Need to figure this out

[cityboy]

I tested positive in July.  I was also told that I had Hepatitis B and I had gotten over it through my own defenses.  In November 2006, I went to the doctor to get my blood work done for my anemia and an HIV test.  The doctor overlooked doing the HIV test.  The last HIV test I had was June 2006 where I was negative (sometimes I just stare at this and wish) In November 2006 I started getting reb blotches around my ears and hairline and I think it is called clamidis...where on the edges of your lips you get something that is similar to a yeast infection.  I also got some blisters in my mouth.  Overall I felt terrible and very weak, felt like I was getting a cold.  In July, I felt like I had a temperature, was getting light night sweats, and my lymph nodes were swollen.  I have been thinking ever since how I got infected, since I used condoms, I didn't know how this happened. What are some of the less likely ways of getting HIV ( I am a top only if that matters and dont orally service) Then I was wondering did I get Hepatitis B in November and then infected 3 months prior to July, or was I infected 3 months prior to November.  I just need to get some closure on this since it is just on my mind constantly.  Sometimes i just sit there looking at my neg HIV results from June and cry wondering what I did to deserve this. 

[Life]

For what is worth...

Trying to pin-point your infection to who/what/when/where really serves no purpose..   Play the tape and see where it leads you...  Water under the bridge..  Forgive yourself and move on.   No one deserves being infected with hiv.   Its a virus.   The world has a bunch of them.  You just happened to get this one...  Gota let it go sometime... Maybe not yet, but soon I hope...

Eric

[xyahka]

Hi, i agree with Eric...

It is better to move on my friend. Wish you the best.

Juan Carlos

[wantmy9]

  I understand your feelings as i was there a few years ago myself.  You become positive and wonder who was i with and what did I do to allow myself to make a mistake.  What mistake did i make?  You know, it is not going to change anything.  I know in my situation, and am pretty confident on how it occurred.  Unfortunately it was out of my control, due to medication i was on for mental health that made me basically drunk when i went to bed.  It makes you wonder from whom, and it may be a question that will always be there unless you are able to more precisely determine when you may have received the HIV.  If the time frame between HIV tests and the number of playmates has been numerous, it is highly unlikely you will be able to make that determination and even if you were able, what will change?  I could only suggest to move on with your life and allow yourself to live as if though it never occurred.  You are no different, just housing a virus that means nothing to anyone unless you are having sex with them.  Take your meds and keep yourself healthy, will help you with the living rather than hiding.  Hope all goes well for you and that it becomes easier as it has for me.

Side note, i too had Hep B and did not know it until one day my doctor kind of went past it and i stopped her to ask her what she meant, only to discover i had it and my body took care of it without any knowledge on my part.

randy

[cityboy]

Thanks .  No idea how this occurred, if I knew it would be easier just to close the book fast.  I am trying to just focus on other things and no think too much about my evil roommate lurking inside.  Take care of yourself too...we both will get through. 
All the best,
Cityboy

I understand your feelings as i was there a few years ago myself.  You become positive and wonder who was i with and what did I do to allow myself to make a mistake.  What mistake did i make?  You know, it is not going to change anything.  I know in my situation, and am pretty confident on how it occurred.  Unfortunately it was out of my control, due to medication i was on for mental health that made me basically drunk when i went to bed.  It makes you wonder from whom, and it may be a question that will always be there unless you are able to more precisely determine when you may have received the HIV.  If the time frame between HIV tests and the number of playmates has been numerous, it is highly unlikely you will be able to make that determination and even if you were able, what will change?  I could only suggest to move on with your life and allow yourself to live as if though it never occurred.  You are no different, just housing a virus that means nothing to anyone unless you are having sex with them.  Take your meds and keep yourself healthy, will help you with the living rather than hiding.  Hope all goes well for you and that it becomes easier as it has for me.

Side note, i too had Hep B and did not know it until one day my doctor kind of went past it and i stopped her to ask her what she meant, only to discover i had it and my body took care of it without any knowledge on my part.

randy

[next2u]

Sometimes i just sit there looking at my neg HIV results from June and cry wondering what I did to deserve this. 

Hey, you did nothing to deserve this. It's a virus, viruses happen. It is not a punishment and you will get through this. It takes a while, but we are here for you. Have you seen a counselor or hiv support group? They can help sort out your feelings and allow you to explore your emotions in a safe place. Hey man, just remember you are not alone and HIV does not define who you are - don't let it. On that note, take care and know that we are here for you.