HIV+ and scared about future pregnancy process

[Nae1122]

Hi everyone -

I was dx in Sept 2014, so little over a year. One of my worst fears is my family finding out. So I have some concerns: I want to have a baby in the next couple of years (maybe 3 years from now) and my worst fear is my family finding out during my pregnancy. For example, me and my mom are very close, so she's going to want to be super involved in my pregnancy & labor & delivery. I read during labor I'll need to take meds through an IV. What happen if the nurses come in and bring up myy medications and my mom/family hears?? What about prenatal appointments? I know my mom will want to attend some of those..what if the doctor brings up my HIV during the appointments? I also read for 6 weeks I'll need to give my baby meds, how in the world would I hide something like that from my mom.. What about when my baby has to get blood drawn? (I read newborns really don't get blood drawn so my baby needing to get blood drawn will be weird).

Long story short, my mom is already wanting Grandkids and I know she's going to want to be super involved during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. How  in the world would I hide my HIV during all of that??

[vivyt]

I'm pregnant right now and due next month. I'm not in the same situation since my family knows about my status. My concern though was though that people coming to hospital to visit would find out. I also have to field questions about why I'm not going to breastfeed. That has been the most difficult. My only advice to you is to tell your mom if you can. It helps to have that support. Is there a reason you don't want to tell her?

[mskandy01]

Hi, before they say anything they will ask you in private because of the HIPPA Law. The high risk doctor told me that as long as you are undetectable and taking your mess it's less then 2% chance of the baby getting it. But she recommends to have a vaginal birth because of the extra risk with c-sections which includes you not healing properly, infections,etc. and it's the same less then 2% chance with that one also.
I know for me when it came to me telling my family I lost a lot of me I really didn't have any support my mom and step father was fine and there for me. My no blood family was and still is my biggest support ever.
After I found out in 08" I was positive it took up until the middle of 2012 to tell my best friend the same yr my mom passed. Trust me sit down and explain everything to her. It's just like if we had something like diabetes. We are healthier then anyone else walking around.
Don't rush to tell do it when you feel ready to do so. And if you want just your mom to know that's the only person you have to tell. But just know you do it when your heart and soul tells you your ready.
Remember the HIPPA LAW PROTECTS YOU.

Good Luck Sweetie

[mskandy01]

VIVYT, did you have to see a high risk Doctor because of our status?

[vivyt]

Mskandy01,
Yes I did. Since I'm also 40 they labeled me as "advanced maternal age". Lol! They told me right away that really my age was more of a concern than my HIV status. They also said I would not need a c-section since my viral load is and has been undetectable for years. My one MAJOR concern was that I have been on Atripla since my diagnosis in 2007 and didn't realize I was pregnant until about 6 weeks. The doctor reassured me it would be fine. My family and only a couple of my friends know about my status. I am concerned about anyone accidentally finding out so I am discouraging hospital visits. What has been more difficult is everyone asking me if I'm going to breastfeed. That's a difficult question to answer. If I say no they want to know why. I just say I don't know.

[Rosie117]

Vivyt, do you live in the US? Just wondering since your doctor is encouraging vaginal birth. I've read they do that in other countries but I thought recommendations in the US for poz moms are strictly c-section. My doctor mentioned a C-section but if vaginal birth is possible I want that.

[vivyt]

Rosie117, yes I do live in he U.S. When I went to my OB initially, I said that I knew I would have to have a c-section but he's the one who told me that as long as my viral load was low that he would prefer it if I had a vaginal delivery. I was thrilled to hear it and surprised. Since my VL has been undetectable for years they said it wouldn't be a problem. Of course though, they said that when I go into labor I have to come to the hospital immediately. Especially if my water breaks because of chance of infection. And during delivery I have to make sure they do not attach a fetal monitor to the baby. Talk to your doctor. Mine spoke to my infectious disease doc who then referred me to a perinatal specialist. Good luck!

[Rosie117]

That's so exciting to hear! I'm glad there's a chance for us to have normal pregnancies and deliveries. Good luck with the last few weeks of your pregnancy. I hope your delivery goes smoothly.

[Sweet_C]

Nae1122, I've had two HIV- children, and both times the medical staff were very careful of my privacy.  I would expect them to be hypervigilant about protecting that information.  When I delivered my first, the staff even checked in with me about whether it was okay about sharing medical info with my hubby.  They told me that they are extra careful and that it's not uncommon that a woman has herpes and has been keeping it a secret from her hubby.  They are also going to be afraid of lawsuits so you can trust that they won't spill the beans. 

As for vaginal delivery vs C-Section, if you are undetectable, they will push for you to deliver vaginally if at all possible unless there are non-HIV reasons for doing so.  Recent research has confirmed that C-sections offer no additional protection for the baby than vaginal when viral loads are low. 

Also, since you have a little bit of time before you get pregnant, I would stay up to date on all the latest research, because things change lightning fast when it comes to best practices for HIV.  For instance, there was a study that found that an AZT drip during labor is not necessary to protect the baby for women who are undetectable.  I was keenly interested in this because when I delivered my son last year, I had a very fast labor and was unable to get a drip or even any pain meds.  My son is negative. 

I also think that the guidelines for women with HIV breastfeeding may change soon.  Most of the research is geared toward women in subsaharan Africa who don't have the access to medical care as we do.  Since we have access to clean water, they are automatically going to default to formula feeding, but it seems they are probing into whether nondetectable women can transmit through breastmilk and researchers have gotten keen on the stigma of not breastfeeding for Western women.  The data is shaping up that nondetectable = noninfectious.  I am not sure whether there would be any hard conclusions drawn on this by the time I'm ready to have my last baby (if I have another!), but in three years it's conceivable that there might be major shifts in medical practice. 

[vivyt]

I just delivered 11 days ago, vaginaly, and did not need to have an AZT drip. You are right Sweet_C about the breastfeeding. That has been the most difficult question to answer. Everyone wanted to know if I was going to breastfeed and why I wasn't. It will be interesting to see what they find out about it.

[Uniquegirl]

I have had hiv since 2007 i have since had 3 kids who are all negative status my oldest is 8 i also have a 4 year old and a 2 year old take meds while pregnant have a csection and no breastfeeding and you will have a happy healthy baby

[Uniquegirl]

Honestly i breastfed while my babies were on their meds for the firat few months and i continued meds just until i was done feeding them and they are fine all 3 of them