POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => In Memoriam => Topic started by: phildinftlaudy on May 05, 2013, 06:54:53 pm
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Today I lost my brother Butch to AIDS - He kept his diagnosis a secret from the family - trying to buy his meds out of pocket - before going off them and going untreated since around 2009....
His last 30+ days were spent in the hospital - with PCP, wasting, toxoplasmosis, CMV, etc.... He died a shell of himself - weighing around 80 pounds... Less than 16 CD4s and a viral load in the millions...
My heart is heavy with grief - My spirit is broken - My pain is immense
My brother - who stigma, shame, denial, kept from revealing his secret left us at 8:45 am this morning.
I got to tell him I loved him, I got to feed him, to hold him, to hear him say he loved me....
I am angry at this disease - angry at the stigma -
But, I have hope - hope that maybe one person will read this and know that medication/treatment can save lives; stigma kills; and secrets not only kill but deprive those around a person of being able to help and support.
Rest in peace my brother - I will miss you.
-Phil
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Phil,
I am so sorry to read this, trust me, I understand about the whole secret/denial thing. My dad was exactly the same way. I remember writing in the "Someone I care about has HIV" and saying something to the effect of it being hard on the people who have to watch, who remember a person and how they used to be, and then how they are before you in their last days, to their final breath, it certainly takes a toll on a person. So I feel for you too friend, may your brother be at peace now, and may you be comforted during this time.
Heidi
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So sorry to hear of your loss, Phil. Prayers for you and your family and that Phil found the peace he deserves.
Tim
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RIP