so young and shuttered

[brokenwings]

Hello to everyone.
Im very new to this forum I hope u all welcome me. It hasn't been long but my greatest support comes from u guys. When I feel like I cannot take my next breath I quickly login from all ur post all ur love I receive hope. Im still very young most probably the youngest in here most of the members sound grown up with ur life's together but emotions are emotions hey nomatter the age we pretty much all go through the same struggles at most.  I was still in the process of building my life creating a career. Had a lot of hopes and dreams still had to make my parents proud. I feel like a failure a burden to my parents but maybe this is also a test to them to prove how deep is their love for me. Im from Africa well its true things are very bad in this side of the world specifically in the black community like every house hold has atleast one person who is infected
Well my mom and I now both have the virus to most this is supposed to make it better but it feels worse infact I had to maybe abstain I had to know better. Im getting weaker and weaker each day I wish I could start meds immediately but unfortunately im from the poor side of the world they wait until ur cd4 cell count is <200 before they begin giving you meds even the care is just so poor they only check ur VL and cd4 count once a year no supplements nothing no physician nothing at all but atleast ARVs are free I should be grateful. School is about to start in this side of the world I have like zero strength to get up and go I dont see the point of it all. Maybe if I would hear something from someone who might be young as well I might gather strength to get out of bed and want to do something with my life. Well im still waiting for my cd4 count and VL results they like take forever to come back  like by the time they come back they actually nolonger apply from looking at ur posts these things change by days. Anyway stay blessed!

[Tonny2]

Hello to everyone.
Im very new to this forum I hope u all welcome me. It hasn't been long but my greatest support comes from u guys. When I feel like I cannot take my next breath I quickly login from all ur post all ur love I receive hope. Im still very young most probably the youngest in here most of the members sound grown up with ur life's together but emotions are emotions hey nomatter the age we pretty much all go through the same struggles at most.  I was still in the process of building my life creating a career. Had a lot of hopes and dreams still had to make my parents proud. I feel like a failure a burden to my parents but maybe this is also a test to them to prove how deep is their love for me. Im from Africa well its true things are very bad in this side of the world specifically in the black community like every house hold has atleast one person who is infected
Well my mom and I now both have the virus to most this is supposed to make it better but it feels worse infact I had to maybe abstain I had to know better. Im getting weaker and weaker each day I wish I could start meds immediately but unfortunately im from the poor side of the world they wait until ur cd4 cell count is <200 before they begin giving you meds even the care is just so poor they only check ur VL and cd4 count once a year no supplements nothing no physician nothing at all but atleast ARVs are free I should be grateful. School is about to start in this side of the world I have like zero strength to get up and go I dont see the point of it all. Maybe if I would hear something from someone who might be young as well I might gather strength to get out of bed and want to do something with my life. Well im still waiting for my cd4 count and VL results they like take forever to come back  like by the time they come back they actually nolonger apply from looking at ur posts these things change by days. Anyway stay blessed!

          ojo        Hello brokenwings, welcome...I'm not a young guy like you, but I know, I talk to lots of young guys, especially on the spanish forum, who have felt like you, hopeless, sad, depressed, but, after reading us here, and a little bit of support via PM, they are fighting the virus, with old meds, but with a great attitude and courage, they are in the same situation like your, poor health care, but they are making the best of what they have...I think you should start fighting this virus, if no in meds yet,, but with a good attitude, you can still make your parents proud, you will make them even feel prouder of you, by showing them that being HIV positive is not going to stop your dreams, maybe you should follow your mom's example...if you have to wait to start treatment until you get a cd4=200, you will still be OK, my cd4 was 20, 21 years ago, and I'm still here giving you newbies hard time, and I know lots of people, young and not that young, that have survived with lower cd4d, you just need to set your mind to feel better, because you are feeling weaker because of depression or, are you sick?...come on, get up, take a shower and go to school, keep living your life, hiv is not going to stop your dreams, keep looking forward because, as soon as you start treatment, you will still be living a normal life...I feel bad about you and your mom being positive, but you two should fight this together...best of luck, I hope a young guy, who speaks english, will reply to your post and give you a feedback and how they are dealing with their status...hugs                                              ojo

[brokenwings]

I literally cried after reading ur reply do not take for granted the impact of the paragraph you wrote.you people are just so amazing. The compassion is heartfelt. Let me draw strength from all of you This forum is the best thing that happened to people who are living with HIV/AIDS I want to thank everyone who makes its operation possible. I am a young girl I'm not male.

[Tonny2]

I literally cried after reading ur reply do not take for granted the impact of the paragraph you wrote.you people are just so amazing. The compassion is heartfelt. Let me draw strength from all of you This forum is the best thing that happened to people who are living with HIV/AIDS I want to thank everyone who makes its operation possible. I am a young girl I'm not male.

           ojo        You being a young girl, definetly you will be ok, being a woman, makes you stronger, that's why you women, are the ones who give birth...just take it easy, keep living your life, do not isolate yourself, because there is life even with hiv, trust me, I've been living with hiv/aids for 21 years and there are other on here, with 30 years, even when hiv was a death sentence, we are still here, so you will be here for a long time, maybe you will be mother, some day, so, get up, cheer up, and smile...best of luck young girl..ojo

[karry]

Hi brokenwings,
I am sorry you got diagnosed with HIV, but I am glad you found this forum. I hope it will bring you the hope and consolation it gave me when I was newly diagnosed.

I hear you. It must be  extremely devastating when at a young age you receive such a life-changing diagnosis...especially in Africa, where the stigma is still deeply rooted. I may not be as young as you are, but I understand where you are coming from because I am an African woman. I was diagnosed 9 years ago, at 28. I was doing my last year post grad...and like you I felt like I had led my family down. I felt I had brought shame on them. 9 years down the road, I can say I was wrong to think that way. I am living with HIV and making the best out of my life.

I may not fully understand all you have to deal with, because I have not been living in Africa for over the past almost 20 years. I do visit, and I have seen how people living with HIV struggle. I have lost family members to AIDS, because the stigma was so strong they preferred to let go of treatment...and when they sought treatment it was too late.

Please do not hesitate to send me a private message if you need to talk. Take it a day at a time...keep in mind you did nothing  wrong. It could be anybody in our shoes..it just happens to be us, because we trusted the men we were in love with.

Hugs to you.
Karry
 

[Angel-Ronnie]

Hi BrokenWings,

Sorry to hear of your Diagnosis but welcome to the aidsmeds family. it doesn't matter what age you are the news is equally devastating. Please let us know how things are with you.

I know even here in South Africa the level of interest in having someone start ARV treatment is much behind than most.

just remember when you walk out the door nobody can see the disease it has no look to it. you are still the same person people love and that is how you should treat each and every day, that you are still the same wonderful person people know. hold your head high as you have nothing absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. The person that gave it to you should be ashamed.

hugs to you

Ron