My boyfriend tested positive

[besheaf]

My boyfriend of 7 years told me his HIV test in recent blood tests came back positive. He just had an ELISA test and is waiting now for a Western Blot for confirmation. I just could not believe it and felt my whole world was falling apart that very moment. I don't know where I found the strength but I kept calm the whole time and went to get tested... my result came back negative. There hasn't been any risk situation with him for some time so there's no reason to worry about it, and strangely enough that doesn’t really worry me for now. I will get tested again in a couple of months to reconfirm that I am negative.

When I saw my result I did not feel relieved as usual with this type of thing, I felt this was only half the battle since there is a very high chance that in fact he is positive. I started reading about false positives but doing the numbers I figured it’s more likely to win the lottery than getting a false positive… I don’t want to hang on to that hope but it’s still in my head. Scary as it is, I guess we only have to wait for his Western Blot results to get this part over with. Yesterday I spent most of my day reading and in my mind he’s had all the symptoms for seroconversion which is why he got blood tests in the first place… I can’t help it but I have childish feelings that I don’t want him to be infected, as if that’s going to make it all magically disappear. Everything seems so very surreal and raw at the same time and it’s as if you’re totally helpless at times.

There’s just so many things going on in my head right now like “how did he get it?”, “what’s going to happen next with us?”, “will we get through this?”… the thought of losing him is terrifying, and right now I want to be there for him to give him all the support he needs. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions, there’s very bad lows when I feel so overwhelmed and there’s good highs when I rationalize that it will be fine, there’s treatment and new drugs that make it just a chronic disorder but the fear is always there. I had never experienced real fear before this, if this is what I am going through and I am negative, I can only imagine what he is feeling right now...

Have some of you gone through a similar situation? I would love to know how you dealt with something like this and just getting it off my chest for now helps a bit. It is a great thing to know there are people that have gone through the same and give support and help through these forums. I guess we are lucky that way nowadays.
Sorry for the long post and if you read it through, thanks. I would really appreciate to know what you have to say.

[jayek]

Hi besheaf,

I'm in a very different situation than you but I wanted to respond and say I'm sorry you are going through this, and yes the new treatments/meds are really amazing and it is good that you are reaching out for support. 

I'm sure there will be some experienced people who respond but I remember getting a ton of views and no responses when I first posted and it was a bit unnerving. 

take care of yourself!

[besheaf]

Thanks a lot jayek... I'm sorry to hear about your friend, I hope it turns out well.

[mecch]

Have some of you gone through a similar situation?

Most people with HIV cycle through fear/panic and calm resolve for awhile, maybe always but just a little bit, thank god, eventually.
As you have well understood already, the fear/panic is human and also often based on history that no longer applies, and ignorance about HIV/treatment. So it is fought off by knowledge and living in the present, which you also seem to understand.  So yes HIV is a chronic and very manageable disease - if......  So then all the ifs....  If one has continued access to medical care and treatment, for example.

The other thing you are going through is a shook up relationship.  So, yes, many people have gone through periods in relationships when one partner gets hit by a truck and so both partners need to adjust to a new reality.

Keep an open mind and heart and thats about the best strategy.  You can't control too much how your bf reacts to getting hit by this truck.  The way he eventually deals, is, well, his deal.

[besheaf]

Thanks for your advice mecch.
He got the confirmation results today and it's definitely positive. So I suppose I will be coming back to this forum often.
He will start treatment with Atripla soon. He feels relieved and with the talk that the doctor and the psychologist gave him much more in control.
As for me, just like you said keeping and open mind and heart.

[mecch]

Well Im sorry it had to be positive.
Sounds like he has got the support he needs in you, and medical care. Best thoughts.

[ImisstheOldTimes]

Hi Besheaf,

I lost my father about a year ago to this virus, his diagnosis and death were in a month of each other. Although we have different relationships I think some of our responses are the same, sadness, fear, hope, dread...and becoming accustomed to a new way of living. It's overwhelming at first, but eventually we become informed, find friends, seek out groups and it makes things easier.

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, and as I'm sure you will find out there are many members who have been in similiar situations and the negative person remains negative. Best of luck to you and him

Imiss

[besheaf]

Hi Imiss,
I am sorry for your loss, yours was definitely a more traumatic experience because it happened so fast.
It's true that the pain and fear are there mostly because of ignorance but, as mecch pointed out, knowledge helps a lot in that respect.
It is amazing to me how forums like these make you feel so much better. You are not alone and there will always be someone willing to give you some support.