Author Topic: Disclosure... (Read 8999 times)

Hellraiser · « **on:** January 25, 2010, 08:39:45 pm »

So...I've recently decided I'm kinda interested in dating again, but I'm in the middle of nowhere so my options are limited.

I have a profile on gay.com and manhunt, but both of them have my hiv status as negative. While I don't want people to believe I'm negative, I don't want people to know I'm positive until I'm ready to tell them. If I change the status or remove the status identifier at all it pretty much makes it a moot point. Anyone have any advice for this? I'm just not ready for everyone I know to know I'm positive yet.

phildinftlaudy · « **Reply #1 on:** January 25, 2010, 08:53:07 pm »

Hi Hellraiser -
I have a profile on one site and I didn't list positive or negative, the same as I didn't list my income or occupation. That way it leaves it open for discussion. I contemplated putting negative for a brief moment but didn't want any future issues if i did meet "mr right" --- also, in this crazy world with some of the laws regarding failure to disclose, i didn't want to worry about someone having ammunition that i had provided to come at me --- not putting a status, as I said gives us a good area for discussion in developing a relationship.

Hellraiser · « **Reply #2 on:** January 25, 2010, 08:59:11 pm »

Quote from: phildinftlaudy on January 25, 2010, 08:53:07 pm

Hi Hellraiser -
I have a profile on one site and I didn't list positive or negative, the same as I didn't list my income or occupation. That way it leaves it open for discussion. I contemplated putting negative for a brief moment but didn't want any future issues if i did meet "mr right" --- also, in this crazy world with some of the laws regarding failure to disclose, i didn't want to worry about someone having ammunition that i had provided to come at me --- not putting a status, as I said gives us a good area for discussion in developing a relationship.

The problem with this is I had these profiles before I was positive, changing them now (for anyone who is observant) is a surefire indicator.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #3 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:20:23 pm »

What would you do in a bath house?

Hellraiser · « **Reply #4 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:28:00 pm »

Talk the night away and avoid the issue? LOL

I've never been to a bathhouse I'm one of those relationship type boys. I just live in the rural south so I have to get creative with venues for meeting people. I definitely shouldn't be on manhunt.

If the idea of sex is imminent I would disclose as I would never let someone be ignorant about what they were potentially getting into.

megasept · « **Reply #5 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:28:55 pm »

Quote from: Hellraiser on January 25, 2010, 08:59:11 pm

The problem with this is I had these profiles before I was positive, changing them now (for anyone who is observant) is a surefire indicator.

Hellraiser: Tricking someone won't get you anyone or anything of substance. Non-disclosure (silence) on the site is a good step for you today. Later, you might see the genuine advantages of stating your status. Telling the truth will get you a few fans (negative as well as positive).

I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about the surefire indicator. Wasted energy.

-Steven (aka

megasept)

Hellraiser · « **Reply #6 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:32:43 pm »

Quote from: megasept on January 25, 2010, 09:28:55 pm

Hellraiser: Tricking someone won't get you anyone or anything of substance. Non-disclosure (silence) on the site is a good step for you today. Later, you might see the genuine advantages of stating your status. Telling the truth will get you a few fans (negative as well as positive).

I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about the surefire indicator. Wasted energy.

-Steven (aka megasept)

Y'all are right and I know you are. By leaving it negative I know I'm advertising falsely and I despise lying. I guess I just needed a push in the right direction.

WillyWump · « **Reply #7 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:47:23 pm »

If you don't want to come right out and say your poz on these sites I would just leave it blank, but then you will probably get the "whats your status" question in one of the first few PM's. So you need to be prepared to disclose at that point because you don't want to lie to a possible Mr. Right.

Those sites bring up so many tough situations if you don't outwardly declare your status.

So I guess what I'm saying is I don't know. Glad I could help

-Will

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #8 on:** January 25, 2010, 09:52:49 pm »

People meet Mr. Right on Manhunt? All I see are tweakers.

Rev. Moon · « **Reply #9 on:** January 25, 2010, 10:05:55 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on January 25, 2010, 09:52:49 pm

People meet Mr. Right on Manhunt? All I see are tweakers.

Ah-men! I've yet to learn of anyone who's met their Romeo thanks to that website. Even the more (supposedly) relationship-inclined adam4adam is no more than a breeding ground for people who simply want to just fuck 'n' run, Liz Phair style.

Hellraiser, it is best to just leave it blank. The correct assumption for anyone who contacts you should be that you might be poz. If they ask --and you disclose-- and then they stop responding you just move on to the next candidate.

Hellraiser · « **Reply #10 on:** January 25, 2010, 10:11:14 pm »

Quote from: livebythemoon on January 25, 2010, 10:05:55 pm

Ah-men! I've yet to learn of anyone who's met their Romeo thanks to that website. Even the more (supposedly) relationship-inclined adam4adam is no more than a breeding ground for people who simply want to just fuck 'n' run, Liz Phair style.

Hellraiser, it is best to just leave it blank. The correct assumption for anyone who contacts you should be that you might be poz. If they ask --and you disclose-- and then they stop responding you just move on to the next candidate.

Yeah I already (within 30 minutes of posting this) changed both profiles.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #11 on:** January 25, 2010, 11:39:51 pm »

Well I think it is how you want to deal with it, i had profiles on manhunt and gaydar and on both i disclosed my status i made more contact with guys than what i did thought would run. I was shocked to see the response i had and guys i thought was negative was actually positive but indicated their status as negative. I never had any issues or related crap as most people on those site's should be seen as being positive. that is what we do is to assume they are negative just because their profiles states that.

GNYC09 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:07:29 am »

Quote from: Hellraiser on January 25, 2010, 08:39:45 pm

So...I've recently decided I'm kinda interested in dating again, but I'm in the middle of nowhere so my options are limited.

I have a profile on gay.com and manhunt, but both of them have my hiv status as negative. While I don't want people to believe I'm negative, I don't want people to know I'm positive until I'm ready to tell them. If I change the status or remove the status identifier at all it pretty much makes it a moot point. Anyone have any advice for this? I'm just not ready for everyone I know to know I'm positive yet.

hmmm, it's hard to give advice without seeing your gay.com and manhunt profiles...
(Im just kidding!)

Hellraiser · « **Reply #13 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:19:53 am »

They're super secret...

Hellraiser on manhunt
Heiiraiser on gay.com (i's not L's)

pretty plain really.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:39:05 am »

Quote from: Hellraiser on January 26, 2010, 12:19:53 am

They're super secret...

Hellraiser on manhunt
Heiiraiser on gay.com (i's not L's)

pretty plain really.

Holey frickin crap dude. You look like me when I was younger. Pre-dread of course! I need to get a scanner and scan some photos to prove it. Fuck man that shit's scary.... who's your daddy?

wow1969 · « **Reply #15 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:44:48 am »

amen ... i have nothing but contempt for MH ... that site has contributed so of the biggest pain i've ever encountered in my life .. it should come with a warning ... "use only if you are desperate, drug induced, suicidal or a pathetic mess, some exceptions may apply" ...

wow1969 · « **Reply #16 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:46:30 am »

hell, rural south? where are you? cause i'm in the south ...

totaly understand about the relationshp boy thing .. everyone i meet assumes that if i have hiv then i have to have gotten it from drugs or sleeping around (never done drugs and yeah, i've slept around) ... so many seem shocked when i say i got it from a monogomous relationship with a liar ... and gasp, i didn't cheat or do drugs ...

Hellraiser · « **Reply #17 on:** January 26, 2010, 12:55:12 am »

Mississippi/Louisiana.

Skeebo my dad is from Baton Rouge and he was born in 49. Maybe you're my brother!

next2u · « **Reply #18 on:** January 26, 2010, 03:02:29 am »

congrats on changing your profile type. and yes, people will find out. and sooner or later you will find that your dont care cause they dont have shit on you.

when i used to have a profile on a4a, manhunt, gay.com and the others it did not show my status once i became positive. then on a4a i posted a body shot and my status. got a lot of hits. i assume that most of the people who dont list their status are positive but you never really know, it's like the bathhouse rule. have you tried the personals here, hivnet or the other one (there are a number of poz dating sites, just google it)?

i met a guy at a bar once (coyly smiles). wait, it wasnt a bar, but thats not the point. we went on like 4 dates and i disclosed. we continued to date...then things went down hill. i still see him around and i have a feeling he tells others at the bars that im poz cause he's a bitter but physically gorgeous and well endowed man. don't know why he's bitter, but that's another story.

anyhow, so i think he told these guys i ended up "hanging out" with one night after the bar. turns out one of them was positive too. hehehe. my status, your status, our status. is our business and we have nothing to be ashamed of. i'm not gonna broadcast it from the mountain top but the person that tries to make me feel less because of it is sure in for a rude awakening.

wow, i guess i lost the moral while teliing the story. happy you changed your profile. it wont come back to bite you. ...cause if they're assholes you dont really want them in ur life.

best,
d

mecch · « **Reply #19 on:** January 26, 2010, 06:59:00 am »

Well if you have a face pic on your profile, that anyone surfing can access, the public for instance, then if you put positive you are outing yourself to whoever should be perverted to go snooping - colleagues, friends, enemies.
If the choices are HIV+, HIV-, and nothing, and nothing is assumed to mean HIV+ but not confirmed, then just put nothing.
Also, if someone asks you while chatting why you wrote nothing - you don't have to answer because I'm positive. You could still answer,"its no stranger's business". This is all assuming you dont simply want to say HIV+ yeah.
Or, you could say, "I talk about private matters to lovers, but not strangers".

The one thing that is indefensible (but maybe human) is to advertise you are HIV- on a hookup site, if you are HIV+.

Nestor · « **Reply #20 on:** January 26, 2010, 07:02:30 am »

For this reason I recommend (and praise and applaud) gaydar.co.uk. The only site that I know of that does not ask for one's HIV status anywhere in the profile.

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #21 on:** January 26, 2010, 07:38:59 am »

as far as i know gaydar does have a section for status when registering. how i know is that i also had a profile and had my status on there had many people approach me, even disclosing made a difference to me and the acceptance of many whom i am still friends with.

next2u · « **Reply #22 on:** January 26, 2010, 11:30:19 am »

fallenangel - are you male?

Nestor · « **Reply #23 on:** January 26, 2010, 02:09:48 pm »

1. No profile I have ever seen on gaydar has ever included HIV status, and as it's obviously an issue in my life I think I would have noticed. 2. I have just looked at the profile settings and I have not seen anything about HIV. Now, it's certainly possible that it's there somewhere "plain as the nose on one's face" and I happen to have a blind spot and not to have noticed it, but that's a little unlikely. And just to double check, I've just now looked at the profiles of the first five men in the the New York room--no HIV status.

Of course there is a space for free information, so somebody could volunteer his status there.

tednlou2 · « **Reply #24 on:** January 26, 2010, 08:10:08 pm »

I like your new pic. Where are you located again? Come up for the Derby in May. There are a lot of hotties here during that time.

MWCLTonline · « **Reply #25 on:** January 26, 2010, 09:24:43 pm »

Hi All!
I came out the 1st time in '78 & my Mom sd I cudn't live in her house & be that way! I moved, now we are closer than ever and she'll be 80 in December... The 2nd coming OUT was easy & I haven't regretted or looked back.... My gay.com ad tells all "Gumbalux", come to think of it shows all too! I had my first trick in years & I was blown away 2 weeks ago! TODAY!? I'm running for City Commissioner...

Michael

http://feeds.feedburner.com/MWCLTonline

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #26 on:** January 26, 2010, 11:43:29 pm »

Quote from: next2u on January 26, 2010, 11:30:19 am

fallenangel - are you male?

ok i will upload a pic that you can see D please don't run.......LOL

Hellraiser · « **Reply #27 on:** January 27, 2010, 12:18:54 am »

You're handsome. I'd hit it.

next2u · « **Reply #28 on:** January 27, 2010, 12:25:48 am »

fallen angel...did it hurt when u fell from heaven?

im sucker for the cheese.

best,
d

Angel-Ronnie · « **Reply #29 on:** January 27, 2010, 01:49:05 am »

Thank you guys *blush*

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Author Topic: Disclosure... (Read 8999 times)