Could use some advise

[Crys919]

Hi Everyone,
     My name is Crystal and about two months ago I went to the hospital due respiratory problems.They did a lung biopsy and when I woke up they tell me I have AIDS, that what I had was PCP and that I was lucky because I only have a T-Cell count of 4.Well I have adjusted pretty well, it was a shock at first but I believe that no matter what I am going through there is someone out there in a worse situation than me and that God does not give you something that your not strong enough to handle.

Well everything is going well again but me and my boyfriend could use some advise.We both came from bad relationships and didn't expect much out of this one but we can both say its been WONDERFUL, neither of us have been this happy with someone.We get along so well, honestly we have never had any problems until now.He's been tested many times and come back negative.We are trying to make it work and everything is back to normal with us, but we have tons of anxiety when it comes to our physical relationship.We've both done the research and talked to the doctors so we know the precautions we have to take.Its been really hard for us, sex has been a big part of our relationship and now with the anxiety and fear its become almost none existant.We've talked about it and we don't to end our relationship but it is a big issue for us.Does the feeling of anxiety ever go away? As of last night we have decided to got to couple's therapy to try and work through this we love each other very much and want to try and make it work. Would love to hear from you whether its your advise or own experience it would help us alot. Thanks for reading.

[sunseeker]

Hi Crystal

Nice to meet you.  I am sorry to hear about your recent findings.  As far as your boyfriend goes I think that you guys are doing the right thing,  I have recently started dating a new guy that is negative and I have the same concerns when we have sex.  It has been getting better with time and I feel after talking with him that its more me being over cautious.  My best advise to you is to keep dong what you have been doing and listen to your doctors and each other.  This maybe a true test of your guys relationship but if you can get through this then you will know its ment to be.  I would also like to suggest that you check out our dating forum under positive women.  Its a great site and a great group of women who don't judge and give great advise.  We all talk about our lives and relationships.  Good luck and if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime.  I think we can both really relate to eachother right now.  Sunseeker

[BT65]

I've had two relationships with neg guys and sex, for some reason, wasn't the problem.  I think you're doing the right thing, going to couples counseling.  I suggest counseling to a lot of people, and believe me, I practice what I preach.

[Crys919]

Sunseeker,
        Thanks for the comment.I read your recent post and the samething happened to us the first night we had sex after I found out I was positive.Actually the condom broke twice, I think thats where alot of our anxiety comes from.We've talked some more and the desire to have sex is totally there that hasn't left at all but we don't know if we should have sex and talk about it afterwards or wait till we're both ready and we don't have anxiety over it.We did have sex again about a week and half ago after spending the most wonderful day together since I found out my status, it was the perfect end to our day.However, there was the anxiety afterwards and it took us day before we talked.How are you and partner dealing with it?

[Paulette]

I've been poz for four years now, and i wish i knew what to say that could help, I'm married to a man that neg and he gets tested every 6 months just to give me peace of mind. he has known about my status since day one and we always practice safe sex and there has been a couple of times that the condom broke and i would lay there for hours crying and thinking maybe this is the time that i infect him, and i hate it.  we barely have sex anymore not from lack of him trying, I'm just too afraid. because no matter how safe we are it still scares me. I don't want the one i love to go through what i have for the past 4yrs. I know this man loves me or he wouldn't be here I've got to get through my thing before I'm comfortable with it.  He's fine with it , we've been to my doctor , even took a safe sex course, but I feel like we can have the same type of intimacy with out the sex.  Thanks for the post maybe i could use some counseling to help me get over it and please my partner.
Paulette

[cjc]

Crystal, No sage advice here but wishing you the best and hoping things work out.   Cristy

[Dragonette]

Hi Crystal

welcome. Wow talk about a last minute diagnosis, and talk about a bounce-back, that's really amazing.

so great that you are in this relationship.

i am in one too with a guy I met shortly after my diagnosis. He has never been afraid of sex [even though, first time having sex, was a condom accident!] so there was not anxiety. My suggestion based on a lot of anxiety that I have (not sexual but you know we all have our demons) is not to fight it, it's always worse when I do. Giving in to or even amplifying the anxiety makes it better. For example, when having sex you should tell yourselves things that almost are ridiculously anxious, just talk to yourself in your head and say "I'm so afraid of this, it feels awful, I am not sure a condom even works, there are so many people who cuaght HIV when having safe sex, if I get it it will be the end, any moment now the condom will break, how can I enjoy sex like this, etc". Just the most ridiculous nameless fears and usually when you drag them out from the shadows and express them (to yourself, in writing, or talking) they... well you will find out. Since you have had all the info & education I think this is the best way to deal with irrational fears. In the meantime there are other ways to keep you both satisfied until you work out being comfortable with penetration.

Hope this helps, keep us posted..