Urethra exposure with positive partner

[Mastermind]

Alrigghhhtttt. So I am starting to go out of my mind with the thought of possible infection.

I am a 23 year old male and I have been dating this amazing guy for a while now, which is also the first guy I have dated since my last conclusive STD screening.

We engaged in our first "sexual" encounter last week. The encounter consisted of making out and mutual masturbation. During our masturbation session, he did something very weird and stuck his finder into my urethra... It immediately started to sting in which I flung his hand away from me instantly. There was fluid from his penis on his hand which indeed came into contact with my urethra.

SO, several days later, one of his friends discloses his HIV status to me. NOT COOL. I then think back to the single sexual encounter that we had together, and the urethra incident...Did he think he could try and infect me by rubbing his fluids directly into one of my mucus membranes?

I am so frustrated, and worried. I don't know what to do. I have skimmed the forums and have read that "external exposure" is no risk. That's hard for me to believe, especially since it involved direct contact between a mucus membrane and someone's infected semen.

According to the many cases that you see coming through this site, what is the likelihood that my risk is significant enough to worry about getting tested? I don't want to worry the next three months of my life away over this.

Please help.

[Ann]

MM,

It doesn't matter if he was trying to infect you or not, because hiv is not transmitted that way.

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that is primarily transmitted INSIDE the human body, as in unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Once hiv is outside the body, small changes in temperature and pH and temperature levels all quickly damage the virus and render it unable to infect.

For this reason mutual masturbation is not and never will be a risk for hiv infection, even if he stuck his cum covered finger into your urethra.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[Mastermind]

Thanks for your response Ann.

Come to think of it,

I am amazed that there is a whole entire community dedicated to the anxiety of this process.

Is there a name for hiv related anxiety? I mean, it looks like it's a big deal... but I've never heard of it until I began experiencing it myself.

What do you call people like us?

[Matty the Damned]

What do you call people like us?

"Worried Wells". "WWs" for short. Really bad examples of your kind are referred to as "Beyond Worried Wells" or "BWWs".

MtD

[Mastermind]

Haaa no way? There is an actual name for it.

Sooo, I don't know if this question is allowed or not, I have seen how quickly you guys lay the smack down on people who excessively post... BUT, in your practice (your online community practice via these forums) do most if not all of the positive individuals who have been clinically diagnosed testify that it exclusively happened via unprotected anal, vaginal intercourse and needle usage? Like, does anyone ever claim otherwise?

I am fully aware that their situations have nothing to do with mine... Though I can't help but to pick the brains of experts such as yourselves. There is incredible statistical data on this site that regard peoples exposures, more so then I would ever be able to sift through which is why I am asking the very people who monitor the user activity on this site.

[Andy Velez]

You need to stop shopping for statistics and other things which have no relevancy to you.

When someone writes to us our focus is always on evaluating specific situations for what level of risk may or may not have occured. We're not interested in speculating or chatting on about percentages and such.

There are some who claim to have become infected through oral or indeed other sexual activities. There are a number of reasons for that including those who are embarassed about what they actually did. Under careful scrutiny those claims never seem to hold up. And that's as far as I am prepared to go down that particular road.

[Ann]

MM,

People claim all sorts of crap. That doesn't make any of it true.

I'll give you a few links to posts by my colleague JK. They explain and/or give links to the studies we use to back up our assertions in this forum. Do NOT post in any of the threads I've linked you to - if you have any questions about what you've read, come back here. Thanks.

link one link two link three

You're going to come across hiv positive men in the course of your life. This is the reality of life in the 21st century and you need to be prepared for that. Some of those men won't know they're hiv positive and some will be so frightened of rejection that they don't know how to tell you. And yes, some will lie to your face. Never rely on what someone tells you about their hiv status, no matter how hot or healthy he looks or whatever. Or what he says in his manhunt profile.

Now listen up, because I'm only going to tell you this once.

You need to assume that ANY man you hook up with is potentially hiv positive and act accordingly, regardless of what he may or may not tell you. Remember, if he doesn't know he's positive himself, he can hardly tell you, can he.

And here's the good bit - the ONLY thing you need to do to protect your hiv negative status is to make sure that condoms are being used for anal intercourse. Unless you've got a bad case of meth mouth or have just that day had a tooth extraction, you don't need to worry about oral either. If you like giving blowjobs, keep your mouth in good health. Brush and floss  and see your dentist regularly.

And as a sexually active adult you should be having an hiv test annually, if not more often if you're very active with several partners. As long as you make sure you're using condoms for anal (or vaginal) intercourse, you can be confident of your tests returning negative results.

You should also be getting regular screens for all the other STIs because they're MUCH more easily transmitted than hiv could ever hope to be. Many of them, such as gonorrhea and chlamydia, can be present with no symptoms.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple! Really!

Ann

[Mastermind]

Hmm wow that’s a heap load of information.

I find it interesting about the study relating to mixed status couples. 

I suppose that I am just caught up in a cluster of emotions right now because this person was not up front with me, but perhaps he had no obligation to be because we never participated in a "risky" situation? I don't know... I really like the guy, and I don't want to discriminate based upon his health status, but it's so hard not too, no offense.

I just wish there was another mixed status GAY couple that I could talk to about this.

[jkinatl2]

There are an awful lot of mixed status relationships. I have been in several, and none of my partners were infected. It takes very little effort to avoid HIV.

[Ann]

MM,

It wasn't all that much information, it was basically three points;

1. Assume any one you have sex with is hiv positive. Don't rely on what they do or do not tell you.

2. Use condoms for any anal or vaginal intercourse.

3. Get regular hiv tests and STI screens. At least annually, or more often if you're very active.

A lot of positive people disclose on a need-to-know basis. If they're not having penetrative sex with you, you don't need to know. Some will not disclose when condoms are used either. The reason people do this is because of the fear of rejection. It sucks to be turned down just because you're poz when all you need is a condom.

So the prudent thing for you to do is to assume everyone is poz and act accordingly - by making sure condoms are used. That's all you need to do to protect your health where hiv is concerned.

I've known quite a few serodiscordant couples, straight and gay, and all of the negative partners remained negative. I was in such a relationship myself for eight years and he's still negative too. As JK says, it takes very little effort.

Condoms. Use them.

Ann

[Mastermind]

Ann and JK, thanks a bunch. I was going to message you guys directly about my next question but decided to post it on my thread since I figured more people could benefit from it that way.

I completely agree about using condoms, as should everyone.

Though, with me being relatively new to the whole sex thing, I question the reliability of condoms as they do fail. So not even condoms are 100% am I correct? Why would a condom fail in the first place?

This is a concern for me, and would be lingering in the back of my mind each and every time that I engage in protected anal intercourse.

I would greatly appreciate your input as you all seem to be experienced with sexual activity inside a mixed status relationship.

[Ann]

MM,

Condoms fail when they're not used or stored properly.

Latex condoms will start to degrade when exposed to extremes in temperature. Don't keep them in your wallet or other place where they will be subjected to your body heat for extended periods. Don't keep them in your car.

Only use water based lube. Oil based lube will degrade the latex.

Use plenty of lube, especially for anal.

You need to pinch the tip when putting one on to make sure there's no air bubble in the tip.

For more tips on the correct usage of condoms, see the condom links in my signature line.

A correctly used and stored condom rarely breaks.

Ann