Could I have contracted HIV? Please help me

[hopeandlove]

Hello Mods, before asking my question I'd love to thank you all for the work you put into this site and putting all of these resources at the publics' fingertips. I really appreciate having the chance to ask this question. Thank you.

Now, 31 days ago I was possibly exposed to HIV when working in a strip club. It was my first time ever dancing and I really needed the money. It was alright at first- dancing on the pole in a G-string and bra, but the house mom would tell me to meet up with a certain man for a dance in the VIP room.

 I was wearing a tiny G-string and it had "cameltoed" on me during a lap dance. The man pulled his penis out and it accidentally grazed my outer labia, possibly coming in contact with the inner labia and mucous membranes. It was so fast I wasn't sure if it really touched the inner labia or not.

He also placed his penis on my mons venus through my G string. I had shaved my pubic area a few hours before that happened.

One thing that concerned me was the obvious prostitution that was going on in the club. Other dancers were having sex with customers in the "shower room" and would get right on stage after giving the house mom her money.

 I danced for 8 hours that night and a few times I felt my labia rubbing against the pole. I would clean the pole with windex (I know..should have been alcohol) before I would get on, but I am sure I had some exposure.

Some other men would force their fingers in my anus and vagina or tongue kiss me, very forceably. I felt gross and like I was just an object. However, I was scared of running away from these men and felt helpless. I didn't have any intercourse or oral sex at all but the possibilities frighten me.

I know I'm one of the countless scared people that come on this forum and cry about how I might have HIV, and that the most I'd probably have to worry about is Hepatitis or another more infectious STI, but I can't help but worry. I am not totally ignorant to STI's and STD's but when it happened I just can't ignore the fear.

I took an OraQuick test 10 days after possible exposure, but just read it would take 3 months to provide accurate results. Even now it's only been 31 days. I've also had a blood test drawn, on the 1st of May just days after my possible exposure.

The nurse assured me I didn't have it but I just don't know. Maybe the lasting guilt of me working in a strip club for one night is haunting me and the possibilities are just swimming around in my mind.

I'm planning on getting tested again here in a week or two since I've had more time since the incident. Should I request PCR test? Or would a standard blood draw work if it's only been 4 weeks? I am also planning on getting tested at the 3-month mark and again at the 6 month mark. I am very frightened.

I apologize for all of the questions but I wanted to make the most out of my 3-post limit. Thank you all for your time, consideration and love. Health and happiness to all.

[jkinatl2]

None of the situations you mentioned we're in any way a risk for HIV. HIV is not spread through contact with a stripper pole, nor does grazing against a penis (which is a form of frottage) constitute a risk.

Your only risks for HIV are through unprotected vaginal and/or anal sex, and sharing IV drug needles. 

You had absolutely no HIV risk whatsoever in the scenarios you described sand do not need to test over those specific events.

[hopeandlove]

Thank you very much jkinatl2. This immense weight has been lifted from my shoulders! Now I won't feel the need to lay in bed and binge on chocolates all day every day. I have a new lease on life and can really appreciate it now instead of constantly worrying about it.
You have no idea the happiness that your post has given me, as well as this forum. I truly appreciate your time,effort and consideration.
Bless all that help those affected/concerned about HIV and those who have it or know someone who does have it. This forum inspires me to reach out to the high concentration of HIV+ people in my community and spread love and awareness.
You guys really inspire me. Much love.

[Ann]

Hope,

While I don't blame you for using windex on the pole before you did your turn, you weren't going to catch anything from it. It's kinda like that urban myth about getting STIs off toilet seats. It doesn't happen. It's more of an "ick" factor than anything when using a public toilet seat or a pole in a strip club.

Same thing with the guys who fingered you - you weren't at risk for catching anything there either, other than perhaps a case of low self-esteem because yes, men who visit those clubs tend to view women who work in them to be nothing more than objects for their sexual gratification. It's another "ick" factor, but unfortunately, that's how some men are in this world.

And as Jonathan told you, none of the events during the lap dance were risks for hiv infection - or any other infection other than perhaps herpes or syphilis, which unlike other STIs, only need skin-to-skin contact in order to be transmitted.

I "get it" that you took this job because you needed the money (and you won't get any judgements from me), but if you find yourself in this predicament again, keep in mind that not all strip-clubs are created equally. The one you worked at sounds like one scraping the bottom of the barrel where they don't care about the women in their employ, they only care about their cash intake.

Some strip clubs don't operate like this one. Some clubs have strict rules about patrons not touching the women (not even a tit or ass grope, let alone forceful, unwanted fingering), the lap dance areas are closely monitored via CCTV, and full-on sex acts are not permitted in back rooms. Some establishments respect the women who work for them, and expect - demand - their patrons to show respect as well.

Please, if you find yourself being drawn to this type of employment again, thoroughly check the place out before you agree to work there. Talk to the other women who work there, check the rooms for CCTV cameras (or ask about them, as sometimes they are well-hidden) and ask about whether they have a "hand-offs" policy regarding patrons touching the women (aside from during a lap dance).

An establishment who cares about and respects the women they employ will be more than happy to ally your fears. If you get a "none of your fucking business" response to any of your questions or concerns, RUN, don't walk, to the nearest exit. Believe it or not, there are reputable strip clubs out there, but there are also many who treat the women like shit - like the one you had the misfortune to work at, however briefly.

Please don't let this experience make you feel bad about yourself. The behaviour of your employers AND the patrons do NOT reflect on you, their behaviour reflects on THEM. They are scum, you aren't. Don't forget that.

For future reference, here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Hun, you don't need to worry about hiv following your night as a dancer. Just make sure ANYONE you have anal or vaginal intercourse with in future is wearing a condom and you'll be ok where hiv is concerned. And keep your chin up - not all men are objectifying, using bastards. You deserve better, and even some strip clubs will make sure you're not treated like a piece of meat.

Ann

[hopeandlove]

Ann, thank you for your reply, it was very informative and really put me at ease. Sorry if this is long and winding. I appreciate that you told me not to feel too bad about what I did, no one else that I told (albeit 5 other people) were as kind and understanding as you. My friends thought I was a slut, but only until they are on their own trying to make a living will they understand what lengths people resort to just to pay the bills.

Unfortunately, I live in a smallish "hick town" so that's the only strip establishment in town. If there were other more reputable clubs I might consider doing it again, but there aren't. The only one here is a brothel with the cover-up of a strip club. Each of the men that pulled me into the VIP (4 of them) expected intercourse and were disappointed when I was "The only one who doesn't do that stuff." So sad how they treat the women.

The only thing that would bring me to a higher-up establishment would be if there really were CCTV cameras like you had stated. That would be awesome. In this club there were no cameras at all in the rooms, there was an obvious sex room, the "shower room", and the VIP rooms were all extremely dark and in an underground sort of tunnel that went on for ages with different rooms here and there. No one else down there that I could hear. No bouncer or anything to protect the women down there...it was frightening. It was a literal brothel.


The only positive, fun thing about it was being up on stage or being on the pole. If I may say myself, fuck those nasty men, who look and don't even tip for the hard-working women, already desperate enough as is just to make a few bucks.. I will admit though, dancing to my favorite songs booming on a speaker with another girl I had made friends with in the club that night was a lot of fun. She said she worked there close to a decade... I don't know how she does it in a place like that. They deserve so much more respect from the house mom AND the customers.

You are correct about how it's just how some men in this world are. I also think that because the regulars know it's a brothel they can get away with treating the women like sex workers and not dancers. However I found I got a lot of respect from the women customers and surprisingly, the "rapper guy" types. They offered to get me drinks and just sit and chat. They weren't touchy or oogly, they just wanted a bit of conversation and a few laughs. It was almost like being a modern geisha. Except the men (and women) were sweet enough to offer me the drinks! They were a ton of fun and really made me feel better after all the crazy forceful shit that had been done to me before. There really are some wonderful people in this world and it makes me grateful to be able to see it with my own eyes. 

You know, you have a very good point, Ann. You are right about only having sex unprotected with someone who I am in a very monogamous relationship with where we both get tested together. I would have sex unprotected with my boyfriends if they told me verbally they were free of HIV and got tested.. even if we only dated 3 months before getting intimate. I felt like if they loved me, they wouldn't infect me. HA! How wrong was I. I only got gonorrhea from one of them but it was still gross. I never saw papers or anything. I know not to just trust what someone says, because even if they are honest about their status it could be unknown to them and they could have something.

 That, and HIV can take up to 13 weeks for the antibodies to show up, but the HIV is already in their system and can be given to others..I should have thought about that. Luckily, I got a negative result on the Oraquick test and the blood draw so I knew I didn't get it BEFORE the incident. Thanks to you and jkinatl2 I know that the exposure I had that one night wasn't enough to contract it.

I really appreciate the time you both took to clear my mind of the fears and let me know it's going to be okay. Oh, and reading these huge posts! Bless you both, you have really helped me. I will ALWAYS be protected from now on, no matter what anyone may say or what any papers may say. Peace to you and the whole world. I hope you have a bright and sunny day because you sure did that for me.