Maybe somebody recognises the symptoms

[overstressed]

Hi,

14 months ago, I had oral sex(cunnilingus) with an African prostitute in a Belgian brothel. The vaginal sex was with condom. After that, I went home and discovered a spot of blood on my stomach. From that moment I started to freak out, and my life would never be the same, until now.

The day after, I felt like having the flu and my throat was sore. On the second day, I started to get white patches on the left side of my tongue. Three weeks later I started to have night sweats, from head till toe. Never had this before.

I went back to that place and told them about the blood and that I wanted to talk to the girl. She said that she was on her periods, at the end, though. When I asked when she was last tested, she answered 5 years before! She also told me that she'd lived in Belgium for 7 years now. She was 24, so she came to Belgium at age 17. She also told me not to panic, she had a baby, 3 years old and she did not have anything. The brothel forced her to get tested, and after 2 weeks she showed me the results. However, I did not believe anything she said.

Up until now, I had all tests done(hepatitis ABC, Syphilis, Gonnorea, Herpes 2, CMV, HIV, Chlamydia,...). All came back negative, except the CMV.

After 6 months, my wife said that she had these rashes on her back. As I asked when this had started, she said that it was 6 months before. I freaked out. It was the time of my encounter. I must have given this to her via saliva, because I did not have any sex with her until now.

After a year, I felt so bad, my r-eye hurt, my legs hurt, my r-hip hurt and I have a heel spore. This time I went to an internist who diagnosed me with Reiter's syndrome. Because no Chlamydia infection was detected, I was put on immune suppressive medicine. As I started looking on the internet on autoimmune diseases, I saw pictures of the rashes my wife has: LUPUS!

Since then, I'm going to a psychologist, because I need help. My wife does not know anything about this encounter, although she suspects something is wrong. Since that day, I feel so anxious, and don't know what has happened to us. My wife does not go to the dr to have her examined. My housedoc does not understand this, because according to him, it would help me, if she gets a diagnosis. But she refuses, she feels good, she says. But it's not, I see she's not ok and that breaks my heart. The first six months she lost 10% of her total weight. I also did, but we gained our weight, again.

As I told my housedoc that I felt so tired the last year, and my throat is sore for over a year now, he requested an EBV test for me. I did not ask, and he didn't tell me. I tested positive! He told me that he had tested me in 2003, and then I was negative. According to him, I contracted EBV. I don't really believe this, because I don't think that EBV can make both of us so sick.

But if it was not EBV, what infection could I have contracted and that I could have given my wife via saliva ? I have found some medical reports on the internet of people having AIDS and being HIV -. So, there must be some other cause as HIV, having people getting AIDS ? I hope somebody recognises this and could help me, because a month ago, I wanted to end my life... I'm so desperate that I contracted a disease that is not recognised, yet. My wife and I still have a child wish, and I don't know what to do. We both want this very much. I don't understand I was so stupid! I don't have a life anymore, I'm always at home, I don't have a social life anymore. The only thing I do is helping my wife, doing everything she wants... I'm so sad...help.

Thanks for your time,
Overstressed.

[Andy Velez]

OK. You had intercourse and you used a condom. That means you were well and effectively protected as far as HIV is concerned. Performing cunnilingus is not a risk for HIV transmission. Even IF the woman you were with is HIV positive, her fluids which could contain HIV are in the cervical area, far up and away from where your mouth and tongue would reach. The spot of blood on your stomach is a totally irrelevant bit of information.

It's not a surprise that you tested negative. You didn't really have a risk for HIV no matter what your head has been saying to you.
 
You're anxiously practicing medicine on yourself without a license. As far as I can see, largely because of guilt because you strayed. Your wife needs to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis of whatever is causing her symptoms.

You can't pass HIV to her because you are not HIV positive. Period. 

We cannot responsibly diagnose symptoms here. All we can do is evaluate a situation in terms of risk or non-risk for HIV. And I've told you what I think about that as far as you are concerned. Keep working with your psychologist to address the emotional aspects of what is going on.

Cheers.

[overstressed]

Dear Andy,

thank you for your reply. I understand that I did not contracted HIV. The reason why I mentioned 'she was on her period', is that there might be blood involved with the act. At the very moment, I didn't know this. Although, to my recollection, I did not taste any blood.

I hope somebody recognises these symptoms and can help us. We have a child wish and I question myself the past 15 months, what might have hapened to us. What disease pathogene(s) might cause autoimmune diseases like Reiter's and Lupus, via saliva.

On top of that, my wife refuses to see a dr, despite the fact that I have tried everything to get her to the dr.

To any reader: If someone recognises the symptoms and could advise which test to carry out, or to identify the disease making pathogen, I(we) would be forever thankfull,

Overstressed.

[RapidRod]

This is an HIV forum and you don't have a HIV concern. I would suggest you work with your doctor.

[Andy Velez]

And we absolutey do not get into speculating about what might be causing symptoms. We're strictly about evaluating HIV risks here.

As Rod suggested, perhaps your doctor can suggest how to address your concerns about your wife's health. You might also ask her how she wants you to respond since you are concerned about her health.