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Author Topic: Really scared/confused and worried for me and my partner - oral risk!  (Read 3097 times)

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Offline ScaredStiff

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First of all I'd like to express my gratitude, thanks and respect to the moderators of this site - I've spent the better part of a day reading through the forums and it has helped to ease my mind a little - but of course I'm still completely panicking lol.

I apologize that the post is long but I am in dire stress.

About 2 years ago now, I performed oral on an African man ( no racism intended, just stating the facts ) I met through the internet. At the time I had bad oral hygiene and possibly had gingivitis. My bodily hygiene also wasn't the best. I remember his groin are smelling quite musky/cheesy and a little off but I naively put that down to heat/general boys smell - that was a foolish and naive mistake that I wish I never made.

I gave him oral for no more than 5 minutes and although he didn't ejaculate in my mouth I may have tasted and swallowed some pre-cum, but again, I'm not certain. I also accidently scraped his shaft with my front two teeth, causing some irritation to his skin.

Now I'm pretty certain asked if he had anything in the way of STI's, but my memory is letting me down in this time of strife, and he was a very paranoid/closeted person who barely said a word. So I cannot be sure at this point.

The morning after, I woke up with a very bad case of oral thrush, I was beside myself with fear. So I went to the doctor who if I remember correctly diagnosed it as being oral thrush. It took a while for the thrush to be treated but I was given medication. I had a sexual health test at around 4 - 6 weeks after the encounter and explained to the doctor that I'd had an unprotected encounter with another male. Everything came back fine, no positive result and no other STI's. The doctor assured me that he didn't see the need for further testing so I was satisfied.

I met my partner long after and we have been having regular unprotected sex. Although I was satisfied that I had done my best to protect both myself and her from any disease, I've recently had a terrible feeling coupled with what I now am thinking a few 'symptoms' after seeing a documentary on hiv and doing more research on the net - I know, a bad idea.

In the past six months I had a red rash with small raised clear bumps appear on my arm - no bigger than the inside of a palm in diameter. It last for about 1 - 2 months then went away. I recently saw a smaller version appear on my hand, but that's since dissapated within a day or two. I have also had what look like half a dozen red dots appear on my thigh which I thought were pimples that have stayed there for weeks.

Since the encounter with the man my groin area has consistently been smelling similar to his smell. I hope I don't sound stupid or rude, but it's almost like my groin odor has changed to smell more like his. It took me a while to pick up on it and I realize it's probably candida or some type of yeast infection, but since I received the all clear from the doctor I never considered it to have anything to do with HIV, but now I do. I'm getting worried because I've had continuos yeast infections since the encounter. A few times in the past 2 years it's resulted in an actual white coating on my penis, and just today I've had the same thing happen - which safe to say - is scaring the living hell out of me. I've always had heat rashes in the summer time, but none lasted very long and ever smelled or felt damp like what I've been experiencing since the encounter. Also from time to time I get a tender, red and bumpy mouth with what I can now see as this recurring yeast infection in the form of oral thrush and swollen lymph nodes.

Now I'll be the first to admit that my overall oral and bodily hygiene could be better - as well as my diet which is up and down - but it just seems too scarily similar to HIV symptoms that I cant help being scared. I'll also acknowledge that I tend to sweat more than your average person and have been catching colds and flu's very frequently from when I was young to the present day. So the fact that I constantly feel run down, tired and congested in the nose is not so strange for me.

I went to the doctor today and had another blood test for HIV, although the doctor agreed with me that my risk is not overtly great, he still seemed very concerned. He seemed very concerned that the original doctor I had seen did not suggest and insist on me having a follow up test after the 'window period' - which I am now much more aware of.

I know I'm basically asking the same questions everyone else is, and may have gone into too much detail - but for the sake of my partner who I would never want to be exposed to this in a million years - I really need to hear some reassurance from an expert on the matter. To say I am scared to death is an understatement.


Thanks in advance. 
« Last Edit: July 27, 2012, 04:25:35 am by ScaredStiff »

Offline Ann

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Re: Really scared/confused and worried for my partner - oral risk!
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2012, 09:33:06 am »
Stiff,

I take it you and your gf never tested together before you started having unprotected intercourse with each other? This is the only true risk you've mentioned in your post.

You were probably told to not bother with further testing after that blowjob because it's not a really risk and besides, a negative result at that point is highly unlikely to change, even when there actually has been a risk.

There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ScaredStiff

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Hi Anne,

Thank you so much for your response.

Just to add to your comment, my last sexual health check (the one I mentioned) was done after the encounter with the man, and since then the only partner I've had is my girlfriend. I have seen her independent sexual health check since we started dating so I am convinced that she is STI free.

With this knowledge is it still your opinion that my  oral scare/encounter does not warrant a realistic HIV risk? And that all the 'symptoms' can easily be linked to other causes. I guess I'm most concerned about the thrush both oral and in the groin being so prevalent and active since. I'm not trying to push aside your valid comment about unprotected sex with my partner, but I'm very satisfied/convinced with that. What I'm totally not convinced with is the oral encounter :S

And when you say a negative result at that point (4-6 weeks) is highly unlikely to change - to what extent do you mean? I'm so sorry to ask again, and I know it must get annoying, but I just need to be reassured and not turn 'highly unlikely' into 'highly unlikely but has happened plenty of times'.

Thanks again.

Offline Ann

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  • Member
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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Scared,

Look. The bottom line is that the ONLY way to accurately know your hiv status is through testing. Just go test and put the matter to rest. Given what you've told us, I would expect you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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