POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: Cpt.Mauzer on June 17, 2013, 04:49:56 pm
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I just tested poz earlier this month (won't find out my numbers/start meds till next week). All things considered, I feel like I'm doing a pretty damn good job at holding things together with the exception of interacting with others in a casual environment.
To make a very long and over-personal story much shorter:
I was bullied in junior high, went through a years of depression/social anxiety. I suffered in silence and over the past 5 years and have slowly rebuilt myself (I'm 21 btw...probably a good thing to note :P). Anyways, I've become quite well at fending off negativity and generally I have been keeping a positive mindset. However, I went out to a gay bar this past weekend and I was just instantly overwhelmed with this depressive wave.
On top of me generally being shy and not wanting to talk to new people, I felt like I was below everyone else at this bar...like I shouldn't have been there at all. I wasn't looking to meet anyone, as was just spending the night with a friend who was visiting from out of state, but I couldn't help to feel this way regardless. Ultimately we left the bar some hours later and I had not talked to a single person the entire time.
I guess what i'm asking is...if any of you have felt this way, any tips for getting over it? I know a lot of it will come with time, but at the moment I feel as though the label "damaged goods" is printed on my forehead for any potential romantic interest to see.
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Hi Cpt . You are not alone in feeling the way you do , believe it or not I can still remember what I felt when I first diagnosed , I'm 51 and have been HIV positive for 30 years .
Simply put , I felt like damaged goods for sometime after I was diagnosed . I was concerned that no one would want to be with me on many different levels but I was wrong .
Its understandable that you feel conflicted because you haven't had time to completely process what has happened to you ... I would recommend counseling or therapy , its also a good thing you joined us here so that you can give and get support anytime you feel you want or need it , we will always be here , that's a promise .
Cut yourself a break buddy and know that Rome wasn't built in a day and its going to get better for you in time . I will move this thread out of the mental health forum if you ask me too , what you are going through is something most all of us have been through and that comes with living with HIV .
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Hey Jeff, thanks for the response, I just kind of dropped this thread here since it seemed most applicable (sorry if it isn't?). I've actually been wanting to go to therapy for a number of years, but it just hasn't been possible (my parents belong to that group of people that think depression is some made up...thing and therapy is a scam).
On a positive note, however, in two months I'm moving out of my house and going to a university that offers extensive therapy for their students (and fully intend to utilize it).
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Hey Jeff, thanks for the response, I just kind of dropped this thread here since it seemed most applicable (sorry if it isn't?). I've actually been wanting to go to therapy for a number of years, but it just hasn't been possible (my parents belong to that group of people that think depression is some made up...thing and therapy is a scam).
On a positive note, however, in two months I'm moving out of my house and going to a university that offers extensive therapy for their students (and fully intend to utilize it).
Your thread is fine right here , I should have been more clear about what I was thinking and that's how you are feeling is very much in line with something most all of us deal with that live with HIV .
Kudos for you wanting to address depression issues and get into therapy , it sometimes takes a person a lifetime to get help for mental health issues . I did what many people do and that's live far too long with unaddressed mental health issues , sure wish I had handled it when I was your age .
Any way , welcome to the forums and cant wait to hear more from you .
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Hey Cpt.,
Couldn't have said it better than Jeff.
Just wanted to welcome you here! :)
m.