UPDATE--It hasn't Really Sinked in Yet...

[Ricky]

I have had countless HIV tests in the past all coming back neg :-)  It was my last and least worrisome test, at least I thought, that still has me numb.  I don't think It has really sinked in yet... but the more I read the more I find myself in denial or something... its gonna be life changing, I know but it's still hard to say "Yes I am HIV positive... So why am I hear...?  Support, friends that can share their experiences with me... A place I can ask ?'s no matter how crazy or naive it may sound...  This Thursday I go for my T4 and Viral counts... kind of nervous really.. what would be average or what should I expect? ....  Well hopefully this will be a nice medium to communicate with others that are in the same boat as me :-)


Aug. 15, 2006....
Hey Guys not really sure how to post a reply in my own string of messages so here is my update from last Thursday..
Well when I went to my doc she walked in and told me that she had very good news.. I was thinking, "oh I must have a high cd4 and low viral load & don't need meds yet," but she told me i must be in the 2-5% population that has been exposed to the virus but because of my gene makeup or for someother reason, I didn't contract the virus... Has anyone ever heard of such a thing.... my cd4 was like 1200 and no viral load.... I do have to go back in 3 months to make sure, but she told me pretty much that my cd4 should be lower and if not anything, my viral load should be through the roof, for someone just being infected...  so now my emotions have been dragged through hell and back... I believe and trust my doc, but then again I aways have some doubt...  You guys have been great with your replies and I really appreciate the real "loving feeling" from total strangers :-)  But please I still wanna hear what you might have to say with my visit...

Thanks again,
Ricky

[DingoBoi]

there is no average we can estimate for you.

normal cd4 range between 500 and 1300.

Anything under 500 is slightly compromised

Aids is typically defined as less than 200 cd4.

It doesn't seem like you will be there since you seem to test regularly and this is likely a new infection.

Don't fret about the numbers too much... you can't change them, but we will be here for you to talk about them with.

You likely will have a very high viral load if you are newly infected and that is expected.. that will likely settle down...

Don't even worry about going on meds if all the above is true.   You will want at least 3 tests before going on meds if they indicate that (which i think unlikely at this time) unless they are extremely low for some reason (which again is extremely unlikely based upon what you have stated)

Keep us posted on your results and we will be able to give you sage advice... but the most important thing is to breathe right now..

It's just a virus.   The meds are highly effective though do have their side effects. 

Just go out for a walk, spend time with friends now and don't fret too much about this.. becuase it's really all beyond your control.  The numbers will be what they are (though I expect them to be good) but even if they aren't, it's likely because you are newly infected and they typically bounce back after initial infection.

I welcome you here to the forums.  isn't the price of admission a bitch to pay?  But you will truly find many people here who have gone thru the same thing... in fact, we all have. 

We understand.

Spill your guts, tell us your fears and we will be there for you.

In love,
Bailey

[Life]

Ricky... You have answered all your questions for you..  Yes we are here for you and yes we care...  I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis but, life goes on.  Change it as much as you want, but maybe change it for the better.  Make something good out of this situation.  Many here have.  Many here are living life to the fullest.  I think that's what was the original intent anyway...   As you wait on your results, just relax..  Try not and wonder, what comes next.  That will reveal itself as time passes.  You have a long time to put the pieces together.  Might as well build something really kewl out of this.   Stay on the upside of life... Its going to be ok Ricky...

Love

Eric

[lydgate]

Yep -- no matter how crazy or naive it may sound. Through the thick and the thin (or the sick and the sin). One day at at a time, Ricky. You'll be fine.

Jay

[joyluckclub]

Yep....

Everyone who has replied to your post is correct.  Like you, I go in Thursday for my first appointment with my ID (Infectious Disease Physician).  I am a bit nervous about my viral load. 

I am aware that the numbers "are what they are".  Bring a notepad, ask lots of questions.  I will be doing the same thing you are doing.


Enjoy your day today!


Corwyn

[Ann]

Hi Ricky, welcome to the forum.

You've certainly come to the right place to ask questions or just tell us what's on your mind. If you haven't already, please read through the Welcome thread at the top of this forum, where you'll find links to all the other sections of this website, including the Lessons pages. You might want to read the lessons on what your lab results mean before you go to your first appointment.

As Corwyn says, take a notepad with you and a pen too. Write down any questions you have for your doc as you think of them, because it can be easy to forget what you wanted to ask when you're in that office - especially for the first time. Make sure you write the answers down too because they have a way of flying out of your head the moment you  walk out of the office.

But do your best to calm down and relax. You don't need to learn everything all at once - you've got plenty of time.

Keep us posted.

Ann

[frenchpat]

Hi Ricky,

I'll be thinking of you thursday - first visit, I've been there, we all have.

Sorry you had to join but welcome to this rather posh club!

Pat

[livingpositively]

Hey Ricky...welcome to the forums.  Feel free to ask anything - no matter what.  Someone out there, I guarantee, will have had the same question(s) as you at some point.  No worries.

Best of luck to you and hope to hear more from you

Shane

[Joe K]

Hey Ricky,

Happy to see you found your way here because this place can be very helpful to you, when you need it and are ready.  The first visit to an ID doc can be very scary, but as Bailey said, your numbers are great so you are just going to start getting some base lines of your numbers.

You are new to all of this so just take your time and look around and feel free to ask questions, bitch, moan or whatever, we've heard it all.  You are starting on a journey that will change your life, but it will not change who you are.  After awhile HIV will just become another facet of your life and that will take time, so be kind to yourself, find support where you can and know you will adjust and eventually thrive with HIV.

I know it can be done, I've been doing it for 22 years.

Welcome to the forums.