POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Miss Philicia on May 05, 2013, 09:39:48 am
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Folks, I just got a call from Phil -- his brother was moved into hospice and passed away about 8:45 AM today. Please keep Phil and his family in your thoughts.
It's been kind of vague here on the forums when previously discussed as a "health issue" hoping his brother would pull through and in the interest of his privacy if he's ended up posting on this forum, though some of you have known the details.
Phil's brother was diagnosed with HIV about 3 years ago but he didn't tell any family members, and he never took the HIV meds that he was prescribed. He ended up a month ago in the hospital with PCP, toxoplasmic encephalitis, cytomegalovirus, wasting, kaposi sarcoma herpesvirus and probably a few other things.
Phil's, obviously, devastated, not just because it's his older brother but because Phil was diagnosed a year before his brother and feels he could have been so much help with his treatment if only his brother had shared his health situation with him. Stigma does awful things to people, and hopefully this can be a "teaching moment" to those of you reading here.
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What a terrible situation. My sincere condolences Phil.
-Will
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Thanks Miss P , My heart goes out to Phil and his family , my condolences .
I wish there was a national or global coming out with HIV day , stigma kills .
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Phil,
So sorry to hear to this news. You will be in my thoughts!!
Mike
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Sad news.
My thoughts are with you Phil.
m.
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How very sad , I had wondered what the " issue " was for a while now.
I am so very sorry to hear that news .
My deepest condolences to Phil & his family
Carl
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Phil,
I am so sorry to hear about your brother's passing.
My sincere condolences to you and yours.
With fondest thoughts,
Alain
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Phil,
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I simply have no other words, given the circumstances of this tragedy. Please take care of yourself.
Joe
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My sincere condolences, Phil. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
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I just spoke to Phil and he has asked me to implore all of us not to post on his Facebook wall about this . He and his family are asking for privacy and several people from the forum have already posted this information and Phil has had to take the time to take it down .
There are family members that do not know all the details and reading them on FB isn't the way to find out . The last thing the family needs at the moment is people calling and asking for details .
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Phil, my deepest condolences - my thoughts, and few tears as I type, are with you and your family.
JM
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So sorry to hear Phil, my condolences.
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This is devastating news. My condolences to Phil and his family.
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My deepest sympathy to Phil. So, so sorry. :'(
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I'm very saddened to hear this news. My deepest sympathy to Phil and his family through such a difficult time. :-* :'(
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Like many of us here we have been following the updates from Phil about the health of his brother, we were so elated when we read that they thought he was slowly improving, now comes this awful news.
Phil my sweet friend as alway's you are in my heart and my thoughts, I wish you and your family the strenght to get through this, the loss of a loved one so close to your hearts is never easy.
In love and in sadness
Jan :'(
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Thank you all for your support and kind words -
I am filled with grief
I am sad and angry
I am also happy when I think of the time I got to spend with my brother
I am happy that we got to hold hands, talk a bit, say "I love you" and that he was able to keep a sense of humor even as he neared the end of his journey here.
My mother is devastated
There are no words that can console a mother who loses a child - her first born...
I hurt over the loss of my brother
I hurt over my mother's loss of her son
I am angry over the stigma that is allowed to continue surrounding this disease that even in these times of grief is still causing harm -
I wish my brother could have known of the support available - that he would've confided in me -
He went untreated for years and I was on the same med as he was initially prescribed and had a two month extra supply - and I know the services that are available that he could have accessed.
Now I am without an older brother -
My mother is without her oldest child
Our family has gotten smaller
And there aren't enough tears to even begin to reveal how heavy our hearts are..
We will get through this -
And I truly want to thank you all for the support and comfort you have brought into my life during this difficult time.
-Phil
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I'm so sorry Phil ... you are not alone in spirit and I share you anger and frustration .
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Phil,
I am sorry to hear this. My thoughts go out, to you and your family during this difficult time.
Ray and Ed
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My deep condolences to you, Phil. Stay strong.
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Sorry to hear about this
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My condolence to Phill and his family.
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Phil,
I am so sorry for this huge loss. I just can't imagine the pain.
Again, my heart goes out to you. Didn't you recently lose your dad and aunt? That is so much loss and sadness. Take care of yourself.
Ted
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Very sad, my condolences.
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Im so very sorry to hear your sad news.I am thinking of you and your loved ones .
Britchickx
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I'm so sorry Phil for your loss. You were a fine brother and are a fine man in every way, take care my friend.
Jody :'(
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Hi Phil
I don't know you of course but wanted to say i'm sorry for what has happened.
It's clear you have good friends here that you can reach out to, and hope others can lend a listening ear at a time when needed most.
Thinking of ya.
lincoln.
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I am so sorry,
Condolences to you Phil and your family.
Michael
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My condolences to you and your family.
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My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Phil. This is really terrible news.
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My condolences to you and your family, Phil.
This touches something deep in me because more two years ago my favorite cousin died, and it was only after she passed that I learnt she had died from AIDS. I had no clue she had HIV...and she died never knowing I have HIV....I cried alot then because I felt if we had shared our stories and supported each other, it might have changed something.
May your brother rest in peace.
Hugs.
Karry
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Thanks everyone -
Tuesday will be the service for my brother. My younger brother will arrive in town tonight and my younger sister, her husband and my niece tomorrow evening.
I finished writing my brother's eulogy the other night - the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
We selected songs for his service....
Today, I took my mother out for Mother's Day - very bittersweet, as the obituary was published in the paper today. Her firstborn being laid to rest and his obituary published on Mother's Day...
And in between all of this, I still have had to show up at work - sometimes seems unfair that life continues to move on around us even when our own personal connection to it has stopped for the time being...
Thank you all again for your words of support via phone, here, and FB. It means a lot. Truly.
-Phil
who keeps feeling that there was something more I could have done, should have done, to have kept this from happening. :'(
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who keeps feeling that there was something more I could have done, should have done, to have kept this from happening. :'(
There's not, so don't go there. Seriously.
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[quote author=phildinftlaudy link=topic=48474.msg588294#msg588294 date=1368392154
And in between all of this, I still have had to show up at work - sometimes seems unfair that life continues to move on around us even when our own personal connection to it has stopped for the time being...
Thank you all again for your words of support via phone, here, and FB. It means a lot. Truly.
-Phil
who keeps feeling that there was something more I could have done, should have done, to have kept this from happening. :'(
[/quote]
Phil I can relate big time to that.
Agree with Miss P , please just don,t go there.
Take good care off yourselve
with love m
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This is so sad and so heartbreaking. I'm reminded of one of the lines I used last year at the AMG Memorial Service from the novella "A River Runs Through It" (film based on this novella) that "the people who need our help the most are sometimes the ones who elude us. All we can ever do is to love them unconditionally, even without complete understanding." Phil's brother died tragically but he also knew he was loved. This, while not necessarily a consolation, is a very important thing. Phil, in this life you will probably not even begin to know just how much of a help you really were to your brother.
Prayers for you and your family in a very difficult time..and our promise to continue to offer our friendship, our shoulders, and our support.
Gary
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Thank you Gary -
I needed that reminder....
Things are just getting a bit more "real" again as the date of his funeral service (Tuesday) is approaching.
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Heading out in a few to go to my brother's funeral service....
I will be delivering the eulogy -
My mother called a few minutes ago and asked "Will we be able to get through this?"
I said - "Yes - Yes, we will"
She said - "We have made it this far....Butch would be proud of us."
I said - "Yes, yes, he would" with tears running down my face.
I want it to be a beautiful service for my older brother. I want it to capture his essence - his strength, his love, and not to show his fear and the dark cloud he lived under keeping a secret and living in denial - a secret that took his life.
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Phil ... You and your family will be in my thoughts today . Hugs .
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My heart is with you and your family today Phil.
In sadness
Jan :'(
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When it is "straight from the heart" it is sheer perfection. I know you will honor his memory. Thoughts and prayers are with you...
Gary
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Phil You and your family remain in my thoughts and I hope that some degree off peace and stability is at least on the horizon.
m
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Phil; My thoughts are with you,
JM