeling scared!
« Reply #17 on: June 17, 2008, 04:55:22 am »
Hi Ann,

Again thank you for you response - I hear what you saying and need to LISTEN!!!

I frikkin hate the internet :( but love it too as i found you guys years ago.

I will continue with therapy regarding this fixation with HIV. And according to my GP who also says i have nothing to worry about, is putting me on medication before my thought patterns get so deeply ingrained that they may overwhelm rational thought and decrease mental acuity - where i am currently headed.

Cheers
Huge

Ok deep breathe - NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!


 


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