POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: marc11864 on January 31, 2007, 04:54:47 pm
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Hi all,
I've been in a mostly fulfilling relationship now with a guy who lives in Thailand for going on two years. He's been extremely supportive of me and very open to being in this relationship with me. I tested positive ans he's known I have HIV almost from the moment that we met online (he's negative). We've agreed to be monogamous, and it's been a good choice for me though sometimes it has been kinda frustrating for both, uhm... "intimately". In my case due to my previous MO (i admit it, i was a slut for a time. :P ), and in his case since he's coming into his prime and I am his first relationship. We've only met face to face for a month once and that was in November/December 2006 but we certainly aren't interested in separating or even opening up the relationship at this time.
Anyway, I was just curious if anyone else out there in POZland has or has had an ongoing LDR with someone and what bumps in the road you might have hit and what blessings you've received from it as well. Doesn't have to be international like mine. Just generally, geographically distant.
Marc
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Well, I am the WRONG person to ask. I have ADD so therefore NO PATIENCE! I have to have what I want and have it NOW and all the time when I want it. So I personally just dont GET these kinds of relationships.
I find NOTHING wrong with them and understand they may work for some. But not this guy.
I reread that and realize I am of NO HELP! I suck sometimes!
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Well, I am the WRONG person to ask. I have ADD so therefore NO PATIENCE! I have to have what I want and have it NOW and all the time when I want it. So I personally just dont GET these kinds of relationships.
I find NOTHING wrong with them and understand they may work for some. But not this guy.
I reread that and realize I am of NO HELP! I suck sometimes!
Isn't he adorable.
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Did I mention that I have ADD as well? I wonder if they've done any studies on co-diagnosis of HIV and ADD? ;)
By the way, would that last question count as me hijacking my own thread if it becomes about HIV and ADD? :D
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I'm sorry I wansnt paying attention did you say something!?!?!
LOL
I imagine there would be a HIGH crossover factor associated with the 2.
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Having had experience in varying degrees with LDRs...I think the cards are stacked against them.
I agree with Dr. Joy Browne's (radio psychologist) assessment of 'em. They are basically built on fantasy, and involve a continual waiting and waiting and waiting for the "pay off."
You can't truly know someone until you actually meet and spend time with them. And trying to do that even...can at times be like trying to move heaven and earth. And if/when you do meet...and if/when there is a connection...someone has to move and have the financial wherewithal to do so. It's just too many hurdles.
I say look around for someone proximate to where you live. You can get to know them in a natural, 'organic' way.
Having said that, I'm sure there are times when LDRs have worked out. But it takes commitment, compromise, and a level of maturity which a lot of people simply don't possess.
Gary
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I met Dan in July 2005 on AIDSMEDS. He lives in Tennessee, I live in Belgium, Europe
We just chatted a bit on and off until we met in Montreal, last august.
Since then we have started a relationship.
I have been to his place twice already and Dan has visited me in December.
Although not easy, it works out.
It all depends what one expects out of it.
We are both mature men, positive for 20 years, and we certainly tasted life in all its facets.
That is why I enjoy knowing Dan is there for me, even if it is on MSN or the phone.
We both have a life of our own, so what I share with him is complementary.
I plan on flying over in a month and in the future I am certain we will be looking for possibilities to spend more time together.
I agree you need physical presence to really get to know each other. However, if one stays realistic the chance of ending up in a fantasy world is pretty low.
Good post...
and good luck
Hermie