Author Topic: Advice please. (Read 6216 times)

ewan · « **on:** October 01, 2007, 10:49:07 am »

3-4 yrs ago I had unprotected anal sex as the top. Lately I have become concerned over my status. I am in a relationship and the sex partner wasn't my boyf. After looking through the net at HIV sites I have not recognised having any seroconversion or opportunistic infections apart from the flu when there was an outbreak. My health for the last 3 yrs has been good only having one episode of sick time from work. I know I need to have the test and have scheduled one. In the last few years I have had depression and stress which was work related and didn't have any infections during this period. Am I being overly paranoid. Could lose my boyf over this nad don't want that to happen. Your advice please.

Ann · « **Reply #1 on:** October 01, 2007, 11:00:23 am »

Ewan,

The ONLY way to know your hiv status is to test. Symptoms or even the lack of symptoms are meaningless when it comes to diagnosing hiv.

If this incident of unprotected intercourse a few years ago is the only time you've had unprotected intercourse, you can test now for a reliable, conclusive result. Otherwise, you need to test three months or more after your last bareback incident for a conclusive result.

If this unprotected incident you bring to us is the only unprotected incident in your life, then as the insertive partner the odds are significantly in your favour of testing negative. However, this was still a risky incident and you should test. It's the ONLY way to know your hiv status.

Ann

ewan · « **Reply #2 on:** October 01, 2007, 11:06:23 am »

Thanks Ann. I am worrying myself sick as I don't want my partner to know that I am having the test. If it is positive I will have to face up to the truth with him. I know he is ok as we have only ever had safe sex. I have been having safe sex ever since. I feel a hypocrite as I used to work in the sexual health field. I was drunk on that night and had been out cruising a park. One episode of stupidity and . . . will let you know how it went. Thanks again.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #3 on:** October 01, 2007, 11:10:13 am »

Ewan, you're just human like all the rest of us. You have plenty of company amongst healthcare workers who consciously "know better" and for a variety of reasons have had unsafe intercourse. It's good to know that you and your bf have been playing it safe since long past the incident you're concerned about.

For what it's worth I completely agree with Ann. The odds against transmission during a single incident in which you were the insertive partner are significantly in your favor. But as I know you realize only a test result can give you the real answer.

Be strong, get tested and hopefully collect a negative result that will put this concern to rest. Given how long ago it was you can get tested anytime now and get a reliable result. Keep us posted and we'll have fingers and everything else crossed for you.

Cheers,

Ann · « **Reply #4 on:** October 01, 2007, 11:12:06 am »

Ewan,

You will need to continue using condoms, even if your test result is negative, until such time as your partner has ALSO tested negative for hiv. Assuming he is also hiv negative without the proof of a test result is not a good idea, it's a recipe for disaster.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Good luck with the testing, but please continue using condoms with your partner until you also know his status and remember, only testing will reveal that information.

Ann

ewan · « **Reply #5 on:** October 01, 2007, 11:27:18 am »

I agree with you Ann, my partner and have only ever done oral and masturbation.The 3 times we have done penetrative sex it was safe. I have been with him for 15 yrs and would never risk his life in any way apart from being a major idiot that night. I am worrying myself because i am not able to talk to anyone as my friends and family would be so disappointed in me. Feeling very sorry for myself. Sorry for sounding so self involved.

Ann · « **Reply #6 on:** October 01, 2007, 12:18:34 pm »

Ewan,

My comments about condom use aren't so much that you might put his health in danger, but that he might put you at risk unless you know for a fact that he's hiv negative. Unless you've seen a test result, you don't know if he's hiv negative or hiv positive and neither does he. If you two plan on going condomless with each other in future, you need to test together.

Ann

ewan · « **Reply #7 on:** October 01, 2007, 02:46:36 pm »

I agree with you again Ann. We are not really into penetrative sex together. Deep down I think I am negative but until I do the test I wont know. I'm up for a sleepless night tonight. Probably going to cry a lot as well. God I feel so pathetic. Just had to spend two very stressfull days with my boyf trying to act normal.Will let you know how I get on.

ewan · « **Reply #8 on:** October 01, 2007, 03:11:33 pm »

Is someone out there deliberately fucking with my mind?(sorry for the language) just turned on the tv and there was a programme advertised on HIV. Can't type for the tears. Need to cry myself stupid. If I am poz then it will be a big blow for me as it would for anyone. Will have to deal with it though. Sory for bringing people down.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #9 on:** October 01, 2007, 03:19:44 pm »

I'd say the only person you're bringing down is yourself. You're also assuming you're going to test positive, which as I have said before is less than likely.

However, I also want to reinforce what Ann said about BOTH you and your partner getting tested. OK, so anal intercourse doesn't seem to have been a factor in your relationship. But sometimes unexpected things happen and sometime you guys may get experimental. Even if you guys consider yourselves to be in a securely monogamous relationship having both of you get tested is still a good idea. Assuming you both test negative then you know that. And if either of you don't test negative, then you will know that too. In the meantime until such time as you both have negative results in hand any anal intercourse should involve using condoms.

Now stop with all this weepy shmeepy stuff and go get yourself tested. Good luck with the result and keep us posted.

Cheers,

ewan · « **Reply #10 on:** October 01, 2007, 03:26:53 pm »

Thanks Andy sorry for being a wuss, going to chat to my best friend who will give me a good kick up the ass. Will keep you posted on my results.

Ann · « **Reply #11 on:** October 01, 2007, 04:22:32 pm »

Ewan,

The BBC program with Stephen Fry has been in production since the beginning of the year and has nothing to do with your situation. They have been advertising it for a couple weeks now.

Now get yourself down to your local GUM clinic and get that test done so you can put this behind you. Going by the information you've given us, I'm fully expecting a negative result.

Ann

ewan · « **Reply #12 on:** October 01, 2007, 04:49:33 pm »

Yes boss will do. Thanks from one very silly but scared man.

ewan · « **Reply #13 on:** October 02, 2007, 07:06:34 am »

Hi just to let you know I have had my test and will get the results in a couple of days. Trying to keep the chin up etc but getting a bit better after a cry at the clinic. One night of stupidity and a lot of drink could be a life changer. Realise that if I am positive that my life will change and that it will take some time to come to terms. Been reading some of the other forums and realise that I am not the only person that this has happened to. Thankyou to all that have replied and read my thread. I can go on a bit I know.

ewan · « **Reply #14 on:** October 02, 2007, 11:30:54 am »

Can anyone help me with this question. Even though didn't have have any seroconversion symptoms that I can think of can a person go on and be healthy and not have any infections despite being poz? Trying to put the mind in order. Still hoping to be neg. Trying in my head to convince myself I'm going to be ok and not have to go on any meds. I've only had the flu once in the last 4 yrs, I did have an outbreak of Impetigo but that was before I put myself at risk, I have amild form of IBS since I was a child. I have had recurrent pharyngitis since childhood. Not had any herpes or hpv. Even when I was off work with stress and depression 3 yrs back I was not unwell apart from mentally. Sounding like a broken record but finding this is a god way for me to get things off my chest.

Ann · « **Reply #15 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:44:58 pm »

Quote

Even though didn't have have any seroconversion symptoms that I can think of can a person go on and be healthy and not have any infections despite being poz?

Ewan,

Yes, people can be perfectly healthy and never experience a single seroconversion symptom - yet still be hiv positive. That is one of the reasons why we refuse to discuss symptoms here - because to do so would put an emphasis on symptoms that they simply do not deserve. This could cause someone who has had a risk to think they didn't need to test, solely on the basis of not experiencing symptoms. It's the risk that matters, not the symptoms or lack thereof.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's the truth of the matter.

Ann

ewan · « **Reply #16 on:** October 02, 2007, 06:23:27 pm »

This is helping me to get my head round this. Sorry about discussing symptoms on here. Think I am as Andy says convincing myself that I am positive before the results have come through. The waiting is killing me and the thought of the aftermath so to speak is not a welcome one. Hoping the boyf will be there for me but if he isn't thenI wouldnt blame him. Nobody deserves to be HIV positive and I hope that I have the strength to deal with this.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #17 on:** October 02, 2007, 09:48:27 pm »

You've got a few days of waiting to get through. Stay productively busy, breathe well and you will be amazed at how quickly and easily the time will pass. Really.

ewan · « **Reply #18 on:** October 03, 2007, 12:27:29 pm »

I know what you are saying but having anxiety attacks. Especially when near the boyf who doesn't know about the test or the incident. Feeling very sorry for myself. Must appear very self absorbed to anyne reading this thread. Fortunately got a supply of Valium. Going tomorrow for the results. Have to get through another night shift first. Everyone is asking why I'm not myself. Difficult one to answer. Its just a waiting game. Trying to reassure myself that if I am poz then it is like having coronary disease and that it is liveable with just have to take care of myself and those I care for. Got a friend that has had HIV for 20 yrs and he is still going strong. Just have to get my head sorted out if it is a poz result. Trying to get into my head that I still have a chance in being neg. Boy have I learnt a valuable lesson here that I will teach others.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #19 on:** October 03, 2007, 05:46:36 pm »

Fingers crossed and hoping to hear good news from you.

Cheers,

ewan · « **Reply #20 on:** October 04, 2007, 03:08:23 pm »

Hi Andy and Ann, Got my results - negative. What a relief. Thanks for your guidance and support. Time to give back to the community and carry on with my HIV training program at the GMH in Glasgow. Hope never to be in this situation again. Time to live and love. Will keep updated on this site as it is a very helpful site and will recommend it to everyone.
Ewan xx

Andy Velez · « **Reply #21 on:** October 04, 2007, 04:07:38 pm »

Congrats on your happy test result. Onward!

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Author Topic: Advice please. (Read 6216 times)