Author Topic: William is in trouble (Read 24807 times)

bear60 · « **Reply #50 on:** September 12, 2008, 03:24:38 pm »

Thanks for posting Eric. This is indeed good news.....that Will is doing better.

Joel

J.R.E. · « **Reply #51 on:** September 12, 2008, 04:16:39 pm »

Eric,

Thanks for the update. Let William know, that we're are thinking of him, and wishing him the best.

Ray

bocker3 · « **Reply #52 on:** September 12, 2008, 05:25:17 pm »

Eric,

Nice to hear such good news -- and very happy to hear you have some more folks to help you and Will.

I will continue to send all the best thoughts out west to you -- along with some hugs!

Love ya,
Mike

Life · « **Reply #53 on:** September 13, 2008, 11:19:55 am »

You know, life is such a fuck turd sometimes........

I have great news!! William is coming home today (Friday) and this was the recommendation from the doctors. His liver kidneys are working alot better and he is on diuretics for awhile to continue to keep the fluid loss going. As for diagnosis? Not really sure other than to say they would like to see him Wednesday next week.

When I got this news I was so happy. Then after I hung up with William my supervisor and 20 year friend of mine called me into her office and told me our boss and SFO just committed suicide at home by hanging himself in his garage. Two days before this a very close and beloved friend who helped me thru acceptance of HIV died of a massive heartattack in her bed while she was sleeping. They found her 3 days later after she did not show up for work. They were both 55 years old and left behind such beautiful families. I wish I had a better chance to say goodbye to both of them before they left..

I am so happy to have Will back home with me. And, I am devastated at the loss I feel for the families that have to go on without two very important people in their and my life...

"Life" sometimes it is hard to do it...

I am trying to sort out what this week meant to me... Its not one I will ever forget...

Love,

Eric

Robert · « **Reply #54 on:** September 13, 2008, 11:39:57 am »

j3sushchrist, eric.

I'm glad William is coming home. Hospitals are no place to get better. Double whammies are devastating. I hope William is well enough for the 3 of you to take a hike in the cool mountain air and take in the aspen changing to their golden hues.

robert

Alain · « **Reply #55 on:** September 13, 2008, 11:42:10 am »

Relieve somehow, home sweet home!

komnaes · « **Reply #56 on:** September 13, 2008, 11:42:37 am »

Oh jez.. so sorry to hear about your friends..

Glad William is feeling better though.

Sending you guys some good vibe..

Life · « **Reply #57 on:** September 13, 2008, 01:31:28 pm »

Life goes on. We have greif councelors in the hotel today for the loss of Steve. I think I will stop by and talk with them for awhile. Steve touched so many lives. He was telling me that he was bringing his brother home to live out his remaining days with the only family left (Steve's). Steve's brother is gay and Steve felt he was suffering from aids however he never shared with Steve about this. Steve was always looking to the future, plans to celebrate his 30 years with his wife and two loving daughters. From outside, it looked like he had it made. From the insides, there was something terribly wrong. I wish we could rewind the tape and dub out the bad parts..... The Ski Co is going to open up the Gondola on the mountain on Tuesday and all who knew Steve will celebrate his life...

William is home with his feet elevated, watching whatever tennis tourneyment is on and feeling better hour by hour. Time for the rollercoaster ride to stop for now... Definately time...

The mountains are beginning to go gold... I am thankful I am alive, living, and feeling all these emotions... I am feeling them all....

Love you guys so much!

Eric

RapidRod · « **Reply #58 on:** September 13, 2008, 01:47:34 pm »

Glad to hear Will is home. Now get him to post a picture of you in the nurses outfit he makes you wear.

rondrond · « **Reply #59 on:** September 13, 2008, 01:57:15 pm »

Eric/William

That was certainly an adventure, and one you won't forget any time soon.

I'm glad everything has worked out to the good.

Sorry for the loss of your friends....good friends are so hard to come by..

Wishing y'all the best.
ronnie

bocker3 · « **Reply #60 on:** September 13, 2008, 02:02:03 pm »

Eric, sweetie!

Amazing how when it rains, it pours.......

While I know you are saddened by the loss of your friends -- I can only imagine your sense of relief as things with William seem to be slowly sorting themselves out. It's good to know that all the prayers and good thoughts sent your way have paid dividends for you two.

Be strong and keep on using us to help ease your mind.

Love ya,
Mike

Longislander · « **Reply #61 on:** September 13, 2008, 02:49:40 pm »

Eric,

I'm really sorry for the loss of your two friends, especially at a time when so much is going on in your own home.

I'm happy to hear that Will is home and feeling better each day. Take good care of BOTH of you.

Love,
Paul

paolo10954 · « **Reply #62 on:** September 13, 2008, 03:12:31 pm »

Hi Eric,

Just chiming in to let you know I've been thinking about you and William.

Paolo

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #63 on:** September 13, 2008, 05:17:40 pm »

I wanted to check in and see how you guys were doing. I am so glad that William is home and comfortable!

...and then to read about losing two friends in one week. I am sorry about this, what did you call it? A fuckturd? That about sums it up right there. Just take a deep breath and smile to yourself that you have William home with you.

Hang in there, I know its been rough for you.

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #64 on:** September 13, 2008, 07:10:46 pm »

I'm glad William is home and doing better. So sorry about your two friends. Hopefully you have turned a corner and things will get better.

Ford

Iggy · « **Reply #65 on:** September 14, 2008, 11:50:13 am »

Eric,

I'm sorry for the delay in adding my concern and thoughts but I have been away for a while.

I am very glad to hear that William is at home and hope that you are taking care of yourself as well (as much as possible) right now.

My thoughts are with you guys.

PeteNYNJ · « **Reply #66 on:** September 14, 2008, 05:17:07 pm »

I go away for a few days....

Eric - I love you more then my luggage. Here is wishing a speedy recovery to William.

I am sorry to hear about your other loses. You are truly being tested and I hope you do talk to that counselor. Stress is a killer as we all know

with love

Pete

Jeffreyj · « **Reply #67 on:** September 14, 2008, 08:28:59 pm »

Eric!
I'm glad to hear things are getting better! William could not have any better support then you. You are truly amazing. You support is paying off it looks like.

Keep up the great work. I know it is not easy. It must be really hard not knowing what's up without a diagnosis yet!
Give my love to William. I am here for you. Call me anytime if you feel like it!

xoxo

Life · « **Reply #68 on:** September 16, 2008, 11:06:38 am »

I know this is more information than you need to know, but I woke up this morning to William "peeing" in the lu on his own without diuretics. It was a joyious moment!

I know, its the little things that make me happy. Will has to go to get another set of labs and has another meeting with his doctor on Thursday. I hope they say this was a "fluke" that he needs to change his diet or something and nothing more serious than that. I have never been hit from every direction like this past 10 days has brought. I am still standing..

Today the hotel is closing up as well as the Ski Co. and we are all going up the Gondola (opened just for Steve) for the memorial service at 11,000 ft. It looks like the weather is going to cooperate. The aspen's are going gold. It should be very beutiful service.

Will asked me to tell you all how much he appreciates you helping his husband stay grounded.

Love,

Eric

franfrog · « **Reply #69 on:** September 16, 2008, 12:32:13 pm »

Eric I am glad to see William is doing much better. Keep us posted. My thoughts are with you both.

I am sorry to hear about your friend/coworker. I hope the weather holds out for you.
Love to you both!
Fran

Florida69 · « **Reply #70 on:** September 16, 2008, 01:19:59 pm »

Quote from: Life on September 16, 2008, 11:06:38 am

Will asked me to tell you all how much he appreciates you helping his husband stay grounded.

The pleasure is always ours my friend, I hope that William recovers and that your wishes come true for his speedy recovery. It sounds like you had a beautiful day, first with the golden shower (not you personally) and then the golden landscape. I am so glad to hear that William is starting to sound a little better. Miss you mean it.. D

AlanBama · « **Reply #71 on:** September 16, 2008, 02:09:28 pm »

Sending love and hugs to both of you honey

Sorry about your friends; hope the Memorial service goes well. You're both in my thoughts and prayers...

hugs,

Alan

bocker3 · « **Reply #72 on:** September 16, 2008, 10:36:16 pm »

Eric,

I love hearing nice progress reports. You and Will are two very lucky guys for having each other -- be sure to tell him so (I tell Sid how lucky HE is every day...

).
Hope Will's news continues to get better and better.

Sending big hugs out West, sweetie!

Love ya,
Mike

RobT · « **Reply #73 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:20:15 am »

Eric-

So sorry to here this about William. Do keep us posted and I wish for the very best.

Rob

Andy Velez · « **Reply #74 on:** September 17, 2008, 09:06:56 am »

Eric, it's a joy to read that William is peeing just where he is supposed. Long may he pee!!!!! Really.

This has been some rollercoaster ride for you. I pray for you and your friends to be comforted about the loss of your loving friends. This life is....not easy, as you have known for sometime.

That gold you have noticed outdoors is really just a reflection of the gold in yours and Willaim's hearts and his golden head.

Sending big fuzzy hugs and prayers for his complete recovery...so you can then plotz and take some breaths while mumbling, "Jeeezlouise, that was something!"

Big cheers,

Life · « **Reply #75 on:** September 23, 2008, 11:51:33 pm »

What a two week period this has been.... Here is the update..

William has been on diuretics for 10 days and has lost 59 pounds and is now down to 157. His normal weight would be around 175. William has been home dealing with all this and has been in constant contact with his 2 doctors which he has grown fondly of. Dr. Ben returns from Russia on Monday. They will then begin the biopsy process related to his liver, gallbladder and anything else they want to take from him. I have chosen to go back on the antidepressants I was on back when I was first diagnosed. Trying to stay as positive as I can for William. I keep my family and those close to William what is going on. I have only had Will in my life for 5 years. That's just not enough time. Going through two deaths and all of that has pushed me into some very dark places which I so desperately want out of... I hope I can handle whatever they find.. I pray, I try to be positive and I get yanked back into that blackness I so despise..

I will let you know how this all turns out..

Eric

Longislander · « **Reply #76 on:** September 24, 2008, 12:39:02 am »

Eric,

I hope the antidepressant can keep you from going to that dark place while you go through this with Will, and that Dr Ben can get this all sorted out.

You guys are in my thoughs. Take care of Will and yourself.

Love,
Paul

Jeffreyj · « **Reply #77 on:** September 24, 2008, 03:03:51 am »

Eric, hang in there buddy. Stay as strong as you can.

I am pulling for you....Thoughts and prayers are with you two...

Iggy · « **Reply #78 on:** September 24, 2008, 05:46:20 am »

Eric,

I'm wondering if you have any outlet via someone you can talk to face to face right now?

Taking care of a loved one while they are physically unwell is a very mentally exhausting experience, and the caretaker needs to have some period in the day and week that they can just let loose their own anxiety unfiltered.

You have us here, and you will always have us here, but I also think having someone you can just see in front of you may be of some assistance.

bocker3 · « **Reply #79 on:** September 24, 2008, 07:31:44 am »

Eric,

I am going to second Iggy's advice -- you need someone to talk about this face to face. You are far to sweet a man to be spending time in these dark places. In addition, remember to use all that you've learned in program sweetie. When life starts throwing challenges your way, it's even more critical to take things day by day.

In the meantime you have all of us here to help. Use us to help dump your dark thoughts out so that they don't swim around, silently in your head. You know you are loved by many!

Sending all the good thoughts I have out to you,

Love ya,
Mike

Andy Velez · « **Reply #80 on:** September 24, 2008, 01:55:46 pm »

Hi Eric,

I "third" the suggestion about getting some direct, professional support for yourself. The kind of tremendous challenges you have been and are continuing to deal with -- well, there's nothing like some direct contact and strong support for helping you to know that you are not alone and that yes, you and Will are going to get through this.

You've got lots of support here but as strong and good as that is, it's not the same as being in the room with someone who is listening and understands or with whom you can pick up the phone and say, "I need help."

Big hugs and well wishes,

RapidRod · « **Reply #81 on:** September 24, 2008, 03:22:08 pm »

Eric, I'll have to fourth it. Don't try to handle it all on your own. You also need people to talk with face to face. Hold in there bud.

Rodney

Life · « **Reply #82 on:** September 24, 2008, 04:29:45 pm »

I cry every chance I get and I spill my guts to anyone who will listen. I have never been one to stuff it. I talked to the entire family yesterday on both sides. I know I am in depression, and I guess, that is good that at least I know where I am (and hate it).

I have a very open relationship with everyone I work with and I dont know how many people of re-pointed me to the program Mike. I do not feel suicidal, just apprehensive of the future. I would gladly give up everything I have to insure William being with me for as long as I can have him. But I am selfish, I want him to be well. All I here in my voice is "I". I have to be a better husband and I need to be there for him better than I have.

On a good note.. William went down valley to get gas for his car (first time out of the house in 10 days) and bought a hotdog. He is putting as much protein as he can back into his system and is staying very well hydrated. He is peeing normally now and is slowly getting his strength. Quote "I am on the mend." I just got off the phone with him and he has taken a shower and is going to work and see all his very supportive friends there today. I am sure they will notice him coming to work 16 pounds lighter than normal. Today is a better day than the last. Stay focused here and now. So easy to say, so very hard to do. Not so sure I like being back on Anti's. I think once things subside (hopefully) that Ben's advise to see his next door neighbor shrink might be good for me. Thank you so much for thinking of us. I know when he goes for the rest of these tests and get results will be a very apprehensive time for us. It still helps me so much knowing you are here even tho I have not shared alot lately.

All my Love,

Eric

bocker3 · « **Reply #83 on:** September 24, 2008, 08:28:26 pm »

Eric,

Keep on doing what you need to do -- everything else will happen as it will. Focus on what you CAN do, like love the hell out of Will and yourself and let go of the rest. I know, I know -- it's not easy to do -- but do it as best you can. You know I'm here for you.

Love ya,
Mike

Basquo · « **Reply #84 on:** September 24, 2008, 09:13:36 pm »

Eric, I'm sorry for everything you're having to deal with but I know William is lucky to have you around!

Much love,
Creighton

komnaes · « **Reply #85 on:** September 24, 2008, 10:19:36 pm »

Sending you some good vibes..

hugs, Shaun

prayerblue · « **Reply #86 on:** September 24, 2008, 10:20:32 pm »

Sending a prayer and good wishes...

Florida69 · « **Reply #87 on:** September 25, 2008, 09:02:55 am »

Buddy, it is not being selfish to love someone, in fact that is a selfless act. The only reason you are thinking me, me, me, is because you are trying to make yourself useful to William in this type of situation. It is obvious to me that you are not thinking about yourself. Stay strong, William knows that you are being strong for him. He knows you better than you even know yourself. I do hope you both know that you are always in my thoughts, and prayers. I also know that you and William have a great support network, including the good folks in this forum. Take things slow, the antidepressants are there for a reason, and I agree that it is a good idea to be seeing your/Dr.Ben's psychiatrist. Hang in there buddy. I have hope that the biopsy will show up normal and, listen to William if he is feeling better. Sixteen pounds is a lot, and if he is following doctors orders he will pick the weight back up. Focus on the good things are happening, William is using the bathroom normally, and he has an appetite, those are very important. Don't freak yourself out to much on the what ifs, until we have solid evidence of what the outcome is. Try and stay focused on William and his need to be with you, and that things are looking better then they were two weeks ago. Remember my motto, yesterday is history, tomorrow is just a dream, today is what counts. BIG {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you and William my friend, hang in there. D

Alain · « **Reply #88 on:** September 25, 2008, 09:37:44 am »

Eric,

Wishing you both courage and strength in these difficult times.

William is so fortunate to have you as his partner, and I now how much he is making you happy.

You are doing right and somehow you are going to get through this one. You both are.

Thinking of you both always and sending you big hugs. Keep well no matter how hard it is.

Alain.

Life · « **Reply #89 on:** October 09, 2008, 03:08:59 pm »

Today is the day (Thursday 10/9)... Me and Will have had some very quality time together to adjust to illness and uncertainty. I have been talking with alot of friends here about being in a relationship and it has been so enlightening. Me and Will have been together 5 years. We have dealt with some very complex issues related to our families and being supportive of them. It would seem that we have turned inward to help each other out since William went into the hospital. Trying not to add anymore outside termoil until we both get better. It has helped. One thing that struck me is this.... Back in the day when people committed to eachother thru marriage and then became "one", is such a crock of shit. 1+1 still equals 2 no matter how you figure it. I can share my life with William as he shares mine, but I cannot live Williams life vicariously through mine. All I can do is support him and see where this all leads. The dark roads I have been down of late have turned into deadends and I have exhausted all of my avenues of dispair. So, I just stop before I start and let the universe and God guide me. I am in a better state than I was a month ago.....

Today William meets with his 3 doctors including Ben to decide on the next action or inaction. William has been closely monitored with his blood work weekly. His normal weight has returned and his intake and digestive processes have returned to normal. His jaundice is better but still present which leads me to believe that his liver is better but not great. The fluids in his abdomen have dramatically receded and many he works with say he really looks so much better. People who don't get to see him much say they hardly recognize him....

I don't know what the doctors are going to say today. Biopsies or lets keep monitoring... I have been doing alot better about staying in the present day and not going to tomorrows. Its getting easier to say "I have him for today and that's all that counts".

Please say some prayers for William today, send him some little piece of energy you have been storing in your back pocket for a special occasion. I hope "Knowing" is better than "Not Knowing." Hopefully today we will have a better idea of the next course of action...

Love to everyone,

Eric

newt · « **Reply #90 on:** October 09, 2008, 04:53:05 pm »

So I say a prayer

Best wishes

- matt

Florida69 · « **Reply #91 on:** October 09, 2008, 05:00:33 pm »

Eric, my dear friend. I say a prayer daily that Gods gives you light in this dark and difficult path. You are truly a beautiful soul, and William knows that. I am grateful that you have today, and pray for tomorrow. I know you have heard my saying, but I am going to say it again. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a dream, TODAY is what counts. HUGS TO YOU & WILLIAM. D

MYSTERY · « **Reply #92 on:** October 09, 2008, 05:06:23 pm »

Eric,

I definately will keep you and William in my prayers, and pray that God uses this difficult time in your lives to help others see that they can get through difficult times as well. I also pray that this will be a healing time for William, and pray that the will of the Lord through healing will enhance both you and William's spiritual life.

God Bless both of you and God speed.

Denver Toad · « **Reply #93 on:** October 09, 2008, 05:32:12 pm »

Blessings and Peace to both William and you Eric. If you're in Denver and there's ever ANY I can do for either of you, just ask.

Todd

water duck · « **Reply #94 on:** October 09, 2008, 05:41:46 pm »

Dearest Eric,

You had always been a strong believer, let it be your rock now !!

You just created for yourself a blessing

Its getting easier to say "I have him for today and that's all that counts".

It really does not matter for how long, if you had know real true love even for a day, our existence has already taken on a new dimension, you had been blessed with five years.
How about taking this just another hurdle to jump over ??

And Dear if you have nothing else, Let go and let God.

Sending you lots of prayers.

Warm regards !!

Wd

heartforyou · « **Reply #95 on:** October 09, 2008, 06:46:31 pm »

My dear Eric,

I am happy to read Will is gradually getting better..
What a relief.

You know I love you.

hermie

bocker3 · « **Reply #96 on:** October 09, 2008, 10:13:00 pm »

Eric --

I will say a prayer for Will and another for you. These are trying times for you both, but it is amazing to hear how much you are each there for the other. That, my dear friend, is a far stronger indication of the love and "oneness" of you both than a marriage license would have convey.
I'm happy to hear that you getting better at letting go that over which you can't control.
You know I am here for you -- I am sending every good thought I have out to you and Will

Love ya,
Mike

Life · « **Reply #97 on:** October 11, 2008, 11:27:11 am »

I am not sure how to process all of this, but I am. William got back from the doctor visit and told me "Eric I am happy, you should be happy to". I was a bit apprehensive to ask what that meant. Last night as we lay in bed, he told me what the doctors told him. They are really unsure what caused all of his systems to go out of balance, gallbladder, liver, pancreas. After 16,000 dollars worth of labs, tests and hospital stays they could not find any cancer, cysts, tumors and nothing to be alarmed about. They also said at this point they see no reason for biopsies as all of these systems are returning to normal operation. They do have one more test to run which is a genetic test regarding liver operation, but they feel it will come back negative (cross my fingers). Here we go again, no diagnosis but he is getting better.. I am glad he is hooked back up into the health care system. He has found two doctors that he trusts and all 3 of them are sharing information. He will go to Denver soon and discuss all this with Ben.

I feel relieved and perhaps we are out of the hot water for awhile. I have not talked about what this past six months has been for me. It was like a trip thru hell and I hated every second of it. I need to better understand this fear I have of loss because I know more is on the horizon. Its just life. Ben asked me to see his friend in the next building who is a psychologist who worked in San Francisco in the 80-90's and worked completely with gay couples going through alot more difficult circumstances than I. I will see him next week when I go to Denver for my checkup. I want to learn how to react better, accept better and understand why I think the way I do. I am also going to get back into my program again and see if that helps me.

Lastely the power of prayer and positive thoughts got us through this and I thank each and everyone for keeping us in your thoughts. It worked!! I am forever in all of your debt for simply taking the time to say "we are with you Eric".

All my heartfelt thanks,

Eric

bear60 · « **Reply #98 on:** October 11, 2008, 01:10:09 pm »

Eric
I'm glad things are going so well for Will. I know this is a big relief for you. Keep on doing what you do best....living.

Joel

bocker3 · « **Reply #99 on:** October 11, 2008, 02:41:50 pm »

Eric,

Glad to hear the Will continues to get better. I hope you take Dr. Ben's advice and see his friend. Talking out loud about fears are a great way to make them slightly less scary.
Also -- please remember to give yourself some credit -- you've been there for Will and I am sure that this made his own fears easier to deal with. He is a lucky man!

Love ya,
Mike

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Author Topic: William is in trouble (Read 24807 times)