POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: Hiall on September 09, 2013, 02:24:45 pm
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I never thought I would have to post here looking for advice but would really appreciate it. I have not had much experience, only having masturbated with guys before. I am extremely anxious that I have been deliberately infected with HIV and believe he targeted me as he bombarded me with messages until one day I foolishly decided to meet - before meeting I'd agreed with him that I only wanted masturbation yet when we met he fingered me briefly until I made him stop - he also wanted to penetrate me without a condom which naturally rang alarm bells. I have never had sex other than receiving oral which I believe to be safe. The thing that I cannot forgive is that he ejaculated onto his hand and immediately inserted his fingers into my anus - I was so shocked I didn't know what to do but reported the incident to police as feel it was a case of deliberate infection. I immediately went to A&E and started a course of PEP which I believe has a great success rate but despite 5 negative tests I'm extremely anxious that he's infected me and will get away with ruining every aspect of my life (I am still figuring out my sexuality so that makes this all the more difficult to cope with). It is now 3 months since exposure and I'm currently in the position of being afraid to touch anyone in case I pass on an infection I might not even have, although I know it can't be passed on this way anyway so that's irrational! What worries me is I feel like I had all the symptoms yet the doctors and nurses aren't that concerned as I've never actually had penetrative sex, either giving or receiving so can't help feeling angry at this guy for violating me in this way. I feel like no one would look at me the same again and don't know how I would cope if the result returns positive which I fear it will. I am convinced this guy was newly infected with a high viral load which the PEP couldn't handle beating and don't know how to even begin to deal with this all - I'm in counselling but it only helps temporarily. I never imagined someone would violate someone else like this and can't begin to know why anyone would deliberately insert semen into someone else without the intention of infection. If I had been foolish enough to have unprotected anal sex I would at least be able to admit my own part of guilt but cannot cope with the idea of having been delibrately infected in this way and the thought that he may get away with stealing everything from me.
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Basically you are worrying needlessly. HIV is a very fragile virus and is not transmitted in a viable form in the manner you are concerned about.
Rather than discuss your unwarranted fears there is a very simple solution for you. You are now well past 6 weeks past completing your PEP regimen. You can get tested and collect what I expect will be a negative result. You should re-test at 3 months past the completion of PEP for a conclusive result. Assuming you initially have tested negative I would not expect anything other than another negative result.
The only confirmed means of transmitting HIV sexually are unprotected vaginal and anal intercouse. As long as condoms are used consistently and correctly for those activities you will be well protected.
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Thanks for your quick response. I had a 6 week test which came back completely clear and the clinic says I should be happy with that but I am so anxious as I have had a string of symptoms and have had bad bouts of diarrhoea and put on 28lbs due to overeating! My doctor said I had a septic throat and I have had significant periods of forgetfulness/confusion and I was off work for 2 months due to this all and feel like my life is in ruins thanks to his deliberate actions. I know I agreed to meet but cannot believe the lengths some people will go to. I simply can't come to any other conclusion than he wanted to infect me - otherwise why would be have done this and at such speed that I hadn't a chance to stop him? I can't ever forgive this, the anxiety has driven me crazy and I am still utterly petrified of a positive result.
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Thanks for your quick response. I had a 6 week test which came back completely clear and the clinic says I should be happy with that but I am so anxious as I have had a string of symptoms and have had bad bouts of diarrhoea and put on 28lbs due to overeating! My doctor said I had a septic throat and I have had significant periods of forgetfulness/confusion and I was off work for 2 months due to this all and feel like my life is in ruins thanks to his deliberate actions. I know I agreed to meet but cannot believe the lengths some people will go to. I simply can't come to any other conclusion than he wanted to infect me - otherwise why would be have done this and at such speed that I hadn't a chance to stop him? I can't ever forgive this, the anxiety has driven me crazy and I am still utterly petrified of a positive result.
Yes, you have let it drive you to a point that you need to seek professional mental help advise.
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I must concur with Moderator Andy - you did NOT have a risk and did NOT need PEP.
PEP, by the way, consists of a regimen used to treat existing HIV infection. It is a one month long course of these drugs and it shows great success when used in a timely manner after a known risk.
And yours was not. HIV is a very fragile virus, and cannot remain infectious outside the body. The amount of time it would take for the gentleman in question to ejaculate, gather his fist into a finger, and deliver that finger to your anus is more than enough time for the glycoproteins to have dissolved, rendering HIV inert and incapable of infection.
You had no risk.