POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: lifer on May 02, 2008, 04:34:12 pm
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Might sound stupid and of course the word gorgeous is different to every person but overall, can you look very good even though you have hiv? Ive read posts saying you age faster, your skin heals much slower, that fatique look on the face... I mean, how many of you despite the healthy status in theory think, boy have i changed in my face and dont have that ''appeal'' anymore..How many of you can say, when i go out i know people can see i have hiv? and how many of you can say i am more beautiful as ever, despite meds and hiv..
of course looks should not matter and we should be happy we can at least our lives but i dont wanna spend the rest of my life looking like an old diseased person when i'll only be thirty if you know what i mean. thanks for your input!
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I think this deserves a "Barbara please..."
I won't name names but take a look at some of the beautiful men and women on this site.
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As Meg Ryan said, "Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!" :D
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I think this deserves a "Barbara please..."
I'll go one step further: I think that Lifer has just insulted a lot of the forums members.
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well sorry guys i didnt mean to insult anyone, i havent seen any pictures of anyone here so cant judge. it was a serious question however, but i guess the answer is positive from your replies.
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Well I think if someone is vain enough to owe their total existence to how they look? Whether hiv and or not... one thing in life as we age tends to teach each and everyone one of us...to be humble...
A friend of mine was in a car wreck about 10 months ago... I have to admit he was damn goodlooking... well after having several surgeries... some serious 3rd degree burns over a third of his body and face... he could not deal with the loss of his looks... being a burn victim was an emotional nightmare for him... no matter how many skin grafts ... cosmetic surgery etc... theres just so much the doctors could do... last week he committed suicide... He will be greatly missed!
now I'm 47 and people tell me I do not look my age... but, when asked I tell people I'm 57 you should hear all the Compliments I receive... add ten years onto your age and you'll look fabulous for years to come...plus the benefits one receives from aarp! Think positive!
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I've been positive for all my adult life. I'll be 36 at the end of this month. I think I look age appropriate. Some people might think I am attractive while others might not. I think I look good most of the time aside from some extra fat in the middle. But many women my age who have had kids have the same thing.
My boyfriend has been positive for roughly 19 years. He has lipoatrophy in his face. I think he is beautiful regardless. I know it bothers him and affects his self esteem.
I see pictures of him when he was younger and he was really cute then but I think he is perfectly fine now.
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I'll echo gsogymrat and also refer you to my avatar, then you need to ask my boyfriend, or better yet, my sister, who was all hot after that guy in the picture until she put on her glasses and realized it was her little brother!
And "old diseased" as a look is entirely the perception of the beholder. There are quite a few guys and gals here who may have "wasting" or lipo issues, but they were born gorgeous and they can't lose that kind of gift even if they try.
And everyone is beautiful, haven't you heard the songs?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pPk5c3yoZyg (http://youtube.com/watch?v=pPk5c3yoZyg)
and that includes YOU!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tYXGoOpzaEQ (http://youtube.com/watch?v=tYXGoOpzaEQ)
*edited to spell "sister" correctly, not that I say it much...*
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Hi Lifer,
I have only known I was Poz for a few months now but I feel hotter then ever ;D When I found out I was Poz I went to work and out thinking everyone could tell by looking at me that I had it and I thought I was ugly. Then one day my brain kicked in and I realized I look the same. If anything I work out, run, work on my body and looks more now then ever before. My partner has been Poz for a few years and he is gorgeous by a lot of peoples standards. While I know there are side effects and things that can alter ones personal looks physically i have not had to encounter these things yet. But for right now I feel better then ever.
~J
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I've had to face that I am not a 'pretty boy' any more because, ....I'm not a boy anymore...I'm 55 and am now a damn handsome man. ;D
and that is not me talking or my family or my friends....these are the words of complete strangers.....
I used to think that it was emblazoned across my forehead and that people could just 'smell HIV on me...but, no one is going to know if you don't tell them..this is why we have the topic on 'disclosure'...should I tell or not'...becasue they won't know until you do.
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I'll echo Win on this one, I think I look pretty good, but just have a thicker middle due to lipo.
Its a matter of being attractive on the inside as well.
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blah I've never been gorgeous so it doesn't matter
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My opinion is that your question already makes you "not gorgeous", Lifer.
I have never been attracted to men who thought they were gorgeous or were worried about loosing their looks.
As someone once said, intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. I appreciate- and go for- men who are comfortable with themselves, no matter how they look on the outside.
:)
-Mark
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;D
Honey... since I've been POZ, I've gotten pleasingly plump and grew some facial hair, with gray, and I"m still HOT!!! Bear hot not twinkie hot but HOT none the less.
If HIV moves my fat around, I'll play "find the jiggle". If HIV causes my face to age, I'll say that my true wisdom is finally starting to show. It may not be easy but what ever happens, I'll do my best to deal.
You've gotta love the variety of life!
Bubba hugs!!
Patrick
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The title of this thread made me smile so I had to jump in.
Of course you can still be "gorgeous."
I dare say many of my poz friends put to shame some of my neg friends.
I wouldn't obsess - age plays tricks on everyone neg or poz. Just take care of youself best you can and that's all you can do!
Peace :)
MIke
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I agree with someone who said that there are more important things that just "looking gorgeous". We should not clasify the way we look... we should LOVE the way we look. Period.
I think it is wrong to let others decide if you are gorgeous or not... cause none can tell who or what you are... just you. If you love yourself... others will learn to love you does not matter the way you look like.
Juan Carlos (thinking the guy i see in my mirror every morning while i wash my face is so damn gorgeous... :) )
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There's some pretty scary looking negative people stealing oxygen on this planet.
Cubbybear (who's +ve and not too bad on the eyes some days).
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*flips hair*
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blah I've never been gorgeous so it doesn't matter
Wrong! (you 're such a handsome devil diver)
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Physical appearance is NOT what matter the most. But the rest.
The day people understand that, they start to be gorgeous.
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Lifer,
I wouldn't want to know anyone who thinks they are “gorgeous.” I've met enough of those in my life and frankly, they bore me. The same goes for people who feel compelled to follow the latest trends. They are like mindless sheep who are insecure within themselves. I believe Jann Arden said it best in her song Never Mind, “You can’t believe how a person looks is who they are.”
People who are their genuine selves and comfortable in their own skin are much more interesting to me.
Daniel
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Lifer, I see from your posting history that you are very, very, young (19) and very, very, new to your HIV diagnosis. Though I might have worded your question a little more delicately I think I understand what you're asking. I think your fear is not so much losing the beauty of youth but of looking "diseased" while you're still young. I can understand that, no young person wants to go through their life thinking that a disease they have might eventually make them sick and effect their looks. In the past HIV has been a cruel misstress when it came to body image. Not only did she make us feel ill inside, she threw in lipo, buffalo humps, wasting and a variety of other ways to make us feel ugly on the outside. That Aids look if you will. Yes, you'll hear "don't worry about that, beauty is on the inside" but many of us have resorted to all manor of ways not to look like we have AIDS. Does it make us shallow or superficial? Nope, it makes us human.
So enough of the bad news. The good news is with the newer treatments you'll probably not have to experience anything more than the normal changes a body goes through as it ages.
I think right now my concern for you would be your emotional health. You really want to take care of that and not let HIV make it ugly. So ask your questions and if some seem a bit irritated it's because of what they have gone through with AIDS.
I do have to warn you I'll kick your ass if you ever again say thirty is old ;D Nineteen, I got on underwear older than that.
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Nineteen, I got on underwear older than that.
Held together by stubborn understains, no doubt. :-*
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Dachshund,
let others be themselves and stop giving directions to think, but suggestions.
Nobody is always right, even you.
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You sure know how to hurt a girl
Fewer hugs and no more kisses
Just water for your carburetor
And bearings for your pistons
Rev her engine for your pleasure
Caress and fondle her steering wheel
When you moan and hug her gear shift
Stop! Think how it makes me feel
CHORUS
Skidmarks on my heart
You've got me in fifth
You're burning rubber like my love
I'm driving in risk
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Dachshund,
let others be themselves and stop giving directions to think, but suggestions.
Nobody is always right, even you.
John, please do not hijack this thread with flamebait aimed at Doxie. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ann
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I do have to warn you I'll kick your ass if you ever again say thirty is old ;D Nineteen, I got on underwear older than that.
LOL I over looked that 30 being old comment. I remember thinking the same way when I was a teen. I guess its a common thing for younger people to think.
But I dont believe I thought of people within 15 years my age old. So even though I'll be 36 this month I guess at 19, 36 would have seemed kinda old to me.
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Everyone should be mindful that lipoatrophy is actually quite chic. Just look at any runway show for Dior Homme.
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I'll have to remember that next time my boyfriend is feeling blue about how his face has changed.
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Held together by stubborn understains, no doubt. :-*
(http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k267/deemark/Emoticons/chuckling.gif)
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They're old, but at least they're not diapers. ;)
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i understand where everyone is coming from. i didnt mean to come off shallow or sending out the message that looks matter more than the inside. i simply wanted to share my thought that say in 5 ten years from now how bad will the hiv affect my looks? im not saying i am supergorgeous now but seeing a zit for example heal much slower than it used to nowadays does put thoughts into my head. is this only gonna become worse? is this a sign of my cells dropping? once im on meds will everything go back to normal? i feel tired after not doing a whole lot, is this hiv in the game? my skin looks very tired and dry, is this hiv? all these insecurities with no real answers to them just make you insecure not only about your life but also your looks!
and also the reason why these thoughts are constantly in my head is because of all the pictures they run with an hiv/aids story. they always publish pics of these poor dying emaciated people (never the beautiful ones!!!) which only makes me wonder: IS THIS GONNA BE ME IN 5 -10 YEARS?
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and also the reason why these thoughts are constantly in my head is because of all the pictures they run with an hiv/aids story. they always publish pics of these poor dying emaciated people (never the beautiful ones!!!) which only makes me wonder: IS THIS GONNA BE ME IN 5 -10 YEARS?
Huh? All I see in Poz magazine are pictures of healthy people climbing moutains in pharmaceutical ads, and most of the article feature very healthy looking people -- so much so that I don't even see pictures of patients with lipoatrophy. Seems to me that many newly diagnosed would prefer a world where people experiencing any suffering are quietly pushed into a dark closet so that we don't disturb others.
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Philly..
maybe he is referring to stories about HIV in Africa...not the pharmceutical advertisements.
Ads tend to be sanitized....stories about HIV in Africa or the loss of loved ones anywhere... do not tend to be sanitized.
Of course maybe he should tell us what stories he is referring to.
Joel
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Hey Lifer,
Well, let's see. There are parts of me that are gorgeous, but, since we're in mixed company, I shan't go into too many details. ::)
If you take care of yourself, you stand a very good chance maintaining a good physical appearance. Remember, as Great Auntie Doxie said, keeping youself healthy mentally as well as physically is a important.
So, enjoy each day, but set goals just as you would if you didn't have the bug. I am pretty sure you will achieve many of those goals before all is said and done.
HUGS,
Mark
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iand also the reason why these thoughts are constantly in my head is because of all the pictures they run with an hiv/aids story. they always publish pics of these poor dying emaciated people (never the beautiful ones!!!) which only makes me wonder: IS THIS GONNA BE ME IN 5 -10 YEARS?
Lifer,
In my first year after being diagnosed, I remember finding images of people who were dying and emaciated by AIDS disturbing too. Wish I could tell you that is not part of your future for sure, but then I could become a millionaire being a fortune teller. Mind you that was twenty years ago.
Treatments have greatly improved now, and as others have pointed out, if you take good care of your basic health and don’t abuse it too much, chances are you will be around a good long time.
I won’t tell you not to worry because I think that’s a normal part of the diagnosis. Just try not to forget to keep things in perspective. Your health will thank you for it.
Daniel
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http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=14186.0 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=14186.0)
We are thin and gorgeous!
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Thanks for that Timmy, I hadn't looked at that thread for a while...nothing like sharing a coffee with the good looking men in my life to get the morning off to a good start... ;)
Hugs
Jan :-*
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wow anniebc ! :-*
:D
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:P
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i simply wanted to share my thought that say in 5 ten years from now how bad will the hiv affect my looks? im not saying i am supergorgeous now but seeing a zit for example heal much slower than it used to nowadays does put thoughts into my head. is this only gonna become worse? is this a sign of my cells dropping? once im on meds will everything go back to normal? i feel tired after not doing a whole lot, is this hiv in the game? my skin looks very tired and dry, is this hiv? all these insecurities with no real answers to them just make you insecure not only about your life but also your looks!
Speak to your doctor at your next scheduled appointment. He/she will be able to determine if your HIV is a cause or partial cause of some of your concerns. Not knowing your treatment/diagnosis history, the fact that you are not on meds would lead me to believe that your immune system must not be too impaired. I wouldn't automatically assume that all of this is related to HIV. Some of this could be all in your head (such as the time for a zit to heal). After being diagnosed, I became obsessed with every little thing that was wrong with me and assumed that it was always because I was now HIV positive. I gave HIV too much importance.
Treatments have improved over the years, so you shouldn't assume that you will automatically encounter significant side effects when starting treatment (including body altering ones).
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Hey Lifer
I think that we are all mor gorgeious that the -- out there. WHo siad thet we age????
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lifer, check out April's issue of POZ Magazine: http://www.poz.com/archive/2008_Apr_2166.shtml
The cover story is of 38 year old Jack Mackenroth, who has had HIV since 1991 and is a totally hottie (by mainstream standards). If you look half as hot as him at 38, you'll have no reason to complain.
Check him out: http://images.google.com/images?q=Jack%20Mackenroth
Of course, its far better to love yourself for who you are, and not obsess about looks, but since you're young and that is not neurodevelopmentally possible yet, let Mackenroth be your role model.
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There's no question about it..........but I won't call you names.
HIV has nothing to do with being gorgeous....
Like others have said......take a good look around and answer your own question.
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Might sound stupid and of course the word gorgeous is different to every person but overall, can you look very good even though you have hiv? Ive read posts saying you age faster, your skin heals much slower, that fatique look on the face... I mean, how many of you despite the healthy status in theory think, boy have i changed in my face and dont have that ''appeal'' anymore..How many of you can say, when i go out i know people can see i have hiv? and how many of you can say i am more beautiful as ever, despite meds and hiv..
of course looks should not matter and we should be happy we can at least our lives but i dont wanna spend the rest of my life looking like an old diseased person when i'll only be thirty if you know what i mean. thanks for your input!
Hi Lifer!
I just want to tell you that YES! Absolutely you can be gogeous as you say in the subject line of this thread. I am an HIV neg woman and my man is pos. We are in our 40s. He has been positive for over 20 years and hes been through ALOT in that time with his health issues. The first time I saw him walking down the street I thought to myself <That is the most beautiful man I have EVER seen in my life!> Luckily for me he had the same reacion! ;D I stilll find myslef looking at him and being amazed at how physically beautiful he is. And, happily, Im fining out everyday that he is just as beautiful inside as out which is the thing that makes me love him all the more.
Put your fears to rest on this subject!
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I think I`m not bad for 44 yrs old and after 11 years of being poz still taking care of myself the best I can and try to keep a young attitude. I never want to become a bitter old man. Sometimes I do wish I had my Fire island body but oh well, better being comfortable in your own skin and accepting how you look now than wishing for the unattainable.
Peace and Love
ANGEL
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Well, I gotta say, I'm a pretty good looking S.O.B.!