POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: lilred122214 on August 05, 2009, 08:16:30 pm
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Hey, So I just tested Positive a little over 4 months ago... I am currently in a Poz Neg relationship, which for me has been going really well... I guess my main wonder is do alot of people get depressed or isolate? I have noticed that i have not been active a lot with support system or the people i love? I have a therapist but we are just starting to tackle this. Just want some feedback ???
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Hello and welcome aboard. Good to see that you have someone by your side; support and love are crucial. You will read here that the reactions vary. Some people take a long time to finally accept this change in their life and continue LIVING, others are able to move on rather quickly. My first week I was rather numb, angry with myself and the one that I loved (a story for another post), and simply getting my affairs in order in a sort of mechanical way. There was some crying, but my anger would not allow me to grieve as I perhaps should have. Within two weeks I felt more hopeful (information, support and love from my "selected six", and a new-found interest in facing a life that I had thus far not lived to its full potential). Joining these forums also made it much easier indeed.
Depression can happen; this can be a lot to absorb. I guess it all depends on our own history, and how we have dealt with loss, issues, and/or difficulties in the past may influence the approach that we will take regarding this diagnosis/ new life. Someone who clings on to life with a fatalistic approach may face a longer "grieving" stage. Someone who is optimistic (not in denial, let me be clear) will probably have an easier time transitioning back to life. The fact that you are opening to your therapist about this will be of great help.
It is only normal that you don't feel as "active" as you may have been before; you just need to process all this info and figure out what the best course to follow (for you) may be. Just be sure to plan on living a healthy life; this includes knowing your numbers and having the right doctor(s) to work with you through this. Eat well; exercise; work on eliminating bad behaviors if you had any. One great thing is that you have a partner/companion and support system. You should see yourself bouncing back to "normality" soon.
Hope that I made sense. Wish you only the best.
Big Hug
LBTM
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Hey, So I just tested Positive a little over 4 months ago... I am currently in a Poz Neg relationship, which for me has been going really well... I guess my main wonder is do alot of people get depressed or isolate? I have noticed that i have not been active a lot with support system or the people i love? I have a therapist but we are just starting to tackle this. Just want some feedback ???
Livebythemoon makes many good points. I'm about 4 months into this myself, and my therapist and I have spent a lot of time on this very issue. His explanation is that having HIV is kind of like a second coming out process. I don't know how your coming out process was (assuming you're gay), but for me, I was a very isolated person before I came to terms with being gay. I closed myself off, because I didn't feel like I could identify with all the straight people around me. Once I got comfortable with my feelings, and made gay friends, I found that I still isolated myself in certain ways, particularly in that I wanted to hang out with gay people more than straight people because of that whole common bond/sympathy thing. And right when I was finally totally comfortable in my own skin, I wind up with HIV, and it's a whole new set of secrets....So maybe that's a little of what you're going through = not feeling like you can relate to friends that don't have it. Even my therapist, who is a very empathetic person and my friends who I have told will never know what it feels like to be positive, just like a straight man will never know what it is really like to be gay. They can be understanding and open minded, but unless you are in this position, no one can truly understand it. I know that there are days when I definitely feel like a leper, but I know it's an issue i have to deal with (and apparently so do you), so I rationalize those feelings away, because when you get down to it, we're the same people we were before. I even told my therpaist once that finding out I was positive was almost anti-climactic - it wasn't nearly the earth shattering event I thought it would be. I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel like my life is over, and I don't want to curl up and die. In many ways it's been a wake up call to start living life in a little bit more selfish way - enjoy the beautiful and wonderful things in life. I don't know if any of this rambling has helped, but I definitely understand your feelings. Good luck, it sounds like you're on the right track.