New Years Risk Assessment

[Newyearspartier]

Dear Moderators:

I’ll try to keep this brief as I am sure you will be flooded with panic over questionable New Years shenanigans. I’m a gay male who met up with another male and engaged in the activities, which I will list below. The first two are very serious causes for concern and the others I am just moderately worried about. Could you please advise if I am at any risk, and if so, to what degree. Thanks.

1.Throughout the night, he gave me oral sex. Generally, I would not be concerned but he wore braces, so naturally he had some gum problems I am sure. I woke up in the morning and saw a small legion on my penis where he had nicked it during one of the blowjobs. Basically, I received oral sex from a guy with braces, while having an open wound. I’ve read were Andy says no spin on receiving blowjobs could make it a risk. Would braces plus a sore be that one spin?

2. After receiving the oral, I on a few occasions rubbed my bare penis on his anus. I never penetrated, but I did hump on his anus both bare and clothed. Assuming the open wound was there, but given there was no actual penetration-is there a risk? Not sure if for hiv purposes, topping means actual penetration or if genital to anal frottage counts.

3. We did a lot of deep kissing despite my having a canker sore along my gumline.
 
4. He gave me a handjob in the shower till completion.

5. I rimmed and fingered him.

Are any of the described conditions a risk? Thanks, again.

[jkinatl2]

Nothing you mention is in any way, shape or form a risk for HIV infection.

In addition to not being infectious, saliva contains over a dozen elements which render HIV non-viable.

Use a condom for penetrative anal sex (as a gay man) and you will avoid HIV infection. It's really that simple.

[Andy Velez]

Partier, you can relax about your New Year's activities. Nothing you reporting was in any way a risk for HIV transmission, including the blowjob with braces and nicking your penis. Zero risk.

Period.

We do advise anyone who is sexually active that it's a good idea at least annually to have a full STD panel done. Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV. But as far as HIV is concerned you were not at risk this time.

The only confirmed sexual risks for HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Use condoms everytime for those activities and you will be well protected.

[Newyearspartier]

Dear Moderators:

I appreciate the quick responses and risk assessments. I am still a bit worried, but not nearly as much as before. I can understand the receiving oral as zero risk, but my rubbing my penis head on his anus still bothers me some. I am hoping my worry (maybe some guilt) will fade with time. I recently tested negative, so would any further testing be warranted? Thanks, again!

[Andy Velez]

Rubbing a.k.a. frottage is NOT a risk for HIV transmission. Period.

You can test if you want to for your peace of mind. It's unnecessary because that is not a risk. Rubbing is way different than actual penetration. The latter is a risk of course.

You decide what you need to do to let go of this concern. You were not at risk for HIV as you reported the details.

[Newyearspartier]

Dear Moderators:

I do not have a specific incident to ask about, but a safer sex question if it is alright. The guy from New Years and I have been seeing a lot of each other since our encounter. He told me his last sexual encounter was a year ago and mine was about 6 months ago. We decided to go together to be tested for HIV and both our results were negative. Since then we have been engaging in everything from unprotected oral to fingering, frottage, mutual masturbation, deep kissing and penile-anal rubbing. The counselor told us both, albeit separately, that we still shouldn't engage in these activities as we cannot necessarily trust each other on what we reported as our last sexual experience. Is the counselor just wrong? We plan to wait and test again three months from now, but still have not had full penetration. I could not imagine these things being an HIV risk-from reading the forum. My new partner was cool about testing together and again at 3 months, but still this seems like an unknowledgable counselor.  I just want to be responsible about testing and thought we were by going together, but the counselor made us feel as if we were doing something wrong. Thanks again.

[Andy Velez]

It's great that you guys are being so cautious about proceeding sexually. That's a smart way to build your relationship. Your plan for re-testing is a cautious one. When considering dispensing with using condoms for intercourse, it's essential to have both partners reliably test negative and to be firmly committed to a monogamous relationship.

There are only two confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV: unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. As long as condoms are used consistently for those activities you will be well protected.

Kissing, frottage, mutual masturbation and whatever else you throw into the mix -- those are not risks for HIV transmission.

[Ann]

NYP,

I would imagine the counsellor was cautioning you because he or she (and myself as well) has seen many instances where people believe they are in a monogamous relationship but sadly, one of the partners is having relations elsewhere behind the other person's back.

You would be wise to use condoms for intercourse until you're at a point in your relationship where you can fully trust the other person. Only you can decide when that time may be.

For the record, here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection...

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other infections can be present with no obvious symptoms (particularly chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis), so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann