How dare they judge!!! I hate the term "clean"

[Miss Philicia]

Matty gets laid all the time and he lives in fucking Boolaboolabongbong.

Yes, but she bends over for animals.

Remember sweet Little Stevie (wasn't that his name?) who never posts here anymore, that's who I was thinking of. Lived in Sydney and got laid 12 times a week.

[auspoz]

Well lucky Matty. Pfft. I'm sure he'd agree with me. (In general).

[Since2005]

...Since I've been single and since I've been HIV+, I have had a few pleasant dates but nothing compelling. Sad to say. These dates were people I met in life, not online.

...The nature of the online sex supermarket is that it IS a supermarket and most people want to consume exactly their product preferences. Which the for-profit cruise platforms encourage and feed, just like iTunes and Amazon...  Categories of traits. 

In real life you have to engage a little bit and people surprise each other. 

In the end, I guess just try a little bit to open to people in all realms, online, on the street, through friends, whatever...  Sooner or later the next one comes along..

This is a great advice on dates. I have started using online dating and met few people which is great but the selection of choice is limited. Following your steps/ advice might be helpful .." open to people in realm..", that might do the trick and actually meeting people in real life is better anyways, that's what I have started to think now..

[auspoz]

You know, I started this thread and I've seen it go in many directions. But, at the end of the day/s, guys still consider poz guys "unclean" and say "no way" and I fucking hate it.

[Miss Philicia]

You know, I started this thread and I've seen it go in many directions. But, at the end of the day/s, guys still consider poz guys "unclean" and say "no way" and I fucking hate it.

I won't argue that this does happen from time to time -- and definitely more so on the internet.

At the same time pre-internet hook up sites, I dated and/or had plenty of relationships with HIV negative guys.

I'm sorry you're having these issues, but again may I suggest not exposing yourself to things that seem to upset you so much. Why can't you figure out a way to meet other HIV positive guys? You've been HIV+ for at least five years, you should have figured out by now what does and does not work for yourself. Frankly there seems to be something else going on with you.

[Jeff G]

Im sure that +30 years of living with HIV has helped me make peace with how I process stigma . I would not want to date a person who is uncomfortable or fearful dating or having sex with me . If a person has been given to correct information about HIV and still cant be comfortable I reject them just as surely as I have been rejected .

Dating a person with HIV is a nonstarter for some HIV negative people and unfounded fears and HIV phobia are nonstarters for me in equal parts .

As far as using the word clean ... I have never had a bad reaction when I tell a person why using the word clean is offensive . Every time I have addressed that issue the person will say I never thought of it that way or thanks for letting me know I can see why you feel that way . 

[mecch]

You know, I started this thread and I've seen it go in many directions. But, at the end of the day/s, guys still consider poz guys "unclean" and say "no way" and I fucking hate it.

Well now I'm old and guys say no geezers. What are you going to do.  Can't say I hate it. It is what it is. 
The message most of us are trying to pass to you is, you cannot change people's desires and their deal-breakers, certainly NOT on chats on the Internet.
You don't want to be with anyone who can't deal with what they consider your baggage. 
Someone won't like you for your body shape. Your address. Your face. Your bank account. Your HIV status.  What the fuck can we do about any of this, and why should we.

I yam what I yam.

[Joe K]

... Your HIV status.  What the fuck can we do about any of this, and why should we.

Hey mecch,

Great point and I would go even further and put this issue in the area of "things that are beyond my control."

Auspoz, yes you could try and control this behaviour, but the problem is beyond your ability to change, so why waste all the effort?  There will always be things in life that we detest and you can either work to change them, or realize that worrying about them is simply not worth your time or effort.  To be honest, the only person I see, being hurt by this issue is you and since you can't avoid the hurt all the time, you might want to alter your reaction.  It does not mean you no longer care about the use of the word, however it does change the dramatic reaction you have to its use.

Joe

[Theyer]

Maybe we should have a hit the dating/ hook up sites day of action whereby we reply with honesty and pull no punches when the hypocracy starts up or the thicko and stupid post made wth an abunance off there fave drug coursing round what do you think ?
nit e nite

[auspoz]

Well that would be interesting. Tried to meet with a "bb for all takers" just then. Whe. I expressed interest, (cause k don't see the point anymore) the reply was "are you clean?"  All the rhetoric aside, I'm over it. I tried. At least my hand doesn't judge me.

[OneTampa]

Good discussion here.

And I just love this bit:

At least my hand doesn't judge me.

[/i]

 

[tednlou2]

Did Miss P ever clarify what "meat life" means?  Was that a Freudian slip? 

[auspoz]

And why the fuck does every show about "sex health" interview people who NEVER test positive for HIV? Geez. Stigma much. Ovah it! I tell ya. It's almost funny watching them sit waiting for the phone call. Pfffft. Try the alternative. All my friends here have felt it! Disgusting!

When the odd one gets diagnosed with Chlamidia and they get intensely stressed I laugh out loud and want to hit them!

Yeah, I've got anger issues. Who the fuck doesn't!?

[mecch]

Auzpoz - yes there are plenty of deluded people in the world and especially on the social networks...   Barebackers such as "I am neg u b 2" included.

Yes the media can be filled with hypocrisy.

I don't have a suggestion how to lesson anger - there are lots of different ways. Obviously sometimes its normal and healthy and human. 

I can say that most people recoil from anger, its not something that will attack bees to the pollen.  Its a deterrent, especially when first meeting people, socially or sexually. 

If your anger comes through over chats or face-to-face, its going to shrink the pond and available fish. 

Maybe you can eventually morph or swap the anger for passion, ambition, activism, if the anger is about issues you really care.  If its about things you can't change, best to let it fade...

[bocker3]

Hey mecch,

Great point and I would go even further and put this issue in the area of "things that are beyond my control."

Auspoz, yes you could try and control this behaviour, but the problem is beyond your ability to change, so why waste all the effort?  There will always be things in life that we detest and you can either work to change them, or realize that worrying about them is simply not worth your time or effort.  To be honest, the only person I see, being hurt by this issue is you and since you can't avoid the hurt all the time, you might want to alter your reaction.  It does not mean you no longer care about the use of the word, however it does change the dramatic reaction you have to its use.

Joe

I am quoting Joe's post here because, I think, it is a very important one for you to grab onto Auspoz.
I get anger, I get feeling stigmatized but you do seem to be having a severe reaction to things around your HIV infection.  Feelings are feelings -- so I am not saying to "stop feeling so angry", but I will say that you need to find a way out of your anger.
Reading your reaction to someone having Chlamydia says to me that you are less angry about them and more angry about you and your situation.  I am not a Psychologist, so I could be wrong -- but my experience has been that when I am more angry about something than might seem reasonable it is almost always more about ME. 
Anger is part of coming to terms with an HIV diagnosis -- but if you don't find a way beyond it, the HIV wins and truly takes over your life.

Hugs,
Mike

[wolfter]

When the odd one gets diagnosed with Chlamidia and they get intensely stressed I laugh out loud and want to hit them!

Yeah, I've got anger issues. Who the fuck doesn't!?

I believe that most of us DON'T have anger issues.  This entire issues goes much deeper than rejection.  It appears you're judging your self worth based on external factors that are out of your control.  Poz or Neg, I wouldn't want to date someone with such deep seated anger.

To the quoted portion, I'm wondering if it'd be ok if one of our members was given a terminal diagnosis and decided it was ok to hit you since their condition is worse than yours?

Perhaps it's my charming disposition, but I have no problems when it comes to getting some luvins.  Poz or Neg, I've only ever been rejected once.  Yeah, it hurt like hell but I quickly realized I am the sum of all my qualities and simply not defined by a virus.   Perhaps it's also the way I reveal my status, I do it in such a matter of fact way without portraying shame. 

Most of us don't like the term "clean", but I certainly don't let it dictate any aspect of my positive mental being.

best wishes
Wolfie