POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Mouse on September 25, 2006, 02:42:15 am
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But, change can be good.
I learned something tonight that I think I had to learn. It's funny to me because the entire time I spent stressing about my options, the more I realized how the choice is so obvious - because no matter what I have to choose what is right for me, and sometimes choices like that can show you so much about other people.
I don't know if anybody has seen the movie 'The Lion King'. It's a Disney movie about a lion named Simba, he's the son of the 'king' lion and stuff. One day his father dies and his death is blamed on Simba. So, he runs away, and grows up, and lives this careful life with this meerkat and warthog and basically doesn't care about anything. He feels like everything bad that happened back at home was his fault, and he can't change anything, so there's no point in facing it or trying to.
One day he is walking around, and he sees this baboon named Rafiki who is pretty wise and carries a walking stick around. Rafiki lives where Simba used to live, and used to be his father's advisor. In a roundabout way he sort of tells Simba he needs to go back home and face his past, but Simba refuses to, telling him 'you can't change the past'.
So, Rafiki takes his stick and smacks Simba upside the head with it. And Simba winces and goes, "Ow! That hurt!" Rafiki replies, "Yes. The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it - or learn from it." So he swings his stick at Simba again, but he ducks that time.
It's my favorite part of the movie, and I feel like I can relate to it right now. My mom is an alcoholic, she's always been, I was just never able to face it, or comprehend it, or something. I'm working on it now. I'm confronting her about it. I'm not letting her make me lose out on being happy because she is unhappy. And furthermore, it's not my fault she is the way she is. I'm not letting her drag me down.
I've been sick, so I haven't been to school for a while. Want to know something else? I'm not going back to my school when I feel better, either. I'm switching. I'm going to a better school, whether my mom cooperates or not. If she doesn't want to put herself out to take me to school twice a week, then that obviously says a lot about the sense of responsibility she feels towards me. It'd hardly be an inconvinenance. She'd have to drink less at night so she wouldn't have as much of a hangover in the morning so she could drive me to school. But she doesn't want to do that.
So, I guess she loses out on having her son around. Maybe she'll change, I don't know. But I can't worry about everybody else with this anymore. It's school. My school. My education. The difference between me being depressed or not. I can't be depressed just because of her. I don't deserve it. I'm a pretty decent kid, I think.
So, that's it right now. I feel better already, emotionally, now that I feel sort of secure in my decision for once. I'm doing what's good for me, and whether my mom wants what's good for me or not doesn't matter. If she wants to help me and work with me and support me I'll be ecstatic. Best possible outcome ever. But if not, it's not my fault, and I won't feel guilty about it.
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Bonjour Mouse,
I just read your post. I always read them.
From what I read, you are a great human being.
((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))))
Pat (who's rushing out of the house to go meet his doc, a 3 hour ride)
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Dear Jaser,
Great that you are making the decision to choose for yourself!
Yes, it can be painful to confront the past, but as you say it can be a very valuable learning experience.
Hopefully your mother will "wake up" when she realizes you are serious about this, and let's hope she learns from it as well!
Big hugs to you for being so brave!
Eirin
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Jaser,
You are wise beyond your years. I applaud you for taking control of your life. I certainly hope that things work out in your favor, though it will be a bumpy ride.
Fasten your seatbelt, my friend.
Lots of good thoughts going your way. I hope you are feeling better soon.
:)
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Jaser,
Not unlike Simba; part of growing up and becoming a man is taking on the responsibility for our own lives. In this Post, you have shown that you are well capable of taking on this responsibility and you will be for the rest of your life. Good for you Jaser, I applaud your maturity, I support you in this decision, and I am saddened by the fact that you have to live with alcohol, even though you are not the one that is hooked on it. Lift yourself above the fray and stand tall my little man, you are one hell of an example for modern youth, and with all that has gone on in your life lately, you still are showing a bright and optimistic view of the world. Walk on my friend, you will be surprised at the results of your decisions.
In Love and Support.
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Jaser:
And as your will, so shall it be. Blessed Be! :)
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Bravo kiddo!! I am heartened to see you finally realize that you must take charge of your own destiny.
You are absolutely NOT responsible for your mom's issues.
You go boy !!!
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Good for you... Hopefully she'll be inspired in the process!! 8)
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Good for you Jaser that you are trying as always to keep up your studies and not let your mother's issues interfere...I know family problems can be crippling but here you are rising above them...Someday your studies will lead to a great career and you will have your own pad (Jaser's place) and money and a life of your own !!!
Keep on truckin' little guy !!!
Jody ;)
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My courageous Little fellow,
I applaud your strength and the will to overcome all obstacles in life.
You are one strong soul.
But, it is always nice to receive some good energy on the way.
Sending you a warm hug and I am proud of you, very proud.
hermie
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Jaser,
You are a great kid, I wish I could drive you to school every day! I'd be honored to. I'm glad you're moving onward and upward, and not letting your mother's problems interfere with what's best for YOU.
love & hugs,
Alan :-*
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Hi Jaser,
I've read all your posts already, and especially from this last one, you are obviously an intelligent young man. I'm sorry you have to go thru all of this ( I've been in an alcoholic home a good part of my adolescence), I know how hard it can be. But I know you have what it takes to rise above it! I too, wish I could drive you to school, or do more than just offer support here. Feel better buddy.
Paul
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Good on you Squeak.
Hope you feel better soon, too.
Steve
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Hey Jaser,
You are one courageous young man and I am proud of you. I know this hasn't been an easy thing to live, any more than this was an easy decision for you to make.
You are what I call survivor material, because you will take whatever life throws at you and deal with it the best you can. That is how people manage to survive and even thriver, whether it is HIV or other aspects of life.
Onward and upward.
HUGS,
Mark
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Hello Jaser,
Everyone else has pretty much said it clearly. Focus on your education, and your health. Stand tall and move forward in your life. The past can hurt. Take whatever it is that is positive out of the negative and apply those positives into your daily life.
I wish you well with working with your mom and her situation.
Have the BEST Day!